I would do (and did) exactly what you did. When my son ended up flattening his bully with one shot, he was suspended. I did not punish him for the suspension. He tried all other avenues first to no avail, then he did what anyone cornered would do, fight back.

TMOTS

My daughter has the same issue going on at this time. Her mother fell out with another woman, and that woman is now using her daughter to pick on our daughter. I've been up to the school and talked to them about it.

I had to 'correct' the teacher at one point, she kept referring to it as a social problem with my daughter. I said that diluting the issue into a 'social problem' doesn't change the fact that my daughter is being bullied - and 'bullied' is the proper term for it. And second, putting it down as a social issue makes it sound like it's her fault someone else decides to kick her in the gut and throw her in a pile of mud...

I always told my son to never throw the first punch but always to throw the last one.

He was shy and quiet for much of the time and didn't follow this advice well until he was about 12, when he fought back "like a berserker" just one time. That one time was all it took for both his confidence and for being left alone (partially the same thing, of course). I'd rather he hadn't gone quite so ballistic but remaining in control in a fight takes practice.

I can't think of what else to say for your son, Richard; you're doing the best you can. With the school, tell the school head teacher or another member of the governing board (you can get all their names from the School Secretary) that you understand their anti-bullying procedures are not working properly and you will be holding them accountable for any assault your child suffers from.

Quote from Marx

...I had to 'correct' the teacher at one point, she kept referring to it as a social problem with my daughter. I said that diluting the issue into a 'social problem' doesn't change the fact that my daughter is being bullied - and 'bullied' is the proper term for it. And second, putting it down as a social issue makes it sound like it's her fault someone else decides to kick her in the gut and throw her in a pile of mud.

I use the word "assault" for something like that. It is more accurate ('bullied' includes being called names) and tends to imply legal ramifications.

It does include name calling, Douglas.

I realise name-calling isn't such a big issue, but when the one woman's children are yelling "Whore, bitch" at my daughter's mother and various (more tame) names at my daughter, I'd say there's a bit of a problem. This name-calling is happening within the school grounds when she goes to pick our daughter up.

Richard I'm not a father but I was a victim of bullying in and out of school, your son has only one choice that will end it and that is to fight like you said a little pain now to stop a lot later I reccomend you enrol him into the martial arts Judo is cheap effective and availible everywhere.

Whatever action you take, CYA.

Teaching your son to stand up for himself is an obvious step, but you need to make sure the school knows..
a) what is going on
b) what you want them to do about it
c) when you want it done by.

Talk to the teacher(s) and principal, and use a spy-pen to record all that is said.

Do not tell them that you are recording, but follow up with a letter the next day quoting your and their words.

Also send your son to school with a spy-pen. It is easily hidden in with all the other stuff (pens etc) in a coat or shirt pocket. Have him record the interactions.

Amass the evidence.

If nothing is done, contact a Solicitor and have him send a letter of intent to sue the teacher(s), the principal (by name, as Individuals) and the School.

Aside:
In the past few months I have been carrying such a pen around with me and recording every interaction with anyone in authority; with shop assistants; any woman who speaks to me; my female Doctor etc.

Matters of moment I simply transfer to my computer to a file I have established, as a permanent record.

My spy-pen cost $48 off the internet but I believe you can get them even cheaper now. It has 4 gb memory and can record sound, video and individual pictures. It has a rechargeable LiPo battery.

i have another question on bullying--How do you stop your child from being a bully?

seems i know a boy who is nothing but an arrogant little snot who thinks his shit don't stink-he has watched his mother bully her significant other all of his life and has learned the art of manipulation and evilness from a master.

tell me...how does someone curb or correct this behavior?

btw i was bullied all my life-then i grew up and actually went looking for the bullies and exacted my revenge

Kick his arse.

But don't record that.

---seems like a few day remedy only-then right back to the same shit all over again

there has to be a better way of giving him an attitude adjustment with-out any type of physical discipline

Personally, I was bullied once in middle school. Three guys cornered me in the gym. I was new to the school. They figured I would be a good outlet for some kick ass. I let the first guy give me a shot. Then it flashed in my head, if I let this go down this way, I will always be picked on for the next few years I have left at this school and probably well into high-school. I was fortunate to have been enrolled in karaté since the age of 7 so I knew how to throw a proper straight fist, thumb across the index and middle finger, and bam, a->b in a straight line. Now I say this happened in a flash. I was hit in the mouth, knowing full well it was coming, I looked to the two other boys, and made my commitment, I would fight back even though I would get a through beating. So I smashed the "leader" back in the teeth and spit the blood pooling in my mouth at the bigger guy on my right. I told him it was on. All three just turned around seeing I was not going to be the victim they wanted me to be. This was a huge confidence builder for me. I was NEVER ever bullied again at this school. This event even made it's way around the school that very day, and the new guy (me) was quite popular after that.

My advice is also as the others. I didn't have time to involve my dad, but since you have been told of your son's difficulties before confrontation, then talking to the school,(try to make this anonymous for your son, it would not do for his esteem if his father overtly came to the school to defend him) is best and have then deal with it the best they can. This will not however keep the bullies from grabbing him off school grounds, this is where YOU show him how to punch and kick as best he can. Have him practice with you. Stress that this is only for defense and he will be heavily reprimanded if he uses the techniques you showed him for offense. He will like the fact that you gave him tools to help himself out. No boy wants to be bullied and it is worst when someone else comes to his defense. That is where the esteem issues start. So giving him tools to deal with it is best for the child. Also try to teach him to outwit with his mind first, and if this does not work, a good punch to the nose does wonders. Suspension will be a worry, but the long term is better than a small suspension for his esteem.

Quote from Percy

In the past few months I have been carrying such a pen around with me and recording every interaction with anyone in authority; with shop assistants; any woman who speaks to me; my female Doctor etc.

It sounds like you've been having a lot of fun with this new gadget Percy. I'm just picturing you, armed with your pipe and a trench coat, sleuthing your way around the neighbourhood in a stealthy manner.

But yes, I can definitely see the advantages for any chap owning one. It's admissible in a court of law, which trumps any he said, she said bollocks.

A worthwhile investment indeed.

I thought it was only admissible in court if the person being recorded was in accord of being on camera. Maybe this law differs from one country to another. My thought was that in North America, this was illegal. Consent to be filmed must be given.

Quote from nickb275

I thought it was only admissible in court if the person being recorded was in accord of being on camera. Maybe this law differs from one country to another. My thought was that in North America, this was illegal. Consent to be filmed must be given.

i think it can be used if she lies-but only to prove she/he is lieing

otherwise it can be used against you as abuse-gasp!

how dare anyone record someone(woman) flipping out when the kids are around

Quote from nickb275

I thought it was only admissible in court if the person being recorded was in accord of being on camera. Maybe this law differs from one country to another. My thought was that in North America, this was illegal. Consent to be filmed must be given.

The law on recording does indeed vary from place to place and in the USA from state to state. There are two issues: the legality of recording and the admissibility of the recording in court.

Mostly (but not everywhere) the law on the legality of recording someone without their consent is based on the principle that if the recording is effectively an aide to memory, it is legal without notice. So recording yourself and another having a telephone conversation, without telling them you are recording, is often legal. However, recording by video someone holding the same conversation might be illegal, since you are likely to be able to notice things on the recording which a typical person would not be able to notice in a live situation. Recording unconnected people who are unaware of your presence (such as in a phone tap) is usually illegal unless all parties are on public property and taking no distinct effort to prevent themselves being recorded.

The admissibility in court as evidence is a different issue. Any defence lawyer will try to undermine any evidence put forward against his client and with typical domestic digital equipment, this is quite easy. A court might allow it as circumstantial or they might entirely disbar it as evidence. Oddly enough, a Canadian case a few years ago disallowed the recording of an argument but allowed the transcript of the recording. Your local courts may differ..