Myths and Facts Concerning Divorced Families

Myth: Single-mother-headed households are not detrimental to children.

Truth: Single-mother-headed households are the most dangerous place a child can be.

Proof:

The US Office of Technology Assessment (1987): "The increase in the number of mother-headed households and the corresponding decrease in father-headed households paralleled a 158% increase in child abuse and neglect in the 8 years from 1976 to 1984. 2.3% of sexual abuse of girls was by biological fathers, and 17% by stepfathers. 37% of child maltreatment occurred in mother-headed households, versus 23% in all US families. 44,700 children were sexually abused in 1979 which was .07% of all children below the age of 18 years of age." In 1983, a study found that 60% of perpetrators of child abuse were women with sole custody. According to the Department of Justice, 55% of child murders are by their own mothers, and 6% are by their biological fathers, making mothers 9 times more likely to murder their children than biological fathers.

The Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-3) from the US Department of Health and Human Services paints an appalling picture.

According to this report, children in mother-only households are 4 times more likely to be fatally abused than children in father-only households. Children in mother-only households are 40% more likely to be sexually abused than children in father-only households. Women (mothers and female care givers) are 78% of the perpetrators of fatal child abuse, 81% of natural parents who seriously abuse their children, 72% of natural parents who moderately abuse their children, and 65% of natural parents who are inferred to have abused their children. Natural mothers are the perpetrators of 93% of physical neglect, 86% of educational neglect, 78% of emotional neglect, 60% of physical abuse, and 55% of emotional abuse.

Moreover, the lives of children are rarely improved when the custodial mother remarries. When the perpetrator of abuse is a non-natural parent, males [read: non-biological fathers] are the perpetrators of 90% of physical abuse, 97% of sexual abuse, 74% of emotional abuse, and 82% of educational neglect.

Between 1986 and 1993, as the number of single-mother households increased dramatically, fatal child abuse increased 46% and serious child abuse increased four fold. Clearly, eliminating fathers from the lives of our children has been a cultural catastrophe unmatched in history.



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Myth: 95% of all Domestice Violence is perpetrated by Men.

Truth: Women assault men more often than men assault women.

Proof:

Physical Assaults By Wives: A Major Social Problem Dr. Murray A. Straus, edited by Richard J. Gelles and Donileen R. Loseke. [1993, Current Controversies on Family Violence]. This report debunks many of the tabloid myths about domestic conflict in detail. (a) After adjusting for actual injuries, the numbers of cases of severe spousal abuse is only about 10% of the 1.8-million cases claimed by the domestic violence lobby ("one every 14 seconds...). (Women initiate serious spousal conflict more often than do men. © Studies generated by "women's centers" intentionally suppress unfavorable data and avoid questions that would lead to unfavorable responses. (d) Data generated from police reports is unreliable. (e) Murder rates for women are higher than than of men. (f) "the Clinical Fallacy": public policy responses to domestic conflict behave as if all conflict were clinical in nature, and do not reflect the fact the most domestic conflict is minor and infrequent in nature. (g) Cultural norms encouraging minor assaults by wives encourages wife beating.

The May/June 1999 issue of Mother Jones magazine has an article by Nancy Updike titled "Hitting the Wall: After 20 years of domestic violence resarch, scientists can't void hard facts." It focuses on research showing that women are perpetrators as well victims of domestic violence. Here is the opening paragraph:

"A surprising fact has turned up in the grimly familiar world of domestic violence: Women report using violence in their relationships more often than men. This is not a crack by some antifeminist cad; the information will soon be published by the Justice Department in a report summarizing the results of in-depth, face-to-face interviews with a representative sample of 860 men and women whom researchers have been following since birth. Conducted in New Zealand by Terrie Moffitt, a University of Wisconsin psychology professor, the study suports data published in 1980 indicating that wives hit their husbands at least as often as husbands hit their wives."

The article then goes on to discuss the generally unreliable and ideology-driven state of domestic violence research, and analyzes Moffitt's research:

"What she found was that the women in her study who were in violent relationships were more like their partners, in many ways, than they were like the other women in the study. Both the victims and the aggressors in violent relationships, Moffitt found, were more likely to be unemployed and less educated than couples in nonviolent relationships. Moff also found that 'female perpetrators of partner violence differed from nonviolent women with respect to factors that could not be solely the result of being a violent relationship.' Her research disputes a long-held belief about the nature of domestic violence: If a woman hits, it's only in response to her partner's attacks. The study suggests that some women may be prone to violence - by nature and circumstance - just as some men may be." ------------- Citation: Mother Jones May/June 1999, Hitting the Wall: After 20 years of domestic violence resarch, scientists can't avoid hard facts, Nancy Updike

A 1994 British study by Michelle Carrado and others, interviewed 1,800 men and women with heterosexual partners. Some 11% of the men but only 5% of the women said heir current partner had committed acts of violence towards them, ranging from pushing, through hitting, to stabbing. Five per cent of married or cohabiting men ported two or more acts of violence against them in a current relationship, compared with only 1% of women. A further 10% of men but 11% of women said they had ommitted one of these violent acts.

Study after study shows women are not merely violent in self-defence but strike the first blow in about half of all disputes. The American social scientists Murray Straus and Richard Gelles reported from two large national surveys that husbands and wives had assaulted each other at approximately equal rates, with women engaging in minor acts of violence more frequently. Elsewhere, they found more wives than husbands were severely violent towards their spouses.

Moreover, there is now considerable evidence that women initiate severe violence more frequently than men. A survey of 1,037 young adults born between 1972 and 1973 in Dunedin, New Zealand, found that 18.6% of young women said they had perpetrated severe physical violence against their partners, compared with 5.7% of young men. Three times more women than men said they had kicked or bitten their partners, or hit them with their fists or with an object. (Quoted: The Sunday Times, 24 October 1999, NEWS REVIEW, "Women are at least as violent as men, but the evidence is everywhere being dismissed or ignored", By Melanie Phillips



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Myth: Domestic Violence is a prevalent problem in our nation's families.

Truth: Less that 1% of families in America experience serious domestic violence. REPEAT SEVERE DV OCCURS IN LESS THAN 1% of COUPLES

16% of American couples experience physical assault in any given year. Slapping, pushing, shoving, etc.
6% or 3,000,000 couples experience severe assaults choking, severe beating, etc.
1% experience repeated severe violence (you know, the ones that restraining orders are supposed to protect!)
Source: Intimate Violence, Simon & Shuster, 1998 Richard Gelles & Murray Strauss.



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Myth: Child support and visitation are two separate issues.

Truth: They are intimately connected.

Proof:

"Paying child support, visiting and participating in childrearing decisions are activities that "go together"...Fathers who engage in any one of those three activities are likely to engage in the other two activities perhaps to maintain parallel responsibilities with those fulfilled by fathers who live with their children." (pg. 96, Col. 2, 3, Lines 4 - 11) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"Paternal visitation has been found to consistently be positively related to payment of child support" (pg. 134, col. 1, 2, lines 16 - 18) The Role of Paternal Variables in Divorced and Married Families - Amanda Thomas and Rex Forehand, American Journal of Othopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 1, January 1993

"90.2% of fathers with joint custody pay the child support due." (pg. 7, col. 1, 2, lines 1 - 2) U.S. Bureau of the Census: 1988

"79.1 % of fathers with visitation privileges pay the child support due." (pg. 7, col. 1, 2, lines 2 - 3) U.S. Bureau of the Census: 1988



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Myth: Fathers really don't want to be involved with their children after divorce:

Truth: Fathers care deeply about their children and suffer sever consequences as a result of divorce.

Proof:

"Fathers often experience intense conflicts with their former spouses, and these conflicts typically interfere with their on- going parent-child relationships." (pg. 279, col. 2, 2, lines 15 - 19) Increasing Our Understanding of Fathers Who Have Infrequent Contact With Their Children - James R. Dudley, Professor, University North Carolina, under a grant from Temple University, Family Relations, Vol. 4, No. 3, July 1991

"Fathers felt their bargaining power to be weaker than the mother's and mentioned the repeated need for compromise and negotiation to maintain regular involvement with the children." (pg. 60, 3, lines 13 - 15) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"Most men were dissatisfied with the frequency of visitation" (pg. 54, 4 lines 5) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"70% of fathers felt they had too little time with their children." (pg 54, 4, lines 5 - 7) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"Non custodial parents, who are usually men, are likely to be negatively affected in psychological ways. A most pervasive problem is suffering caused by the feeling that they have lost their children." (pg. 279, col. 2, 2, lines 1 - 5) Increasing Our Understanding of Fathers Who Have Infrequent Contact With Their Children - James R. Dudley, Professor, University North Carolina, under a grant from Temple University, Family Relations, Vol. 4, No. 3, July 1991

"Divorced fathers reported significantly more depressive symptoms than did married fathers." (pg. 130 Col. 2, 2, lines 6 - 10) The Role of Paternal Variables in Divorced and Married Families - Amanda Thomas and Rex Forehand, American Journal of Othopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 1, January 1993



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Myth: Children adjust to divorce.

Truth: Divorce is devastating to children.

Proof:

"Very few of the children were satisfied with the amount of contact with their fathers, after divorce." (pg. 50, 2, lines 1 - 3) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"A child living with his/her divorced mother, compared to a child living with both parents is 375% more likely to need professional treatment for emotional or behavioral problems and is almost twice as likely to repeat a grade of school, is more likely to suffer chronic asthma, frequent headaches, and/or bedwetting, develop a stammer or speech defect, suffer from anxiety or depression, and be diagnosed as hyperactive." National Center for Health Statistics

"55.3% of children living with divorced mothers and 59.2% of children living with remarried mothers, suffer from anxiety or depression."National Center for Health Statistics

"In 21 of 27 social adjustment measures and 8 of 9 academic measures, children of divorce show lower performance than children in two parent families. The results were far more pronounced for boys, than for girls." Nationwide Impact on Children of Divorce Study, John Guidubaldi, Ph.D., former President, School Psychologists Association

"Daughters in single mother homes have more negative attitudes toward men in general and their fathers in particular." (pg. 146 , 2, lines 5 - 8) Interparental Conflict, Relationship with the Noncustodial Father, and Adolescent Post-Divorced Adjustment - Gene Brody and Rex Forehand, University of Georgia, Journal of Applied Psychology, Vol. 11, No. 2, April - June 1990



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Myth: Sole custody provides a more stable environment for children and is better in the long run.

Truth: Joint custody is better for children.

Proof:

"One clear message from the accumulated divorce research is that children profit by continued exposure to both parents" (pg. 61, 1, lines 1 - 3) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"Children who were able to maintain post-divorce relationships with both parents were better able to adjust to the divorce." ( pg. 50, 3, lines 5 -7) Visitation and the Noncustodial Father - Mary Ann P. Koch, Carol R. Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, Winter 1984

"The continuing involvement of divorced fathers in families where mothers maintain physical custody has become recognized as an important mediating factor in the adjustment and well-being of children of divorce." (pg. 441, col. 2, 1, lines 4 - 9) The Effect of the Post Divorce Relationship on Paternal Involvement: A Longitudinal Analysis - Constance R. Ahrons, Ph.D., and Richard B. Miller, Ph.D., American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 3, July 1993

"Children recover more rapidly from the emotional trauma of parents' separation when they maintain close ties with their fathers." (pg. 1013, Col. 2, 2, lines 13 - 24 continued on pg. 1014, Col. 1, 1, lines 1) Family Ties after Divorce: The Relationship Between Visiting and Paying Support - Judith A. Seltzer, Nora Shaeffer, Hong-wen Charing, University of Wisconsin, Journal of Marriage & the Family, Vol. 51, No. 4, November 1989.

"Adolescents who reported closer relationships with their non custodial fathers were assessed as displaying fewer internalizing problems." (pg. 139, 1, lines 8 - 10) Interparental Conflict, Relationship with the Noncustodial Father, and Adolescent Post- Divorced Adjustment - Gene Brody and Rex Forehand, University of Georgia, Journal of Applied Psychology, Vol. 11, No. 2, April - June 1990

"Fathers who have frequent contact with their children are also more likely to discuss the children with the mother." (pg. 89, Col. 1, 2, Lines 10 - 13) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"Fathers who visit their children are most likely to have a voice in major child-rearing decisions." (pg. 90, Col. 1, 2, Lines 8 - 10) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"When both parents share the social and economic responsibilities of child care, children appear to adapt better to their changed living arrangements than when mothers bear these responsibilities alone." (pg. 79, Col. 1, 1, Lines 18 - 24) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"Friendliness [between parents] increased with greater contact frequency" Post-divorce Relationships between Ex-Spouses: The Roles of Attachment and Interpersonal Conflict - Carol Masheter, University of Utah, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Volume 53, (February 1991): 103 110



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Myth: Fathers are easily replaced after divorce.

Truth: Fathers are irreplaceable.

Proof:

"Fathers have much to offer their adolescent children in many areas, including their career development, moral development, and sex role identification." (pg. 284, col. 2, 5, lines 6 - 10) Increasing Our Understanding of Fathers Who Have Infrequent Contact With Their Children - James R. Dudley, Professor, University North Carolina, under a grant from Temple University, Family Relations, Vol. 40, No. 3, July 1991

"Fathers who spend time with their children teach them values." (pg. 87, Col. 1, 2, Lines 23 - 26) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"Fathers and children who maintain close touch through visiting communicate regularly in other ways as well." (pg. 85, Col. 2, 1, Lines 23 - 25) Relationships between Fathers and Children Who Live Apart: The Father's Role after Separation - Judith A. Seltzer, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, No. 1, February 1991

"Frequent contact with the father is associated with positive adjustment of the children." (pg. 441, col. 2, 1, lines 18 - 20) The Effect of the Post Divorce Relationship on Paternal Involvement: A Longitudinal Analysis - Constance R. Ahrons, Ph.D., and Richard B. Miller, Ph.D., American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 3, July 1993

"Fathers play a significant role in terms of adolescent functioning" (pg. 134, col. 2, 2, lines 21 - 23) The Role of Paternal Variables in Divorced and Married Families - Amanda Thomas and Rex Forehand, American Journal of Othopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 1, January 1993

"Males who reported high levels of inter-parental conflict and a good relationship with their fathers were perceived [by their teachers] to have fewer internalizing problems. A similar set of results emerged for the female adolescents" (pg. 144, 1, lines 1 - 3 and pg. 144, 2, line 1) Interparental Conflict, Relationship with the Noncustodial Father, and Adolescent Post- Divorced Adjustment - Gene Brody and Rex Forehand, University of Georgia, Journal of Applied Psychology, Vol. 11, No. 2, April - June 1990

"Significant correlations were found between the father's reports of positive relationships with their adolescent offspring and teacher reports of less anxiety/withdrawal on the part of the adolescents." (pg. 130, col. 2, 3, lines 7 - 12) The Role of Paternal Variables in Divorced and Married Families - Amanda Thomas and Rex Forehand, American Journal of Othopsychiatry, Vol. 63, No. 1, January 1993



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Myth: There is about $34 Billion in unpaid child support waiting to be collected.

Truth: This figure is vastly overstated:

Proof:

"In 1992 the Institute for Research on Poverty at the University of Wisconsin found that 52% of obligors who are delinquent in their child support payments earn less than $6155 per year. That's not enough to support one person. And in a report by the General Accounting Office, 66% of mothers who do not receive support report that the fathers cannot afford to pay the support ordered. (The report also found that up to 14% of child support obligors are deceased.)

Other government reports show that in cases where there are court orders for support, 76% of fathers pay. According to Justice Department statistics, there are about 950,000 men in state and federal prisons. A survey of these inmates found that 76% of federal prisoners and 64% of state prisoners have one or more children. And there are thousands of men in mental institutions, drug rehab centers and homeless shelters. When you consider the numbers of unemployed, disabled or ill, the portrait of the deadbeat dad as callous falls apart. (quoted in Playboy article, DEAD-BROKE DADS, Why cold, hard cash just isn't enough by Stuart A. Miller and Armin A. Brott, February 1996 - Playboy Magazine)

Florida conducted a test in order to determine the feasibility of contracting out their child support collections to private firms. In their test, two very large firms, Maximus, and Lockheed-Martin, were contracted to perform two tasks: 1) to investigate a number of cases and close those that were uncollectible, for whatever reason; and, 2) to collect whatever they could. Lockheed was assigned 101,325 cases and closed 37,270, for which the company was paid roughly $2.2 million. For its efforts during 14 months, it managed to collect $137,839 in child-support payments. This means they collected an average of only $2.00 per case. Maximus closed 46,692 of 89,560 cases and was paid $2.25 million. Out of the remaining 42,868 cases, it got 12 individuals to cough up a total of $5,867. Put more simply and directly, Florida spent $4.5 million to collect about $162,000. They also proved that approximately 44% of the cases in their files were either duplicates, which doubled the indicated child support owed, or were completely uncollectible, for any number of reasons. (Kathleen Parker s commentary that appeared in the Orlando Sentinel on January 24, 1999. Additional data supplied by by Donna O Neal whose title is Taxpayer Education Director for the Florida Department of Revenue )



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Myth: Child support obligors have the money to pay their child support. Their arrears are the result of willful non-payment.

Truth: Most child support arrears are owed by fathers who have no money and no hope of paying.

Proof:

In a recent study performed by the State of Colorado concerning the effect of license suspension and child support collection, only 35% of those who were threatened with license suspension even had a valid drivers license.

Threats of license suspension yielded an average of only $9 per month per case increase in child support collection.

Colorado Model Office Project EVALUATION OF COLORADO'S DRIVER'S LICENSE SUSPENSION INITIATIVE Jessica Pearson, Ph.D. , Nancy Thoennes, Ph.D., Esther Ann Griswold, M.A. Center for Policy Research 1720 Emerson Street, Denver, Colorado 80218 303/837-1555

Quotes from this study indicate clearly that so called "Deadbeat Dads" are very often not well-to-do: From the Department of Motor Vehicles we found that most obligors were in the DMV system. About two-thirds of the obligors had been issued a regular adult license by the DMV. About 8 percent had been issued temporary licenses, provisional permits (the license issued to drivers between 18-21 years of age), or minor's permits. Approximately 6 percent had been issued commercial licenses. Approximately 20 percent had never been issued a license, although some of these obligors (8%) were in the DMV system because they had applied for an adult identification card.

Knowing whether an obligor had ever been issued a license, however, did little to predict who had a valid license when the notification of suspension was sent. As Table 3 indicates, only about 35 percent had a valid license on the eve of reporting to the DMV. Thirty-eight percent had a license that had been suspended or revoked, and 23 percent did not have licenses but were eligible to apply.

We also extracted information on the total number of citations received by obligors who had been issued licenses. About 11 percent of the obligors had never been ticketed. Overall, each obligor received an average of 10 violations, and the median was 7. Forty percent had been ticketed most recently in either 1996 and/or 1997. Approximately 40 percent of the obligors who had been issued licenses had violations, actions or judgments related to alcohol, 55 percent had violations related to lack of proper insurance, and 39 percent had been cited for driving without a valid license. We reported in Table 3 that 38 percent of all obligors who qualified for DLS reporting had a revoked or suspended license at the time DLS notification went out and 35 percent had a valid license. But even among many of those with a valid license, their license had expired.

Two-thirds of the obligors eligible for DLS notification (66%) been the subject of a license revocation or susension at some time in the past. The two most common reasons for the revocations were lack of insurance (25%) and alcohol related violations (23%). Other common reasons included excessive points (17%) or habitual offender status (16%). The profile of obligors eligible for suspension from the DMV data would lead us to expect that notification of driver's license suspension would prompt action by only a small percentage. Less than half of those notified had a valid non-commercial driver's license at the time of the DLS reporting, about two-thirds had had a license suspended in the past, and well over a third had been cited in the past for driving without a valid license.

These calculations suggest that every eight months $7,287 additional child support is collected for each 100 cases with driver's license notification. Steven K. Buster, the new head of Los Angeles County's child support operation, has said that, based on the agency's previous experience with parents who are criminally charged or child support delinquency, about 35% will ultimately pay support. This means that fully 65% don't pay, even though they are charged with criminal delinquency.

(Los Angeles Times, Saturday, August 7, 1999, D.A.'s Sweep of Delinquent Parents Also Nets Criticism , By GREG KRIKORIAN, NICHOLAS RICCARDI, Times Staff Writers)



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Myth: Child support is absolutely necessary for child well being.

Truth: When child well being is measured, money is not a relevant factor.

Proof:

A recent study of 273,000 kids conducted by Peter Benson and Judy Galbraith, authors of What Kids Need to Succeed: Proven, Practical Ways to Raise Good Kids, reports 30 requirements necessary to a child's development. Benson and Galbraith divide those assets into two categories--internal and external. Of the 16 external assets, more than half are parental contributions, including approachability, communicativeness, and involvement at school. Financial support is not mentioned as being essential to the emotional well-being of a child. Many of our greatest citizens grew up in poverty, but they managed to succeed because both parents were involved in their lives.



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Myth: Unwed fathers typically abandon the mother and child.

Truth: Unwed fathers are most often closely tied to their offspring and the mother:

Proof:

A recent study conducted in Washington with low-income fathers ages 16 to 25 found that 63 percent had only one child; 82 percent had children by only one mother; 50 percent had been in a serious relationship with the mother at the time of pregnancy; only 3 percent knew the mother of their child only a little; 75 percent visited their child in the hospital; 70 percent saw their children at least once a week; 50 percent took their child to the doctor; large percentages reported bathing, feeding, dressing and playing with their children; and 85 percent provided informal child support in the form of cash or purchased goods such as diapers, clothing and toys.

(From Insight Magazine Vol. 15, No. 28 -- August 2, 1999 By Stephen Baskerville)



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Myth: Mothers in divorce proceedings don't misuse restraining orders.

Truth: This is a common practice fraught with abuse.

Proof:

BOSTON GLOBE: C.YOUNG: "The abuse of restraining orders"- Boston Globe-08/30/99 In a 1993 article in the Massachusetts Bar Association Newsletter, Elaine Epstein, then president of the Massachusetts Bar Association, warned that the ''frenzy surrounding domestic violence'' was leading to disturbing excesses: ''Restraining orders ... are granted to virtually all who apply... In many [divorce] cases, allegations of abuse are now used for tactical advantage.'' Under the Abuse Prevention Act of 1978, a temporary restraining order can be issued ex parte, without the defendant being notified - much less informed of the specific charges. In theory, he can present his side at a later hearing to determine if the order should be made permanent. At these hearings, however, the defendant has none of the safeguards of a criminal trial.

Cross-examination of witnesses may be severely limited, and many attorneys say that exculpatory evidence is unlikely to be given serious weight. A 1995 study by the Massachusetts courts found that of the nearly 60,000 orders issued annually, fewer than half involve even an allegation of physical violence. Epstein says that she has seen ''affidavits which just said someone was in fear, or there had been an argument or yelling.'' In 1990, the Supreme Judicial Court ruled that a claim of ''fear'' was not enough to support a restraining order: there had to be ''reasonable'' fear of ''imminent serious physical harm.'' But often, judges who worry about being perceived as insensitive to women are satisfied with an affirmative reply to ''Are you afraid of bodily harm by the defendant?'' Indeed, former state Representative Barbara Gray, a sponsor of the Abuse Prevention Act, told me three years ago that ''judges grant the restraining orders without asking too many questions'' - though she saw nothing wrong with that.

With the order in effect, any contact becomes punishable by up to two and half years of imprisonment. Legally, it doesn't matter if the contact is accidental, or if it happened with the purported victim's consent or at her initiative. Fathers hit with restraining orders based on trivial or uncorroborated allegations have been jailed for sending their kids a Christmas card, asking a telephone operator to convey the message that a gravely ill grandmother would like to see her grandchildren, or returning a child's phone call.

Critics of the law claim that a majority of restraining orders are obtained under false pretenses; defenders say that it's no more than 5 percent. But even the low estimate adds up to about 2,000 a year - hardly a trifle when individuals lose their homes, their children, and sometimes their freedom.

To many feminists, talk of vindictive, manipulative ex-wives smacks of misogyny. But to recognize that women may sometimes abuse the power they have is simply to recognize that women are human. And men, too, have misused restraining orders. In 1995, Stephen Gruning stormed into the home of ex-girlfriend Rhonda Stuart, shot and wounded her and killed her brother and her new boyfriend. He had earlier been granted two temporary restraining orders against Stuart. On that occasion, women's advocates were quick to point out that a restraining order was very easy to get and could be used as a ''coercive tool, regardless of the facts.''

When I spoke to Gray, she conceded that the use of restraining orders as weapons in divorce cases was ''always a possibility,'' but insisted that there was no way to curb such abuses without endangering women who need protection. This typical attitude bodes ill for civil rights - and it may not do victims much good. Several studies suggest that restraining orders have little, if any, protective effect. Indeed, a system bogged down in trivial pursuit may fail to single out cases of real danger.

Change in the current law is badly needed. Yet, as Senate minority leader Brian P. Lees (R-Hampden) noted, women's groups have opposed any proposal to protect the rights of defendants under restraining orders.

Charges of domestic violence, by women or men, must be taken seriously. But in the American system of justice, sensitivity to victims should never turn into a presumption of guilt.

*Cathy Young is author of ''Ceasefire!: Why Women and Men Must Join Forces to Achieve True Equality.''

Here's a link.

Ladies Against Feminism FAQ Database

Category: Equality and Egalitarianism

How can you say that men and women are not equal?
Do you think man's role is more important than woman's? Is it true you believe men should be honored more than women? Do you think that women are the inferior sex and men the superior?
What is your understanding of females in ministry? Do you have any articles refuting female ordination?


How can you say that men and women are not equal?
The real question here is how you define the word �equal.� In the mathematical, logical and literal sense, only two �likes� can stand on opposite sides of the equals sign. Thus, four equals four and two squares of exactly the same dimensions equal each other. In this sense, men and women are not equal. They are very different. This does not mean that we believe women are of lesser value or do not possess the same basic human rights and dignities as men. As we state in our About LAF section, men and women are �equal� in many ways as human beings. They have equal ethical worth. They are equally important to society. They have equal standing before God. But in the sense of sameness, they cannot stand on opposite sides of the equals sign.
Women bear and feed children from their own bodies; men do not (cannot). The majority of men have far greater bodily strength and muscle mass, while women are built completely differently. Women have a higher pain threshold than most men; but men are (as has been proven in scientific studies) better able to face panic situations (like combat) than women. These biological and psychological differences are built into us from conception (male and female babies develop differently in the womb, particularly when it comes to the brain). To then insist that men and women are 100% equal in every way becomes an absurdity. And, more to the point, why would we want to be the same? Maleness and Femaleness are complementary, not antagonistic. They are two halves of a complete whole�the whole of the human race. Working in harmony, these two parts of humanity create families, communities, and wonderful societies and cultures. Warring against each other, they actually become cannibalistic and end up devouring not only each other, but also themselves in the process.
When women refuse to accept the unique and multi-faceted responsibilities of womanhood and men refuse to accept the unique and multi-faceted responsibilities of manhood, we have chaos and confusion. Egalitarianism has had a hey-day in our culture, whispering to us that all things are the same � that there are no inherent differences between the sexes, between stations in life, between cultures, between religions, and even between right and wrong. Everything becomes relative and, therefore, up for grabs. The majority decides (for today) what will constitute Male and what will constitute Female. And we ride this insane, nauseating roller coaster uphill and down according to the whims of contemporary fashion, opinion polls and emotions. We at Ladies Against Feminism want to hold out the Idea that you can step off the roller coaster and find that life is not only stable but beautiful, rich, and affirming � that there are, indeed, eternal definitions of Male and Female, Right and Wrong, Truth and Error. We realize this seems insulting or narrow to many people. But we are here to say (with great joy), that it is exactly the opposite. The �Truth shall make you free� (John 8:32). And that freedom is one that gives us great joy, purpose, meaning and focus � it is not robbing us of our intelligence, tying us to the kitchen sink or weighing us down with drudgery and monotony. We invite you to explore this Idea with us!
Category: Equality and Egalitarianism
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Do you think man's role is more important than woman's? Is it true you believe men should be honored more than women? Do you think that women are the inferior sex and men the superior?
To give you the short answer, "No, no, and no!" ;-) Being "against feminism" has nothing whatsoever to do with dishonoring women, treating them as inferior, or saying their role is less important than a man's. If you'll take the time to read the articles in our "Theme" section, you'll find our definitions of feminism and womanhood and see that, rather than being opposites locked in a power struggle, men and women are complementary halves of a whole. Or, as J.W. Porter wrote 77 years ago, "In the very nature of the case, there can be no such thing as rivalry between man and woman. Neither constitute a sphere, but each a hemisphere, and together they make the sphere of life, love and labor." Beautiful! That's what it's all about. Thanks for asking!

Category: Equality and Egalitarianism
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What is your understanding of females in ministry? Do you have any articles refuting female ordination?
We do have articles on the site addressing this important issue. We do not believe women are to be ordained as ministers, although women are given direct commands to teach other women (one-on-one and in Bible study settings). Please visit http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com...icle_150.shtml for one article we have posted. I would also recommend Doug Wilson's article, "Ministers in Skirts," at http://www.credenda.org/issues/11-2thema.php.

Thank you for your patience!

In Christ,

Mrs. Chancey

Category: Equality and Egalitarianism
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The Ten Most Common Feminist Myths
Courtesy of the Independent Women's Forum
April 17, 2001

TAKE BACK THE CAMPUS
Are you tired of male-bashing and victimology?
Have you had your fill of feminist "Ms./Information"?
Have you been mislead by factually challenged professors?

TAKE THIS TEST:
Campus feminism is a kind of cult: as early as freshman orientation, professors begin spinning theories about how American women are oppressed under "patriarchy." Here is a list of the most common feminist myths. If you believe two or more of these untruths, you may need deprogramming.

The Ten Most Common Feminist Myths:

1. Myth: One in four women in college has been the victim of rape or attempted rape.
Fact: This mother of all factoids is based on a fallacious feminist study commissioned by Ms. magazine. The researcher, Mary Koss, hand-picked by hard-line feminist Gloria Steinem, acknowledges that 73 percent of the young women she counted as rape victims were not aware they had been raped. Forty-three percent of them were dating their "attacker" again.
Rape is a uniquely horrible crime. That is why we need sober and responsible research. Women will not be helped by hyperbole and hysteria. Truth is no enemy of compassion, and falsehood is no friend.
(Nara Schoenberg and Sam Roe, "The Making of an Epidemic," Toledo Blade, October 10, 1993; and Neil Gilbert, "Examining the Facts: Advocacy Research Overstates the Incidence of Data and Acquaintance Rape," Current Controversies in Family Violence eds. Richard Gelles and Donileen Loseke, Newbury Park, CA.: Sage Publications, 1993, pp.120-132; and Campus Crime and Security, Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, 1997. *According to this study, campus police reported 1,310 forcible sex offenses on U.S. campuses in one year. That works out to an average of fewer than one rape per campus.)

2. Myth: Women earn 75 cents for every dollar a man earns.
Fact: The 75 cent figure is terribly misleading. This statistic is a snapshot of all current full-time workers. It does not consider relevant factors like length of time in the workplace, education, occupation, and number of hours worked per week. (The experience gap is particularly large between older men and women in the workplace.) When economists do the proper controls, the so-called gender wage gap narrows to the point of vanishing.
(Essential reading: Women's Figures: An Illustrated Guide to the Economic Progress of Women in America, by Diana Furchtgott-Roth and Christine Stolba, published by the Independent Women's Forum and the American Enterprise Institute, Washington, D.C. 2000.)

3. Myth: 30 percent of emergency room visits by women each year are the result of injuries from domestic violence.
Fact: This incendiary statistic is promoted by gender feminists whose primary goal seems to be to impugn men. Two responsible government studies report that the nationwide figure is closer to one percent. While these studies may have missed some cases of domestic violence, the 30% figure is a wild exaggeration.
(National Center for Health Statistics, National Hospital Ambulatory Medical Care Survey: 1992 Emergency Department Summary , Hyattsville, Maryland, March 1997; and U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Violence-Related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments: Washington, D.C., August 1997.)

4. Myth: The phrase "rule of thumb" originated in a man's right to beat his wife provided the stick was no wider than his thumb.
Fact: This is an urban legend that is still taken seriously by activist law professors and harassment workshoppers. The Oxford English Dictionary has more than twenty citations for phrase "rule of thumb" (the earliest from 1692), but not a single mention of beatings, sticks, or husbands and wives.
(For a definitive debunking of the hoax see Henry Ansgar Kelly, "Rule of Thumb and the Folklaw of the Husband's Stick," The Journal of Legal Education, September 1994.)

5. Myth: Women have been shortchanged in medical research.
Fact: The National Institutes of Health and drug companies routinely include women in clinical trials that test for effectiveness of medications. By 1979, over 90% of all NIH-funded trials included women. Beginning in 1985, when the NIH's National Cancer Center began keeping track of specific cancer funding, it has annually spent more money on breast cancer than any other type of cancer. Currently, women represent over 60% of all subjects in NIH-funded clinical trails.
(Essential reading: Cathy Young and Sally Satel, "The Myth of Gender Bias in Medicine," Washington, D.C.: The Women's Freedom Network, 1997.)

6.Myth: Girls have been shortchanged in our gender-biased schools
Fact: No fair-minded person can review the education data and conclude that girls are the have-nots in our schools. Boys are slightly ahead of girls in math and science; girls are dramatically ahead in reading and writing. (The writing skills of 17-year-old boys are at the same level as 14-year- old girls.) Girls get better grades, they have higher aspirations, and they are more likely to go to college.
(See: Trends in Educational Equity of Girls & Women, Washington, D. C.: U.S. Department of Education, June 2000.)

7. Myth: "Our schools are training grounds for sexual harassment... boys are rarely punished, while girls are taught that it is their role to tolerate this humiliating conduct."
(National Organization of Women, "Issue Report: Sexual Harassment," April 1998.)
Fact: "Hostile Hallways," is the best-known study of harassment in grades 8-11. It was commissioned by the American Association of University Women (AAUW) in 1993, and is a favorite of many harassment experts. But this survey revealed that girls are doing almost as much harassing as the boys. According to the study, "85 percent of girls and 76 percent of boys surveyed say they have experienced unwanted and unwelcome sexual behavior that interferes with their lives."
(Four scholars at the University of Michigan did a careful follow-up study of the AAUW data and concluded: "The majority of both genders (53%) described themselves as having been both victim and perpetrator of harassment -- that is most students had been harassed and had harassed others." And these researchers draw the right conclusion: "Our results led us to question the simple perpetrator-victim model...")(See: American Education Research Journal, Summer 1996.)

8. Myth: Girls suffer a dramatic loss of self-esteem during adolescence.
Fact: This myth of the incredible shrinking girls was started by Carol Gilligan, professor of gender studies at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Gilligan has always enjoyed higher standing among feminist activists and journalists than among academic research psychologists. Scholars who follow the protocols of social science do not accept the reality of an adolescent "crisis" of confidence and "loss of voice." In 1993, American Psychologist reported the new consensus among researchers in adolescent development: "It is now known that the majority of adolescents of both genders successfully negotiate this developmental period without any major psychological or emotional disorder [and] develop a positive sense of personal identity."
(Anne C. Petersen et al. "Depression in Adolescence," American Psychologist February 1993; see also, Daniel Offer, and Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, "Debunking the Myths of Adolescence: Findings from Recent Research," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, November 1992.)

9. Myth: Gender is a social construction.
Fact: While environment and socialization do play a significant role in human life, a growing body of research in neuroscience, endocrinology, and psychology over the past 40 years suggests there is a biological basis for many sex differences in aptitudes and preferences. In general, males have better spatial reasoning skills; females better verbal skills. Males are greater risk takers; females are more nurturing.
Of course, this does not mean that women should be prevented from pursuing their goals in any field they choose; what it does suggest is that we should not expect parity in all fields. More women than men will continue to want to stay at home with small children and pursue careers in fields like early childhood education or psychology; men will continue to be over-represented in fields like helicopter mechanics and hydraulic engineering.

Warning: Most gender scholars in our universities have degrees in fields like English or comparative literature--not biology or neuroscience. These self-appointed experts on sexuality are scientifically illiterate. They substitute dogma and propaganda for reasoned scholarship.
(For a review of recent findings on sex differences see a special issue of The Scientific American "Men: The Scientific Truth," Fall 2000.)


10. Myth: Women's Studies Departments empowered women and gave them a voice in the academy.

Fact: Women's Studies empowered a small group of like-minded careerists. They have created an old-girl network that is far more elitist, narrow and closed than any of the old-boy networks they rail against. Vast numbers of moderate or dissident women scholars have been marginalized, excluded and silenced.
(Essential reading: everything by Camille Paglia; Daphne Patai and Noretta Koertge--Professing Feminism: Cautionary Tales from the Strange World of Women's Studies; and Christina Hoff Sommers--Who Stole Feminism? How Women have Betrayed Women)

**Should you encounter an item of Ms/information in one of your classes, in a textbook, or a women's center "fact" sheet, let us know. We will print it on our campus website, SheThinks.org, correct it with accurate information, and politely inform the source of the mistake.
We are a women's group dedicated to restoring reason, common sense and open discussion to the campus.

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