WHY MEN SHOULD NOT TALK TO WOMEN.
(Unless you have too)


I was standing and gazing at a supermarket shelf when I overheard a conversation between a young couple nearby.

“Do you think we should have the Taglatelli or should we go Chinese for dinner?”

The man thought for a moment.

“I would prefer Chinese.” He said.

“Yes, but we had Chinese last week.”

“We had Taglatelli last week as well.” He replied.

I knew at this point he was on a loser here. Her question was not really a question at all. It was a ruse designed to look like she gave a damn about what he wanted. She was going to engineer things so that she got what she wanted and that was, Taglatelli.

I stole a glance at his face. Yep, there was resignation written all over it. He knew he was not being given a real choice at all. His, “We had Taglatelli last week as well.” was just a token resistance. Like it or not, Taglatelli was on the menu tonight and he was probably going to have to cook it as well, after he had hovered the house of course.

I looked at the way he was dressed. Blue suit. Pale pink shirt. Blue tie with pale pink stripes (ugh). Brown shoes in an Italian and slightly feminine style. I suspect either she bought his outfit, bullied him into it, or he has terrible dress sense. In any event it had “new man” stamped all over it.

He sighed. “Well, what would you like to have tonight?”

“I think, the…, (she paused to give the impression she really was thinking about his choice of Chinese food) the Taglatelli sounds nice.”

He sighed again and reached for the packet.

I wanted to shake him and wake him up from his female induced torpor.

“Tell her that if she wants Taglatelli she can cook that for herself. You, are having Chinese!” I wanted to shout.

I didn’t, of course. I did not want to be the reason why she divorced him, citing mental cruelty (Often a female euphemism for, ‘He didn’t let me have my own way all the time.’) in some near future divorce settlement.

I say, “near future divorce” because, like many men, he is going to get very sick of being treated like a pet poodle by this woman and start to fight back and then things will get nasty. Women like having their own way and that includes having their own way in conversations about anything.

Have you noticed that many females go on and on about how men should, “Get in touch with their feminine side.” and should, “express their feelings more?”

Want to know what your feminine side is? It’s her! You are a man, not a combination of man and woman. “Feminine side” is a female invention.

Because you enjoy the beauty of life, such as a flower, or a warm breeze, that does NOT make you half woman -- A Femi-man. It makes you a normal man! If you feel the need to get in touch with your feminine side, give her a cuddle.

Do not make the mistake of attempting to discuss your “feelings” with a female. This is like telling the enemy what all your plans are for the forthcoming war. It leaves you open to constant attack and ambush. No matter what you say, you cannot be right and will eventually be accused of being “emotionally repressed.” Which is an insulting way of telling you that you are male. You see, as a man you are supposed to be emotionally repressed. It is what makes a man’s world a sane place to live in. Someone has to be logical in order to solve problems without having a hissy fit every five minutes.

All the men that have taken the advice to get in touch with their feelings end up beating up women or turning into Beckham-like half-men, wearing pale pink shirts, carrying man bags around and being married to witches.

Women that don’t act in this way are out there but they are hard to find. They tend to have been brought up in stable two parent families and thus have been saved from unrelenting selfishness, the need to bully everyone in sight and a propensity for manic shopping with your credit card, by the presence of a father. Unless that is, they have read feminist literature and bought into that madness hook line and sinker. Careful, shrewd questioning during courtship should tip you off about that one.


When women start beating you up for the crime of being male and therefore, “screwed up” remind them that is was a women you spent most of the time with during your formative years and therefore, if you are screwed up, guess which gender did it to you.

In other words: fight back or become a Richard Madely clone or worse, turn out like any number of BBC Breakfast presenters and just sit there saying the equivalent of “Yes dear.” to everything Sian Williams tells you for fear of public ridicule if you do not.

George Rolph.

That's right. Where does that idiotic idea come from that I'm made of two pieces?

I see the angle that 'feminist' (and their ilk) are coming from with the urging to 'get in touch with the feminine side', but at the same time, I cannot fathom why they tend to decline to do likewise.
On the other hand, I agree that we're not some concoction of various brain types. We may, as a birth group, vary in levels between two extremes (male & female) but for the most part, we're either male-minded, or female-minded.

As for the rest of the article, George - it's an absolute cracker. I really do relate to a lot of what you've wrote. Thanks for another good addition to your works.

Its hard work trying to communicate with a female. They value the experience of communicating as being higher than the purpose of it..

Never have a 30 second phone conversation with a woman when a 10 hour one will have the same net effect..

Femi-logic, dont you just love it?

The classic female reason to communicate is to moan about why they cant do something, which is usually a non-something..

"Why cant you stop pestering me with dumb questions?"..

Answer, as any man knows, is because they are genetically programmed to be a pain in the arse..

Ten hours later, you will finally get the answer, its because she loves you..

Thats why she wont ever let you get on with your life without trying to dominate and control it..

They value the experience of communicating as being higher than the purpose of it..

This one of the profound understandings of female chatter I have ever read....Can I use it?

Thanks guys...glad you enjoyed it.

Taglawhat? (types in google) Oh pasta. These people are more sophisticated than me. Especially her, she understands things that I don't "get" like why the hell would you ask someone what they wanted for dinner when you're going to tell them they are having something different anyway?! That's a poor act in pretending to give a damn.

Yeah maybe that's is, but did she even communicate anything? Sometimes I call a friend or relative just to talk because I miss them. There the purpose of the communication is just... to communicate. To get in touch.

Getting in touch with your feminine side, well, I'm not in the mood for another essay on Jung but Marx recently posted a nice article on men and fatherhood that included some estrogen and sympathetic nausea. Heh.

well, thats because the purpose of it, is the experience of it, obviously!

The purpose of communication is to convey information... Why would I want to 'experience' instructing someone on the ins & outs of a computer? Or, would I do so in the hopes of teaching somebody something useful that may well come in handy for them at some point in the future?
I doubt that the purpose is the experience very much.

Dear George,
Your best to date. I laughed a lot. Fruit Cake didn't get it though, may you should talk about it, opps!

Fc that is probably very true for women but we men are not really wired that way. We generally do not enjoy talking about nothing the porpose for us tends to be to pass information. Now I have had coversations with my freind but a male to male conversation tends to be more of a informative one I.E. politics and their affect. automobiles and how to keep them running. Sports what will a win or loss by a certain team mean for them at the end of the season.