This was kindly sent anonymously to me via the contact page:

Am I going to die, Doc?



How can we explain the paradox that men are hypochondriacs who won’t go to the doctor? As a GP I often see men who claim to have a serious illness but are so reluctant to visit me that their opening gambit is: “I’m only here because my wife insisted.”


Actually, this paradox isn’t hard to explain. “Illness” equals “weakness”: an insult to masculinity. So it needs to be legitimised through inflation – to floor a big boy, you need a big bug, hence “man flu” not a cold. Then there’s what we call the “secondary gain of the sick role”, aka “milking it”.



Exaggerating symptoms brings men rewards, from a cuppa in bed to avoiding lawn-mowing duties.


The real reason why blokes would rather eat glass than see their GP is fear: fear of the needle; of the gloved finger; the fear that I’ll say “It’s serious” – or that I’ll say “It’s trivial”.

Fortunately, mostly men’s problems are trivial. Here are the ten most common symptoms and the most common male reactions to them. KEITH HOPCROFT, GP
function pictureGalleryPopup(pubUrl,articleId) { var newWin = window.open(pubUrl+'template/2.0-0/element/pictureGalleryPopup.jsp?id='+articleId+'&&offset=0&&sectionName=WomenBodySoul','mywindow','menubar=0,r esizable=0,width=615,height=655'); }

INDIGESTION
Male reaction: Obviously, it has to be stomach cancer.
Usually it’s simply the result of excess booze and birianis.
Giveaways are mild stomach discomfort and acid feelings in the gullet, especially the morning after the night before. Taking some simple antacids and eating a less gut-corroding diet should do the trick.
Think again, though, if you’re 50-plus and you have so-called “alarm” symptoms, such as continuous difficulty swallowing, weight loss or repeated vomiting. Even then it’s probably nothing more than excess acid, but ulcers or the Big C are possibilities.

CHEST PAIN
Male reaction: I’m definitely having a heart attack.
Usually it’s a pulled muscle.
Giveaways are a tender area on one side, plus a sharp pain on tensing the muscles, coughing or laughing – with no other symptoms.
Think again, though, if it’s a crushing central chest ache spreading to your neck or arms with sweating, breathlessness or vomiting. Especially if you’re 40-plus and you’re a lardy smoker with dodgy cholesterol, blood pressure and cardiac family history, and spend most of your day welded to the sofa.

LUMP BETWEEN YOUR RIBS
Male reaction: I just know it; it’s got to be something really awful.
Usually it’s something normal. Specifically, your xiphisternum: a bit of cartilage that sticks out from the base of your breastbone.
Giveaways are that it’s always been there, though blokes typically discover it only when they’re in hypochondria mode. And the fact that it doesn’t hurt or enlarge.
Think again, though, if you’re considering making repeated appointments to get it checked because it really can’t be anything else. Don’t be surprised if instead of prodding your upper tummy and making soothing noises I check for anxiety or depression.

RED URINE
Male reaction: Yikes! It’s blood and, therefore, I’ve got some kind of cancer or a hideous kidney disease.
Sometimes it’s the result of something in your diet because food colourings can occasionally taint your urine.
Giveaways are that you can link it with something you’ve just eaten, such as beetroot or red sweets. And it doesn’t keep happening, unless you keep eating them.
Think again, though, if it’s obviously blood, maybe with small clots, it’s recurrent, or you have other waterworks symptoms. In which case, see your doctor and take a wee specimen with you.

DISAPPEARING TESTICLES
Male reaction: it must be a bizarre disease, unknown to medicine, which causes parts of your body to vanish, starting with your genitals.
Usually it’s normal.
Giveaways are that they always reappear – spontaneously or by being massaged back into place. This is a natural phenomenon caused by a muscle contraction hoicking the testicles into your groin, often when you’re cold, tense or wearing tight trousers.
Think again, though, if you mean your testicle has disappeared because it’s been replaced by a swelling. This needs checking and could be anything from a hernia to the Big C.

RECURRENT HEADACHES
Male reaction: it’s a brain tumour and I’m a gonner.
Usually it’s just a tension headache.
Giveaways are a constant feeling of pressure on, or in a band around, the head; and that the pain typically worsens when you’re stressed.
Painkillers probably won’t help much but you may develop the habit of popping them routinely.
Think again, though, if it’s slowly increasing over weeks, much worse first thing in the morning and is linked with other symptoms such as persistent vomiting, deteriorating vision or fits.

DIZZINESS
Male reaction: uh-oh, it’s high blood pressure.
Usually it’s anxiety.
Giveaways are feeling tense, panicky and, sometimes, breathless. Plus, you insist on checking your blood pressure whenever you feel uptight which, inevitably, is when it’s up. However, that is effect, not cause.
Think again, though, if you feel dizzy even when you’re relaxed. Or if by dizzy you mean you’re head’s spinning like you’ve stepped off a carousel. It’s still not high blood pressure, but there are many other possible causes.

PALPITATIONS
Male reaction: it’s a sign that I’m about to have a cardiac arrest.
Usually it’s just harmless extra heartbeats known as ectopics.
Giveaways are that they’re like an occasional extra “thump” in the chest, or a “butterflies in the stomach” feeling. You notice them the more you think about them; they’re also aggravated by stress and caffeine. Otherwise, you’re fine.
Think again, though, if by palpitation you mean a racing or irregular heart that persists for minutes or longer, especially if it also causes breathlessness, dizziness or chest pain.

JITTERINESS RELIEVED BY A SUGAR FIX
Male reaction: it’s diabetes.
Usually it’s a normal drop in blood sugar.
Giveaways are that you know someone with diabetes who experiences the same symptom. But remember: diabetes causes high blood sugar. This harmless phenomenon is the result of the opposite. The reason diabetics notice it, too, is not because of their illness but because of their treatment, which can reduce their sugar levels too much.
Think again, though, if you have the real symptoms: recent onset of thirst, tiredness and passing lots of urine.

PASSING URINE FREQUENTLY AND AT NIGHT
Male reaction: it’s prostate cancer.
Usually it’s something much less sinister.
Giveaways are that you have had six pints of lager as a nightcap. True, there are other causes, such as benign prostate swelling, the side-effects of medication and diabetes. In which case there will be other pointers to give the game away.
Think again, though, if you are suffering other waterwork symptoms, or if you have severe, increasing and persistent back pain or you’re losing weight.

Attend any doctors surgery across the country, morning, afternoon or evening, and invariably you'll find the majority of those waiting to be diagnosed are women (that's taking into account women accompanying sick children). Who's the real hypochondriacs? Most men can't afford to take time off work to have genuine ailments addressed!

Also, a huge disproportionate amount of private and government funds is allocated to womens health, research and preventative medicine. Not to mention an overwhelming gynocentric theme to virtually all media awareness campaigns. Maybe men should (genuinely) become hypochondriacs, in order to begin redressing the huge disparity that exists, and 'begin' to highlight mens health.

Men might exaggerate their symptoms to women, girlfriends or wives, but only to ensure some closer proximity, attention and pampering from women. Something many boys might do, so they get a hug, kiss and fuss made by mum. Not because they're hypochondriacs. When boys become men, a more hormone-based agenda is orchestrating this cheeky pantomime. A man with the same symptoms in the company of men would trivialize, or not even mention what ails him.

Women I've noticed will actually argue with one another over who has suffered the most, and outbid one another, as each woman proclaims more pain, and for longer. "I had a headache for seven hours." Another responds "That's nothing, I had one for 11 hours." Another bleats "You had it easy, I had a migraine for 3 days." Another bidder claims "Well, I've had migraines all my life." and so on.....

That's exactly Right CD I've heard women do this they also like to outbid each other about how lazy,stupid,assholeish,and useless men are. And a few minutes later you hear how abused they are and the story escalates again with each telling.

INDIGESTION
Male reaction: Obviously, it has to be stomach cancer.
Usually it’s simply the result of excess booze and birianis.

DIZZINESS
Male reaction: uh-oh, it’s high blood pressure.
Usually it’s anxiety.

I keep hearing things like this about men (from the media -what a surprise!)and assumed it was man-bashing.

In my experience its more likely to be the other way around, where a man has a big problem but dismisses as being a minor problem.

Right... Make fun of and degrade men who actually go to the doctor... Most men put off illnesses until they become far worse, often times worried that doctors will hold these kinds of stereotypes - from which women seem exempt!!

One of the big complaints about men is that they wait too long for treatment. Obviously, if they are held is such high regard as patients, this trend will only continue. There are far more women seeking medical care on any given day at hospitals and clinics and they don't wait until their health concerns are dire to start complaining.

This doctor is a mangina man-hater.

Not long ago, there was a major campaign to get more men to schedule prostate exams as men tend not to have these done to the detriment of their health. Of course men tend not to go to the doctor as often as women generally, and put off serious health concerns past the point where treatment might be effective, but hey, they're only men. Add to this the embarassment of having this kind of testing, and the financial cost (breast exams are free by way of comparison), and you start to get a sense of the bias in health care in favour of women.

Looking at the funding initiatives for women's health, men's poorer life spans, higher suicide and homelessness rates, and the attitudes of doctors like these, we can clearly surmise that men are getting shafted in the health care domain as well as the child custody domain, and the divorce, job, educational and general life satisfaction domains.

In my humble opinion, this doctor needs immediate spinal surgery along with significant testicular enhancement - stat.

wow--you know, reading this article amazed me, because so much of it fits ME! And I'm not a guy.

I do tend to be a hypochrondriac but I rarely go to the doctors. I put things off and just say, "Ah, its nothing".

I also tend to see drug-taking as weakness. I have been known to boast (knock on wood) that I have never had to take any prescription drugs on a permanent basis. I tend to see people like diabetics, hypertensives, etc who are on meds for it as "weak" (forgive me if anyone here is in that situation, I don't know why I see it this way but I do.) I tend to have this "whatever it is, I can work it off" mentality. I see physical strength as good, illness as weak.

And I can't tell you how many times I've had a chest tightness, that I put off until my HUSBAND insisted I go to the dr., only to find out (after exercise stress tests galore) that it was just a pulled muscle from working out!

I'm sorry but this article is pure bullshit.

As was noted above, on my trips to the doctor women always outnumber men.

When I turn on the TV there are dozens of ads for 'trivial' conditions that women complain about, usually something cosmetic.

Men have always been more stoic, with the possible exception of childbirth, and women will moan endlessly about that too.

In my office I hear complaints every day about the weather, the building temperature, tight shoes, imperfectly prepared lunches, on-and-on, mostly from guess who? Women are masters of nitpicking, it's one of the things they're really good at.

This doctor should submit a resume to Hillary Clinton, he's perfect.

Most women go to the doctor for a fucking chat..

Or to read the latest gossip mags that always in high demand in waiting rooms... oddly though, there are very few - if any - "men's mags" around. It tends to be either neutral (gardening, swimming, etc.) or women's gossip mags (heat, now, etc.)