Harharharhar.

I just got off the phone with a friend in Utah. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.



He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Quote from nickb275

A man is cupping his hands to scoop water to drink from a Scottish Highland lake when a gamekeeper spots him and shouts: “Dinnae drink the waater! Et’s full of coo’s shite and [#%!]!”


The man replies: “Sorry, I’m from England. Could you repeat that in English, please?”


The keeper says: “I’m sorry, I said use two hands – you’ll spill less that way.”

Hehe, here's a similar one (apologies to Feckless):

The keeper says: “I’m sorry, I said use two hands – you’ll spill less that way.”

Lol, chocked on my coffee I did

what would the world be like without them

French!



my favorite ever sign:

Quote from nickb275

A man is cupping his hands to scoop water to drink from a Scottish Highland lake when a gamekeeper spots him and shouts: “Dinnae drink the waater! Et’s full of coo’s shite and [#%!]!”


The man replies: “Sorry, I’m from England. Could you repeat that in English, please?”


The keeper says: “I’m sorry, I said use two hands – you’ll spill less that way.”

Alternative punchline, more realistic for a Scot .....

"Aye, Ah seed, that'll be sixpence for the drinka warterrr"

Speaking of spilt coffee, when this appeared on my screen,


I found this site called "the armenian" very funny and witty. I have posted a few pics here and keep finding more, Here is the link High Maintenance

Mens helpline:
Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Sun, March 27, 2011

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
And my favorite
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

How to Shop by Yourself.

I used to love going shopping with my ex, especially for shoes and dresses. Now I feel I must be a little strange, oh well, it wasn't something I was forced to do. I guess if somone is fun enough spending time with them is good no matter what.

Extract from WMD.



‘Shopping’ shopping.


A woman ‘loves’ going ‘shopping’ shopping to the Mall, usually with her girlfriends.

It is, to her, recreation. She spends all day there trying every single dress, blouse, shoe or hat on, and giggling around racks of underwear, and then returns home without buying a single thing, because, 'They didn't have a sale on today'.

When The Sale is on, she buys everything in sight, as a vital component of her Personal Savings Plan. The more she spends, the greater her savings increase.

Some of these purchases are kept secret from him.

She and her girlfriends have a lot of fun.

Men do shopping something like this: He, standing outside the shop, thinks, “Gee, I am freezing. I need a coat or a jacket, jumper, something”. Goes inside, looks around for a few minutes, warms up, and thinks “I am not cold anymore”. Wanders off.

Sometimes she wants him, instead of her girlfriends, to go ‘shopping’ shopping with her.

(Note)No one knows why she would want this although a PhD Student at St Andrews is developing a mathematical model.

There is always a Sale on somewhere within traveling distance. When there isn’t, International Airlines have been set up.

She will then make travel demands with threats to explode if he doesn’t pay.


(Note) Possible psy-war bluffing here. No woman has ever been recorded blowing up due to lack of Sale opportunities

One night as a wife goes to lay down to bed beside her sleeping husband when she hears a knock at her window.

She looks out of the window and sees her boyfreind.

So she opens the window and asks him what he is doing there.

The boyfriend responds that he is horny and needs some action.

The cheating wife then tells him to come in the window which he does.

When he see the husband asleep in the bed he goes to bolt but the cheating wife stops him and says "Don't worry nothing wakes him up" and to prove it she pulls back the cover and pulls a hair out of the husbands butt.

The husband doesn't stir.

So the wife and the boyfriend do their business in the bed right beside the husband.

This happens nightly for a week. And each time before the cheating couple have sex the boyfriend pulls out a hair from the husbands butt to ensure he is asleep.

On the eighth night the boyfriend pulls a hair and the husbands sits bolt upright and yells. "Look fella I don't mind you boning my wife but you are crossing the line by using my ass as a scoreboard!"

@Chevalier, good one and it has gone to my memory bank!!