Dads. Do the right thing and you are still wrong.

[Percy]

Everyone condemns 'deadbeat dads' but when a chap tries to be a dad he gets kicked in the arse as well.

Men cannot win, it seems.

http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/05/01/if-there-were-ever-a-guy-in-a-no-win-situation-its-james-rhoades/

Glenn Sacks

If there were ever a guy in a no-win situation, it's James Rhoades

May 1, 2008 at 1:55 pm · Filed under Vox Populi
"For nearly two years, James Rhoades, a university librarian in Tallahassee, has been fighting to establish in law what science and fact already have shown beyond any doubt: He is the biological father of the boy dubbed J.A.R.

He's got DNA tests to prove it, and videos and loads of pictures of him with the boy. In the photos too are the boy's mother, J.N.R., whom Rhoades met while taking an online graduate course. She was — and still is — married to another man, who was stationed at a Pensacola Air Force base during their affair in 2005. And that's the problem.

"Last week, in a decision that underscores the tense relationship between science and law, a divided Kentucky Supreme Court told Rhoades that he could not press his paternity claim, no matter what evidence of fatherhood he might have, because J.N.R. was, and remains, a married woman. When it comes to defining fatherhood in the Bluegrass State, where Ricketts and her husband now live, the marital 'I do' mean a lot more than DNA...

"The decision has left Rhoades devastated. 'What I wanted was not just to see my son but to participate in his life,' Rhoades told TIME. 'He is my son and I love him.'"

--TIME Magazine, 4/29/08

James Rhoades lost a close decision in the Kentucky Supreme Court recently. As we've previously discussed, I have mixed emotions about Rhoades and his case. I will say this--if there were ever a guy in a no-win situation, it's Rhoades.

If he gives up and doesn't pursue a relationship with his son, his son will only know of him as his villain dad who knocked up his mom and then ran out. If he does pursue his case--as he has--he's vilified as the intruder wrecking a loving family's peaceful life. It seems to me that Rhoades is probably doing the best he can to do the right thing in the difficult situation he helped create.

On one level, the case is one reason why I sympathize with family law judges and the position they're put in--people make an absolute mess of their lives and then come to court and expect the courts to solve it.

On another level, while as a general rule I've little sympathy for men who have sex with married women, I can sympathize (to a point) with Rhoades. I remember in my 20s I briefly dated a woman who was separated but not divorced from her husband. I wasn't crazy about being involved with a woman who was still technically married, but she told me a story about what a bastard her husband was, etc., etc., and I, of course, believed it. In being with her it didn't seem like I was doing anything wrong.

I suspect, with some basis, that Rhoades was given the same shtick--my husband doesn't love me, I'm so sad with him, you're the one who makes me happy, etc. Then she decided to stick with her husband and Rhoades was left out in the cold, cut off from his son.

Its so often that we do not want to say what should really happen, just because we might (or might not) have done something stupid ourselves once.

This man was stupid. He had an affair with a married woman. At the very least he should be considered mentally deranged. She was married. She had taken vows. She needs horse-whipping in the town square. No friggin' excuses.

The Judges should be taken and put against the wall. They interfere and create more problems than they solve.

And these questions are easy to solve.

* All kids should have a DNA test at birth.

* Fathers and mothers should be totally responsible for their offspring. Wholly, exclusively, jointly and severally.

There is no mention in the article of the non-bio father who is raising another man's child. The cuckolded man. Where is his compensation? He should sue both Rhoades and his wife.

Rhoades should not only be 'granted' fatherhood, he should be paying the chap who is bearing the cost.

[bobx23456]

Originally Posted by Percy

Everyone condemns 'deadbeat dads' but when a chap tries to be a dad he gets kicked in the arse as well.

Men cannot win, it seems.



Its so often that we do not want to say what should really happen, just because we might (or might not) have done something stupid ourselves once.

This man was stupid. He had an affair with a married woman. At the very least he should be considered mentally deranged. She was married. She had taken vows. She needs horse-whipping in the town square. No friggin' excuses.

The Judges should be taken and put against the wall. They interfere and create more problems than they solve.

And these questions are easy to solve.

* All kids should have a DNA test at birth.

* Fathers and mothers should be totally responsible for their offspring. Wholly, exclusively, jointly and severally.

There is no mention in the article of the non-bio father who is raising another man's child. The cuckolded man. Where is his compensation? He should sue both Rhoades and his wife.

Rhoades should not only be 'granted' fatherhood, he should be paying the chap who is bearing the cost.

Yep. Good suggestions all. The current system really sucks big time. Its time good for men to kick some butt.

Blessings

Bob

[chevalier]

Curts are more concerned with offending the mother than they are with what is best for the the child and the father.

Women constsntly complain that men do not step up to the plate but when they do and the woman doesn't like it then all of that goes out the window and it becomes a different game altogether.

Fathers are simply expendable next to a woman's desires. If she doesn't want the real father to be a part of the childs life because she either wants to go it alone or because she has a different man who she likes better well then she is supported in court in her choice to get rid of the actual father of the child.

[FFFF]

Originally Posted by Percy

Everyone condemns 'deadbeat dads' but when a chap tries to be a dad he gets kicked in the arse as well.

Men cannot win, it seems.



Its so often that we do not want to say what should really happen, just because we might (or might not) have done something stupid ourselves once.

This man was stupid. He had an affair with a married woman. At the very least he should be considered mentally deranged. She was married. She had taken vows. She needs horse-whipping in the town square. No friggin' excuses.

The Judges should be taken and put against the wall. They interfere and create more problems than they solve.

And these questions are easy to solve.

* All kids should have a DNA test at birth.

* Fathers and mothers should be totally responsible for their offspring. Wholly, exclusively, jointly and severally.

There is no mention in the article of the non-bio father who is raising another man's child. The cuckolded man. Where is his compensation? He should sue both Rhoades and his wife.

Rhoades should not only be 'granted' fatherhood, he should be paying the chap who is bearing the cost.

Have you ever thought of becoming a judge percy?

You seem to do as good a job!!

You seem to yet again show how you have this major dissconect going on somewhere than enables you to suggest a solution that has already failed and suggest nothing that helps the father on a practical level..

My idea for the solution would be for the blokes to slug it out in the traditional way, but since they are obviously both as hopeless as each other, well, its their problem to deal with either way!!