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  1. #1
    KellyMac's Avatar
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    House Husband? Or Mangina?

    http://archives.cnn.com/2002/HEALTH/...house.husband/

    HOUSE HUSBAND: A FEMALE'S FANTASY


    Jimmy sent me this article (thanks, Jimmy!) As I was reading it, at first I thought, "Ok, cool. He's home taking care of the child, keeping things going at home, she's supporting them with her job. A little unusual, but I'll bet he does a really good job.". And he does, I suppose, as far as that goes. But at what price? As I read further, I thought, "Oh, my God. It's a woman trapped in a man's body." When he talks about the "important" topics of conversation, and then when he talks about confusing about their confused sexual identity, I thought, "Marriage of convenience". (There is one part about when he took his daughter to the playground and would have people come up to her and ask if everything is ok - so I guess even effeminate men are really child molesters at heart.

    I honestly wouldn't mind supporting the household while my husband stayed home and ran things there. He ran a daycare for 5 years when our children were little, and it worked out fine. But this is...I don't know. How do I describe it? It just seems like a gay man married to a gay woman. Sorry, but that's my opinion. I guess if it works for them, it works for them. Pay attention to what the daughter says. I guess this is the perfect case of marriage to a career woman.

    Written by a woman, obviously. There's a link to a video on the page.




    House husband: A female's fantasy by Kathy Slobogan, of CNN May 10, 2002 Posted: 5:07 PM EDT (2107 GMT)

    Ad Hudler is down on the way some other parents treat him. He's down on mops too.

    (CNN) -- For a working mother, it's a fantasy. You come home at night to a spotless house, a gourmet meal simmering on the stove, your child's homework all done.

    Not only that. Your dry cleaning has been picked up, the gutters have been cleaned and the leaky faucet repaired.

    May I just interject here, this isn't my fantasy...KM

    Ad Hudler may just be God's gift to women: a house husband. He tackles the job with energy and perfectionism. He has landscaped the garden and decorated the house. He irons and does the laundry. He even soaks the stove knobs in ammonia to get them clean.

    "Every night, every single night on my hands and knees I clean the kitchen floor," says Hudler. "Because a mop doesn't do it, a mop shoves the dirt around and it doesn't do it."

    Hudler became a house husband when his wife, a newspaper publisher, got a promotion and a cross-country relocation. He stayed home with his infant daughter; his wife moved up the corporate ladder.

    Now Hudler, a former reporter who lives in Fort Myers, Florida, has written a novel about the inner life of a house husband. It hasn't been easy. At cocktail parties men look at him as a source of amusement, or worse, ignore him. He says he just talks to their wives.

    "It's hard. I just want to slap 'em and say, 'Look at that woman right there. Kiss her feet,'" says Hudler.

    It's not just the men. Mothers in car pool lines don't wave to him. Several times women have come up to him in playgrounds while he played with his young daughter, put a hand on his daughter's arm and asked her, with great concern, if everything was all right. The assumption being that a man with a young child on a playground had to be up to no good.

    "I felt like saying, 'I know I don't look great, I don't have a suit and tie on, but I'm this child's father. And you know what? I'm playing on the monkey bars and you're not," says Hudler.

    Still, Hudler says women are his best friends.

    "Women make better companions," he says. "They talk about things that are important, they talk about relationships, they talk about nuance, they talk about people. Men have sports."

    Carol Hudler, his wife, says her high-powered and demanding career would not have been possible without a house husband.

    He even does a kind of proxy shopping for her, taking Polaroids of possible furniture purchases for her later approval. Does she ever regret not being home herself?

    What the hell??? KM

    "You know, I used to a long time ago, but only fleeting wishes," she says. "In all honesty I got to make the choice I wanted to make. I have the best of both worlds, I really do."

    Adler's wife and daughter say house husbandry is the way to go.

    Their daughter seems delighted with her house Dad.

    "I like having a Dad at home; it's almost like having another Mom," says 11-year-old Haley. When asked whether she would like a house husband when she grows up, she doesn't hesitate.

    "Oh, yes. I want to be a lawyer when I grow up, and lawyers don't have enough time to take care of their kids or clean the house ... or something," she giggles.

    Hudler says his job is the toughest he's ever done. And it's not for everyone. A house husband has to be someone whose self-esteem is not tied to making money. But he says there are considerable benefits.

    "You gotta remember the really wonderful thing I have," he says. "I don't carry the stress with me every day of earning the money that keeps the family going. That's a huge deal. Sometimes I think men are jealous of that."

    Hudler says he and his wife have a strong marriage. But his job as all-purpose caregiver has taken a toll on their sex life. In the novel he describes the demands of motherhood piling up and smothering sexual identity like quilts.

    "Sometimes I forget I'm a man. And sometimes she forgets she's a woman," says Adler. "And we'll be laying in bed and looking at each other and go, 'Oh ... oh yeah.'"

    The daily grind can get to him. He misses adult conversation. He gets tired of picking up panties off the floor. Still, he says he would have missed so much if he weren't at home, raising his daughter.

    When asked if he's happy about the choice he's made, he struggles to control his emotions.

    "Am I happy I did this? I would not trade it for anything in the world, even on the worst parenting day from hell," says Adler.

    More...

  2. #2
    the sad geek's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Somehow he seems more content with the situation then the women around him...
    Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light. (Spike Milligan)

  3. #3
    KellyMac's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Excellent point.

  4. #4
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    My experiences back up TSG's observation.
    The most offensive thing you can do to a feminist is treat her with FULL equality.
    --Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.--


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  5. #5
    IronLady's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    I NEVER fantasized about having a househusband. And what's more, it seems that women claim they want this kind of man, but then when they get one, they regard him with distaste. A man cannot win!

    I tend to view effeminate, mangina-type men as possible child molesters (probably due to my uncle). I may be wrong but those kinds of men totally and entirely disgust me and turn me off.
    "I just owe almost everything to my father and it's passionately interesting for me that the things that I learned in a small town, in a very modest home, are just the things that I believe have won the election." ----former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher

    "I owe nothing to Women's Lib".--former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher

  6. #6
    KellyMac's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Here is a comment made on my blogger site, and my reply...

    Anonymous said... If you're against feminism you need to get off the internet. Who do you think you are? A woman, voicing her opinion? Shut your mouth and get back in the kitchen. Cook dinner and have babies like a good woman should. Putting your opinion out there is a feminism action. No man wants to hear your drivel, it's not like you're equal or anything.

    You want to take a stand against feminism? Then be a good example, turn off the computer, shut your mouth, keep your opinions to yourself, don't even think about reading the news, and start acting like a proper anti-feminist woman should.
    12:21 PM

    KellyMac said... And who might you be, oh anonymous feminist? Have the courage of your convictions, my dear.

    Let me see, is there a point you were trying to make? A woman wouldn't be able to voice her opinions publicly without feminism? Sorry to disappoint your little man-hating heart, but women were voicing their opinions publicly looooong before feminism.

    Try doing some research. Or repeat the lies the feminists told you. Your choice.
    1:37 PM

  7. #7
    the sad geek's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Feminists... Not only are they the authority to define manhood and femininity, but now anti-feminism as well.

    It's quite an achievement to get all three wrong.
    Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light. (Spike Milligan)

  8. #8
    John Dias's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    I define matriarchy as the traditional situation where the wife stays home and the husband works, but the wife makes out quite well in a divorce. Patriarchy is when men bear the responsibility of working, but have all the control (and yet, all the responsibility).

    In this situation, we have a woman working, while the man stays home. Under current divorce laws, the longer this goes on, the better the man is positioned legally. In fact, in some states (like mine, California) once the marriage goes on for at least 10 years, there is a lifetime alimony obligation.

    This family's arrangement totally benefits the man. It's the complete reverse of matriarchy. It's not even right to call it patriarchy, because all of the legal responsibility is on the woman. I would call it "reverse matriarchy," the wet dream of men's rights activists. Imagine having your woman go out and slave all day, while you make the home and the family in your image. Once the 10th year of marriage rolls around, the husband (having not worked a normal job in ages, living a life on his own schedule) is set for life. Get into an argument with the wife? Wave the divorce papers in her face. Threaten to take the kids, the house, a car or two, and most of the wife's income for the rest of her natural life. Kings should be so lucky.

    The only drawback of this lifestyle is the fact that society hasn't let go of its concept of gender roles. The homemaker is supposed to be feminine, a person who extols feminine values. If the "house husband" can live each day in the home, "make house," and raise the kids while maintaining his masculinity (a tall order, requiring a mighty-strong backbone and sheer mental toughness), he's in a great position.

    Instead of doing all the things that mothers would normally do in the "homemaker" position, he can "go his own way." He can reinvent the family in his own image. He can decorate the house according to his own taste. And the longer this arrangement goes on, the more power he has.

    Reverse matriarchy... The only pitfall for the househusband is that he may be tempted to think he's playing a woman's role. If he can reject that, and live as a purely masculine man (with all the decision making power, and none of the responsibility), you got yourself a situation fit for a king.

  9. #9
    Marx's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Unfortunately, John Dias - you're quite wrong...

    Here's why
    The most offensive thing you can do to a feminist is treat her with FULL equality.
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  10. #10
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    The thing is John that all this has been thrashed out before. Women have no respect for these "house husbands" and in the majority of cases get tossed out on their arse in short order.

    We have seen the situation where "house husband" got tossed after 5 years and the bitch still got the kids even though it was never home.

    Been tried in Sweden and other countries around the world with the same result.
    Personally I would not even contemplate any such arrangement for a myriad of reason, self-esteem would be one of them.

    I would rather cut my nuts off than stay at home and be supported by a female..

    If it was the case where the partner died or just disappeared and I had 4 kids, which I do, it would be a different thing entirely.

    But, right now where women are incapable of a reasoned and extended relationship, cannot think outside their own selfish requirements then you are asking for trouble. It just does not work, if it does it is in the range of minutiae.

    The article is just another bit of feminised bullshit designed by CNN to further the feminization of men.

    (Google even links "house husband" with a link to shopping.com)
    Last edited by christianj; 22nd-July-2007 at 11:38 PM.

  11. #11
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Did anyone notice that the work the house husband does is more than the average housewife does I.E. repairs and photoing furnature and yardwork. So women complain bitterly that they have to do half of what he does. Hmm I have always wondered how it could be so damn hard to be a house wife when growing up I remember women having me time during the day. Odd
    Chevalier.
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  12. #12
    Percy's Avatar
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    I hope he is salting some of his housekeeping away. I bet she doesn't hand over her pay packet.

    He doesn't mention the book club and the coffee mornings and no mention either of the late afternoon spa-bath, hairdo and changing into a nice cocktail frock with a flouncy petticoat (hey, that's my era!!) for when she comes home.

    And does she have to go to the supermarket on the way home, do any hoovering and move the furniture around before he is turned on? It doesn't sound like she has to do the friggin' gutters at least to get him hot to trot. Mind you if he is on his knees cleaning the floor last thing at night I bet he gets headaches!

    Just watch his smile fade when she divorces him (50/50 chance). The Judge will call him a sponger who has lived off his wife. She will get the kids and he will be ordered back to (the easier world of) work and have to pay for everything. She won't be able to afford to maintain her lifestyle by herself as she will go part-time or even cease working altogether as she has 'missed quality time' with the kids. She will get the house as he hasn't contributed to paying for it.

    Equality, ain't.

    I wonder what his shoe collection is like.
    Last edited by Percy; 23rd-July-2007 at 11:30 AM.

  13. #13
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Quote Quote from John Dias View Post
    I define matriarchy as the traditional situation where the wife stays home and the husband works, but the wife makes out quite well in a divorce. Patriarchy is when men bear the responsibility of working, but have all the control (and yet, all the responsibility).

    In this situation, we have a woman working, while the man stays home. Under current divorce laws, the longer this goes on, the better the man is positioned legally. In fact, in some states (like mine, California) once the marriage goes on for at least 10 years, there is a lifetime alimony obligation.

    This family's arrangement totally benefits the man. It's the complete reverse of matriarchy. It's not even right to call it patriarchy, because all of the legal responsibility is on the woman. I would call it "reverse matriarchy," the wet dream of men's rights activists. Imagine having your woman go out and slave all day, while you make the home and the family in your image. Once the 10th year of marriage rolls around, the husband (having not worked a normal job in ages, living a life on his own schedule) is set for life. Get into an argument with the wife? Wave the divorce papers in her face. Threaten to take the kids, the house, a car or two, and most of the wife's income for the rest of her natural life. Kings should be so lucky.

    The only drawback of this lifestyle is the fact that society hasn't let go of its concept of gender roles. The homemaker is supposed to be feminine, a person who extols feminine values. If the "house husband" can live each day in the home, "make house," and raise the kids while maintaining his masculinity (a tall order, requiring a mighty-strong backbone and sheer mental toughness), he's in a great position.

    Instead of doing all the things that mothers would normally do in the "homemaker" position, he can "go his own way." He can reinvent the family in his own image. He can decorate the house according to his own taste. And the longer this arrangement goes on, the more power he has.

    Reverse matriarchy... The only pitfall for the househusband is that he may be tempted to think he's playing a woman's role. If he can reject that, and live as a purely masculine man (with all the decision making power, and none of the responsibility), you got yourself a situation fit for a king.

    No woman would stay with him for that long. They would say there is nothing masculine about him. But then again what is masculine about working for a woman and not spending time with your kids and instead having heart attacks and working overtime.



    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    Did anyone notice that the work the house husband does is more than the average housewife does I.E. repairs and photoing furnature and yardwork. So women complain bitterly that they have to do half of what he does. Hmm I have always wondered how it could be so damn hard to be a house wife when growing up I remember women having me time during the day. Odd

    I have never known a woman to ever do that type of work. Men do work harder.

  14. #14
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Quote Quote from FFFF View Post
    Often seems that way, but it has a fundamental flaw..



    Hard to imagine that the breadwinner would not be defining and ensuring that the family is created as per her wishes? After all, she can throw the deal when she chooses to..



    As mentioned above, this is not going to be the case, unless the woman is particularly dumb.. which I somehow doubt!



    Also a very unlikely situation...

    A woman who goes out and takes on the "hunter" breadwinner role is likely to have a dominant personality that is not quite so adaptable to a man who seeks to do as you have fantasised.. (that is probably why these arrangements so often and so spectacularly go tits up!!)..

    The most obvious scenario being that madam gets herself inseminated elsewhere..

    Unless a gent is a pimp, and does not mind the way his woman makes her way for him, then most blokes will find themselves in a fools paradise..

    Its also not JUST about material matters, and women are often not too bothered about material matters as men are..

    The "role reversal" is in most cases a fools paradise..

    So men should just work for women?


    The funny thing is most women would have more respect for a male gold digger who was unfaithful to her than a man like this.

  15. #15
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    Re: House Husband? Or Mangina?

    Quote Quote from musicman.2 View Post
    So men should just work for women?


    The funny thing is most women would have more respect for a male gold digger who was unfaithful to her than a man like this.
    Men dont just work for women do they? They work for their families, in whatever role suits them..

    One interesting aspect of the "stay at home dad" which may make it appealing to some is that the stay at home dad may have plenty of opportunities to chuck some seed at the "stay at home mums"..

    Just think.. If a woman is working in a heavily female dominated arena, and sir is toddling around free in an also highly female dominated arena, then he has plenty of chances to do what many stay at home idle women do..

    Many men get the opportunity to slither stay at home flange by taking up professions such as "handyman" whereby they give discount rates to women who would prefer to pay with their hairy tuppenceworth..


 

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