Greetings!! Is this your first visit? If so, please consider registering. It enables downloads and removal of adverts. Use the 'facebook connect' for quick access.
Register
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 43
  1. #1
    bababob's Avatar
    bababob Guest

    Venus: The Dark Side - Female Sociopaths, Emotional & Manipulative Abuse Against Men

    Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths (Part I)

    January 8th, 2008 by Glenn Sacks, MA for Fathers & Families



    "
    The consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything...Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused...She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means."

    There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary discuss this important subject in depth.


    Sadly, the female sociopath they describe sometimes sounds like the vindictive or alienating or abusive ex-wives readers write me about. Sheppard and Cleary write:


    "Sociopaths are notoriously difficult to spot because most of them are incredibly adept at hiding their true self and their motives. Since childhood the female sociopath may have developed complex and often subconscious methods to deceive her targets. On the surface she appears excessively friendly and charming. In fact, an early warning sign is that you suspect she is too good to be true. She probably is.


    "Occasionally she may let the mask slip. In isolation these behavior traits are unreliable indicators, but if you witness a number of them, a queen of manipulation may be operating on you.


    "She is an aggressor and she picks fights with opponents who have been duped into believing she is a friend or a lover. Once she befriends her victims, she relies on their reasonableness to forgive her transgressions. However, most of her actions are hidden, because she has learned to fight with invisible weapons and wields them with the deadliness and accuracy of a samurai warrior. Invariably, you don’t see anything until the fight is over and she has won.


    "She is capable of being furious if she is ignored or is not given what she wants. She has mastered the art of expressing an opinion so forcibly and convincingly that it takes on the appearance of being a fact.


    "Her regular tantrums involve swearing, shouting, intimidation and threatens. She will wear people down until, for a quieter life, they agree with her. Interestingly, what she threatens to inflict on others is what she would find most damaging and hurtful to herself. Equally interestingly, she feels criticism and humiliation intensely, even if none is intended or given, and she will fight ferociously to defend what she sees as an attack, whether or not there is one. Sometimes she will create a threat in her mind merely to defend and excuse what she knows to be her own dreadful behavior.
    "She will expect you to keep quiet about her conduct towards you, assuming you will feel shame or embarrassment because you tolerate it. If you collude by maintaining your silence, it perpetuates her behavior. She needs her victims to stay quiet about her. Beware of allowing yourself to get sucked into this game. She’ll take delight in knocking you down a peg or two - for your own good, of course!


    "This attitude demonstrates a lack of concern for other people’s wishes, welfare and rights, and she matter-of-factly shows a blatant disregard for society’s rules, regulations and laws. A petty but common example of this is her blasé attitude towards parking her car. Parking restrictions simply don’t apply to her and parking tickets are stuffed in the glove compartment to be forgotten and left unpaid.


    "Parking fines are not the only unpaid bills that mount up. When the bailiffs call she spins her sob story and plays the victim. Yet the moment they have been persuaded to leave she feels nothing more than contempt for those to whom she owes money. Her definition of a personal loan is often more like a donation; so don’t expect to see your cash again. Don’t ever open a joint bank account with her. She defaults on formal loans, and will almost certainly have a poor credit rating. She may even have stacks of County Court Judgments (CCJs) against her.


    "She routinely fails to honor other promises and commitments. The consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything and is highly likely to be one of life’s complainers. Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused.


    "She may believe that antisocial behavior is justified because of her ‘difficult’ circumstances, even though she may have contributed to them. She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means..."


    Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths, Part II

    "So obsessed with what she wants, she will ignore or neglect her children while claiming the opposite. She plays the martyr and expects constant attention. Her demanding behavior almost guarantees it.

    "If she is divorced, she may have grown to hate her ex-husband more than she loves her children. She abuses the children by depriving them of access to their father, because she’s punishing him for not delivering what she wanted in a husband. She refuses to consider that she played any role in the marriage break-up."


    There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary discuss this important subject in depth. Sheppard and Cleary write:


    "She believes she is entitled to everything she desires. With an overdeveloped sense of self, working for what she wants is an inconvenience. Hard work is for everybody else. She wants the fast buck and the short-cut to success. Becoming a social parasite is quicker than toiling for anything. And when she pulls it off, she can then congratulate herself on cheating, conning or defrauding others who may be more intelligent or successful than she is.


    "Her every whim must be accommodated. Humility is alien to her. She is self-centered, opinionated and over-confident, and expects to be pampered and treated as superior.


    "She has possibly dabbled at shoplifting to feed her sense of entitlement for whatever she wants and for the ‘buzz’. So obsessed with what she wants, she will ignore or neglect her children while claiming the opposite. She plays the martyr and expects constant attention. Her demanding behavior almost guarantees it.


    "If she is divorced, she may have grown to hate her ex-husband more than she loves her children. She abuses the children by depriving them of access to their father, because she’s punishing him for not delivering what she wanted in a husband. She refuses to consider that she played any role in the marriage break-up.

    "She expects her man to do what she wants to prove his ‘commitment’ to her, and will try to control all aspects of her victim’s life. She insists on choosing his friends, making him account for every moment of his day, making decisions for him, telling him what he can and cannot wear. She may even insist on watching her victims go to the bathroom.


    "Some women are genuinely unaware of the emotional pain and suffering they cause, but others know exactly what they are doing. They derive pleasure from putting others down and humiliating friends, colleagues, lovers and ex-partners. For some, revenge consumes their lives.


    "If there are any times when you start to suspect that you are being used, she is equally skilled at making you feel bad for thinking such thoughts. Mind you, she will probably never tell you explicitly that you are wrong, except perhaps if you confront her. She may feign shock and surprise that you could possibly think such unkind thoughts.


    "Unreliability goes hand-in-hand with her desire to control. Things always seem to crop up at the last minute making it ‘impossible’ to do what she promised. She is often brilliant at providing rational excuses rather than reasons for her behavior. She makes promises about a bright future but they are always promises of ‘jam tomorrow’.


    "You find, too, that these women are stimulation junkies known for sexual promiscuity, gambling and taking illegal recreational drugs. If something gives the sociopath an adrenaline rush or makes her feel good, even in the short term, she’ll probably give it a try or become addicted to it. This could lead to high-risk behavior, with a reckless disregard for her own safety and that of others. She rarely thinks about the possible or probable consequences of her actions."


    Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths, Part III

    The most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy."

    A question--how much of this striking excerpt rings true for you?
    There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary discuss this important subject in depth. Sheppard and Cleary write:


    "These women want to create the illusion of intimacy quickly and are prepared to take short-cuts. They are full-on and their friendliness positively gushes. They often smile too much, but with their teeth, not their eyes. The woman will say all the right things and appear keen to be seen to make plans with you, but it’s a ploy to gain your affection quickly and hook you in.


    "She will seem very loving and capable of intimacy and will pretend to care. However the intimacy, depth and commitment are illusions. They merely enable her to collect what she wants. Her true colors show only when all other tactics fail.


    "She’s quite happy to steal her best friend’s boyfriend. It’s a great way to prove she has what it takes to be desirable, and simultaneously to prove the shallowness of the man and the delusion of her friend.


    "The picture is emerging of a woman who must get what she desires at all costs and must always be right. Sometimes she will deliberately claim to misunderstand something to justify doing what she wants, even though she knows it is against your wishes. She may cause problems just to attract attention to herself, because she likes to feel important.


    "Creating self-doubt in her victims’ minds is an integral part of her approach. She plays on their reasonableness to give her the benefit of any doubts they may have. She knows that reasonable people don’t like to think badly of others and will often beat themselves up for thinking uncharitable thoughts. She always sounds so convincing. Her approach is intended to make you question whether you were correct in your thoughts about her. It slows you down. It’s meant to.



    "Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door says, 'The most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.'
    "This is a key point. If you take only one message from this book, make it this one. She is probably brilliant at eliciting pity and knows precisely how to do it.


    She may have learned these skills from a young age. Treated like a little princess by her father, she learns to wrap him (and others) around her finger. By learning to get her own way, she perfects the illusion of appearing fragile. She is anything but....


    "She also appears so wonderful, sweet and demure, as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Of course, she is a chameleon, capable of becoming exactly who her victim needs her to be.


    "She is meticulously turned out, expertly masking her inner personality cracks with flawless make-up, perfect hair and an extensive wardrobe, often paid for by past boyfriends. She may have learned to cover up who she really is by appearing confident and self-assured. Yet underneath this confident and highly manicured exterior may lie an insecure, inadequate and ultra-needy woman.


    "How dysfunctional is the rest of her family? If she looks like the only sane one, she may be the only one who has managed to cover it up!


    "The disguise is so good that nobody would ever suspect that she could do anything unscrupulous. Beware the woman who flatters without offering sincere compliments. Flattery has been described as ‘counterfeit charm’ and is usually a little over the top. She’s probably setting you up to make demands on you or to manipulate you in some other way.


    "She holds grudges too. Her revenge and retribution can be savage and harsh. Surprise is her weapon. Expect the worst, then double it.


    "This woman doesn’t think twice about destroying the reputations, health and well-being or the livelihood of others if they represent obstacles to getting what she wants. She’s the sort who will force you to get down on bended knee to beg forgiveness and then take delight in saying 'No'. She makes you feel bad to ‘keep you on your toes’.


    "Such women will not be happy until they have ripped the very heart and soul out of their victim. Even then, there is no guarantee they will be any happier. Sadly, most men ignore what their gut instinct is trying to tell them about her, because they think she wants them."

    (The above contains excerpts from Venus: The Dark Side, Copyright ©Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary 2007. www.VenusTheDarkSide.com.)

    Link.



    Nominated 'Book of the week' by Menstuff.org

    5.0 out of 5 starsRequired Reading For Today's Men, By "jhmetal" (Hoboken, NJ United States)

    This book should be required reading for all young men today. Many are the good and decent men in our society who have suffered emotional terrorism at the hands of sick and manipulative women.

    First and foremost, the authors are to be commended for having the guts to state the truth: that men suffer a great deal �.. The utterance of this overwhelming truth is a great risk for anyone to take, especially in a culture that refuses to believe that women are capable of and in fact do commit violence against men. � I think that this book is an important step in breaking the wall of institutional silence and propaganda that allows men and children to remain in harm's way.

    But more importantly, this book reveals the problem of emotional abuse against men. Emotional abuse and emotional terrorism are primary tactics of abusive and manipulative women. In using the tools of emotional manipulation, the abusive woman can be a subtle foe; she often preys on men who are good of heart, twisting their good intentions until she achieves her objectives. � The authors here provide a good look into the characteristics of the emotionally abusive and manipulative woman, and strategies to extricate one's self from her grasp.
    I will be recommending this book to any male I know who is about to enter the world of dating and relationships. It's about time men got smart and started looking after themselves. Too many good men are suffering!

    This book chronicles how specific types of women with no conscience target and abuse innocent, gentle men and women who have too much conscience. These women see their victims as having a character flaw that is there to be exploited.

    The book explores the lying, cheating, conniving and manipulation of women with malicious intent. What are the everyday tricks of their tyrannical trade? How she claims to be the victim when she is the aggressor. And how this makes it far more difficult for genuine female victims to receive the help they need and deserve.

    The case studies in this book of how men are abused physically, financially, psychologically and even sexually, are truly shocking. Large numbers of men are stigmatised, ridiculed and disbelieved when they don’t conform to society’s male stereotype.


    More ... Men's Rights Blogs » A Brotherhood of Man
    Last edited by Tyrael; 1st-April-2009 at 10:47 AM. Reason: added Glenn Sacks information

  2. #2
    Incognito's Avatar
    Incognito is offline Established Member
    Member Since
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    11,309
    My Blog Entries:
    1

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Sounds like an excellent book, and one that women should read, as well. Maybe if women read it, they'd recognize some of their own behaviors described in that book, and come to understand how destructive emotional and psychological abuse really is.

    Sometimes I think women really think men are impervious to pain (maybe because men do a good job hiding it)...this book may not help sociopathic women become less abusive, but for the average woman, who is capable of learning to change their behaviors and capable of empathy, this book could be a very valuable educative opportunity..

    "Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it- a tone of mind which will gradually win influence over the collective one, and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from barbarism, and the ethical comes into existence only in individuals."

    "Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace."
    -Albert Schweitzer

  3. #3
    Percy's Avatar
    Percy is online now Knackered old Knight
    Member Since
    May 2006
    Location
    Overlooking the D'Entrecasteaux Channel. The views are magnificent.
    Posts
    18,282

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Sometimes I think women really think men are impervious to pain (maybe because men do a good job hiding it)...
    Come on Tera. Where is your INsight and observation.

    Of course men hide their pain. Why?

    In my experience of men and women, men hide it because women deride it.

    It is also my view (argue if you will ) that there is something about women's very nature that wants men to hide their pain; is frightened of men being affected by pain; and continually 'tests' men with pain. Particularly emotional pain.

    Her man that is.

    The whole notion of men 'expressing their emotions' is a double-edged sword in women's hands and mouth. Women only want certain emotions in a man; she does not want to see the effects of pain in ordinary circumstance in her own man.

    But she revels in his pain when she is deliberately damaging a man she does not love - or no longer loves.

    She will laugh with her friends at almost any male discomfort. She will deride even the most innocuous male behaviour, even 'nice' actions. She will react with contempt if her own man exhibits any discomfort with her behaviour.

    The whole idea of 'Take it like a man' didn't originate with men, I can assure you.
    When in need of a drink to Refresh the soul
    Drop into the Knight & Drummer Free House.
    http://parzivalshorse.blogspot.com.au/
    Always leave a Comment as a tip.


    Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
    Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
    (St. Augustine)

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers,
    against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world, against Spiritual Wickedness in high places. “
    (and within ourselves)


    A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious. If you meet one on the road as you
    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.





  4. #4
    Incognito's Avatar
    Incognito is offline Established Member
    Member Since
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    11,309
    My Blog Entries:
    1

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from Percy View Post
    Come on Tera. Where is your INsight and observation.

    Of course men hide their pain. Why?

    In my experience of men and women, men hide it because women deride it.

    It is also my view (argue if you will ) that there is something about women's very nature that wants men to hide their pain; is frightened of men being affected by pain; and continually 'tests' men with pain. Particularly emotional pain.

    Her man that is.

    The whole notion of men 'expressing their emotions' is a double-edged sword in women's hands and mouth. Women only want certain emotions in a man; she does not want to see the effects of pain in ordinary circumstance in her own man.

    But she revels in his pain when she is deliberately damaging a man she does not love - or no longer loves.

    She will laugh with her friends at almost any male discomfort. She will deride even the most innocuous male behaviour, even 'nice' actions. She will react with contempt if her own man exhibits any discomfort with her behaviour.

    The whole idea of 'Take it like a man' didn't originate with men, I can assure you.
    I've never seen my father cry...but he came close to it once. He was telling me about his mother, who had died young...in her twenties. He was telling me how much he loved her, and how he wished I had been able to know her. His eyes filled up, but not one tear ran down his cheek. I cried...because I saw his emotion. I felt it. I wished I could take that pain away.

    "Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it- a tone of mind which will gradually win influence over the collective one, and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from barbarism, and the ethical comes into existence only in individuals."

    "Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace."
    -Albert Schweitzer

  5. #5
    bababob's Avatar
    bababob Guest

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Taken from Percy's last post:

    "In my experience of men and women, men hide it because women deride it."

    So do other men, especially he-man or tough-guy types.
    (Note that I did not use that overworked epithet macho! Ughhh! )

  6. #6
    chevalier's Avatar
    chevalier is offline Moderator
    Member Since
    Mar 2007
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,013

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    I can't wait to read this book. Tera makes some very good and more importantly constructive points on this as well. I think women should read this as well.

    I don't think many women know when they are putting a man through the emotional wringer. They connect what they want through emotions and cannot see that they are causing harm.

    I know my first wife used to pick fights a lot and I think she did it for an emotional response from me. And as Percy pointed out when something bad happened I was expected to be stoic and strong for her because no matter how bad I felt she had it worse.

    But whenever I was content she had to stir the pot to get an emotional response out of me.

    She hated when I built models but when she wanted alone time for herself she would tell me to go build one. When she wanted together time she would throw a fit and say I loved the models more than her.

    She could have just asked me to spend time with her instead of going into drama mode. But I think she picked the fight not over the models but to see some kind of response from me that indicated I cared for her.

    It is confusing I know but I think many women do this and when they are in drama mode they simply cannot see that when they insult us and say hurtful things that it does indeed hurt and it does leave scars.

    I would much rather my ex wife had just hit me than be hatefull and belittle me.

    I hope this ramble made sense I just took my meds and am a little loopy right now. So if it doesn't make any sense let me know.
    Chevalier.
    "no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his brother."

  7. #7
    Percy's Avatar
    Percy is online now Knackered old Knight
    Member Since
    May 2006
    Location
    Overlooking the D'Entrecasteaux Channel. The views are magnificent.
    Posts
    18,282

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    I think that the Gurus of the seventies and right up to today peddled a crock of shite about 'emotions', mainly to women.

    One such profession of Guru Faith was that 'having arguements' was good for a couple. 'It clears the air'. Presumably after it being filled with smoke. Women in particular were told that 'confronting an issue' was important, regardless of the importance of the 'issue', no matter how trivial it was. Regardless of it being real or fantasy.

    Women were told that 'men repress emotions', or worse, that 'men don't have an emotional life'. And that men SHOULD express their emotions. The ones they don't have ! Proof? Men backed away from 'confronting the issues'.

    A tautological arguement.

    Men do have emotions. Men do not like 'confronting the issue' because that rarely happens. What does happen is that HE is confronted.

    The 'issues' are always connected with him. Never her. Her 'issues' are sacred sites that are secret women's business and must not be confronted. Only 'his' 'issues', MUST be 'confronted'.

    Who wants to be 'confronted' by someone he loves?

    In my practice over many, many years I saw the same profile of micro-relationship over and over.

    There would be a disagreement over something trivial; She would 'confront' him; He would withdraw; She would hold him in contempt. The 'issue' would be unresolved.

    His fault, of course.

    There were Guru 'processes' that women were told to follow that simply made matters worse.

    She was to 'express her feelings', using the 'I' word'. 'I am unhappy,; when you do X, I feel sad", or worse, "I feel afraid".

    (I feel lonely when you 'hide away' making your models, Chev; I feel sad. I am sad that you don't want to be with me; I am afraid you don't love me. I am afraid our marriage is in ruins; and we are getting a divorce; on tuesday next week; unless you buckle down and apologise; and grovel; and do as I want ! So there. You bastard. !)

    This is evasion of responsibility for her own feelings and her fantasies of disaster and catastrophe. It is HIS fault for X and can only be cured by HIM changing from X to Y.

    No thought given to the fantasy nature of her 'feelings'.

    'Feelings' are equated with emotions. They are different beasts though.

    But of course it doesn't sound like that to her because a Guru said so.
    When in need of a drink to Refresh the soul
    Drop into the Knight & Drummer Free House.
    http://parzivalshorse.blogspot.com.au/
    Always leave a Comment as a tip.


    Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
    Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
    (St. Augustine)

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers,
    against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world, against Spiritual Wickedness in high places. “
    (and within ourselves)


    A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious. If you meet one on the road as you
    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.





  8. #8
    Tyrael's Avatar
    Tyrael is offline Style & coordination Administration
    Member Since
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Western World
    Posts
    5,369

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from bababob View Post
    First and foremost, the authors are to be commended for having the guts to state the truth: that men suffer a great deal �.. The utterance of this overwhelming truth is a great risk for anyone to take, especially in a culture that refuses to believe that women are capable of and in fact do commit violence against men. � I think that this book is an important step in breaking the wall of institutional silence and propaganda that allows men and children to remain in harm's way.

    But more importantly, this book reveals the problem of emotional abuse against men. Emotional abuse and emotional terrorism are primary tactics of abusive and manipulative women. In using the tools of emotional manipulation, the abusive woman can be a subtle foe; she often preys on men who are good of heart, twisting their good intentions until she achieves her objectives. � The authors here provide a good look into the characteristics of the emotionally abusive and manipulative woman, and strategies to extricate one's self from her grasp.
    More ... Men's Rights Blogs » A Brotherhood of Man
    Good stuff. Made it a sticky.
    ~ Support Fathers & Families for Father's Rights and Equal Parenting! Go to fathersandfamilies.org ~

    ~ Fathers & FamiliesTM improves the lives of children and strengthens society by protecting the child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation or divorce. ~

    ~ Feminism = Every bad thing any man has ever committed highlighted and exaggerated; every bit of good systematically undermined, vilified or ignored. ~

    ~ A man needs a woman like a lion needs a stove. ~

    ~ Women deserve only equal opportunity, not equal outcomes. ~

    ~ Men are not collectively "guilty" of anything. ~

    ~ Never needing to be pregnant is a blessing. ~

    ~ Feminist ideology “men have to respect women, but women have no reason to respect men” ~

    ~ Everybody makes choices, and nobody should be entitled to special treatment because of those choices.
    Equal results based on unequal treatment amounts to no kind of equality at all. ~

  9. #9
    bababob's Avatar
    bababob Guest

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from Percy View Post
    I think that the Gurus of the seventies and right up to today peddled a crock of shite about 'emotions', mainly to women.

    One such profession of Guru Faith was that 'having arguements' was good for a couple. 'It clears the air'. Presumably after it being filled with smoke. Women in particular were told that 'confronting an issue' was important, regardless of the importance of the 'issue', no matter how trivial it was. Regardless of it being real or fantasy.

    Women were told that 'men repress emotions', or worse, that 'men don't have an emotional life'. And that men SHOULD express their emotions. The ones they don't have ! Proof? Men backed away from 'confronting the issues'.

    A tautological arguement.

    Men do have emotions. Men do not like 'confronting the issue' because that rarely happens. What does happen is that HE is confronted.

    The 'issues' are always connected with him. Never her. Her 'issues' are sacred sites that are secret women's business and must not be confronted. Only 'his' 'issues', MUST be 'confronted'.

    Who wants to be 'confronted' by someone he loves?

    In my practice over many, many years I saw the same profile of micro-relationship over and over.

    There would be a disagreement over something trivial; She would 'confront' him; He would withdraw; She would hold him in contempt. The 'issue' would be unresolved.

    His fault, of course.

    There were Guru 'processes' that women were told to follow that simply made matters worse.

    She was to 'express her feelings', using the 'I' word'. 'I am unhappy,; when you do X, I feel sad", or worse, "I feel afraid".

    (I feel lonely when you 'hide away' making your models, Chev; I feel sad. I am sad that you don't want to be with me; I am afraid you don't love me. I am afraid our marriage is in ruins; and we are getting a divorce; on tuesday next week; unless you buckle down and apologise; and grovel; and do as I want ! So there. You bastard. !)

    This is evasion of responsibility for her own feelings and her fantasies of disaster and catastrophe. It is HIS fault for X and can only be cured by HIM changing from X to Y.

    No thought given to the fantasy nature of her 'feelings'.

    'Feelings' are equated with emotions. They are different beasts though.

    But of course it doesn't sound like that to her because a Guru said so.
    As usual, Percy, you provide food for thought. I'm reminded of a term my former supervisor used to expectorate,"Psychobabble!!" Funny though, it was contact with some authentic Gurus (including Christian) that helped protect and preserve my own marriage. The only feelings they felt you had to get in touch with deeply and instantly were those of loving kindness, forgiveness, altruism and nonviolence (of thought, word and deed).

  10. #10
    bababob's Avatar
    bababob Guest

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    I can't wait to read this book. Tera makes some very good and more importantly constructive points on this as well. I think women should read this as well.

    I don't think many women know when they are putting a man through the emotional wringer. They connect what they want through emotions and cannot see that they are causing harm.

    I know my first wife used to pick fights a lot and I think she did it for an emotional response from me. And as Percy pointed out when something bad happened I was expected to be stoic and strong for her because no matter how bad I felt she had it worse.

    But whenever I was content she had to stir the pot to get an emotional response out of me.

    She hated when I built models but when she wanted alone time for herself she would tell me to go build one. When she wanted together time she would throw a fit and say I loved the models more than her.

    She could have just asked me to spend time with her instead of going into drama mode. But I think she picked the fight not over the models but to see some kind of response from me that indicated I cared for her.

    It is confusing I know but I think many women do this and when they are in drama mode they simply cannot see that when they insult us and say hurtful things that it does indeed hurt and it does leave scars.

    I would much rather my ex wife had just hit me than be hatefull and belittle me.

    I hope this ramble made sense I just took my meds and am a little loopy right now. So if it doesn't make any sense let me know.
    Don't worry! This makes sense AND is well written. I especially relate to ...

    "She hated when I built models but when she wanted alone time for herself she would tell me to go build one. When she wanted together time she would throw a fit and say I loved the models more than her."

    We should compile excerpts like this one and publish a book of our own ... or at least a monthly newsletter.

  11. #11
    Garak's Avatar
    Garak is online now Established Member
    Member Since
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    4,701

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    I can't wait to read this book. Tera makes some very good and more importantly constructive points on this as well. I think women should read this as well.

    I don't think many women know when they are putting a man through the emotional wringer. They connect what they want through emotions and cannot see that they are causing harm.

    I know my first wife used to pick fights a lot and I think she did it for an emotional response from me. And as Percy pointed out when something bad happened I was expected to be stoic and strong for her because no matter how bad I felt she had it worse.

    But whenever I was content she had to stir the pot to get an emotional response out of me.

    She hated when I built models but when she wanted alone time for herself she would tell me to go build one. When she wanted together time she would throw a fit and say I loved the models more than her.

    She could have just asked me to spend time with her instead of going into drama mode. But I think she picked the fight not over the models but to see some kind of response from me that indicated I cared for her.

    It is confusing I know but I think many women do this and when they are in drama mode they simply cannot see that when they insult us and say hurtful things that it does indeed hurt and it does leave scars.

    I would much rather my ex wife had just hit me than be hatefull and belittle me.

    I hope this ramble made sense I just took my meds and am a little loopy right now. So if it doesn't make any sense let me know.
    Yep, same thing here except models were replaced by video games.

    Women, atleast modern women, are very high maintenance.

  12. #12
    Member Since
    Feb 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    12,352

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Chev said:
    She hated when I built models but when she wanted alone time for herself she would tell me to go build one.
    Quote Quote from Garak View Post
    Yep, same thing here except models were replaced by video games.

    Women, atleast modern women, are very high maintenance.
    It seems women can develop a dislike to not only other people (male or female) that deprives them of a man's undivided attention, but just about any inanimate object also. For example, a car, tv, a can of beer, video games, exercise equipment (even though she benefits ), the workplace, newspaper/magazine, etc. In fact, any hobby that doesn't specifically orientate around her. Damn, even children don't require that much (unhealthy) attention.
    Last edited by Celtic Druid; 6th-March-2009 at 04:21 PM.
    The wicked flee when none pursueth. Proverbs 28:1

    'Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number - Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you - Ye are many - they are few.'

    Percy Bysshe Shelley

    "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. "
    Thomas Jefferson

    The internet has been a lifeboat for men's opposition to the floodings of feminism.
    Celtic Druid

  13. #13
    cutiger1903's Avatar
    cutiger1903 is offline Established Member
    Member Since
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    150

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from TERA View Post
    I've never seen my father cry...but he came close to it once. He was telling me about his mother, who had died young...in her twenties. He was telling me how much he loved her, and how he wished I had been able to know her. His eyes filled up, but not one tear ran down his cheek. I cried...because I saw his emotion. I felt it. I wished I could take that pain away.
    Tera,

    I was a medic before I became a soldier. I've saved lives and seen combat. I've been in more situations where the world around me was going rapidly to hell in a handbasket than I care to count; and by the grace of God I walked out of it. I have no doubts about my masculinity, and have no problems expressing my emotions. I encourage my brother soldiers to talk about their trauma.

    I don't cry often, but, I do cry.

    I've pulled children out of cars, held their broken bodies in my arms. One little girl, was so busted up, we worked so hard to keep her alive.....I kept remembering her hair matted with blood. That evening, when I cried, my girlfriend at the time said, "You saved her, what's to cry about?" The relationship dissipation light started flashing in overdrive, she just didn't see it coming.

    My ex-wife made me cry a lot. From the suicide attempt/threats, to a whole lot of arguing, to more abuse than I care to recount.

    My current girlfriend saw me cry. We were at a social function, and they asked the veterans to stand. I looked around at the World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and Gulf War vets. It humbled me to stand in their ranks, and I shed a tear. Scared her senseless, she said she never thought she'd see me cry.

  14. #14
    Zuberi's Avatar
    Zuberi is offline Established Member
    Member Since
    Jul 2008
    Location
    You figure it out!!!
    Posts
    11,535

    Re: Venus: The Dark Side - Female Sociopaths, Emotional & Manipulative Abuse Against

    The book sounds good, but It probably won't teach me nothing I don't already know about your average she-wolf!!

    I just don't think this book will help me because I've sworn off fornication and never trusted women in the first place.

  15. #15
    bababob's Avatar
    bababob Guest

    Re: A "Must Read" for AM Members

    Quote Quote from cutiger1903 View Post
    Tera,

    I was a medic before I became a soldier. I've saved lives and seen combat. I've been in more situations where the world around me was going rapidly to hell in a handbasket than I care to count; and by the grace of God I walked out of it. I have no doubts about my masculinity, and have no problems expressing my emotions. I encourage my brother soldiers to talk about their trauma.

    I don't cry often, but, I do cry.

    I've pulled children out of cars, held their broken bodies in my arms. One little girl, was so busted up, we worked so hard to keep her alive.....I kept remembering her hair matted with blood. That evening, when I cried, my girlfriend at the time said, "You saved her, what's to cry about?" The relationship dissipation light started flashing in overdrive, she just didn't see it coming.

    My ex-wife made me cry a lot. From the suicide attempt/threats, to a whole lot of arguing, to more abuse than I care to recount.

    My current girlfriend saw me cry. We were at a social function, and they asked the veterans to stand. I looked around at the World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and Gulf War vets. It humbled me to stand in their ranks, and I shed a tear. Scared her senseless, she said she never thought she'd see me cry.
    ___________________________________________

    They say one of the reasons men die off early is the fact that they hold back when they should cry. Live long and prosper, my friend.


 
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

LinkBacks (?)

  1. 15th-February-2014, 09:04 PM
  2. 8th-December-2013, 07:42 PM
  3. 31st-October-2013, 08:50 PM
  4. 26th-August-2013, 12:47 PM
  5. 24th-August-2013, 11:20 PM
  6. 15th-August-2013, 04:53 PM
  7. 30th-July-2013, 11:02 PM
  8. 28th-July-2013, 07:44 PM
  9. 20th-July-2013, 04:05 AM
  10. 5th-July-2013, 04:18 PM
  11. 2nd-July-2013, 05:50 AM
  12. 1st-July-2013, 10:29 AM
  13. 1st-July-2013, 07:18 AM

You may also enjoy reading the following threads, why not give them a try?

  1. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12th-April-2011, 03:21 AM
  2. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 29th-May-2007, 05:56 AM

Members who have read this thread: 0

There are no members to list at the moment.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Donate to AntiMisandry

1e2 Forum