Sexual assault and rape of men

[felixblue]

Nice (and rare!) to have someone who is doing a survey like this actually take the time to post replies in this way..

[felixblue]

Hi Felixblue. Really sorry to hear about your experience. Until this survey I really had no idea that women used their children in such a way to have power over men. What made you decide to refuse? I am sorry that you are still unable to see your daughters. Perhaps your ex will become more reasonable when she finds happiness with another?

Haha! I am guessing you don't know much about the behavior of a significant number of bitter mothers who will punish the father of their kids forever just because they can..

In fact, the reason I refused to carry on with this "little arrangement" was basically because in one of her more stupid attempts to punish me, she went and dropped her nix for some random pervert.. I might not have many standards of self-respect, but going again where someone else has been is a line I don't cross..

[malesurveyinfo]

In the UK, the equivalent actions by a female that would cause a man to be guilty of rape, will only cause the woman to be guilty of sexual assault. The judiciary guidelines used by judges when sentencing a criminal place a greater sentence on rape than on sexual assault. So, right from the top of the legal process women who 'rape' men are seen as less guilty and are sentenced more lightly when they are found guilty.

Douglas. This is a very valid point. In fact in the UK, the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994 rape was redefined to include penile penetration of the anus as well as the vagina. Before this amendment, crimes involving assault involving non-consensual anal intercourse came within the remit of non-consensual buggery, which attracted a significantly lighter penalty than rape – and meant that a man could not be legally raped in the UK. How can a male victim feel that he can report an incident when that incident is ignored by the system? How can statistics adequately reflect the number of crimes when legal definitions do not acknowledge the existence of such crimes? Limited evidence indicates that there is an increase in these crimes now that the definition has been made more appropriate, although critics still suggest that the law is remiss in providing male victims adequate provision.

Jokes are regularly made about men being raped. Yes, there are also jokes about women being raped but it subjectively seems to me that they are minimal by comparison and they don't get much television time. Rape and sex assault jokes are usually made by women, whether the victim is male or female - check out Joan Rivers, Sandra Bernhard or Roseanne Barr for examples.

Threats are regularly made towards men about them being raped. This happens by both men and women.

It is not unusual to find people who think that being raped is part of the natural punishment for being imprisoned .. but only for men. I am sure they would be horrified at the idea of women in jail being regularly raped, regardless of the woman's offence.

Brilliant point Douglas. Have you read RJ McMullen Breaking the Silence on the Last Taboo (1990)? He makes that very point; how rape is somehow seen as a legitimate form of punishment in prison and a joking matter. He also discusses the affects that rape can have on a males and theorizes why men rape other men. Its a very interesting book with a positive chapter on growing from victim to survivor to victor.

Do I have the idea that society won't take me seriously about being raped? You bet I do!

Until relatively recently society had no idea of the enormous number of women that were violated in there own homes, at work and most, if not all, places on this earth. There is no reason to suspect that there are many many male victims that society is ignorant of who are suffering victimization in ways that perhaps we know nothing about. In fact, knowing the pressure that society places on men to 'be strong', 'don't cry', 'don't show weakness' etc etc it is almost impossible to believe that any victim surveys or police data can adequately reflect crimes against men, or the feelings of male victims. There are however, some very organised and determined campaigners out there who are making slow, but steady progress in educating people to the plight of male victims.

I have a question... what do you think should be done ?

[malesurveyinfo]

Haha! I am guessing you don't know much about the behavior of a significant number of bitter mothers who will punish the father of their kids forever just because they can..

I think you may be right, but sadly I am learning. It makes me ashamed to be part of a sex which treats people in such a way whilst pretending to do so for the benefit of the child. I am really sorry to hear of your experiences, it must make you very sad and angry.

[felixblue]

I think you may be right, but sadly I am learning. It makes me ashamed to be part of a sex which treats people in such a way whilst pretending to do so for the benefit of the child. I am really sorry to hear of your experiences, it must make you very sad and angry.

Individual women are not responsible for the actions of the few, even if perhaps often it seems like the majority. I would not want individual women to feel as ashamed as most individual men have be made to feel by man-hating feminists. A mans bad experiences can make him feel sad or angry, but after a while, he is wise to avoid feeling anything at all..

[Douglas]

It makes me ashamed to be part of a sex which treats people in such a way whilst pretending to do so for the benefit of the child. I am really sorry to hear of your experiences

You should only feel ashamed for your own actions, not those of others. Just as it is unfair to blame all men just because a few men commit rape, so it is unfair to blame all women because of what some women will do.

[felixblue]

I know the feeling though. I sometimes feel ashamed to be a man when I see how many men are willing to believe the lies of women when it comes to other men, often competetive men..

What man would want to believe that the woman he is "courting" is making nothing but a load of false allegations about her ex?

Seems that many will take her word for it regardless..

[malesurveyinfo]

I know the feeling though. I sometimes feel ashamed to be a man when I see how many men are willing to believe the lies of women when it comes to other men, often competetive men..

What man would want to believe that the woman he is "courting" is making nothing but a load of false allegations about her ex?

Seems that many will take her word for it regardless..

The older I get the harder it seems to judge people, of both sexes, fairly. Its the trap of whether to view every-one cynically or try and trust what people say - and so many people seem to tell a load of bull without any understandable reason. I think its natural to want to believe some-one you like and perhaps a woman slagging of her ex makes her new partner feel protective of her. I've had the opposite side of the coin when people (men and women) don't believe that a man is a violent bully behind closed doors because he's 'a great guy' down the pub. Its a crazy world I reckon.

[felixblue]

The older I get the harder it seems to judge people, of both sexes, fairly. Its the trap of whether to view every-one cynically or try and trust what people say - and so many people seem to tell a load of bull without any understandable reason. I think its natural to want to believe some-one you like and perhaps a woman slagging of her ex makes her new partner feel protective of her. I've had the opposite side of the coin when people (men and women) don't believe that a man is a violent bully behind closed doors because he's 'a great guy' down the pub. Its a crazy world I reckon.

Perhaps they dont want to believe it, but the evidence does very much point to alcohol being a very major factor in not only DV, but many crimes.. I know from my own experience that drinkers are really a damned pain to have to deal with.. The old standard come back from the feminists whenever a man suggest that a father should be the head of his family, is that "yes, you want to be able to come back from the pub and bash your wife"..

I am sure historically that drink was a major reason for much DV.. The methodists noted this didnt they?

Now we have women drinking "like men".. And they are behaving.. Like drunken prats..

Knocking the drinking on the head will do a lot to minimising much DV, sexual assualt, etc..

[malesurveyinfo]

Perhaps they dont want to believe it, but the evidence does very much point to alcohol being a very major factor in not only DV, but many crimes.. I know from my own experience that drinkers are really a damned pain to have to deal with.. The old standard come back from the feminists whenever a man suggest that a father should be the head of his family, is that "yes, you want to be able to come back from the pub and bash your wife"..

I am sure historically that drink was a major reason for much DV.. The methodists noted this didnt they?

Now we have women drinking "like men".. And they are behaving.. Like drunken prats..

Knocking the drinking on the head will do a lot to minimising much DV, sexual assualt, etc..

You are probably right that people don't like to think that people they like can do bad things. In this particular case the guy wasn't much of a drinker - I could have said he's 'a great guy' down the gym/at the office etc but you are right that alcohol often fuels aggressive situations and rarely makes people more tolerant/understanding/considerate/gentle etc.
However the dynamics of domestic violence, sexual assault are very complex and its not always easy to determine the reasons it happens. Whilst I agree that booze doesn't help such situations I think the root cause of these crimes is often about power or lack of power and domination and some people don't need a drink to want to control or take advantage of others.
Back to some of the comments from guys on this thread and some feedback I've received from the survey there certainly appears to be a link between women drinking and making unwanted sexual demands on partners and ex-partners and that these can sometimes be aggressive and frightening and cause much distress to the men involved. By this I don't mean that women who drink automatically do this, but that some women who do this have been drinking (if that makes sense).
What are your thoughts? You mention that women are drinking more and getting drunk more (and I have seen media reports of this) - do you think that women are becoming more aggressive than previously?

[Yan Yan]

I don't see how the posts on this thread relate to the title.

??????

[felixblue]

I know for sure that drunken women do have a habit of expecting sex.. And if you dont.. Then they will hit you.. Has happened to me in the past.. One of my ex's I was "baby sitting for" (if watching your own kids can be called that!)..

She came home after her night out, drunk, pretty much insisted I stay, I declined, so insisted I have a coffee before going.. Then, she did the usual strutting around, bending over in front of me, accidently flashing.. Then, when I didnt take the bait.. asked me to check something or other that was concerning her in the broom cupboard.. (I cant remember what it was, But I do remember her basically pressing herself on me and not letting me get out easily..)

She then tried to kiss me, telling me she needed a shag right then..

I tried to decline humorously so she could save face..

"Hey come on, youve been drinking and youd only regret it in the morning!"..

She wasnt impressed..

"You're a fucking shit arent you?"

"Aye, so they tell me, but I'd best be going now.."

As I tried to get to the door, she pushed me back over the sofa, I fell back on it in some sort of resignation as to what was about to happen.. A few thumps and a very hard kick to the chest with her boot..

Bloody painful, and left a nasty bruise..

She threw her can of beer after me as I left..

"You fucking wimp!"..

"Aye, thats me darling!"..

I laughed..

Of course when I recounted the tale to the woman at home, she told me I was not allowed to see her again, or go in the house..

And when it came to the child access case..

Guess who was judged to be the pyschopath?

Yes.. Moi!

[Popadibs]

The differences between the reaction of the woman who heard what happened to you at the hands of another woman vs. the reaction of a man who hears of a woman suffering the same experience at the hands (or feet to be more specific) of another man is glaring. The disparity in women's indifference towards men vs men's indifference towards women is alarming, much too alarming to ignore.

This is much too prevalent to hold contempt for feminist leaders alone. The majority of misandrists aren't the women nor men who personally do harmful things to men. The majority of misandrists are the women who tell men that the answers to all of our problems is to just avoid those women without addressing the harm those women inflict with impunity upon men to begin with. These are the women who raise boys to grow up to be men who hate themselves and they raise girls to follow in their misandrous footsteps.

This is why when the day comes that these misandrous women face karma the very males they've harmed must be the ones to tell them "You are not welcomed here any longer." and shut the door in their faces. They must be left in the cold, dark abyss they've so desperately desired and delivered for men and boys.

[Zuberi]

She then tried to kiss me, telling me she needed a shag right then..
I tried to decline humorously so she could save face..
"Hey come on, youve been drinking and youd only regret it in the morning!"..

She wasnt impressed..

"You're a fucking shit arent you?"
"Aye, so they tell me, but I'd best be going now.."

As I tried to get to the door, she pushed me back over the sofa, I fell back on it in some sort of resignation as to what was about to happen.. A few thumps and a very hard kick to the chest with her boot..

Bloody painful, and left a nasty bruise..
She threw her can of beer after me as I left..
"You fucking wimp!"..
"Aye, thats me darling!"..
I laughed..
Of course when I recounted the tale to the woman at home, she told me I was not allowed to see her again, or go in the house..
And when it came to the child access case..
Guess who was judged to be the pyschopath?

And you put up with her cow shit?

[KellyMac]

I think you may be right, but sadly I am learning. It makes me ashamed to be part of a sex which treats people in such a way whilst pretending to do so for the benefit of the child. I am really sorry to hear of your experiences, it must make you very sad and angry.

It doesn't make me ashamed as much as freaking angry!! I read some of the comments about "oh the poor menz" and I think my head is going to explode. To have some women, (and it really is relatively few, although a vocal few), spout such ignorant crap, and then not have anyone refute them just makes me want to bang my head against the wall. If I hit myself enough times I might become as stupid as them and it won't bother me any more. Seems it would be as effective as arguing with them. You can't reason with the irrational.