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Thread: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

  1. #1
    nickb275's Avatar
    nickb275 is offline Established Member
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    I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Lately I have been having feelings and a need to go for a change in my life. I am tired of being single, but very scared of dating and meeting women with a goal oriented mind set. Before I would meet women and pretty much spell it out up front that I wanted no more than a casual encounter and fun..

    My life has been taking several turns for the better of late. I am secure in employment and not strapped for cash as before, my lodgings are appropriate and stable. I have taken care to secure stability in regards to my son and the court case. I feel that I can finally bring to a relationship something other than need. I have something to give. I feel this in my heart. I want to share it.

    The thing is, I can't share this with a one night stand. I can't share this with a buddy. I can't share this with my sister or mom. I feel really alone. The alone feeling is actually normal and comforting, as I have been alone for the past 4 years. Alone in the sense of no stable relationship.

    I have been having thoughts of maybe staring a relationship with a girl. I don't have one in line right now. But I am looking for advice on how I can respect myself. And for those who know me here. I would appreciate you input.

    Under no circumstances do I want to get involved with a girl and move in with her or be a daddy to her kids. I want my independence 100%. But I do want a steady thing, and not just sex. But a good home cooked meal, prepared by me or her, and other things like this once or twice a week, that I can count on, such as a movie and shit like that, and not feel obliged to oblige her. Etcetera. You know, a comfy night together after a hard days work.

    Am I being unreasonable? Am I still too bitter from my PAS proceedings and just end up hurting another girl?

    I think, I think, I still need time, but I really think I HAVE given myself more than enough time.

    Confusion for me is bad. I deal horribly with indecision.

    I am feeling this way right now, and my defense mechanisms will embark and I will probably be out looking for a girl tonight for a small comfort session. I am sick of it.

    I have alot to offer, but I will not be taken again. Where to begin?

    Thanx for any advice.

    If you have crap to say, I am willing to read it, but don't expect any intelligent response from me.

    I still feel that kicking em to the curb is alright when I don't like the way things are going. Sadly my stay here has opened my eyes wide open to women. I am really beginning to think I have trust issues.

    I am laughing right now, but I know, I will be longing for a bit oh comfort soon. Is this wrong?
    Douglas likes this.

  2. #2
    christianj's Avatar
    christianj is offline Moderator
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Sadly, you have put women on a pedestal and now find it impossible to raise yourself to that level. They are only human and "NEED" you as much as you need them so toss that attitude into the bin to begin with and go to this site and these lads will put you on the straight and narrow if that is the path you must take..

    Citizen Renegade..
    Douglas likes this.

  3. #3
    Missy-A's Avatar
    Missy-A is offline Obvious Troll
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Quote Quote from nickb275 View Post
    I still feel that kicking em to the curb is alright when I don't like the way things are going. Sadly my stay here has opened my eyes wide open to women. I am really beginning to think I have trust issues.

    I am laughing right now, but I know, I will be longing for a bit oh comfort soon. Is this wrong?

    Just hit it n quit it, bro! That's wassup!

    *high five*

    Let me know how it went!
    “Understanding is a two-way street.”

  4. #4
    nickb275's Avatar
    nickb275 is offline Established Member
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    @Missy, coming from you, that was a cheap shot. No wonder I stopped taking your PM'S. I any event, I expected no less. Please don't bother to respond, your insensitivity has completely left me, well, I stay above that.

    @Cristian J, your words ring true, I did put them on a huge pedestal, food for thought. Thanx.

  5. #5
    Missy-A's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Quote Quote from nickb275 View Post
    @Missy, coming from you, that was a cheap shot. No wonder I stopped taking your PM'S. I any event, I expected no less. Please don't bother to respond, your insensitivity has completely left me, well, I stay above that.

    @Cristian J, your words ring true, I did put them on a huge pedestal, food for thought. Thanx.
    Cheap shot? I was for real. Go ahead with it.
    “Understanding is a two-way street.”

  6. #6
    nickb275's Avatar
    nickb275 is offline Established Member
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Missy, this site isn't about squaring off or shit like that. I will not bother, and this is the last time I will say it to you. Here or elsewhere.

    I posted a very honest post and you shit on it, like you shit on a good friendship the other day. So that's it. I don't feel the need to justify. Respect my intimacy please. I don't want to be forced to be an ass.

  7. #7
    Missy-A's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Quote Quote from nickb275 View Post
    Missy, this site isn't about squaring off or shit like that. I will not bother, and this is the last time I will say it to you. Here or elsewhere.

    I posted a very honest post and you shit on it, like you shit on a good friendship the other day. So that's it. I don't feel the need to justify. Respect my intimacy please. I don't want to be forced to be an ass.
    Hey, I am giving an honest response to a good friend. Hit it n quit it.

    smash and dash
    nail it and bail it
    eat it and beat it


    Look out for yourself, friend. Look out for yourself.

    You can be mean to me, I am your friend, here to take it all. Make it up if you hafta! Let it all out!
    Last edited by Missy-A; 1st-July-2011 at 01:24 AM.
    “Understanding is a two-way street.”

  8. #8
    Brass Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Getting a decent woman will often require acting so fucking un-needy she is a one night stand at first. Date around, get a few girls fighting overyou, thats how you increase your worth.. read the DJBible via So Suave. Or listen to DKM here if you want a really hot chick - the same attitude works for keeping them and getting them to love you - confidence. And being nice to them when they've earnt it. Remember they want you as much as you want them!


    <br>

  9. #9
    Missy-A's Avatar
    Missy-A is offline Obvious Troll
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Quote Quote from Brass Monkey View Post
    Getting a decent woman will often require acting so fucking un-needy she is a one night stand at first. Date around, get a few girls fighting overyou, thats how you increase your worth.. read the DJBible via So Suave. Or listen to DKM here if you want a really hot chick - the same attitude works for keeping them and getting them to love you - confidence. And being nice to them when they've earnt it. Remember they want you as much as you want them!


    <br>
    See, Brass is giving the same advice. Going to piss on him, too? That's some great advice, it would work on me any day
    “Understanding is a two-way street.”

  10. #10
    Brass Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    And I can't see yr problems with what Missy-A is suggesting either... you think she's joking or taking the piss? She's saying be a hunter and you'll get what you want. Way of the world friend, and a woman honest about what works on women is a rare thing. Usually they tell you to take em out to dinner loads, don't be forward and pay for everything. Don't do that.

  11. #11
    Missy-A's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Quote Quote from Brass Monkey View Post
    And I can't see yr problems with what Missy-A is suggesting either... you think she's joking or taking the piss? She's saying be a hunter and you'll get what you want. Way of the world friend, and a woman honest about what works on women is a rare thing. Usually they tell you to take em out to dinner loads, don't be forward and pay for everything. Don't do that.
    Exactly. I agree 100%
    “Understanding is a two-way street.”

  12. #12
    Richard's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Hi Nick,

    It sounds you are on the right track. By this I mean, you have been through the worst part of your divorce/splt up, the worst of the pain is slowly receeding and now you feel a gap in your life for a woman - this is a good sign, let that feeling grow, it sonds healthy to me, and sounds similar to what I went through a few years ago.

    Second, what you want from a woman also sounds good (and is the same sort of thing I want - quality time, but not looking to become a full time/live together relationship) - heres the good news - many women want the same thing - not all women are looking for a full time boyfriend. Many women also have had their fingers burnt and want a man, but not necessarily the whole full-time thing. This will be especially true of divorced women.

    A good place to go to start to meet women are dance classes. I took up Salsa, wow, did that bring me into contact with women, and taught me a lot (-: Suddenly I had whole new friendship group.

    Dating. If you meet a woman, take her for coffee. Maybe in North America dinner is a big thing, but I prefer to take them to art museums, etc - its cheap, original and a lot of fun. It saves a lot of meny when dating as well!

    On this fourm, there's a lot of informaton, genuine info by people. BUT when it comes to action and positive advice - especially in dating and relationships, these a lot of negativity, rather than positive advice. I know, I had some negative responses when I made posts on the dating thing. Dont get put off, you carry on mate, you are on the right road. Find yourself a lady, if she turns out not to be what you are looking for, dont be frightend to split up and look further. The first couple of times will be a bit strange, but soon you wil get used to things.

    Feel free to PM me if you like.

    Best wishes

    I
    Last edited by Richard; 1st-July-2011 at 01:53 AM.
    The greatest enemy of the truth is very often not the deliberate lie - but the persistent, persuasive and unrealistic myth that the lie creates

  13. #13
    nickb275's Avatar
    nickb275 is offline Established Member
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    I really appreciate all the responses. And I will lay to rest the Missy tirade. We have been in contact, in pm for a while, and before any one here thinks I am disclosing personal shit, I am disclosing my own personal shit, not hers. I have told her before I am tired of the dating game, I have been at it for a while . The bag em and bang em trick is getting real old real fast lately since I found my headings in life.

    Missy, no offense, You got me really irate for a minute there. I thought you knew were I was coming from and I felt you were laughing at a very honest and brutal truth I have decided to tell here.

    I don't want or need the ricko suavé thing, tried it, had success at it and don't want to renew the process. All I get are airheads or cum sacks and the outcome is not enough.!!

    @ Marx, spare me here, delete this friggin thread. I made a mistake at wanting some advice when I already knew what I wanted.

    Thanx to all.

    @ Richard, that was more what I was looking for when I started this thread. Thanx you too!!

  14. #14
    Lady Catherine's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    I'm speaking from my perspective, extrapolate as needed:
    Don't be spineless. Spineless behavior is frankly unattractive to me and that goes for my male or female partners and despite my personal tastes in partners. Someone who has the nerve to say no or put their feet down and disobey me, is quite frankly is more attractive(actually the thought of outright rebellious behavior is sexy ;>.>) than someone who blindly obeys every instruction I give. I want someone who respects themselves as much as respect me.
    The Bible is bullshit, the Koran is a lie
    The Bagavad Gita did not fall from the sky
    These are the books that are written by men
    They've caused wars, now follow if you can

    First they created sin so they could win
    Then they built the cages they could put us in
    Then they took away our tribes and gave us jail
    Then they took away the Earth and gave us hell -- Corporate Avenger - The Bible is Bullshit

  15. #15
    Brass Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: I am feeling insecure and scared, this will be a hard post for me.

    Before its deleted, sorry the cocky 'ricko suave' way gets you airheads, but its also the way it gets you the rare nice girl too.


 

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