I'd just like to say a quick 'hello' to everyone here . . I've been lurking for a while and would like to now contribute via the written word

I've been through a lot of the financial, emotional and family court raping, as suffered by many members of this board. Time has been kind to me though, as my 2 sons tell me daily that I'm their 'hero' .

In 1998 my life, and theirs', was ripped apart by the actions of a mentally deranged, lying, scheming piece of scum, the woman formerly known as the wife. The first 5 years were ok . . 2 nice kids, nice house, no money worries etc
After that things went downhill quick. Unknown to me she had kept quiet about her mental health problems. We then started the downhill phase. After enduring 2 more years of temper tantrums, drunken insults, assault and just pure evil (all this whilst my sons were in the 5 - 7 age range) she delivered the final blow :

Sunday morning at 6 am I got in from work, quick bite to eat then off to bed. I fell asleep, then woke up when I heard heavy footsteps through the bedroom door . . looked up to see 2 large men in black with 'police' written on their chests. I was told to get dressed and promptly bundled into their car. Although I was shocked, I was not surprised . . . the police had been summoned to our house several times in that 2 year period . . always accompanied by a smile from 'you know who'
They tried to get me to confess to assaulting her while I was in the car but I told them I had assaulted no-one so off to the station I went. What I found out was she had called them the night before (while I was at work) and made a statement that I had assaulted her. They had arranged with her to come round in the morning and heave me off to gaol.
Although there was no evidence, I was kept in till tuesday morning and then marched directly into court. A further date was set, and luckily one of my mates was there to offer me a place to stay, so they released me. I needed my clothes etc so had to arrange with police to go to the house. A friendly sergeant took me to one side and said that my wife and the 'do gooders' were out to get me so don't do anything rash. I was well aware of this so was going to play it cool anyway.
When I got to my road, I could see all my stuff just dumped on the pavement . . dog piss etc included. Bear in mind that the house was mine years before I ever met her.

Anyway . . I proved my innocence in court . . .rented another place and tried to get on with life. She tried to stop me seein my boys (don't they all) but I forced her to court and got visitation. After 3 months of not seeing them I finally got some time . . I'm not ashamed to say when I first got to be with them again, I cried . . . . . I cried like I have never cried before or since.

Soon after, it transpired that she had negotiated a house from the council, had not been paying the mortgage on the house with the money I had supplied and allowed the bank to reposess the house . . I was gutted.

There are a thousand stories I could tell, but I've rambled on enough . . . suffice to say I understand and relate to a lot of the things suffered by members.

Fast forward to today . . . My eldest lad is 19, with a good job and his own house, my youngest is 17, in college on the way to uni and hopefully a career in the RAF . . . . The ex drank herself to a painful death a few years ago . . . and I'm here with a framed card on my wall from my sons with the words "Thanks for being there for us Dad"

I went from pure desperation, to rebuilding my and my lads' lives.

I'm based in Liverpool, if any man finds himself in a desperate situation and needs help, he only has to ask. I have done this a couple of times and helping a fellow man back from the brink of god knows what, is it's own reward.

Sorry to ramble . . but hey, that's me . . .

A wounded soldier finds a friendly camp, with fire and coffee. Welcome in Sir, find youself a seat and help youself to a cookie from the jar. Chocolate chip are the best! Especially with a cuppa.

Thanks bonkers, great to hear there was a happy ending for you

Hi bonkers, and welcome. Your story is one that could have been written by a million men or more, all over the western world; but should never have to be written once. That's why we are all here. Your strength and determination is an example to us all. Keep the faith!

Willkommen. Finally there seems to be hope. I am happy for your happy ending....

Hello, Bonkers! I'm inspired, and impressed by your emotional stamina. Your story needs to be told. Would you mind also posting it on the following two forums?

Stand Your Ground:
http://standyourground.com/forums/index.php?board=18.0

Don't Make Her Mad:
http://www.dontmakehermad.com/forum/index.php?board=1.0

Welcome to AntiMisandry. You're among friends here. Thanks for telling your moving and inspiring story.

Hello, Bonkers, and welcome!

Hell, I'll even make fresh cookies for ya! And a delicious fruit salad.

I'm sick that she was still awarded custody, and you got visitation. How crazy is that? What would have had to happen for you to get custody? I'm so glad you were able to be there for your boys. Kids aren't stupid. If they can survive the brainwashing, they know what's what.

Speaking of mental illness in a marriage, 7 or 8 years ago my husband told me that if I didn't get some help, he'd leave me. I was all "WhatEVER" and was promptly diagnosed with clinical depression and put on medication. My life changed for the better after that.

I grew up with crazy, too. I understand the damage it does to everyone involved. Kudos on surviving it.

Welcome. Thanks for sharing your story.

People as a whole voice seem to think that the FC is filled with parents who just won't get along. That where there is smoke there is fire. No doubt there is as you can't get through all this in a perfect state but when you come out the other end and put your hand out to help another ... you make the change that is needed. You become the change. And when your children are raised successfully ... you become an important parent.

You are one among many and yet few. You are a hero to all children. It is a real honour to have you here.

Jeeeez Bonkers i could feel myself welling up while reading your post, Im gonna have to go down to my workshop and get some powertools out now lol.

glad there was a silver lining for ya mate ... welcome.

Hi Bonkers,

You sure have been through the mill !!!


Robert.

Well thank you one and all . . . . I'm moved by the warmness and the welcome

The cookies are most welcome, and I shall indeed pull up a seat and try to make the world a better place

John . . . I'm touched by your words sir . . . I was aware of your site around the same time as I discovered here (bout 3 months) and I have to say what you are doing there is informative, helpful and full of integrity . . keep it up
I will copy my post to those sites, thank you for asking . . . I think one of our most important aims is to help the younger generation, at least those that will listen, and so invoke some change in the future. Like most people with a sense of fair play, all I want is fairness for everyone at the expense of no-one . . . .it's just a pity that the 'other' side don't see it that way . . . . when a bully wants a fight, there aint no talkin' them out of it.

mmmmm cookies and fruit salad kelly? . . . . throw everything into a bowl of choccy milkshake and it will be complete
Unfortunately, the one who gets the punch in first usually takes 1st prize . . . . regardless of their 'form' . . . . the laughable part is that one of the cops who took me away was the one who brought her and my youngest son home when she was caught shoplifting booze in asda . . . now THAT'S ironic
I had plenty of opportunity to get the first punch in, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it . . .she was the kids mum and my wife . . . when I signed on for better or worse I MEANT it . . . . I always hoped she would get better and we could move forward again. She had no honour though . . . Maybe I reminded her of her duties to the kids too often

julie, thank you for those kind words . . . . I despair when I see how a lot of the youth are growing up today without a stable family . . . it really is the key to a decent society . . . I myself grew up in a broken home, but fortunately my grandfather was relatively young and I spent a lot of time with him and my uncles . . . . . I never tire of telling people that a child really really needs a male role model.

Nivek . . . you got a workshop?? . . . . man, if that was me I would be forever calling in sick to work heh heh . . . I like to do all my own bike and car repairs, diy etc etc and I'd be in hog heaven with a shop of my own. I spent 6 years in the army as a mechanical engineer, mostly working on tanks . . . now THAT'S a workshop and the toys weren't bad either

Tom, Paul, Feckless and Rob . . . many thanks for your words and welcome . . . if I've missed anyone, please forgive me . . . I'm genuinely overwhelmed

Sounds like you've been through a great deal. Not easy living with someone who has mental problems...sounds like she may have been bi-polar, with a serious substance abuse problem, as well.

I hope the anger, the frustration, the grief, has started to ebb. I hope that though it seems she put you through hell, that you can choose also to remember the good things about her- (there must have been some?)

Congratulations for being a survivor, and for helping your kids through these painful times.