In a relationship with a woman, I like to be the bloke.

I'm completely up for being equal in the relationship - obviously you can't be 100% equal, but within the relationship you and your partner need to find out who does certain jobs better, or who is better suited to certain tasks... and by working out who's better suited to what task, you can get equality - because everyone's happy.

What I've found though, is in all my relationships, the women have been the ones telling me (through their actions, and we all know - actions speak louder than words) that they want me either to be submissive (e.g. ex wife was intensely dominant to the point of not letting my family meet 'our' daughter - even once) while another ex (long term girlfriend) simply did nothing once she'd popped our kid out, almost as if she thought her life's work was done by simply gestating and she need never lift a finger again, instead preferring for me to do everything (not just physical tasks, but financial etc. etc.)

So from where I'm stood - women dominate, even when they claim to be submissive they're still pulling the strings... and if a man expects to remain as part of his family with her... he'd best do as she instructs else he won't be seeing his kids for much longer.

I'm quite practical. I'm not the type that enjoys dominance, nor do I enjoy to lead. That is simply not in my personality. At the same time, I will not accept being treated as a doormat, or lightly put, a submissive. I have a low tolerance for people who tell me what to do through some kind of (self-perveiced) authority.

I prefer cooperation. E.g. deciding who does what 'task(s)' by what is most convenient and practical.

That is the standard I would adhere to. As I am still young, I have not treaded into the deep waters of relationships yet (the real deal, not that dating stuff) and to be honest, I doubt wether I even will. There will have to be allot that has to change first...

I prefer to lead relationships. This is frankly due to my personal needs, though other women may have needs that are submissive or more equal. Anyone who says relationships exist in some formulaic vacuum, is quite frankly delusional. I have encountered people that needed to be led and I have encountered others that need to lead, most people however, are in the middle of the spectrum, their relationships are more egalitarian despite having the veneer of a "traditional" marriage.

I've only ever had one serious relationship (previously due to inability to forge which; more recently due to choice). The roles were split in accordance with feminist 'logic', in this one (despite her not being a feminist; odd, that......!): I had to do my fair share of traditionally-womanly roles, whilst she had no such obligation, when it came to traditionally-manly roles. If she ended up doing the washing up, or more of the cleaning, this was an oppressive tragedy, whereby the fact that I had walked in the rain to get food, taken the rubbish out and dipped my hand in my wallet more than she had hers, was apparently of no relevance at all.

At the time, she was a student (full-time, although 'full-time' in student terms equates to around fifteen hours a week), whilst I worked full-time. Seeing people as equal, and united, in relationships, I happily subsidised her somewhat (and UNhappily somewhat MORE!). 'Misogynistic' thing is, though, I actually expected that, whilst I was working in my horrible job (walking two miles there and back) and she was home from college, she might get some of the housework done, thus working FOR US, WHILST I WAS WORKING FOR US (you know, easing the burden of housework off me, as I was easing the financial burden off her?). Apparently, though, this is no longer how it works. She soon started to moan about doing more housework than I did, one time even e-mailing me WHILE I WAS AT WORK, earning money FOR US, complaining how she'd just put all our washing on; poor, oppressed little dear!

It nearly got to the point, at which I said, "right, from now on, we're operating under a system of REAL equality. I'm now going to do my fair share of the housework, then walk and get MY takeaway, for tea. Can you afford takeaway, using the money YOU get, from the student finance people? No? Ah, shame, you'll have to make your own tea, then......oh, and by the way, I'm going to the cinema, tomorrow night. I'd love you to come, as you usually do with me every Tuesday night, but can you afford it? No? Oh, well, this damned 'equality' malarkey does have its drawbacks, hey? Oh, and I'll take one bag of the rubbish down to the bins, on my way down. You can take the other one, at your convenience"............

Equal, most of my relationships I have taken the lead and had no luck (its been a long time though) and I don't like the idea of totally being submissive. Also, it meets up with my ideals pretty well.

Fully dominant, and not incidentally, male.

I would never marry, or even date, a woman on a dominance trip. I am a counselor (among other things) - and have been for 20+ years. The one thing that is nearly universally true, in my experience, about female-led relationships, is that they are a complete mess. That is not to say that some of them do not last (though the vast majority that I am aware of, and my colleagues attest to this as well, do NOT last), but even if they do manage to limp along interminably, they are chaotic, unfulfilling to everyone concerned (even the dominant female), and have an inevitable tendency to resulting in children who are lifetime subscribers to some one or another psych med.

While I am dominant in the relationship, that is different from being dominant in either the BDSM sense or in the Hitlerian sense. We talk about major decisions, I actively seek her input, and we try to split the difference when possible. But at the end of the day, we both know that if a decision has to be made and we can't come to an agreement, I will be the one who makes it.

It was not always that way. In the early years of my marriage, my wife, who had been infected with feminist attitudes by her mother (though she denied this before I married her, because I would never have even dated her had I known it), very much acted the fit-throwing, belligerent b*tch who spent all of her time insisting on her rights and claiming to be the equal of every man. Because I am committed to my marriage, and to the idea of marriage, I stuck it out, trying to make peace while simultaneously reminding her of how she had represented herself to me, and insisting that our marriage conform to our original agreement of the male-led household.

But before long a strange thing began to happen. My wife, whom I often had to chat with female clients if they wanted to do so about various minor issues, began to see what an awful mess was made of female-led relationships. At a couple of crucial points early in our marriage, she either made a decision for us or saw her mother make a couple of crucial decisions for her family (one of which resulted in her mother being arrested for a felony at the age of 65 - and convicted) that cost everyone concerned dearly. She got religion after that, and realized that the whole "women are fit to lead the home" nonsense was... nonsense.

She will tell you that the very idea that men and women are equal in every way is laughable (which is not to say that either men OR women are inferior; but rather that both have a gender role and excel within that role) and does not even stand the "first question" test. Men (as a group - not necessarily every single one of them) are better leaders, better decisionmakers, and are able to view matters objectively better than women are (again, as a group), and these are necessary aspects of effective leadership, even within a small unit such as a family.

My wife and I have a bit of a private game we play. Any time we are at a party, out in public, or anywhere in which we see someone that we know and can kind of keep track of either (as the male) admit that the wife runs the house (seriously, not jokingly as all of us are prone to do) or (as the female) brazenly proclaim that she runs the family or dominates the relationship, we look at each other and laugh. This is only partly spontaneous, as we both agree that public foolishness ought to be publicly mocked and shamed. Then, as soon as we get home that night, we write down our best guesses of how long it will be before chaos descends upon that household/relationship - not mere "trouble" - but chaos. Then we write down our "bet."

She is slightly ahead of me at the moment, which makes me think that women may be slightly better gamblers than men....

You know, the male-led household worked for 10,000 years, and built mighty civilizations. Then we got wise in 1968 and it has been hell on earth ever since. Wonder if there is a connection?

I tend to lead on most things. Once upon a time when I was pro feminists I was very submissive. But as I found out later it was unnatural for me to be submissive so once I saw the light and started fighting feminism I have found that being a male and the head of the houshold is in no way misogynistic.

However due to my being fortunate enough to be married to a woman who is very inteligent and secure in her femininity I find that I can lead without leading my family about by the nose. And it is very easy for my to stand aside while my wife leads in those areas where she is more knowlegeable or just better suited to leading.

So I put equal since my wife does sometimes lead.


" their relationships are more egalitarian despite having the veneer of a "traditional" marriage. " -Lady Cath.


I think if you would look back in history {not the one revised by feminists and leftists} you will find that the traditional marriage was no veneer and that marriages were for the most part more equitable than we have been told.

Quite frankly, my female lead relationship has been one of the most fufilling things in my life(besides my anarchist activism, that shit is FUN! The rush that comes from telling authoritarian fascists to basically fuck off is fun).

Quote from contraeverything

That is not to say that some of them do not last (though the vast majority that I am aware of, and my colleagues attest to this as well, do NOT last)

Many women who try to lead households are selfish and arrogant. I have the pleasure of knowing many women who are not selfish and head households(it comes with me being part of several subcultures). The vast majority of normal households that try reversing gender roles fail, entirely due to the woman's selfishness.

What role?
Relationships are a waste of time and money.

I think it's an unseen law, growing up in the 70's you always knew your mum ruled the home. Her role was to make it work, whilst Dad would be out earning a crust to keep the home going. Look back at TV programs the wife would do all the talking, whilst the husband sat there looking on. It worked!!! So what if the wife nagged, men would just retaliate with 'shut the fuck up'.

Thinking back to when all my cousins, Aunts and Uncles would gather together on a Sunday at Grans place, she ruled the home. Grandad would sit there and just listen, but if anyone stepped out of line he would give them a slap.

There are roles we play and there are unseen laws at play...this is equality.

Quote from PWCM

There are roles we play and there are unseen laws at play...this is equality.

There is no equality.

Quote from Zuberi

There is no equality.

This true now.