I bet you all thought some feminasty had finally assassinated me, eh?

Life has been....interesting since I've been gone (mostly having to do with some of the issues that first brought me to AM). I'll get into that later if anyone is interested, in the meantime, allow me to inform you of Hugo Schwyzer's latest agenda: animal rights! (I actually agree with him on kindness to animals.)

I opened a magazine this morning that I subscribe to, published by the PCRM (Physician's Committee for Responsible Medicine.)

And who should I see (complete with a picture!) but HUGO! Anyone remember the email/blog debate I had going with him for a few days?

Anyway, PCRM is featuring him in their magazine for this month, complete with a pic of him, his wife, and a chinchilla!


Update: Ha ha! I found it in a few secs!

http://www.pcrm.org/magazine/gm08summer/rodney.html

I'll see if I can find a link to it online and I'll put it here.

Anyway, its good to be back!

No, but I'm sure glad to see your return. I actually thought we'd upset you somewhere... Great to see your return and look forward to your mockery of Hugo the pleb.

That apology for a human-being is an insult to men.

Hugo was seduced by the dark side of the force....

Hi again Marx,

I let you guys worry for months that you might have insulted me? I feel like crap now! You guys could never do that, come on!

Lots of things have happened....my mother passed away in March, on Saint Patrick's Day in fact. I was at the emotional and physical end of my rope, with all the responsibilities of taking care of her, etc etc, but believe it or not, I was able to make my peace with her before she died. A lot of things got aired, and its a good thing that happened a couple of weeks before she died, because the week before she passed on, she was diagnosed as terminally ill and put into hospice...where the hospice people promptly lost BOTH her hearing aids!

Because of that, I had them send her home to my house, and we took care of her for her final week on earth. She couldn't hear anything we said to her at that point (thanks to the hospice), but I had the comfort of knowing I had made my amends with her before that.

I came to learn a lot of things the hard way....things I'd resented my mother for, such as the way she vented about my father while he was on his deathbed....she had taken care of him for two years before he died, and she did it by herself...let me tell you something, you don't fully understand what 24/7 caretaking of an elderly, sick person does to you, emotionally and physically, until you have done it yourself. Now I know what she went through, and she felt like. And she did it a lot longer than I did.

I found myself saying horrible things out loud to anyone who would listen, all because I was at the breaking point of taking care of her...esp. when you consider the things that happened in my childhood (old story)...but then it dawned on me: she did the same thing when my father was dying. She was venting, just like I was...yet I held it against her because until that point, I'd never had to be a 24/7 caretaker.

A lot of issues were settled between us, and I think God allowed me to be put into that situation with my mother so I could learn what it had been like when she took care of my father. I consulted with a psychologist who specializes in geriatric caretaker issues, and he said that the way my mother responded (venting, saying horrid things), and the way I responded (venting, saying horrible things) was perfectly normal. He said its the only way caretakers can release their frustration, because they feel no one else would understand unless they snap like that.

But anyway, its all over with her now. I'm glad I got to make amends with her; I really never thought that would ever happen, but a lot of little things (miraculous, almost) happened to lead me to that point.

I learned the virtue of forgiveness...not only of her, but of her brother as well, for what he did to me (and what she had defended him over). I forgave both of them not for them, but for me. I knew that if I kept carrying around that anger and rage, it would destroy me. And my uncle the pedophile would have "won", because he would have then had the power to haunt me even from the grave. I refused to give him that power.

My mother died a very broken woman. She was suffering from almost every extremely physical ailment known...rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, hypertension, failed heart valve, internal bleeding from her meds...the list goes on and on. She was diagnosed as having died from something they called "failure to thrive" syndrome, which basically means she gave up on life and would not eat or drink anymore.

I actually felt sorry for her, after a lifetime of hating her for not protecting me against her pervert brother. But I forgave them both, becasue I knew to do otherwise would only cause me continued stress and anger that they did not deserve to give me, and that I do not deserve to have.

My uncle no longer has the power to hurt me in any way. Originally I was planning to throw his cremated remains (they are in an urn; he died in 2004) into a trash bin once she died (she had stored it in her apartment.) Instead I put it into the casket with my mother, as she had wanted.

I did that for her; not for him. And that way, he is buried, but in a nameless, unmarked grave so to speak, because the stone only has her name on it. I gave her what she wanted, but I gave him what he deserved: to be forgotten. So maybe I got the final revenge after all.

I'm sorry about your mother, Annette, but glad that you were able to find some closure and peace over the situation. Forgiveness is at least as necessary for ourselves as it is for those who harm us. I'm very happy to see you back.

Likewise

Welcome back. I wondered too why you left and am glad you are back.

What an amazing journey you have been on. I can relate it to some things in my life. Wow!

I am sad for you with losing you mother but pleased at what your have resolved.

As for Hugo, so he is collecting Chinchillas for free eh?

Welcome back glad to see that you are doing fine.

My condolences to your family regarding the death of your mother but I am glad you got things worked out with her.

I feel sorry for the chinchillas.

Good to see you back, Annette, and in one piece. That was one heck of a spiritual battle you had there.

I know what it is like. I have taken care of a dying releative too. My ex-wife's mother. 7 months of it. My ex went to hell and didn't come back, no matter what I tried. I left a large part of me there too. Her venom came out in such a destructive way that it broke our marriage. My beautiful girl, and my heart, never returned to the sun.

She had unresolved matters from a dreadful childhood with her mother which didn't resolve through the trials. She tried so hard, my poor sweet girl. It broke her.

But you have come through with lessons learned. An Iron Lady indeed.