Adam and Eve.
This is a discussion on Adam and Eve. within the Fun & Humor anti misandry forums, part of the Chit chat (MAIN) category; If God made us in his own image, do you ever wonder why we have two genders who look nothing ...
- 30th-June-2008 #1
If God made us in his own image, do you ever wonder why we have two genders who look nothing alike? Of course, we had to have two genders in order for the world to be populated, but how was it decided that a woman should look so different from a man?
"Adam!" the booming voice echoed through the garden, shaking the trees and scattering the animals like the wind blows fallen leaves. Not that there were any fallen leaves yet. The place was brand, spanking new, barely a fortnight old. And He'd only tried breezes so far. He had plans though.
"Yes Lord?" Adam rose from his resting place on the soft green grass and looked towards the heavens.
"Why are you moping around instead of taking care of the animals of the land and the fish of the seas?"
"Do you have any idea how boring that is?", Adam moaned, " I mean... I walk, I feed, I eat, I sleep. There's nothing else to do around here. Stupid animals can't even talk. I'm going nuts here."
"Oh for Heaven's sake! What do you expect me to do about it? I've given you everything you could possibly need to survive; even have some fun! I see you haven't even figured out a fishing rod yet. How long's it been? Two weeks now."
"How about another person like me? At least then I'd have someone to talk to, and someone to share the work load."
"Work ! You call that work? Sitting on the grass, dangling your feet on the river and chewing a hay stalk? You should see my schedule. Oh all right!"
The sky darkened a bit, and God muttered under his breath. "I should've just stuck to making the animals, but no, I had to go and make a human who could talk and therefore, complain."
A great wind rustled around Adam, who suddenly felt a sharp and stabbing pain in his side. "What the hell was that?"
"Don't say Hell ! You think I'm just going to pull another person out of thin air? I'm supposed to be resting from making you this world, but instead, I'm creating another life. It's much easier to make it from something that already exists instead of starting from scratch. It takes friggin' ages. Now shut up and let me work. And keep an eye on that pig for a minute"
Adam waited somewhat patiently, though his eyes keep searching the sky for the promised helper / offsider / mate / apprentice? However, he was searching in the wrong place and jumped screamed like a wuss when something tapped him on the shoulder. Spinning around, he almost screamed again when he saw an exact duplicate of himself standing in front of him.
"Call him what you like. Now are you happy? Go forth and multiply."
"Yes, you know... 'know' him, and have babies."
"Umm... he looks exactly like me. That's just a little weird, God. Besides that... shouldn't he have different... umm... equipment than I? I mean, all the animals do."
"Ahh, Good point. You see what happens when I'm called in on my day off? My mind is still at the golf course I created just four days ago and I still haven't got a round in yet."
Adam's clone disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared, and Adam paced around and around the tree filled with nice, juicy fruit as he waited for his mate. This time, he kept his eyes in front of him so as not to be surprised when the new companion emerged out of thin air.
"So, you didn't like 'Gordon'. How's this?"
The new version materialized in front of him, but something still didn't look quite right to Adam. "He still looks too much like me. I mean, the only thing different is you gave him an innie instead of an outie. How's he supposed to pee like that anyway?"
"Trust me, it'll come naturally to him.... er.. her. It's a her, Adam. Remember that. And she's a she, not a he. Don't get it mixed up."
"If you say so." Adam studied the person standing in front of him. "She's too...er.. flat. And straight. Can you add some curves or something? Something I can grab onto? And she's all rough and hairy"
The irritation was evident in God's voice as it had taken on a decidely irked edge. An idea formed in His great mind. He'd give Adam something to moan about alright. "You are rough and hairy too you little shit and don't even mention prototypes. You haven't looked in the lake yet have you? Okay. Adam, I'm going to give you one more shot. If you don't like this one, you can just do without."
"Ow!! Stop that!" Adam hollered as pain split his side again.
"Oh stop your whining."
Adam stood rubbing his throbbing side and he hoped that God got it right this time. He didn't want to be stuck the rest of his life with someone hideous looking. As the minutes passed, the ache in his side faded, and he resumed his trek around the tree. "Those red fruits sure look tasty, and I'm getting hungry." He reached up to pluck a fat piece of fruit from the vine.
"DON'T even think about it." God's voice boomed from the heavens. "Here, here's your new mate. What do you think?"
Adam's reaction to his new companion was evident as his soft cock grew hard and sprang to attention as his eyes traveled over her body. Instead of a flat chest, firm and round mounds sprang from her chest. Each one seemed to defy gravity as the jutted out pertly. At the tips were fat pink tips that appeared to get harder and more pointy as Adam stared at them. She smiled. She obviously liked being looked at.
Her sides curved in at the middle instead of going straight down, but they flared back out around the hips. Adam walked around and licked his lips as he saw the fleshy cheeks of her bum, which were shaped like a heart and squeezable.
"Woman she shall be. I'm going off to my golf game now Adam. Oh... one more thing. Don't eat anything from that tree."
"Because I friggin' said so!"
- 30th-June-2008 # ADSAdvertisement Circuit advertisement
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Re: Adam and Eve.
I thought it was "God made Adam after his image and removed a rib to create a "helper" for him..
Also, as the story goes..
God said " I can make you a perfect companion that will be your mate and fulfill you're every need, but it will cost you an arm and a leg".
Adam responded " what would I get for a rib ? ".
Now we know.
- 30th-June-2008 #3
Re: Adam and Eve.
Ahha, but that's another story. That was McAdam, the first Scot.
I have several versions !
Did I ever tell you about Aidam O' Flaghtulent, the first Irishman......
Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
“ For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. “
(and within ourselves)
(Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)
A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious.
If you meet one on the road as you Go your Own Way,
offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.
- 30th-June-2008 #4
Re: Adam and Eve.
Don't forget Lillith, supposedly Adam's 1st 'bad girl' wifeFeminism = Fear + Flattery
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