Yaaaaaaay....A transcript!

Nicely done Percy.

TMOTS

Percy you captured the arrogance contradictions and impunities of western feminit wimyn and also the horrible truth that wimyn and menfolk know viz wimyn are virtually immune for their criminal action from police action and accept the fact as par for the course as do the police and the feminit courts

Shazza, what can I say. You kick me in the slats every five minutes and here you praise my script.

Things are looking up.

But I guess it must be pretty good if someone who doesn't usually get on with me likes it.

I sent it to Paul for 'Edit' and suggestions because I don't think it is quite right yet.

I really would appreciate some critique.

It is too long, at 1750 words for a ten minute YouTube. It will likely run as a podcast for about 13,5 mins.

Should it be more? Say 1900 words and 15 mins?

Or shorter, around 1350 words so Paul can 'do' a video with it?

Should parts be written differently?

What POINT could go in that isn't there.

I can only endorse truth Percy and the above lays it out clear and it meshes with my own painful experiences with wimyn and my observations of their tactics and behaviour eg a mother pushing a pram in Mt Druitt mall the child is crying - Momma " shut up you little fucking shit"

Lester would be the best advice on the technical side of your presentation I guess

Quote from Percy

I drafted this a while back and sent it to Paul for editing and suggestions.

He's been a bit busy - and we have all benefitted !

We could benefit a bit more if I got off my arse about this, so over to you.



Total Eclipse of the Son

Hello, I am Amfortas and I want to talk about domestic violence.

The light of publicity shines on female victims of domestic violence. Federally funded adverts castigate violent men. State developed, “World’s best Practice’ Law overthrows legal principle to convict such men. And any other chap too. Just in case. We want to protect our womenfolk, our daughters.

The truth in the light of day fails though when the worshipped Moon Goddess causes a Total Eclipse of the Son - and the father and the brother, the boyfriend, the husband and the chap next door.

Women’s Violence is Ignored. And some of you (WHO? Not trying to be a smart ass here, but do you mean women, men, all of us? Be explicit) are complicit.

A 26 year old woman (If you can, name her) swears on oath in the Hobart Family Court that her 62 year old ex husband is an International Terrorist and a Murderer, in order to retain custody of their children. My ears cannot believe what they hear, and neither does the Judge who dismisses it as “fanciful”. She still gets the children of course – and most of his lifetimes assets. For the children’s future.

Female Perjury is so frequently heard by this complicit Judge that he no longer bothers to have women prosecuted. Its in the children’s best interests that they are raised by a liar, a false accuser, rather than their father. He could be a terrorist after all. He’s a man. So, just in case.

A woman screams at a neighbour, who is inside his house. She gets her husband and eggs him on with “what sort of man are you”, to force him to assault the neighbour. The neighbour is enticed out and punched to the ground with the woman gleefully shouting, “Kick him, kick him” as she stomps on his flower beds.

I called the police who take took statements. She claims she was provoked. He had ‘said somefink” to her the day before as she walked past. No charges are laid. It’s a woman.

Minutes later the complicit Police arrest the man who was punched and kicked, because he leaned on their car bonnet. Can’t waste a call-out.

If this is another episode, give us a segway

Paul, a young man. was standing outside of my home earlier this year and we were talking about his girlfriend. He told me he had just finished with her because she was "too controlling." He explained how she was dominating his whole life with her demands.

"She will not let me think for myself." He complained.

"Everything has to be done her way."

As he spoke I recognised what he was describing as a typical abusive trait. As we stood there chatting I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye and looked around. A slightly built female, obviously angry, was bearing down on us from about 20 yards away. I motioned with my eyes and he looked up.

"Oh, Hi!" He said nervously.She did not answer or check her speed. I knew what was coming."Look out," I said.
She reached his side and without a word drew back her arm. The punch hit him full in the face and knocked him backwards into a hedge. She drew her arm back again but I grabbed it and stopped the blow from landing.

As I wrestled with her on the pavement she screamed abuse in my face and tried to kick Paul. He was in shock and stood there silently with tears running down his face. He was 18 years old. She was 17. As I held on to this wriggling, screaming, demonic figure I was aware of my own heart hammering in my chest. I automatically went into deep breathing mode in an effort to remain calm.
Eventually she realised I wasn’t going to let her hit him again. I let her go, carefully keeping myself between her and Paul. In a calm sounding voice I advised her to leave and told her I was going to call the police.

“YOU TOUCHED ME” she screamed at me. I pulled my mobile telephone out of my pocket to emphasise the point. “Tell the fuzz” I said. She screamed more abuse at Paul and told him she would have him killed. Then she strode off down the street and around the corner. I handed the telephone to Paul. He took it and looked quizzically at me.


"Call the police Paul." I said."Why?" He replied."Because that was abuse, assault, and she has to be stopped from doing it. If you don't stop her now she will think it's OK to treat any men in that way. She may kill someone one day."
Paul shook his head. "I cant. You don't do that do you?"I took the phone back and made the call myself.

The police came eventually. They listened as I related what happened. They talked Paul out of pressing charges which, by now he was willing to do. They quizzed me about interfering. Then they left. Complicit.

Paul went to his Gran’s house to get his cheek wound - split by his girlfreind’s ring - attended to. Paul went back to her. Three weeks later she punched him again and he left her for good.

I asked him why he didn’t report the second attack. "What’s the point” He said. “They would just take the piss like last time and they might arrest me”.

Another young man denied justice by prejudice, shame and fear.

This is the shadow that male victims stand in.
Why do men, Policemen, do this to other men? Where has their sense of brotherhood gone? Where has Justice gone? Don’t use ‘Integrity’ in the same sentence as ‘Police’.

Another friend was standing in the queue in a post office. In front of him was a woman of about 35 with three small kids. The eldest was a little boy about five years old. Two others were in a baby carriage. They went to the counter and the mother began paying bills. With her attention distracted the young boy toddled over to the brightly coloured shelves placed at child height and covered in toys.

He picked up a plastic fire engine and carried it to his mother. The little chap caught my friend’s eye and he smiled at him. He smiled back then he yanked on her skirt. She tutted loudly and swatted him away. He tugged again.
"Mum, look." He said. She looked down and shouted at him."Put that back and come here!" He looked crest fallen."Can I have it mum?""No. Put it back.""Please mum!" He yanked her skirt again.

Suddenly she spun around. In a blur of speed she raised her hand and punched him - yes, punched him - on the side of the face. He hit the wall. As he slid down the wall she aimed a kick at his side. The boy screamed in pain and cried. His mother reached down and snatched the toy from his hand and threw it back on the shelf. Then she returned to him and slapped him around the head to stop him crying before turning back to the counter and hurriedly stuffing a bunch of papers in her purse.

My friend was stunned. Not just by her violent assault on the kid but by the non-reaction of the rest of the people in the queue. Not one single person looked troubled or concerned at her behaviour. He could not contain himself.
"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" He cried.

The mother looked up at him as she tried to drag her screaming child to his feet.

"What?"

"You heard me." He said, furiously. "How dare you treat that child like that?"

"F--- off and mind your own business." She demanded.

"Don't talk to me like that, Woman. I am not a helpless five year old kid. You ought to be in jail." He replied.

To his astonishment someone in the queue said, "Mind your own business. mate. They’re her kids."

Complicity.

He spun around and glared at the queue. Everyone looked away. Unable to see who had spoken he addressed his remarks to the whole crowd.

"You people make me sick! If a man had punched a child like that you would all be calling the police and thumping him. Why is it OK for her, huh? Because she a woman? " No one answered.

He looked back to where the mother had been standing but she was gone. She was almost out of the door.The clerk looked at him from behind the counter and called, "Next."
When he got outside he thought to call the police. He thought of what I had told him of Paul. What’s the point.

That little boy stands in the shadows.

As I watch TV here, as I read the papers or listen to the radio; all I ever hear is feminists talking about male child abuse or male violence against women. A constant AgitProp. They are always silent on the failings of their own sex. It would not suit the anti-male model they promote to talk about women’s everyday violence.

The press and politicians are equally to blame.

Complicit. I would move this "complicit till after the next paragraph

Too weak and too unthinking to want to ask questions that may rock the boat, They drink in the feminist mendacities and rhetoric without question. Perhaps they are afraid of provoking the women in the office. The voting women. The ‘consumer’ women. Perhaps their own mothers terrified them and now all women frighten them. Who knows?

Only one of the actual examples I tell here will make it into the statistics. The neighbour arrested for leaning on a police car. He will be added to the ‘violence against women’ stats.

You doubt that? How do you think they are generated?

Are you complicit too?

I know for sure is that cowardice and mendacity and a lack of Integrity joins with the lies of feminists and the appalling behaviour of women to create the shadows that men and children bleed in, alone.

Let the light shine on ALL victims of violence regardless of who perpetrates it. The light will bring an end to their suffering.The light is the Truth.

When will the feminists raise a hue and cry about those who stand in the shadows? What sort of world are we condemning our sons to? Where is the Justice?

This is Amfortas, and I would like to thank Christian J for his production assistance.

I dedicate this to my estranged but beloved daughter and to my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.

Ask, Who Does the Grail Serve.

1743

Synopsis.

Total Eclipse of the Son

Amfortas describes actual observations of women’s seemingly everyday violence. Family Court Judge ignores a woman’s blatant lies. People in a shop queue ignore a woman beating a child. The police ignore a woman playing her ‘Let’s you and him fight’ perverted game and arrest the victim. A boy get’s pole-axed by his smaller girlfriend. Children suffer and men are cowed into silence. It has to stop. The light of Truth is Eclipsed by a mendacious Moon Goddess.

Not much to change here Percy. This is a good, solid script. And I say that with apologies for taking so long to go through it.

You are correct, I have been busy, but I should have attended to this earlier anyway. You have been unceasingly present to help with my efforts.

I have put some minor comments in red, mostly aimed at keeping tense correct and to help with the continuity. Your repetition of the phrase "complicit" is a great hook and hammers the point in quite effectively. a

The only real nit I have is getting above the listeners/readers head a little. Most people won't get the reference to Bernes work without explanation, and "who does the grail serve" is great once you understand it, but an aggravating head scratcher for those that don't, which will be nearly all.

I am glad to see though that you put this out here for review. This place is the best spot on the web to do that.

Good luck with this one. I look forward to hearing it.

Its time men were given their natural authority back, then they could sort these problems out PROPERLY!!

Relying on the cuntsucker police force or the sympathies of the feminazi courts is a mugs game..

Very powerful piece of reading material.

Quote from Percy

I really would appreciate some critique.

It is too long,... blah blah blah.

Not a fleck.
Simply because I know DAMN WELL that any critique I'd offer would only serve to turn it into MY position. I've freely confessed to lack of a teachers patience.
There's no doubt, In My Humble Opinion, that it goes in the right direction, at a pace that comfortably challenges the average reader, without insulting the more gruesome picker of nits.
Do you REALLY want MY suggestions of potential vocabulary/grammar/style that would condense the thesis "to fit" the alloted time constraints?
Let me help you on that one.
No, you don't.
Trust me.

You'll just have to bicker with the video-meister about the practical issues all on your own.
If you find out something's missing, or not quite right, well then, tough shingles, guess you'll just have to re-collaborate on the NEXT one in a series.

The "script" is good, can't speak for the the whole package all put together of course. Just "own it" and (co)produce it. Enough of the pussy-ass "But is it good enough?" eyebrow plucking crap. Years of baby sitting "performance artists" (actors, sculptors, dancers, and such) has proved to me that The aura of confidence sells. Again, trust me.
Well, OK, or not...
*sigh*
How many of the astonishingly rare(ahem) times that I've elided over a malaprop, have I misspoken with absolute authority? ;-)

Quote from CaptDMO

Not a fleck.
Simply because I know DAMN WELL that any critique I'd offer would only serve to turn it into MY position. I've freely confessed to lack of a teachers patience.
There's no doubt, In My Humble Opinion, that it goes in the right direction, at a pace that comfortably challenges the average reader, without insulting the more gruesome picker of nits.
Do you REALLY want MY suggestions of potential vocabulary/grammar/style that would condense the thesis "to fit" the alloted time constraints?
Let me help you on that one.
No, you don't.
Trust me.

You'll just have to bicker with the video-meister about the practical issues all on your own.
If you find out something's missing, or not quite right, well then, tough shingles, guess you'll just have to re-collaborate on the NEXT one in a series.

The "script" is good, can't speak for the the whole package all put together of course. Just "own it" and (co)produce it. Enough of the pussy-ass "But is it good enough?" eyebrow plucking crap. Years of baby sitting "performance artists" (actors, sculptors, dancers, and such) has proved to me that The aura of confidence sells. Again, trust me.
Well, OK, or not...
*sigh*
How many of the astonishingly rare(ahem) times that I've elided over a malaprop, have I misspoken with absolute authority? ;-)

You do 'Grumpy Old Sod' well, Capt.

I take all of that as an approval.

I will get onto it.

Paul, thank you, my excellent friend.

I will take all of the suggestions on board. Of course. They were quite right.

As for 'Ask, Who Does the Grail Serve', it is a sort of signature and goes with my name. Let them scratch their heads and look it up. One phrase cannot be so powerful that it drags their heads from the much longer and supported message. Moat will ignore it as they do a signature on a document.

Quote from Percy

Paul, thank you, my excellent friend.

I will take all of the suggestions on board. Of course. They were quite right.

As for 'Ask, Who Does the Grail Serve', it is a sort of signature and goes with my name. Let them scratch their heads and look it up. One phrase cannot be so powerful that it drags their heads from the much longer and supported message. Moat will ignore it as they do a signature on a document.

LOL, I got at least 10 youtube messages asking me what it meant!