An annoying thing about child support.

[onegirl]

Do you ever feel like your children don't recognize the financial contribution you make to them? A little while ago my husband's son said something to the effect of "You don't buy most of my clothes, my mom does"...

Um, excuse me?

Of course I corrected him with "Your dad pays child support every month. This means that everytime your mother pays for something for you your father is also paying his share".

I mentioned that I said this on a women's board and got chewed a new ahole. The women seemed to think it was appalling that I would discuss child support with him.

It's not like we say things to him like "We are broke because we pay so much child support" or "Your mother should buy you some new shoes with the child support we pay". I merely mentioned the FACT that his father works hard to support him. WHY should it harm his child to know that his father is helping to support him.

Does anyone else feel like this????

[Stan]

Do you ever feel like your children don't recognize the financial contribution you make to them? A little while ago my husband's son said something to the effect of "You don't buy most of my clothes, my mom does"...

Um, excuse me?

Of course I corrected him with "Your dad pays child support every month. This means that everytime your mother pays for something for you your father is also paying his share".

I mentioned that I said this on a women's board and got chewed a new ahole. The women seemed to think it was appalling that I would discuss child support with him.

It's not like we say things to him like "We are broke because we pay so much child support" or "Your mother should buy you some new shoes with the child support we pay". I merely mentioned the FACT that his father works hard to support him. WHY should it harm his child to know that his father is helping to support him.

Does anyone else feel like this????

I think you did the right thing, if you say it in a positive, smiling way then the child will feel loved.

There is a weird thing about some of the things you are supposed to say or not say to the kids.

I cannot tell you how many times I got in "trouble" in court with the Judge yet I did EXACTLY what my son's therapist said.

Conversely I have been lectured by the therapist for doing EXACTLY what court said to do.

The two points of view do not match.

In the end I think the best thing to do is to trust your heart and do what seems right, and to make sure the kids are getting attention and guidance when those tricky issues / questions / behavior comes up.

[Marx]

I agree that you did the right thing, in fact, even if you had not done it now, the lad would learn when he matures... he'd learn damn quickly if he becomes a non resident father himself. Suddenly, any qualms will be understood and put aside.

[Stan]

he'd learn damn quickly if he becomes a non resident father himself. Suddenly, any qualms will be understood and put aside.

That is an excellent point. I am dealing with an alienation situation personally. So I have done research, attended seminars and so forth.

I have also spoken to others who have a child alienated from them. And to adult children who were alienated from a parent when they were little.

Several I came across reunited with their Dad AFTER they went through a divorce and so they experienced what their own Dad went through. For some it is like a light bulb went off...suddenly they realize much more about what went on when they were a kid. And they see the terrible plight their Dad was in and now them.

I found that fascinating.

[chevalier]

Yes I think you did the right thing as well. You didn't disparage the mother or make it seem to the child that his mom didn't do anything for him.

All you did was point out the truth to him that everything his mom buys for him was also baught by his dad due to child support being sent.

Plus I think you did him a favor it would have been harmful to the boy letting him think that his father didn't contribute to his welfare.

As well it also teaches the boy not to take his father for granted or have the false belief that his mother is raising him all by herself.

[onegirl]

I also thought it was fine to mention this. I did not go into any detail as to the amount or anything like that. Those are things that he does not have to worry about.

His mother, on the other hand, discusses everything with him, and puts her own special "twist" to it. For instance? At one point my husband had petitioned to courts for joint custody with primary residence with her. When she got the paperwork she told my stepson that his father was trying to kidnap him and take him away from her and her family forever. She then violated the court order by denying all access, including phone calls. My husband called and left a civil message on her machine every night for a week (she never answers the phone). Eventually she made her son pick up the phone and blurt out "don't call here anymore, Dad" and then hang up. Can you IMAGINE the psychological damage that would do to an eight year old boy?

Sometimes I have fantasies of stangling the B....

[onegirl]

As well it also teaches the boy not to take his father for granted or have the false belief that his mother is raising him all by herself.

You don't know how many times I have heard a woman say "I am the one who buys buys the groceries that put food in his mouth and I am the one who buys him medicine when he is sick, etc"...

Yet the father pays child support.... Please.

[chevalier]

Yeah act like the father would not do these things if they could.

Many just want to claim they are doing it all by themselves with no help from anyone like it is some kind of badge of honor or something.

The mother and grandmother of my own kids act like i don't do anything for my kids.

When in reality I am blocked from being more involved with my kids by unfair and unreasonable visitation orders.

[outdoors]

u know what--i paid child support for a while-the courts were rtryin to teach me a lesson for opening my mouth on the biasness against fathers.
I pay for a lot of stuff--sports- sports equipment specialty course-hunting and swimming and usually anything else that she has no $$$ for.In the end it is the kids that benefit--not her

oh! lets not forget-snowmachines,motorbikes,four wheelers etx.... and the gas and maintenance to keep them going.

I believe she gets way more and the kids get way more this way--not to mention,i give her all my and the kids prescriptions so she can file them through her work coverage--i never see this $$$ and never ask for it.

yep payments from a dad are degrading government inflicted slavery and my ex knows that if i pay support-she wil be paying everything herself.It works out in the wash.
$$$ dad pays is $$$ he could be spending on them.

[Garak]

This goes back to the fact that child alimony takes power out of the hands of men and puts in the hands of women.

She can act like a total bitch and turn the kids against him but he still has to pay her to do it. It's absolute insanity.

How many men would stop the alimony when she refused to respect him in regards to the kids? I would and I do. So far, I have managed to keep my case out of the courts. I also stopped paying child alimony on the grounds that she didn't want me to take Alexis, she didn't trust me. She was afraid I wouldn't bring return her. In short, she was afraid I would do to her, what she is doing to me.

We all know money keeps getting tighter and tighter in the US. Last month she called and wanted money, once again I went over the terms. I set the amount and I get to take her for a few months out of the year and during that time, I pay nothing to her.

[John Dias]

Please give the link to the exact thread on the other forum where they chewed you out for reminding your kid that Dad pays too. Where can I go to see this myself?

[onegirl]

Please give the link to the exact thread on the other forum where they chewed you out for reminding your kid that Dad pays too. Where can I go to see this myself?

OMG, I wish I could! It was a forum on a board called "Momswhothink" which was recently taken down. All you can find now are some remnants of pages cached by google. Oh, how I wish I could see you guys have some fun with those feminazis!

[Marx]

Shame you can't find it.

Try this: http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://Momswhothink.com

[onegirl]

Shame you can't find it.

Try this: http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://Momswhothink.com

Interesting. I can pull up the pages but cannot get into any of the threads.

Anyways, nothing much to see but the ravings of a bunch of bitches who think that because they have a "golden uterus" the world show bow down before them.

[Stan]

She can act like a total bitch and turn the kids against him but he still has to pay her to do it. It's absolute insanity.

Yeah I hear the INSANITY part....

1) Here in Connecticut the "Constitution State" I have been trying to get my
court ordered day care costs reduced or eliminated. My son is 16, has had no day care since he was 2, part time. Yet I got ordered to pay this from age 9 onward. I am still paying for it. He could drive there (if he went) later this year. I have tried three separate times to have this removed in court. There is no day care. There is no need for day care. There are no receipts for day care. I cannot get past funds paid for this nonexistent day care back. The Judge simply asks my exe about day care and she says that she is looking into it and plans to do it soon and then the Judge will not make a change and I am left paying it. I will still be paying for day care for my son until June 2010 when he turns 18. Besides there being no day care, my exe is a highly paid exe at a large telecommunications company. It's not like this money is even noticed. This really bothers me and I cannot spend thousands more to lawyers again to try a fourth time to end it as it is cheaper to just pay it compared to paying the lawyers. What should I do?

2) I have also had to prepay his College Education. This came out of my end of the house sale proceeds, the house sold when my son was 10. Most young people go to College past age 18, when support is supposed to be over. Not only was it not to be over for me but I had to prepay in advance. Of course I'd like to pay for and save for College but by taking it all out of my house money I had to go from living in a home to an apartment. And the money is under control by my exe? This seems unconstitutional to me. It just seems so wrong to me.

I have faced many more similarly one sided situations and notice that Family Court just complies with the wishes of the Mom. Strike that. Sometimes they go beyond it like the day care and college thing. Even my exe did not ask for it but they give things like that out. It's like they are trying to shower the woman with baubles.

UGH!