I found this on an old cd, unfortunately I don't know the author. It's still funny though.
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sport/Male quality time. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping, (Except for “Big Boys Toys”) is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
12. When something needs to be done, we know the best way to do it. If you already know best way, just do it yourself.
13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
15. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Lilac is a flower. We have no idea what Mauve is.
16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to investigate further.
18. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
20. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.
21. You have enough clothes.
22. You have too many shoes.
23. TV soaps are NOT real life, therefore they do not have priority over News, Sport or my dinner.
24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
25. “Does your bum look big in that?” When youÂ’ve got it all in there, we will tell you.
The wicked flee when none pursueth. Proverbs 28:1
'Rise like Lions after slumber In unvanquishable number - Shake your chains to earth like dew Which in sleep had fallen on you - Ye are many - they are few.'
Percy Bysshe Shelley
"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. "
The internet has been a lifeboat for men's opposition to the floodings of feminism.