Husband and wife.....

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

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I call my wife Jane Austen.

Not because she writes beautifully, because of the constant period-drama.


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I staggered out of the pub and down the street, until I was stopped by a copper.

He said, "Where do you think you're going in that state?"

I said, "I'm going to a lecture."

"Yeah, right," he said. "Who gives a lecture at this time of night?"

"My wife," I said.