I was in the doldrums after reading Tera's last thread on the little girl starved to death. The words escaped me. My friend Amfortas came to rouse me with a few of his.
He posted a reply to a short piece by Denise Noe , a sometime contributor here and a semi-demi-femi that he gets along with quite well. and wanted me to see it. You might like to as well. It is the eigth comment down. Quote: http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/08/01/you-are-not-the-father-said-as-a-lying-taunt/#comment-64834
Denise Noe
You are NOT the father–said as a lying taunt
August 1, 2008 at 8:22 am · Filed under Vox Populi
You are NOT the father – said as a lying taunt
As readers of my blog know, I watch the Maury show. I was struck recently by a reason men give for doubting their paternity that doesn’t come up frequently but has come up enough to be troubling. Mothers are on the program insisting that there is no other possible father for a child or children. They are extremely distressed that the man in question has been denying paternity and often ignoring what she insists is his child or children.
In the cases I’m referring to, DNA evidence conclusively proved the man was the biological father.
Then we come to the man’s reason for denying paternity. The woman taunted, “You are NOT the father.” She later retracted this statement saying it had only been made in a fit of anger.
However, it is an extremely dangerous taunt to hurl. It strikes at a core vulnerability specific to men: that not being burdened with the physical costs of carrying and giving birth, they are not blessed with the certainty that accompanies those costs (barring the occasional hospital mix-up).
Mothers who say, “You are NOT the father” knowing they are lying are not just fibbing. They are planting a seed – a devastatingly bad seed that will almost inevitably flower into suspicion, anger, mistrust toward themselves as well as, what is even worse, possible neglect by the father of his child. They are harming the father, they are harming themselves, and they are harming their children.
It ought to stop. Routine DNA testing of all babies born will stop it.
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8 Comments »
1.NOWMEN.NET said,
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I agree. There should be mandatory DNA testing at birth before a father is put on the birth certificate. This would help prevent Paternity Fraud and extramarital affairs. 25% of 400,000 yearly DNA prove the husband is not the biological father.
August 1, 2008 at 9:22 am
2.rast4406 said,
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I’m glad you brought up this topic, and it reminds me of a struggle I went through a few years ago, pondering the paternity of my children.
They two children were born before DNA testing was inexpensive, easily and widely available.
And now, knowing what I know about my (then) wife, there might be some doubt to their paternity.
I’ve paid child support for years for them, always wondering if they were mine.
I thought about asking for DNA tests when they became more commonplace, but you know what?
I decided that, now that I am bonded with them, now that I love them so? There could be no good outcome, even if they are my children. Here’s how I figure it:
Outcome 1: One is my child, one isn’t. How do I proceed? I love them both, but this information makes for some truly bizarre dynamics.
Outcome 2: Neither is my child. How would I proceed? I love them, care for them and … do I break that off and deny them the rest of my life? I can’t see that somehow, even though I’m not the biological father.
Outcome 3: Both are my children. Good news, but then, for the rest of our lives, my children might would ask, “Dad, what would you have done if one/both of us weren’t your child?”
In the end, I decided some questions might be better off left unasked. If the day comes where it were to become an issue - medical procedures requiring a DNA family member, for example - we can do DNA tests then and deal with any issues that arise.
Tough choices, that’s for sure. Tear my family up even more, potentially plant long-term poisonous seeds, or stay a potentially duped Dad? For now, anyway, I choose to stay blissfully ignorant.
In closing, agreed: DNA testing for all births should be mandatory, with verifiable delivery of the results to BOTH parents.
August 1, 2008 at 9:26 am
3.rastus said,
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How about Outcome 2a: Neither is your child, but you still love them and care for them. But you stop being a victim of extortion by the state and your ex, and let the state go after the true biological father. Whether you attempt to recover from him money already paid is a decision you’d have to make if/when the time comes.
In cases like these, when a bond has been formed, there’s no reason why a man who has been the only father the kids have known should not be able to continue in that role, whether he’s paying for them or not.
August 1, 2008 at 10:30 am
4.rast4406 said,
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That’s a possibility.
If it were primarily a financial decision.
But I’d rather pay - even if the ex benefits - and see my children healthy, happy, living indoors and doing well instead of hoarding my cash and hoping the biological father comes along and care for them.
August 1, 2008 at 11:03 am
5.NOWMEN.NET said,
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I commend you on thinking that way but once one man does it and then another and women know that they can get away with fraud and get income from it in the form of child support. You cut away at men’s rights and true equality fro women. That just lets them know they can get away with it and benefit from deceit. You are letting the woman get off easy. Let her pay on her own for the child that is not yours. Equal Rights should mean equal responsibility. Her dirty deeds should not cost you…That is where Feminism wins. Men do the right thing for the child and women jump on that train.
August 1, 2008 at 11:43 am
6.rast4406 said,
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Well thanks. Like I said, tough choices.
Nowmen, I actually agree with you … it does help undermine true equality and I hate it.
In order to balance some of that out, I’m in the tenth year of my personal marriage strike. I’ve had numerous women creep into my life, wanting me to be the sugar daddy. Anymore, I shoot them down and expose them as whores. I refuse to to pay for dates or support some woman just because she has a vagina.
As we get older, life seems oftentimes to be a series of tough trade-off choices.
August 1, 2008 at 12:21 pm
7.NOWMEN.NET said,
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I have been on a 7 year marriage strike myself and I doubt I will ever do it again. It is too risky for a man that has assets to get married with 70% of divorces filed by women. I’m not willing to lose half my assets just because I was married for a few years. lol. Whore is a strong word and I try to leave the negative name calling out. But I agree I am no longer a push over for women and I dont tolerate the BS. Especially when women make such a big deal to tell you how independent they are..then expect a man to pay for everything.
August 1, 2008 at 1:46 pm
8.amfortas said,
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A nicely balanced article and view, Denise. And I agree that mnadatory testing at birth is the only way to go to stop this whole racket.
To your ‘money shot’ though. The taunt. We live with a huge female hubris that women are the empaths of society. They have finely tuned emotional intelligence. Everyone with a vagina is a friggin’ emotional Einstein.
“She later retracted this statement saying it had only been made in a fit of anger.”
Anger? That wicked emotion that only affects men, who can’t control themselves? This is a woman - that special species that is friggin’ perfect and which casts blame on all men for their lack of control.
No. This woman knew precisely what she was doing and lied by putting it down to ‘anger’ She can’t have it both ways. Women cheat and then reserve the truth to fling as a weapon to damage and destroy. That is what she was doing. She stabbed a heart.
You are quite right in indicating men’s vulnerability in this issue of ‘Am I the father; How can I be as certain as a mother is’. But his vulnerability is not limited just to uncertainty. She knows that. She knows (while denying him) that he has deep feelings too that can be turned against him and damage him. His devastation - evidenced by the possibilities outlined by rast4406 above - can affect his whole life and confront him with even more damage on a much wider scale, constraining him in his own ability to acknowledge truth and do what is right for his/not his children. A damage multiplier. A heartache multiplier.
Women are well aware of this power to destroy a man; destroy his ability to EVER trust a woman again. But does that stop evil ones like this five minute of fame bitch who tries to squeeze the last drop of ill-gotten compassion by saying “it wasn’t my fault; I was angry’.
It is said by some that a false accusation of sexual abuse is the ‘nuclear bomb’ in divorce cases. It is a ‘nominal’ bomb. Atomic. 20 kiloton. The 20 megaton Nuke is ‘It’s not your child’.
August 2, 2008 at 12:18 am |
I have tried all my life to leave the place better than I found it. But there are 6 billion other buggers out there messing it up. I am outnumbered. But... YOU don't just make a difference, you make THE difference. |
2nd-August-2008
