ONCE MORE we prepare to honor our foremothers by celebrating the anniversary of the passage of women's suffrage. Each year, in advance of Aug. 26, our one-woman committee gathers to hand out the Equal Rites Awards to those stalwarts who have done the most in the past year to set back the cause of women.

What to say of the last 12 months? This is the year girls finally caught up with boys in math achievement. Of course, it was only because the boys were going backwards to be the first generation where the kids were becoming dumber than their parents due to the female domination of education, but hey, what the heck. We take advances where we can. And the year women finally achieved equality with men in job losses, after running out of jobs altogether since there are few men left to replace with affirmative action. This year we had the first serious female contender for the White House. And all she will end up with at the convention is a roll call vote. It's just a shame that even women don't like the lying bitch. They are only white lies (no offence to our sistas of colour).

But enough of all that. The envelopes please.

We begin with the highly competitive Blind Justice Award. This usually goes to some worthy American, but a Russian judge swept ahead of the pack when he ruled against a woman's charge of sexual harassment. "If we had no sexual harassment," he said, "we would have no children." We send this judge the blindfold to use as a gag. And of course our front-runner, Crystal Gayle Magnum was nobbled by someone finding out she was a lying skank. We coulda been a contender, but our Commie friends taught us and pipped us, didn't they.

Can he lend it to a French colleague? In Lille, a judge granted an annulment to a Muslim groom because his bride was not a virgin, "single and chaste." For this, he wins the Taliban Wannabe Prix, with a side order of freedom fries and our hope that he will not permit stoning on the Champs-Élysées. It just isn't fair ! Those Frogs still have virgins and their men still have expectations. The bastards. What a shame. Vale Amerika when even the Frogs beat us.

Back on this side of the Atlantic, the Fashion Victim Award goes to Wrangler Jeans for ads that display women as half-dressed corpses. Ah, yes, homicide is so chic! Dead is the new black! Our prize is a sword thrust through their profit margin. Still, it caused a near riot as frenzied sistas all rushed to buy them with their child support allowance. We must coordinate this better next time or the CSA computers will break down and you know what that will mean girls.

Sex and violence sell in the virtual world as well. The makers of "Grand Theft Auto IV" win the Raging Hormonal Imbalance Trophy for training men how to have interactive intimacy with prostitutes and then murder them. They call this a game. Think of the horror in the sistahood when even die-hard MRA's roundly condemned these games too as drivel foisted on boys by our alfalfa males.

Meanwhile, in the online girlworld, the Post-Feminist Booby Prize goes to those wondrous creators of "Miss Bimbo." This game encourages bimbos-in-training to buy their avatars everything from sexy lingerie to face lifts and breast implants, thereby producing "the hottest, coolest, most famous bimbo in the whole world." You go, bimbo! The mothers who sat with their pre-pubescent daughters to help them choose the skankiest outfits and then took them to the Mall to buy something similar are to be congratulated for rescuing this high quality girl-programmer attempt to break into the computer game market and displace even more male jobs.

Do I hear the sound of a backlash? The Backlash Award goes to Washington University, which gave an honorary degree to Phyllis Schlafly for leading the charge against women's rights. What's next, honoraries for segregationists? Meanwhile every other University has a fully fledged AgitProp department, so clearly this one-off can be used as derision in any arguement on a men's discussion board. Who says we have to be logical.

Alas, we hoped to retire the Tammy Wynette Stand by Your Man Award. But there was Silda standing by Eliot Spitzer when New York's then-governor had his taste in prostitutes revealed. And what to say about the admired Elizabeth Edwards? She didn't do the perp's wife's walk, but didn't she enable John to think he could still be president? We send these wives our disappointment. Not a cock sucked in sight. After all that training we gave to Bill Clinton, you'd thing these Male Chauvinist leaders would have got the message that our Intern-plants are there just for that and to give us ammunition. Those darn hookers! We must get our Policy in order. Anyone agree? Hah ! Just kidding.

This leads us to the Dubious Equality Award for the person who wins the most suspect equal right. Our winner is Thomas Beatie, nee Tracy, who gave birth after a sex-change operation, thereby dubbing himself the first man to have a baby. This is not what we mean by shared parenting. When we said that men couldn't possibly know what childbirth and motherhood was like, how onerous and demeaning, no one thought those men-bastards would find such a creative way to steal our righteous thunder. Zounds, foiled again.

What's next on the baby front? Tarted-up tots? The Our Bodies, Our Daughters Citation goes to those fetishists selling stilettos for baby girls. Hey guys, they're babies, not babes. Get thee to the foot binder. To all the mothers who buy these things - after all you won't find men in such shops - I say "Try mine on Sixty Seventh street. I have shares in it along with the Women's Kollective.

Or the football field. Our Superstars of Sexism Prize goes to those Jets fans - you know who you are - who spend halftime lined up, whistling and demanding that women display their breasts. For this brain malfunction you get a chauvinist pigskin. When you think of all those hours of college-time training that those girls go through to get credits and shake their boobs and arses infront of thousands of people, to be told to actually bare them is a bit much. Where's the mystery?

Which reminds us of the Media Ms.-Adventure Award. With Hillary-misogyny all around, we picked our winners from opposite ends of the radio dial. The right-wing Rush Limbaugh insisted that Americans wouldn't want to watch a woman aging in the White House. The left-wing Randi Rhodes called the senator a "big [expletive] whore." Their prize is spending the rest of the election locked together in one studio. I'll leave it to someone else to draw the conclusion that no party really wants Hillary.

Finally, dishonorable mention to all those with bumper stickers reading "Life's a Bitch, Don't Elect One." We cover them with the final words of Susan B. Anthony: "Failure Is Impossible.". We can always have the last laugh, as that neanderthal Brit, AngryHarry said, "I don't know who you are Sir but I know what you are worth. If your wife were to cut your penis off tonight, the world would laugh tomorrow."

Knives out Girls. We'll teach thse violent, abusive MEN !! (tm)

Nothing more to be said.

Sex and violence sell in the virtual world as well. The makers of "Grand Theft Auto IV" win the Raging Hormonal Imbalance Trophy for training men how to have interactive intimacy with prostitutes and then murder them. They call this a game.

I've been studying game theory, game psychology and game programming. Anybody who has a problem with violent games should educate themselves first.

Quote from Rothzael

Nothing more to be said.



I've been studying game theory, game psychology and game programming. Anybody who has a problem with violent games should educate themselves first.

Are you saying that game theory (as in the Prisoner's Dilemma, Chicken, etc.) is a part of your game programming studies? Excellent.

Chess, according to feminists, should be viewed as a violent game with pawns, knights, etc. wiping each other out. Then again, with the queen being the most powerful piece, feminazis might view chess as an excellent matriarchal game!!

Quote from AKUUS

Are you saying that game theory (as in the Prisoner's Dilemma, Chicken, etc.) is a part of your game programming studies? Excellent.

Chess, according to feminists, should be viewed as a violent game with pawns, knights, etc. wiping each other out. Then again, with the queen being the most powerful piece, feminazis might view chess as an excellent matriarchal game!!

You really could do some chess analogies....
- The Kings a the pieces everythings about, so its a patriarchy
- Compared to the King the Queen has far more power
- Pawns (men) do all the dirty jobs and die a lot

Quote from AKUUS

Are you saying that game theory (as in the Prisoner's Dilemma, Chicken, etc.) is a part of your game programming studies? Excellent.

Chess, according to feminists, should be viewed as a violent game with pawns, knights, etc. wiping each other out. Then again, with the queen being the most powerful piece, feminazis might view chess as an excellent matriarchal game!!

Yeah! It's a really important aspect; it helps to analyze how players make decisions and how to manipulate them.

We also study the importance of game theory application.

The one thing that annoys me is when people (mainly feminists) speak out against violent games and violent music. I have to say I'm a big fan of both! They call for bans and lawsuits, well here's an idea.... if you can't control what your own children are exposed to, then blame yourself. Don't blame the artist, because they have no responsibility towards your child; as a parent, you do!

A recent news segment examined research by psychologists that suggested that the music you are listening to probably reflects your mood (shock and awe!) They then went on to qualify this by static that there is no evidence which suggests that the music you are listening to can influence your mood in any significant way (listening to heavy metal doesn't make you violent.)

I'm quite sure the same could be said for video games. I don't know how much research has been done in that area; we, as a society, are simply happy to blame and shame instead of investigate.

Quote from Rothzael

Yeah! It's a really important aspect; it helps to analyze how players make decisions and how to manipulate them.

We also study the importance of game theory application.

The one thing that annoys me is when people (mainly feminists) speak out against violent games and violent music. I have to say I'm a big fan of both! They call for bans and lawsuits, well here's an idea.... if you can't control what your own children are exposed to, then blame yourself. Don't blame the artist, because they have no responsibility towards your child; as a parent, you do!

A recent news segment examined research by psychologists that suggested that the music you are listening to probably reflects your mood (shock and awe!) They then went on to qualify this by static that there is no evidence which suggests that the music you are listening to can influence your mood in any significant way (listening to heavy metal doesn't make you violent.)

I'm quite sure the same could be said for video games. I don't know how much research has been done in that area; we, as a society, are simply happy to blame and shame instead of investigate.

I love the fact that you guys use game theory in creating video games. I never knew that, but it makes sense. My brother's really into gaming, so I play with him sometimes. I studied game theory a little bit in college, and it's neat to hear that it has such a practical application.

I agree with your sentiments about the criticism of violence in games and music. My take on it is that there is violence in literature too (Ivanhoe, the Bible, etc.). Would the same people who attack certain music and games demand that kids stop reading books that portray violence? That would include history books too.

Violence is a part of life. Not being violent is nothing noble. In fact if someone does not use violence to defend himself and his loved ones when violently attacked, then he is immoral. Besides, music, movies, games, and books that portray violence can actually serve as a catharsis and remind one of the necessity of controlling violence. Video games are also great for developing eye-hand coordination (surgeons use them to warm up before operations) and strategic thinking.

"We begin with the highly competitive Blind Justice Award. This usually goes to some worthy American, but a Russian judge swept ahead of the pack when he ruled against a woman's charge of sexual harassment. "If we had no sexual harassment," he said, "we would have no children." We send this judge the blindfold to use as a gag.

It must be noted Obama (the new savior of america) pestered his now wife for a date even when he was continously being told no, I think the judge was refering to the likes of obama.

A recent news segment examined research by psychologists that suggested that the music you are listening to probably reflects your mood (shock and awe!) They then went on to qualify this by static that there is no evidence which suggests that the music you are listening to can influence your mood in any significant way

Psychologists, particularly the 12 year old ones who graduate these days, say the stupidest things, don't they. Perhaps a program of music appreciation, or even just friggin' listening for a change, might help them find the evidence which is obvious to so many other uneducated saps like me.