How to be a man..

**haahoo** · 11th-July-2009

Thought this was interesting!

How to Be a Man

What does it mean to be a man today? How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?
Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:
1. Make real decisions.

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.
When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.
A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.
2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.
A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.
Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.
3. Be willing to fail.

A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.
A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.
A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.
4. Be confident.

A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.
A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.
A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.
5. Express love actively.

A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.
Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.
6. Re-channel sex energy.

A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.
A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)
A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.
7. Face your fears.

For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.
A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.
A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.
A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.
8. Honor the masculinity of other men.

When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.
When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.
The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.
A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.
9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.
A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.
A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior.
A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.
10. Die well.

A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.
A man cannot die well unless he lives well. A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

**musicman.2** · 11th-July-2009

so women should be passive receivers ask selfish , lazy and mean. what a dumb thing to put in an article. more men than women. let women do some work for once in life.

**haahoo** · 11th-July-2009

It doesnt actually say anything about what women should do..

A man, clearly, must follow his own path!!

2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.

**Percy** · 12th-July-2009

A lot of interesting aspects here, Haahoo. Thanks.

A lot of triteness too, though.

Quote from haahoo

Thought this was interesting!

How to Be a Man

What does it mean to be a man today? How can men consciously express their masculinity without becoming cold or closed-hearted on the one hand… or wimpy and emasculated on the other? What’s the most loving way for a conscious man to express himself?

This assumes that 'expressing masculinity' is an end in itself. I question that.

There is far more to a man than simply his masculinity. His humanity is by far the larger part of him, shared with all people, women as well.

Here are 10 ways to live more consciously as a man:

1. Make real decisions.

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.

Clearly this is an ideal. But the reality is that the life he can lead is constrained heavily by a thousand ties and demands upon him, not least of which are the 6 billion other people.

When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.

A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

Yes, he does need the approval of others and the sign of his maturity is that recognition of difference in people's opinions, based on objectivity rather than hubris.

If the entire world is against him, it is a damned good sign that he is wrong! A reasonable man would expect other reasonable men to see things the same reasonable way as he does and have their approval.

The measuer is not simply what others think, however, but the reaonableness of the position.

2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people.

We all grow. There are points early on in a man's life when commitment to just one other is essential, and building upon that preparing himself for total commitment to his offspring. That is his duty - to life.

There are very few men who are called upon to commit themselves to large numbers of others.

He’s not willing to be domesticated, (P. What the fuck does that mean??) but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

This is one paragraph, so the author implies that domestication and values are connected in their opposition. That or his grasp of English language construction is ratshit.

Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.

His Integrity is very important. It means 'wholeness, completeness'. It incorporates other people, particularly specific people.

3. Be willing to fail.

A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.

A man’s self-trust is one of his greatest assets. When he second-guesses himself by worrying about failure, he diminishes himself. An intelligent man considers the prospect of failure, but he doesn’t preoccupy himself with pointless worry. He accepts that if a failure outcome occurs, he can deal with it.

A man grows more from failure than he does from success. Success cannot test his resolve in the way that failure can. Success has its challenges, but a man learns more about himself when he takes on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost, and he loses his edge.

4. Be confident.

A man speaks and acts with confidence. He owns his attitude.
A man doesn’t adopt a confident posture because he knows he’ll succeed. He often knows that failure is a likely outcome. But when the odds of success are clearly against him, he still exudes confidence. It isn’t because he’s ignorant or suffering from denial. It’s because he’s proving to himself that he has the strength to transcend his self-doubt. This builds his courage and persistence, two of his most valuable allies.
A man is willing to be defeated by the world. He’s willing to be taken down by circumstances beyond his control. But he refuses to be overwhelmed by his own self-doubt. He knows that when he stops trusting himself, he is surely lost. He’ll surrender to fate when necessary, but he won’t surrender to fear.

A proper understanding of 'confidence' cannot be achieved without considering the propensity toward Hubris.

5. Express love actively.

A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver.

He has to be both. It is Hubris to think otherwise. It is also self-defeating. Unless a man can gratefully recieve love he is like a battery driven shaver with a flat battery.

A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. (P. Nonsense) The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.

Flowery nonsense.

Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. (P. But presumably not with his fellow men who must not be passive recievers !!) He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.

6. Re-channel sex energy.

A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.

There are aspects of our nature that we inherit. They are as useful as tits on a bull. The swamp is as valid a part of the landscape as the sunny, upland slope, but a place to avoid. Much of what is natural in a man is not 'man'. Much of our genetic heritage is animal all the ay down to the amoeba. A Man seeks tha Human aspects.

A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust. He re-channels much of his sexual energy into his heart and head, where it can serve his higher values instead of just his animal instincts. (You can do this by visualizing the energy rising, expanding, and eventually flowing throughout your entire body and beyond.)

A man channels his sexual energy into his heart-centered pursuits. He feels such energy pulsing within him, driving him to action. He feels uncomfortable standing still. He allows his sexual energy to explode through his heart, not just his genitals.

7. Face your fears.

For a man, being afraid of something is reason enough to do it. (P. !!! Hello, fuckwit! ) A man’s fear is a call to be tested. When a man hides from his fears, he knows he’s fallen out of alignment with his true self. He feels weak, depressed, and helpless. No matter how hard he tries to comfort himself and achieve a state of peace, he cannot overcome his inner feeling of dread. Only when facing his fears does a man experience peace.

Oh dear. Let's get a little perspective here. There are things to be afraid of. Fire for example. Wild animals. Sharp sticks near your eye. You do not stick your hand in a spinning cog just to prove you are able to overcome your fear of it getting shredded!

A man makes a friend of risk. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly.

A man succeeds or fails. A coward never makes the attempt. Specific outcomes are of less concern to a man than his direction.

A man feels like a man whenever he faces the right way, staring straight into his fears. He feels even more like a man when he advances in the direction of his fears, as if sailing on the winds of an inner scream.

8. Honor the masculinity of other men.

When a man sees a male friend undertaking a new venture that will clearly lead to failure, what does the man do? Does he warn his friend off such a path? No, the man encourages his friend to continue. (P. Some friggin' friend. I would say that a man will tell his friend of the dangers that his friend cannot see, and lend a hand to overcome them.) The man knows it’s better for his friend to strike out confidently and learn from the failure experience. The man honors his friend’s decision to reach out and make the attempt. The man won’t deny his friend the benefits of a failure experience. The man may offer his friend guidance, but he knows his friend must fail repeatedly in order to develop self-trust and courage.
When you see a man at the gym struggling to lift a heavy weight, do you jump in and say, “Here… let me help you with that. Maybe the two of us can lift it together”? No, that would rob him of the growth experience — and probably make a quick enemy of him as well.

Well that puts paid to cooperation, doesn't it. I'll just stand back and offer 'guidance' to the one chap all by hinself trying to build a 747 from scratch. I should just let him fail, miserably, because it is a growth experience for him

The male path is filled with obstacles. It typically includes more failures than successes. These obstacles help a man discover what’s truly important to him. Through repeated failures a man learns to persist in the pursuit of worthy goals and to abandon goals that are unworthy of him.
A man can handle being knocked down many times. For every physical setback he experiences, he enjoys a spiritual advancement, and that is enough for him.

Of course the last knock down that breaks his bones and ruptures his spleen is terriblt spiritually uplifting. He is sent on his way to the afterlife !

9. Accept responsibility for your relationships.

A man chooses his friends, lovers, and associates consciously. He actively seeks out the company of people who inspire and challenge him, and he willingly sheds those who hold him back.

A man doesn’t blame others for his relationship problems. When a relationship is no longer compatible with his heart-centered path, he initiates the break-up and departs without blame or guilt.

Well that takes care of any need for persistence, innovation, keeping one's word and a host of other matters. It sounds like advice for the modern woman rather than a man. "Just walk away. Put it behind you. You are the only one that matters".

A man holds himself accountable for the relationships he allows into his life. (P. Until he walks away, as per above) He holds others accountable for their behavior, but he holds himself accountable for his decision to tolerate such behavior. (P. And where does Tolerance come in? At all?)

A man teaches others how to treat him by the relationships he’s willing to allow into his life. A man refuses to fill his life with negative or destructive relationships; he knows that’s a form of self-abuse.

10. Die well.

A man’s great challenge is to develop the inner strength to express his true self. He must learn to share his love with the world without holding back. When a man is satisfied that he’s done that, he can make peace with death. But if he fails to do so, death becomes his enemy and haunts him all the days of his life.

A man cannot die well unless he lives well. (P. The Thief on the Cross springs to mind) A man lives well when he accepts his mortality and draws strength from knowing that his physical existence is temporary. When a man faces and accepts the inevitability of death… when he learns to see death as his ally instead of his enemy… he’s finally able to express his true self. So a man isn’t ready to live until he accepts that he’s already dead.

The floweriness never ends, does it.

Death is a bugger and few die well.

**shaazam** · 12th-July-2009

a real man nowadays doesn't become a bondsman to a feminit wimyn - if this sad metamorphosis transmutes him he is a mangina

I know such a man ! he actually dons an apron and washes the dishes whilst his wife goes out gambling all night long - she actually works to pay for her gambling

butthead can be seen in Aldis shopping for cheap groceries cause the houshold budget has been diveted to the poker machine by his gambling addict wife

in the USSR those that subsumed their lives to the Party and served it actively were known as commissars; in the West men that do what they are told by their wives are sharing caring new age nincompops ie grist in the feminit mill

**haahoo** · 12th-July-2009

Interesting criticism there Percy, I agree, there are some rather daft elements in it!

I think such things are not to be taken literally really men are all different and aif we were all like that, then it would be a pretty strange world!

**Timocrat** · 13th-July-2009

I like the fact he is trying to define males traits. That said, he is trying to be decisive as he fails to narrow his words to be clear. One would think that if he was serious about his views, as he wants to appear, he would take the time to get to the core of them. Instead he masks his laziness in decisiveness. He is not the first man to do so, as we live in the age of winging it. Setting aside his idea that a man must commit 2nd to a relationship, can he commit to putting together his thoughts in a serious way? Never mind, another Mr. Casual appears over the horizon on a white horse to joust with all the other Mr. Casuals now gathering at the head of the class.

**musicman.2** · 13th-July-2009

Quote from Percy

A lot of interesting aspects here, Haahoo. Thanks.

A lot of triteness too, though.

Seriously what type of man is one who dates passive receivers and lets his friends fail?

Seems like a woman wrote this.

Worship women and let men fail.

**senach** · 13th-July-2009

I too have my doubts,in section 8,we have the Gym and lifting weights,either this person has never been in a gym or how men work,if you see another chap struggling with a weight,he would say do you want me to spot you or words to that affect or what is used in that gym,the lifter has a choice to accept or not,to stand around watching a man hurt himself for no good reason is utter bollocks.

**musicman.2** · 14th-July-2009

5. Express love actively.

A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver.

He has to be both. It is Hubris to think otherwise. It is also self-defeating. Unless a man can gratefully recieve love he is like a battery driven shaver with a flat battery.

A man is the first to initiate a conversation, the first to ask for what’s needed, and the first to say “I love you.” Waiting for someone else to make the first move is unbecoming of him. (P. Nonsense) The universe does not respond positively to his hesitation. Only when he’s in motion do the floodgates of abundance open.

Flowery nonsense.

Man is the out-breath of source energy. It is his job — his duty — to share his love with the world. (P. But presumably not with his fellow men who must not be passive recievers !!) He must wean himself from suckling the energy of others and become a vibrant transmitter of energy himself. He must allow that energy to flow from source, through him, and into the world. When he assumes this role, he has no doubt he is living as his true self.

While I would like to agree with you I don't think women will change. Men will always do more of the active giving and initiating. Men still propose the ultimate act of love (marriage) and do the ultimate act of love(sacrificing their own lives for women). That has never changed. Showing love is a man's nature and receiving is a woman's. No such thing as a woman who loved her man more than he loved her or gave him more love than she gave him.

**musicman.2** · 14th-July-2009

Bump Bump

**fcb98292** · 15th-July-2009

If a man is insufficiently grounded in masculinity, and draws from waters insufficient to instruct him as to what to do and how, then he needs to get grounded immediately in the proper source. If not, he is subject to be blown all over the place by the emotions and logic of others whose goal it is to influence and use him.

No lesson is needed on how to be a man, unless the man is without father of strong character, faith without absolutes, and character without integrity. He already knows what to do. The hard part is sticking with your logic and doing it, above the emotions of others and self.

**haahoo** · 15th-July-2009

Quote from fcb98292

If a man is insufficiently grounded in masculinity, and draws from waters insufficient to instruct him as to what to do and how, then he needs to get grounded immediately in the proper source. If not, he is subject to be blown all over the place by the emotions and logic of others whose goal it is to influence and use him.

No lesson is needed on how to be a man, unless the man is without father of strong character, faith without absolutes, and character without integrity. He already knows what to do. The hard part is sticking with your logic and doing it, above the emotions of others and self.

aye. But sadly, a great number of men, probably the majority in the young, dont have such a father..

**julie** · 15th-July-2009

Gosh. This is pretty good. Nice find Haahoo. I am going to print this for young men.

OK, I don't expect perfection so I am not going to find the faults. I can only see the good it can do.

**haahoo** · 15th-July-2009

Quote from julie

Gosh. This is pretty good. Nice find Haahoo. I am going to print this for young men.

OK, I don't expect perfection so I am not going to find the faults. I can only see the good it can do.

One of the issues I would make with the ideas is the idea that a mans family is of lesser importance than.. What exactly?

I dont think anything is as important to a man as his own family..

But thats just my view!