Q. What's the capital of Iceland?

A. About £3.50

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Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?

A. The pizza can feed a family of four.
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I've had terrible problems during the credit crunch but I'm back on my feet now - they've repossessed the car

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Q. What is the one thing the City and the Olympics have in common?

A. Synchronised diving

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Q. How do you define optimism?

A. A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.
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Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

A. A pigeon can leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
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Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
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Q. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?

A. A good start.
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It's worse than a divorce. I've lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife!
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Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

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Q. What's the collective noun for London bankers?

A. A wunch
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Q. How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None, they don't change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply.
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Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. He says, 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...'
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Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin with the following, 'The government is sending each of us a £600 rebate. If we spend that money at Tesco, the money goes to China . If we spend it on petrol it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Spain, Portugal and Kenya . If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany . If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the UK economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in UK. I've been doing my part.'