Dear Rapists

**frostyboy** · #1 9th-August-2008

By Amber at Feministing: Dear Rapists

Quote:

Dear Rapists,

Ever since I learned what rape was, I’ve been hearing about how you feel as though there has been some misunderstanding. I see where you are coming from. I mean, we women are so hard to read. Do we even know what we want? It must be very difficult for you. That is why I’m going clarify a few things for you, so you don’t have to deal with any more of those pesky misunderstandings!

We’ll start with communication. I’ll teach you how to speak woman.
Understanding NO!

As rapists, you may have a hard time hearing or seeing a woman who says NO! But all that is about to change!
Interpreting NO!

A Woman is saying NO! when she says:

“I don’t know”
“I’m not sure”
“Let’s wait”
“no”
“I should go home”
“Let me go”
“It’s getting late”
“Get off of me”
“Stop”
“I’m not ready”
“No”
“STOP”
“I don’t want to”
“You’re hurting me”
“NO!”
nothing.

Wow! That’s a lot to remember! But don’t take off your thinking caps yet! There’s more!

A Woman is saying NO! when she :

is drunk
is crying
is pushing you away
is curled up into the fetal position
is CRYING
is not moving
is passed out
is not engaged
gives up

Well, that about covers NO! But be aware women may do other things to tell you NO!

Understanding YES!

As Rapists, I know you think you hear this often. However, after our session on Understanding NO! , you may be realizing you haven’t heard this as often as you thought.

Interpreting YES!

A Woman is saying YES! When she:

Is enthusiastic about having sex with you
Is engaged in having sex with you
says “YES! ”

*Please note that if a Woman says “YES! ” after you have repeatedly asked her, it doesn’t count. Also, if a Woman thinks you may harm her if she says NO! , it doesn’t count. Darn these rules.

Well Rapists, by now I should have cleared up any misunderstanding you feel there may have been. But I get the feeling you already know all this. Don’t you?

**Percy** · #2 9th-August-2008

Well thank you Amber, dear.

We'll let you know.

But I don't think there is any danger than anyone here will be wanting to discuss it with you, let alone engage in any 'friendliness' with you.

I guess you can take that as a 'NO'.

I'm sure you know all the chaps' ways of saying 'NO'.

You will have heard them lots of times, I'm sure.

Perhaps you'd better just carry on with DIY.

(Wash your hands before and after, there's a good girl)

Feckless · #3 9th-August-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Percy

DIY

Whats dat?

Garak · #4 9th-August-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feckless

Whats dat?

DIY = Do it yourself

towmotor · #5 9th-August-2008

I admit it!

I joined feministing so I could toss in a few words....

Ok!
There are a few problems here, dear lady. I feel I should point them out to you. Being a man (that's "rapist", to you) I'm a qualified expert.

1. You've provided a list of instructions. As you (think) you know, we don't read instructions.

2. You say that if a woman says nothing, she cannot give consent. Do you intend to prevent a woman who has lost, or never had, the ability of speach from ever having consensual sex and therefore never having the opportunity to control a man with sex?
And that brings us to

3. "Repeatedly asking"
Having read many works by haters of the penis, I know that even a husband with his wife MUST be subservient in the bedroom, ALWAYS assuming she'd rather castrate him than allow that awful thing to penetrate her palace; is there some sort of time allowance on the adverb "repeatedly"? You didn't say whether asking repeatedly over a period of minutes differed from asking over a period of days, weeks, months, years or decades.
There's so very much to be lost here that it warrants a dilineation.
I can take being told "no" for a reasonable amount of time, but when it runs into weeks and beyond,well, I just hesitate to think that my princess will ever say "yes", or beg me to enter into her courts sans pants.
Of course we know that her cruelty will be rewarded with the house, half his income, the better of the two cars. He can sleep in the old one.
Right?

I should add that the real problem with my hypothetical "princess", whose "court" I would not enter into without invitation, is that she's COLD, demanding of commitment and giving nothing in return.
Prostitutes have more honor.

christianj · #6 10th-August-2008

We need to issue a consensual sex form that both sign before the act..

It seems the only way to overcame the false rape and abuse charges.

This guy here should have signed one..

Quote:

NEWS

April 17, 2008... The Baltimore Sun reported on a Maryland Supreme Court ruling that a man can be charged with rape if he ignores a woman's calls to stop, even if she had previously consented to sex.

The case involved an incident in 2003 in which a boy, age 16, and a young woman, age 18, had sex in a car. At some point during the act of sexual intercourse, the woman withdrew her consent. At trial, when asked how long the boy remained inside of her after she told him to stop, she answered, "About five or so seconds." He said he stopped immediately.

A jury convicted this boy of first-degree rape. A Maryland Appeals court had reversed the conviction on the grounds that a rape could not occur once sexual intercourse had begun.

The Baltimore Sun reported on NCM's position as follows:

"Mel Feit, director of the National Center for Men, based in Long Island, N.Y., said the facts of [this] case have been lost in the larger argument about a woman's right to say no.

"'The courts got it wrong then, and they are getting it wrong now,' said Feit, who has followed the Maryland case. 'There is no way that anyone is ever going to convince me that a five-second delay is first-degree rape.'

"He said that he, too, believes that a woman should be able to withdraw consent during sex. But he said the evidence showed that [the boy] did comply with the victim's demand to stop and that the jury in the case 'threw common sense out the window' when they convicted him.

"'This is a dangerous ruling,' he said. 'What the court is saying is that every act of sexual intercourse in Maryland is potentially a rape, and if a man doesn't stop on a dime, he's going to jail.'"

For NCM, this case raises several interesting questions for further discussion:

1.) How can the legal system fail to distinguish between a delay of about five seconds and a violent sexual assault? Have the courts been overrun by the forces of political correctness?

2.) Why do so many people want to see the young man in this case remain in prison? (He was sentenced to fifteen years, five of which must be served.) What kind of social pathology is driven by such an apparent hostility for men and male sexuality?

3.) The Sun quoted the legal director of the Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault: "[This ruling] says that, yes, women do have the right to make decisions about something as intimate as sexual intercourse." When will public discussions about sexuality recognize that, in this culture, women already make most of the decisions about sexual intercourse?

4.) Sexually intimacy involves making another person's needs more important than your own. Are there times, during sexual intercourse, when consent cannot be withdrawn? What are the responsibilities that intimate partners have to one another?

Since the article appeared in The Baltimore Sun, Mel Feit has discussed the issues raised by this case on talk radio shows in Baltimore and Cincinnati and on a nationally syndicated show hosted by Bill Cunningham.

Please send us your comments via e-mail and let us know if we can publish them on this website.

outdoors · #7 10th-August-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by towmotor

I admit it!

I joined feministing so I could toss in a few words....

Ok!
There are a few problems here, dear lady. I feel I should point them out to you. Being a man (that's "rapist", to you) I'm a qualified expert.

1. You've provided a list of instructions. As you (think) you know, we don't read instructions.

2. You say that if a woman says nothing, she cannot give consent. Do you intend to prevent a woman who has lost, or never had, the ability of speach from ever having consensual sex and therefore never having the opportunity to control a man with sex?
And that brings us to

3. "Repeatedly asking"
Having read many works by haters of the penis, I know that even a husband with his wife MUST be subservient in the bedroom, ALWAYS assuming she'd rather castrate him than allow that awful thing to penetrate her palace; is there some sort of time allowance on the adverb "repeatedly"? You didn't say whether asking repeatedly over a period of minutes differed from asking over a period of days, weeks, months, years or decades.
There's so very much to be lost here that it warrants a dilineation.
I can take being told "no" for a reasonable amount of time, but when it runs into weeks and beyond,well, I just hesitate to think that my princess will ever say "yes", or beg me to enter into her courts sans pants.
Of course we know that her cruelty will be rewarded with the house, half his income, the better of the two cars. He can sleep in the old one.
Right?

I should add that the real problem with my hypothetical "princess", whose "court" I would not enter into without invitation, is that she's COLD, demanding of commitment and giving nothing in return.
Prostitutes have more honor.

is that still on there? or hs your account been deleted or froze?

Arbalest · #8 10th-August-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by christianj

We need to issue a consensual sex form that both sign before the act..

It seems the only way to overcame the false rape and abuse charges.

This guy here should have signed one..

Wait, what the hell? She's the oldest one, how the hell is he the rapist? Shouldn't that be a case of pedophila since he's under legal age?

**CaptDMO** · #9 10th-August-2008

Quote:

I mean, we women are so hard to read. Do we even know what we want?...

Well, taken in context...
Wasn't it ironic that...
In SOME societies.....
I find it interesting that.....
A recent study shows that.....
"The victim" who was not named claimed.....
Feminist ideology cites.....
Well, what about a hypothetical case where...
It's different for women because....

Um..NO!
Naturally, she speaks for "we women". I know ONE adult female that thinks differently, therefore, ALL past, and future, "awesomely intellectual offerings" cited from the author will be ignored as "supporting evidence", or "of value", by me.

MadShangi · #10 10th-August-2008

A woman is saying NO when she's curled up in the fetal position? Stupid! It means she wants to spoon.

towmotor · #11 10th-August-2008

is that still on there? or hs your account been deleted or froze?

Apparently I got zapped by the mod. I'm not sure if a more speedy response would have spared me.
I know I got alot of angry, emotional responses, and to their way of thinking, that means I'm a troll.
Oh well, I e-mailed the administrator, asking that my e-mail be posted as a response. Wait and see.

It is a little disheartening to know that those who advocate the "rapist" label be hung about the neck of every man who somehow break a set of ambiguous rules are not willing, or able, to engage in blunt discussion about defining terms.
Disheartening but not entirely surprising.

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