Being a Good Divorced Dad Means Not Giving Up On Your Kids

**Jeffery M Leving** · 6th-April-2012

Most divorced fathers want to spend as much time as possible with their children but oftentimes, for a variety of reason, feel they can’t.

Being a “Good Divorced Dad” oftentimes depends on how much time a father is able to commit to their children. It’s one of the topics I address in detail in my new book, which comes out this Spring, “How to be a Good Divorced Dad: Preventing the Divorce Process and Its After effects from Hurting Your Relationship with Your Children.”
Sometimes, the causes that prevent divorced fathers from becoming good dads have to do with the provisions of the divorce agreement, limiting the time they can spend with their children. Other times, the factors involve personal hurt or lack of self-esteem caused by the divorce. You may be a father physically but not in the spirit that allows you to put the strength and time into it that is required.

In many cases, divorced dads accept a restricted role that is often imposed on them by these circumstances.
But you can change that and you can be a great divorced dad who becomes a role model for your children for years to come.

My book walks fathers through the process of identifying the obstacles that prevent divorced fathers from protecting their relationship with their children.

I call them the Seven Deadly Sins of failed divorced fatherhood. They are: the terms of the custody agreement; orders of protection; financial problems; legal trickery; gender bias; guilt; and anger.
In each instance, there is a strategy to improve the amount of time you spend with your children and to improve the quality of that time.

For example, in the case of having to live under the terms of a very restrictive custody agreement, you can become available to your ex-wife to assist her by being there to help with the children. Too often, the personal animosity that results from many divorces prevents this, but your children need you.
You have to watch for opportunities when your ex-spouse will need help with the children and be there to take advantage of the opportunities. And you have to strategically think about how you approach this, not feed into the anger.

You may be hurt about the divorce. Your ex-wife may be a vengeful person. You need to control your own emotions for the benefit of your children. Why allow your former spouse’s anger to impact your relationship with your children?

A good lawyer will also be able to help with the language in your custody agreement to facilitate opportunities to increase contact with your children. They can be built into the agreement.
In each of these challenges you will want to insure that the time spent with your children is quality time. You need to work on that, but there are methods to help you do that. Planning your time with your children will vastly improve the relationship.

Having a competent, experienced attorney at your side will help avoid many of these challenges, such as avoiding an order of protection that is based on false allegations against you. Many father are coerced by guilt and a gender-biased system into believing that they must admit to fault when there is none.
My book has a list of questions divorced dads can answer to help make them stronger and more effective divorced dads. Knowing them. Thinking about them. And answering them will help improve your experience with your children.

The point is don’t give up. Control the process of divorce in order to control your relationship. And make sure your rights are properly represented when you begin the divorce.

**FloatyBoaty** · 6th-April-2012

Very nice.

**outdoors** · 6th-April-2012

The point is don’t give up. Control the process of divorce in order to control your relationship. And make sure your rights are properly represented when you begin the divorce.

Ya ok,who are you? A F'n lawyer promoting the extortion ring?.

If we had any rights we wouldn't be here.

BTW-with all your lengthy topic's,all at once,chances are I will not read any of them.

**Garak** · 7th-April-2012

Quote from outdoors

Ya ok,who are you? A F'n lawyer promoting the extortion ring?.

If we had any rights we wouldn't be here.

I am going to have to agree with outdoors, we aren't all Bill Gates with bottomless bank accounts to keep a lawyer employed for years. Many of us are barely feeding ourselves and if we could afford a BMW, we would get one for ourselves, not for some lawyer. You shouldn't need to be rich to get justice but as men, that is exactly how it is.

**Percy** · 7th-April-2012

It is well that a man gives advice to other men.

All advice needs to be tested against not only one's own experiences, but what one knows as facts about the experiences of others.

There is no need to attack a man for trying to help.

**The Possible Human** · 7th-April-2012

Being a single Dad who raised 2 sons, I know a bit about the legal process. I spent a small fortune on lawyers, money that I needed badly back then. I am fortunate to be in a profession with a good salary, but as Garak points out, most men don't have the financial ability to get a rockstar lawyer. Most men have to deal with what they can afford.

While you paint a nice picture of being a Father's advocate, the reality is that divorce and custody arrangements usually turn into a bloody battle where only the lawyers and family court win. The divorce industry relies on acrimonious marital splits to fund the industry which has become the main destroyer of men and men's ability to live their lives without having a permanent siphon placed on their bank accounts.

Young men are wising up. They are not getting married because it is too much of a financial and emotional risk in our modern no fault divorce system. Women still consider men to be providers and will use any method they can to get access to his funds including Palimony and other equally nefarious legal concepts.

I would like to add that I agree with the other posters on your submissions. You blitzed the forum with your posts. I would suggest writing an article with the information you have posted. It makes more sense to do that than shoot off 10 or so lengthy posts in quick succession.

**felixblue** · 10th-April-2012

This is the sort of advice that pisses me off.. Most men are not in a position to be able to do such even if they wanted to.. Of course they will probably try.. after all, all men want to be "good divorced fathers" dont they?

Bullshit. Most of them never wanted to be divorced fathers at all, so telling them to suck up to the holy axewound and the lawyers is adding insult to injury..

Best they can hope for is not much good, and at worst it can mean "game over" in many ways..

**Yan Yan** · 10th-April-2012

Quote from felixblue

This is the sort of advice that pisses me off.. Most men are not in a position to be able to do such even if they wanted to.. Of course they will probably try.. after all, all men want to be "good divorced fathers" dont they?

Bullshit. Most of them never wanted to be divorced fathers at all, so telling them to suck up to the holy axewound and the lawyers is adding insult to injury..

Best they can hope for is not much good, and at worst it can mean "game over" in many ways..

Let's imagine that our enemy has developed a sophisticated weapon that kills and debilitates men, while women are left unscathed. What a wonderful weapon that would be in the hands of unscrupulous men!

What? It's already been invented? Well f**k me sideways! Nobody told us!

**doom dom** · 29th-April-2012

Quote from Yan Yan

Let's imagine that our enemy has developed a sophisticated weapon that kills and debilitates men, while women are left unscathed. What a wonderful weapon that would be in the hands of unscrupulous men!

What? It's already been invented? Well f**k me sideways! Nobody told us!

It wouldn't surprise if governments around the world are already trying to invent such a weapon where they kill off all the men but save women and girls. Errrrrrr, arent all the courts already doing that? They give men life in prison or death but free women who do an identicle crime especially women pedos.

**doom dom** · 29th-April-2012

Furthermore, courts,judges and juries are also gender biased when they almost always favor women over men to have custody of children. If men are equally a good parent as women, then such men should be treated with equality and fairness by the courts and receive equal custody. It certainly can be proven for a fact that courts,judges and juries are being gender biased for almost always favoring women and once this is proven, the government should intervene and stop this unfairness and prejudice within the courts that is against men.

**felixblue** · 6th-May-2012

Dont waste money in the courts..

Spend it on impressing your kids and worrying the ex..

It seems that Sanrio has teamed up with the military to bring the scariest military vehicle that anyone could imagine:

Hello Kitty, in her quest at world domination, has moved up from the Hello Kitty Ferrari and other Hello Kitty cars and is now producing armoured personnel carriers for the Army (although this is a photoshopped model of what is to come). My wife loves the idea. “If everyone drove around in Hello Kitty vehicles like that, there would only be love and peace in the world.”
It’s hard to argue with logic like that except for the fact that the casualty rate would likely be much higher if the Army started exclusively using these. The Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier would effectively nauseate the enemy into submission with many of them killing themselves to avoid the extreme pain. I know that’s exactly what I would end up doing…

But I am sure my daughter would love it..

**FloatyBoaty** · 6th-May-2012

Quote from felixblue

Dont waste money in the courts..

Spend it on impressing your kids and worrying the ex..

It seems that Sanrio has teamed up with the military to bring the scariest military vehicle that anyone could imagine:

Hello Kitty, in her quest at world domination, has moved up from the Hello Kitty Ferrari and other Hello Kitty cars and is now producing armoured personnel carriers for the Army (although this is a photoshopped model of what is to come). My wife loves the idea. “If everyone drove around in Hello Kitty vehicles like that, there would only be love and peace in the world.”
It’s hard to argue with logic like that except for the fact that the casualty rate would likely be much higher if the Army started exclusively using these. The Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier would effectively nauseate the enemy into submission with many of them killing themselves to avoid the extreme pain. I know that’s exactly what I would end up doing…

But I am sure my daughter would love it..

Great image!