Thread: gynocentric CDN syndicated advice column?

i read this the other week in the local paper and couldn't help but notice how much differently this situation would likely be treated by our society if a stepFATHER replaced the stepmother. OH, and apparently the abuse can be blamed mostly on the father, and not the actual woman committing it

"My dad has recently gotten married to a woman with whom I don't get along. We fight a lot and both of us dread coming home after school/work. A few times we have gotten into big fights where we get physical. She has slapped me across the face a few times and it scares me to think that she is now my step-mom. She has threatened to punch me in the face and when I bring it up, she either denies the whole incident, or she says she was trying to scare me. Guess what? It worked. Our fights are about chores or something that goes on at my mom’s (my step-mom doesn't like my mom because my big brother cried in her arms once and she thinks it's wrong that another woman's child cried in her arms.) While my mom was in the hospital having surgery, my dad was tried to bring her court papers. My mom wants me to move in with her, and quite frankly, I want to. Is it wrong to get a lawyer? What can I say to my dad to tell him how I feel? What do I do about the court?-Stuck in the middle

Dear Stuck:
Someone threatening to punch you in the face to “scare you,” or slapping your face is not OK. As a step-parent, I know how difficult it is to deal with a teen who is constantly reminding you that you are not their mother. That doesn't make what your stepmother is doing acceptable by any stretch of the imagination.
You have taken the first step and admitted you are both guilty of abusive behaviours, so the next step is to talk about it as a family and get in to speak to a good family counselor. Your stepmother's choice not to like your mom shouldn't affect you, or be the basis of disagreements between the two of you.
Your dad needs to step up to the plate and put a stop to her behaviour, and you need to check your attitude and behaviours and make some changes if this is going to work. If you do that, and things are still volatile at home, or you still feel you need to live with your mom, talk to your dad about it, because there may be issues to work out, depending on custody arrangements.
Don't worry about court, that is for your parents to deal with. Try and get things worked out at home, or at get least on civil terms."

the same day, this one was printed; once again note an abusive MOTHER (to be fair it appears the father did leave them). and OH NO, blowing the whistle on her might actually get a WOMAN CHARGED! god forbid

"I am 15 years old and my boyfriend is 18. I’m having a problem with my mom (it’s just us two ever since my dad left when I was a baby). She abuses me and we just don’t get along. One day I had enough and left - I was gone for just one day when I was surrounded by two police officers who came to get me because my mom wanted me home. They gave me two options, to go back to my mother, or to go to Children’s Aid. I ended up going home. Now my boyfriend doesn’t want to talk to me because he says I made the wrong choice. He’s been calling the cops and trying to get my mom charged, with no success. How do I make things better with my boyfriend?-Confused more than ever

Dear Confused:
At 15, you are still required to live with your parent/guardian. If you are being abused, whether physically, mentally or emotionally, you should speak to an adult you trust, such as a relative, a school counselor or resource officer. Running away from home and getting your boyfriend involved won’t solve anything.
You don't mention how your mom is abusive, but you do say you aren't getting along. You also seem very concerned for your boyfriend, and the fact is rather than not talking to you over this, he should be standing by and supporting you. I'm concerned that you are putting too much stock into this boy.
I want you to think long and hard about this. If you have your mom charged with child abuse, she will go to jail, and you will either go to live with a relative or in a foster home. After 16, you are pretty much free to leave, but if you do, your mom probably won't be required to provide anything for you.
I'm not saying that I don't believe you, but I remember how I was at 15, and it was easy to make things bigger than they actually were, especially when I felt like my parents were ruining my life. Make sure you understand the big picture – but this is not meant to discourage you in any way from reporting actual abuse. Instead of talking about this with your boyfriend, please talk to an adult you trust before you do anything else."

not very extreme examples, but they do display what passes for advice given to people dealing with abusive women