MRPress. 8 Aug 2011

Feminist ‘Icon’ fitted with world’s first artificial conscience

American surgeons are celebrating a major breakthrough in medical science, after successfully fitting a Feminist with the world’s first artificial conscience.

The patient, Author and Law Professor, Katherine McKinnon was an ideal candidate for the ground-breaking operation, which may give hope to the relatives of many men imprisoned on false accusations.

Mz McKinnon told reporters, “I’ve always prided myself on my detachment from the misery of men, but recently, people have been saying that they thought I was a little cold and unfair.”

“When the Doctors took my temperature, they realised I was emotionally dead.”

Feminism is widely regarded as a very dangerous business, where the rewards from book sales, corporate and academic embezzlement and filing false Rape charges can be enormous, but the risks taken on other peoples’ behalf lead to levels of aloofness and callousness that are so high, they can cause nose bleeds.

Head surgeon Dr A.M.Fortas who pioneered the operation, said, “Fortunately, we found plenty of room for the mechanical conscience in her chest cavity.”

“It was roughly in the position where we’d normally expect to find her heart. But finding somewhere to put all the AA batteries was another matter.”

“We had to fit the cells and a huge empathy pump into a suitcase with wheels on. She’s going to have to lug this emotional baggage around with her, just to keep the conscience tutting over.”

Artificial conscience downsides

Since the operation, McKinnon is doing remarkably well, and now lives in a Men’s Rights Radio station commune in Houston.

There have, however, been some setbacks: an attempt to float the commune on the stock exchange was only averted by an emergency change of mind, carried out in the field using a yoghurt pot and a Swiss army knife.

Doctors have warned that the operation isn’t a permanent solution. The suitcase and hoses make travel through revolving doors impossible, and McKinnon nearly died of shame last week when the armed guard on a Greyhound bus placed the bag on an overhead luggage rack. “I realized that I had been relying on men all of my life” she said.

The famous Feminist may be stuck with the artificial conscience for some time, as Dr Fortas explained, “McKinnon had this procedure carried out privately, when money was no object.”

But now that the prototype conscience is working, she’s insisted on VAWA funding to be increased so that all women can have a conscience too. “Men won’t mind paying this time” she said.

President Obama is reported as saying that it is of higher priority than the financial crisis but money will have to be borrowed from somewhere.