An interesting article below. You must all by now know my views on lies
so I will comment after.
Quote:
http://www.nypost.com/seven/03022008/news/regionalnews/miss_leading_100063.htm
MISS-LEADING
THE TRUTH ABOUT GALS' SERIAL FIBBING
By SUSAN EDELMAN
March 2, 2008 -- Deceit, thy name is woman.
Most females lie "more cleverly and successfully than men" about everything from infidelity and facelifts to barhopping and shopping binges, according to a new book.
"Women lie as a survival technique, but also to get what they want," said Susan Shapiro Barash, author of "Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie," published by St. Martin's Press this week.
Barish said a Rockland County woman stripped of her secrets on Fox TV's reality show "Moment of Truth" last week proves her research true.
Lauren Cleri, 26, admitted on air she had cheated on her NYPD cop husband and preferred an ex-boyfriend. But she failed a polygraph, and lost $200,000, by answering "yes" when asked if she believed she was a good person.
"It supports my thesis that women are talented at lying - but perhaps not enough to pass a lie-detector test," Barash said.
Barash interviewed 500 women nationwide who answered her Craigslist ads seeking females to confide what they fib about. Among her findings:
* 75 percent lie about how much money they spend. For instance, they sneak purchases inside their homes after shopping or hide the price tags.
* 50 percent harbor "mixed feelings about mothering." One told Barash, "I look at these children and I crave sleep and free time. They wear me out and make me jealous of working women who have no children, no husbands."
* More than 60 percent cheated on their husbands. A 32-year-old mother conducted her trysts while telling her trusting husband she was working late. Even in asking for a divorce, she withheld the truth: "I didn't say I had fallen for another man. He was better off with my lies."
Many women use the "betterment lie," as Barash calls it, as a means to an end.
A 30-year-old model romanced a middle-aged married man for the money. After snagging him, she faked her affections: "I say 'I love you,' and don't mean it."
Some lie to cover up childhood incest or domestic abuse, or taboo behavior like drinking, gambling or Internet-porn addiction.
More than 80 percent believe in "beneficial lying." A New Jersey mom doesn't tell her well-behaved daughter about her own wild teen years of marijuana and partying.
Urban women favor the "competitive lie," Barash said. "You lie about money and cosmetic surgery. Your out-of-work husband is a 'consultant.' You embellish your kids' accomplishments, or downplay their SAT tutoring."
In the "lying to yourself" category, the book mentions Hillary Rodham Clinton, who as first lady went on TV to blast the Monica Lewinsky scandal as a political attack against her husband. She later acknowledged Bill's cheating.
Others lie because "there's too much to lose," Barash said. Rudy Giuliani's wife, Judith, guarded a secret that she was married twice, and not once, previously. The truth, which Rudy apparently knew, hit the front pages when he ran for president.
susan.edelman@nypost.com |
A nice lot of euphemisms used here; ribbons and bows. But nevertheless a useful set of enunciations of the theme. Except for the one example of 'witholding' truth.
People lie to gain power and to evade consequence. They decieve. They alter other's understanding of reality and create a falsity where reality is pushed out. This is the major cause of mental illness. It is a majot cause of social illness.
People can only function healthily in reality. Create a falsity and reality is so distorted that functionality diminishes.
There are no 'beneficial' lies. Edelman is falling for her own 'lying to oneself'.
Witholding truth is a different category. Some people cannot handle some truths but we need to be very careful determining those circumstances. It is usually when we underestimate people's capacity.
Lies are not confined to women though, despite the focus of the article. What do you think Edelman is trying to do here?
I have tried all my life to leave the place better than I found it.
But there are 6 billion other buggers out there messing it up.
I am outnumbered.
But...
YOU don't just make a difference,
you make THE difference.
12th-March-2008
