Greetings! How fortuitous it was to find this group. I am enjoying exploring it.

Here’s my story. I’m a 26 (almost 27)-year-old man living in Maryland. I live with my girlfriend of six-and-a-half years. We love each other very much and are secure in the relationship. If I were to be completely honest, I don’t have as much to complain about in the world of gender wars and politics as I potentially could. The job I currently work is at an office filled with at least fifteen or twenty women, and me. There is one other man in my department, but he is way back in his own private office. The women I now work with are nice for the most part, one or two of them are very good friends of mine at this point, and they don’t male-bash like the women with whom I’ve worked at other jobs, which is fortunate. There is no quicker way to turn me off or make me leave. So I consider myself pretty fortunate with my employment and romantic situations.

What I want to discuss here however is the situation in other settings. When I was growing up and becoming an adult, I just wanted to live my life. I wanted to find a job, take up some hobbies and make some friends. Now I’ve more or less accomplished those things to different degrees, but there’s something else I’ve been beaten into the ground with more than ever that I never asked for: male-bashing. It seemed pretty prevalent when I was coming of age and reaching puberty, in middle/high school, and in college, and it’s only gotten worse and more ubiquitous since. I began to hear girls talking to each other about how “all boys” were “this way” or “did this” or some other stereotype. I didn’t hear them saying anything about “all girls”. I didn’t hear guys saying things about “all girls” all that much either; maybe occasionally, but not much.

Now I’m grown, and the problem has taken on much more dangerous and destructive facets than just gossip. You turn on the television, and there are news stories about men committing acts of violence, rape, arson, abuse of all kinds, you name it. Every day. Once in a while they have a story about a woman having sex with a teenage boy, maybe. You watch sitcoms, the female characters endlessly make fun of and put down the male characters for just being men. Of course, there’s a reason: the male characters in sitcoms are made stupid, and unenlightened, perpetually horny and chauvinistic; the female characters are usually wise, put-upon, bright, high-minded souls who wield all the power and do nothing wrong. Of course, we all know how realistic sitcoms are. Listen to women just talk to each other, casually. Sooner or later, some anti-male statement or thought often enters the conversation. “Why does he always have to be right about the finances?” “He’s a man.” That’s right, just a man. Never mind that the checkbook is actually balanced and the bank police are not breaking your door down and taking you into custody.

You run into situations like this all the time. Sometimes you can’t turn your head without getting smacked in the face by it. It’s ridiculous, and it’s nowhere near the reality of American life—not in my case, anyway. My girlfriend and I both work 40 hours a week, and I do most of the cleaning and half the cooking around our home. Sometimes, she cleans something and often cooks for us as well. She often praises me for my hard work, which I appreciate, and give in return. What I do not appreciate is how men as a group have been berated by society for being deadbeats, or lazy, stupid, bad-smelling, evil, sick, or some other derogatory comment we’ve been subject to. Yes, there are some not-quite-so-savory men out there, granted. The same is true of women! The reverse is not widespread or all over the news or media, however. That would be un-P.C. People like to avoid riots and protests when possible. I was born male, and so I automatically am lesser as a human being. At least in the eyes of America and Canada.

But even more serious than all of that, many boys are being brought up to think this way. Most likely, they’ll never grow to think of themselves as worthy, beautiful, flawed, complicated humans—which is what I believe a lot of men (and women) are, in some way. Instead, they’ll likely be neutered and submissive, the way militant feminists probably think men should be. Even more serious than that, if you’re a man today, you could have your entire life taken away from you and destroyed if a woman you know decides she, for whatever reason, would like to take everything you hold dear. She goes to court and says you raped her, abused a child, absolutely anything a judge and jury would automatically believe, and you’re no longer a free man! Control is now out of your hands. Did you really do it? Are you innocent until proven guilty? Is it even any longer a question? Nope!

Please don’t get me wrong; I believe that any man (or woman) who actually rapes someone or beats a child deserves whatever they get—unless it’s just a slap on the wrist—as any normal person with all their faculties functioning would. The point I’m laboring to make is that the public has the message—that men are dangerous, from all the news reports, the Lifetime and Oxygen networks, and TV personalities like Oprah Winfrey and Phil Donahue—jammed so far down their throats that it’s now like an automatic reflex. And as a result, there are women’s support groups, women’s self-defense courses, women’s studies college courses. All you need is one bad example, one bad apple, one case in which a man abuses a woman in any way, and it’s on.

Footnote: I was a short step away from adding there is also a whirlwind of attention and an entire month devoted to breast cancer. Now, I recently learned that breast cancer affects a very small percentage of men, as well as women—which is one of the reasons I am no longer upset about October (breast cancer month) or breast cancer this or that. The other reason is that I actually saw a commercial the other night about a product developed just for me that attacks prostate cancer. I had been asking for a long while why prostate cancer seems to get no recognition, but there it was! I thought, Wow! About time! It’s a start.

It’s not that I am anti-female, not in the least. On the contrary; I love women, more than many men (and women) do. And I know there are many women out there who genuinely love men; thank goodness for these women. However, I also love men as a class, human beings altogether, and being a man, don’t like, understand or appreciate the majority of treatment we’re receiving, also as a class, by the media and at times, by the country. I’m not going to provide statistics, because they’re somewhat unreliable and can change at any point, but any sensible person can see we’re not all rapists, murderers, batterers, criminals and masterminds of evil. If you can’t see that, you need to take a better look. I’m sorry if you ran into a few bad apples, I really am, but you need some time to unearth some genuinely good ones. You can’t just make a snap judgment on a few.

A few points to address—yes, men can be violent. (Note the words “CAN BE”. Note also that anybody can be violent) But we don’t need to be. Perhaps it dates back to cavemen days, when men hunted and gathered. I say “perhaps” because, well, were we there? Do we know? Just a thought. Yes, men are overly sexually stressed. Women aren’t. They’re born with just a small amount of testosterone and eventually lose it; men are FULL of testosterone all the time, and overstroked libidos. Now, nobody said life was fair. We walk around in a constant state of sexual frustration, never knowing if we’re going to need to release soon. How fair is that? Whether women choose to believe it or not, men cannot control our sex drives. We cannot, never will, end of story. If a man rapes a woman, well…on behalf of the good guys, I’m sorry. I really am. It’s a horrific situation to be in, and something that would never happen if God knew what S/He/It was doing in creating Man, and we’d all take it back if we could. But don’t lump us all in with this guy who raped her, or all over-horny, violent guys. It’s not all men in the world; far from it! I’ve never raped a woman (or a man) in my life, I never would. And the only time I ever hit someone was after they hit me first and I snapped.

There are a lot more things going on in the gender world for one to take a look at—this is the side that I have seen and matters to me, which I focus on. We never claimed to be perfect. We don’t purport to demand something we didn’t earn. Some men may be a little dumb, oversexed, lazy or less than desirable. Other men are worthy, beautiful, flawed, complicated human beings who have lots inside to give—passion, enthusiasm and yes, maybe a little love for all humankind as well.