For one thing, we get tired of being blamed all the time.

I know - I know - it's not a 'women-only' issue, but typically, where relationships and society is concerned - and especially since the impact of feminism, men jsut tend to get blamed for anything from minor issues to the world's financial crisis.

I have seen surveys on that topics and the results are staggering. Most men don´t want to take the blame anymore (like Karl said), many also want more understanding or a women that is more interested in them. Quite telling if you ask me...

There's a great book written by John Eldredge titled "Wild at Heart." Christian author, but I like the glimpse into male psychology he gives. He also slams most "Christian" men ("Look around your church, the men there are boring" or something to that effect.) Like the title, he states that for men to be happy they'll remain a bit wild at heart.

Personally, for me that means I'll keep my Jeep, drive a sports car, and I'm most likely to take off on some adventure with a touch of risk (hence why I'm in Iraq at the moment) at least once a year.

To all the women who have dated me and might one day consider dating me.....You will likely find the adventurous attitude is sexy at first. Don't expect me to "settle down." Sorry, it's a part of being male. We climbed trees as boys, we rode our bikes down hills at rediculously dangerous rates of speed. Yes, I realize I'm likely to kill my fool self (enjoy my life insurance but I guarantee you'll get bored with me if I'm working 9 to 5 and coming home to watch sports on the idiot box.

Quote from Marx

For one thing, we get tired of being blamed all the time.

I know - I know - it's not a 'women-only' issue, but typically, where relationships and society is concerned - and especially since the impact of feminism, men jsut tend to get blamed for anything from minor issues to the world's financial crisis.

After my divorce I found an effective way to deal with this while dating. When getting blamed for something, look at her and very calmly state, "If I'm such a bad guy, there's the door. How am I responsible for (the toilet backing up in your apartment / the waitress being too pretty / the rising price of oil on the global market?)"

Surprisingly, this has only once backfired on me. Sarcasm, just one of the many services I offer!

Quote from cutiger1903

After my divorce I found an effective way to deal with this while dating. When getting blamed for something, look at her and very calmly state, "If I'm such a bad guy, there's the door. How am I responsible for (the toilet backing up in your apartment / the waitress being too pretty / the rising price of oil on the global market?)"

Surprisingly, this has only once backfired on me. Sarcasm, just one of the many services I offer!

I ended a relationship with a man because of his penchant for ongoing sarcasm. He was sarcastic nearly every time he spoke! Such an angry man, he was. It wasn't always directed at me...(the anger)...it was with life. He wasn't a very happy individual. It was hard to be around someone who was so negative.

Sometimes his sarcasm was funny...and sometimes laughing made it dissipate. But not always. Sometimes finding humor with it only made him more angry.

Don't expect me to "settle down."

Women live to "tame" men. To women, men are a project.

My contribution, women should understand that men don't want to be trained.

The fun is, once men are "tamed" women seek a new project....so I´ll asume women do not really know what they want....(mabe an untameable "wild at heart" man)

Quote from Garak

Women live to "tame" men. To women, men are a project.

My contribution, women should understand that men don't want to be trained.

Garak I absolutely agree...the whole idea of "training" men (not to mention robbing them of their own identity and independence) is completely demeaning toward them.

BTW...welcome back!

Quote from TERA

BTW...welcome back!

Hi

Quote from cutiger1903

There's a great book written by John Eldredge titled "Wild at Heart." Christian author, but I like the glimpse into male psychology he gives. He also slams most "Christian" men ("Look around your church, the men there are boring" or something to that effect.) Like the title, he states that for men to be happy they'll remain a bit wild at heart.

Personally, for me that means I'll keep my Jeep, drive a sports car, and I'm most likely to take off on some adventure with a touch of risk (hence why I'm in Iraq at the moment) at least once a year.

To all the women who have dated me and might one day consider dating me.....You will likely find the adventurous attitude is sexy at first. Don't expect me to "settle down." Sorry, it's a part of being male. We climbed trees as boys, we rode our bikes down hills at rediculously dangerous rates of speed. Yes, I realize I'm likely to kill my fool self (enjoy my life insurance but I guarantee you'll get bored with me if I'm working 9 to 5 and coming home to watch sports on the idiot box.

Hurray for being yourself and knowing who you are, and not being willing to sacrifice your identity. I think that's awesome.

Rule 1. "shut up" means shut up.. It is not an invitation to ramp up the arguing because you think that it means "carry on yapping and you may well persuade me you are right.."..

"One more fucking word from your stupid mouth and I will close it with my fucking fist".. Means "Please, I don't want to talk about this".. Its not really a threat as such..

If women just learned what "shut up" means, there would be a lot less "DV"!

Rule 2. I don't need to text you every day. Or ring you every day. I dont need to inform you that I am "ok", assume I am.. or to know "how was your day?".. I assume it was just fine, I don't need to know, if I do I will ask you, you don't need to know how my day was, assume it was fine..

Rule 3. The purpose of communication is to help reach a goal, do something useful, it is not a goal in itself..

"Chatting" is an activity that is 99% timewasting and 1% potentially useful, in balance, worthless!!

What are three things you really want women to understand about men? That is a very difficult question.

First, all men are different. She should understand that she just cannot expect any particular one to fit her best or worst expectations, wishes, fantasies or fears. She must have the patience to learn about him. It does not help her, unfortunately, when men think of themselves as a 'Man' who shares identical aspects with other men, even when it is clear to Blind Freddy that he doesn't. She will respond with her own version - MEN !!! (tm).

Second, that men are pretty ordinary and are not versions of Jack the Ripper or Albert Einstein or St Augustine. (Even the last one was a bit of a lad!) and she must explore him like a new country. (And not as a tourist on holiday.) Patience again.

Third, he is first interested in her because of who he is, not who she is. His responses to her are not dictated soley by her. (A man does not seek out 'successful' women for example as some sort of 'equal'. He will 'come onto' a barmaid, a wiatress or a Princess, if he fancies her). He stays with the woman he loves because he loves, and he loves her despite as well as for her faults and achievments because that is who he is. - If he doesn't, he doesn't love her) If he is overly impressed by her attempts to 'present' herself, complete with cosmetics and costume, such that he doesn't see her at all, she can hardly expect to make an authentic impact on his nature and she has shot herself in the foot from the start. They both have to play the same game and he has to have the same pleasure in her adornments as she does and for the same reason - again this is down to him, not her. His Authenticity and Integrity are specific and vary from man to man and he may be more accepting of her frailties than she is, so he need not be blamed for her own sense of guilt or shame. (Women all too often project their own frailties onto him). Mind you, she may have to look far and wide to find this chap as all men differ as per point the first point !.

Quote: "Third, he is first interested in her because of who he is, not who she is. His responses to her are not dictated soley by her. (A man does not seek out 'successful' women for example as some sort of 'equal'. He will 'come onto' a barmaid, a wiatress or a Princess, if he fancies her). He stays with the woman he loves because he loves, and he loves her despite as well as for her faults and achievments because that is who he is. - If he doesn't, he doesn't love her) If he is overly impressed by her attempts to 'present' herself, complete with cosmetics and costume, such that he doesn't see her at all, she can hardly expect to make an authentic impact on his nature and she has shot herself in the foot from the start. They both have to play the same game and he has to have the same pleasure in her adornments as she does and for the same reason - again this is down to him, not her. His Authenticity and Integrity are specific and vary from man to man and he may be more accepting of her frailties than she is, so he need not be blamed for her own sense of guilt or shame. (Women all too often project their own frailties onto him). Mind you, she may have to look far and wide to find this chap as all men differ as per point the first point !." Percy

Thank you, Percy. Once again you've given me something deep to think about. The very first sentence, "...he is interested in her because of who he is, not who she is" is very thought-provoking. I suppose this could be true of women, too? My interest/fascination with you, for example, is interesting to think about in those terms, as is my interest in Marx, and Julie, and other members of this board.

You make me think...I love that.

"...he is interested in her because of who he is, not who she is" is very thought-provoking. I suppose this could be true of women, too?

As with most single sentences, there is much left out. There is a flip-side.

He is given to looking at her and seeing 'her'. He is interested in her, rather than what she does or what she has done or might do in the world.

She on the other hand is often looking at what he does and did and might do in the world instead of at 'him'.

He is far more 'personal' than she is, generally.

She seeks to 'marry up'. To attain what he can bring. He marries her for who she is.

That aspect of not seeing him firstly as a person (as a default position determined by her nature) is often projected onto him as a form of 'blame' for some inagined and imposed deficit on his part.