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What is a politician?
I don't know who the author of this is, but it's a great read.
A West Texas cowboy is herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW emerges out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young
man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows........ Now give me back my dog."
Re: What is a politician?
Great joke,but yet so true.
Re: What is a politician?
Reminds me of the chap talking to a farmer in Somerset. For some reason (best not gone into) the chap goaded the farmer about telling what time of day it was. The farmer bet a tenner that the bull in the field could tell him what the exact time was. So the chap took the bet,
The farmer went over to the bull and squatted down behind it and took it's huge dangly bollocks in hand. He jiggled them for a moment or two, weighted then separated them and weighed each independantly. He seemed to the chap to be squinting at them and inspecting them carefully.
Then he goes back to the chap and says, 'Twenty past two".
The chap checked his Rolex and dang ! It was exactly twenty past two. (Mind you it also said it was 7:50 in Khazakstan, but that's another joke).
"That's bloody amazing", he said. "Ok, there is such a thing as 'Country Lore' ", he conceded, "But, tell me how you do that".
"Well, moi dear", said the old farmer, "From that spot there, where yon bull if roight now, you can just see the clock on the church steeple in the valley, but his bollocks wuz in the way".
Last edited by Percy; 21st-September-2009 at 03:28 AM.
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