Why we don't have female rugby selectors

**MikeT** · 24th-January-2010

Rugged good looks, passport to All Blacks:
From Stuff:Link to article.

OPINION: Pierre and Marie Curie discovered radium in a leaky wooden shed in Paris. The Wright brothers invented the aeroplane in a bike shop in Dayton, Ohio.
If not on quite the same level, an idea that could revolutionise All Blacks selection emerged this week at the Papa Aroha camping ground, north of Coromandel.

Amid the exotic fumes of mosquito repellent, in the gentle light of a gas lantern, a group of women, ranging from the teenaged to the grandmotherly, suggested that, to attract more women to the game, the NZRU should ignore form as a criteria for All Blacks selection, and instead pick purely on looks.

There were, for a mere male observer, surprises. Some more sensitive All Blacks, especially props, are advised to stop reading right now. This is how the team panned out.
Mils Muliaina came close with his "sweetness", but Cory Jane took the fullback spot on the grounds of being more edgy.

Zac Guildford romped one wing ("lovely" was the most common description), but for the other the NZRU was urged to move heaven and earth to get Doug Howlett back, on the basis, in this order, of "legs, hair and teeth".
No shock at centre. Conrad Smith may be likeable and have a law degree, but Richard Kahui was the unanimous choice.
Ma'a Nonu was the second-five, for what was described as his teddy bear qualities. If you're reading this Ma'a, please remember I'm only reporting what the women said, I've never thought of you as soft and cuddly.

With just one dissenting vote from the grandmother corner ("he's a bit too perfect") Dan Carter for first-five was passed by acclaim, not to mention eye-rolling and some heavy breathing.
Halfback saw a sharp division between Andy Ellis ("nice hair") and Jimmy Cowan, who won support from the "we like bad boys" voting bloc, some of whom felt, given the chance, their influence could smooth out any sharp edges. In the end, nice hair won the day.

Training ground shots of Rodney So'oialo without a shirt sealed his selection at No8, and Richie McCaw fans will be pleased to hear he apparently ticked all the boxes, from looks to good manners.
Blindside flanker produced a bolter. Liam Messam's dark eyes (which apparently smoulder) and Kahui-like smile swept the Kaino-Read-Thompson challenge aside.

The eyes did it for Isaac Ross too. They were described as soulful, and male assertions that perhaps they were just expressing unhappiness about not making the end of year tour were met with a sobering amount of scorn.

If you've never thought of Brad Thorn as an object of female attraction, neither had the teenage section of the panel, but at the more mature end he was a red-hot favourite.
In Cougar World his shirts would apparently demand constant ironing, which in turn would require him to patiently wait shirtless while steam wafted around the ironing board.

There were problems in the front row. The choice of hooker went outside the square to bring in Hika Elliott, chosen for his "sparkiness", but picking props almost stumped the by-now slightly chardonnay-impaired panel. Completely ignoring the theory that props provide a depth of character that goes beyond superficial looks, Jamie Mackintosh, "because he seems a nice guy", was one, and, "if he trimmed the mullet", Clint Newlands the other.

On the bench were Victor Vito, "good looking and intelligent", and Stephen Donald, who suffered from the Carter factor.
I'm not sure that John Mitchell will be delighted that he was picked as coach, given that the selling point was how he's got "lovely soft eyes, sort of like a jersey cow".

And I can only apologise to Joe Stanley, who was wanted running on the field as the water boy, preferably garbed in Ivan Cleary style high-cut shorts.

Imagine if some guy had said we should select our national netball team on breast or maybe even arse size (actually that is not a realistic thing) alone, instead of talent, well!!

And yet we have these clowns that are actually puppets, that get dressed up in pink for Breast Cancer.
Of course, playing rugby (as most sports are) is a JOB these days, you have to do what your boss says, don't you?

**paul parmenter** · 24th-January-2010

"...to attract more women to the game..."

Ah, there you have the telling phrase. So do you want rugby to remain warfare with rules, in which men can express their energy, strength, stamina, courage, guile, skill, teamwork and that burning WILL TO WIN in a ferocious head to head contest that brings out the very best of male qualities, and is then put into context when the two teams share a beer and great stories afterwards, and become the best of friends, sometimes for life?

Or do you want to emasculate it and sell its soul for no worthwhile purpose than to attract a few more women into the audience, perhaps increasing the financial revenues but at an incalculable cost?

I played rugby at school, and it was a tough, crunching, passionate experience in every game. If you didn't crawl back to the dressing room after the match exhausted, covered in mud and with a selection of knocks, cuts and bruises to show for your efforts, then you would feel ashamed and think you had not contributed properly. I remember once being physically sick in the dressing room and not being able to move for about 20 minutes after a game, because I had run myself into oblivion on the pitch.

And all of those games were played with no audience at all. Just 30 boys and a referee in an otherwise deserted field.

Because we didn't need an audience, least of all a female one. They did not belong there; it was no place for them. And if that was true of a bunch of schoolboys just learning the game, it had better be true of the top players in the world. Coming from NZ Mike, you will know this better than most. Does not "Ka mate" in the Haka mean "I die"? And if you can't perform the Haka, you can't play for the All Blacks.

Women could never understand this. The game does not need them.

**julie** · 24th-January-2010

Growing up in Victoria, everyone had a team they backed in VFL now known as Australian rules football.

The whole game was about being a tough player until this guy bought a whole team for his girlfriend as a gift. It was never the same to me since then.

**MikeT** · 24th-January-2010

Quote from paul parmenter

So do you want rugby to remain warfare with rules, in which men can express their energy, strength, stamina, courage, guile, skill, teamwork and that burning WILL TO WIN in a ferocious head to head contest that brings out the very best of male qualities, and is then put into context when the two teams share a beer and great stories afterwards, and become the best of friends, sometimes for life?

Or do you want to emasculate it and sell its soul for no worthwhile purpose than to attract a few more women into the audience, perhaps increasing the financial revenues but at an incalculable cost?

Like you Paul, I also played rugby at school.
I absolutely played out of my skin and for the love of the GAME.
Sure, it is organised warfare, but hey, us men can handle that sort of thing, we are used to it.

**nivek** · 24th-January-2010

Weather this article is meant in jest or not its typical of females to think something that's been around for a long long time should have to change for them, if they like rugby they should concentrate on developing the women's game instead of talking bollox about the men's game. The women's game at their top level is actually quite good but could never be anywhere near as dynamic and fast moving as the men's that's why women's sport does not attract the same following as men's, it has nothing to do with discrimination or lack of funding, as women often claim, its simply because its not as entertaining to watch ..... get over it and leave our sports alone.

**Percy** · 24th-January-2010

I used to play rugger. I was a full back at school. Pretty good one too.

Once, I picked up the fact that the tussle blond-haired forwards on the other side had kicked too far across and forward. I picked it up just short of my line and ran with it past all those smouldering eyed wingers and edgy defender back-line chaps with bad-boy charm, and touched it down at their end! My goodness. All those soulful looks !

**MikeT** · 24th-January-2010

Quote from Percy

Once, I picked up the fact that the tussle blond-haired forwards on the other side had kicked too far across and forward. I picked it up just short of my line and ran with it past all those smouldering eyed wingers and edgy defender back-line chaps with bad-boy charm, and touched it down at their end! My goodness. All those soulful looks !

That's pretty good Perc'

**senach** · 24th-January-2010

I still play rugby,even though it is in the vets,it has been a constant joy in my life since i was six,i have noticed that it has already been pussified and my son has too play touch rugby and girls are included until 11,then they are totally outclassed by the stronger faster males,if rugby does fall foul of women,there is always Gealic football,saxon's and women need not apply.