I always took on the view that her child was ... her child. My children were... MY children.
So while I was free to step-in on issues if need be, I left the 'ultimate' decisions on her shoulders. And she did likewise where my kids were concerned.

Sadly, this was abused heavily once we moved in with her parents (immigration reasons). She allowed her excuse for a mother to physically and mentally abuse the children. On one such occasion she took a belt to his backside and had him bent over her knees with his trousers dropped to his ankles. I protested and said there was no need for this level of punishment (he'd found his uncle's porn video and stolen the cover of it.. whooopee doo - maybe uncle pot-head should've kept it hidden out of the way?). My ex's reply was "He deserves it."

I don't actually believe she thought that - but she was so scared of disagreeing with this animal she calls a mother that she was willing to risk her children's well being, her marriage, her relationships to the children and everything she had in order to please those scumbags. Ultimately, she lost her husband, her son is stuck semi-permanently in Juvie and now her life has dissolved in this way, her mother has moved about 200 miles away from her...

So all that loss - for nothing.

One inevitable day, the children will scream back at you, for whatever reason, you are not my father!!

You will still have obligations towards them. If your relationship breaks up, you might be liable to support them because the judge thinks the children look up at you as the father. Of course, it is a ludicrous concept conceived by even bigger ludicrous judges.

My advice is stay away from single mothers, if you value your sanity. A mother will always take side with the children. Often against their natural father.


After all they are single mothers by their own volition. Let them sort it out.

NEVO

I have dated single mothers before and there was one that I wanted to get serious with. The children and the father ALWAYS complicate things and there is no avoiding that. You realy need to think about what is good for you in this situation and not the child or the mother. Remember, your interests will come last always. My ultimate suggestion would be to forget about it.

I've dated single mothers before. The core issue is that if you want to be with the woman, the children will begin to bond with you as a Masculine figure in the family dynamic, it can't be helped, it's human nature. If you want a relationship with the woman, but are concerned that you will become a father figure to the boy, perhaps you need to assess your own goals and desires in the relationship. Whether you like it or not, the young boy will form a bond with you as a father figure, it's up to you to determine if you can accept that fact and continue with the relationship.

Mrs Percy No 2 was a single mother. Both her children were grown-up though.

Well, physically grown up and 'off her hands'.

But that did not stop them both being a bloody nuisance, disrupting my home and causing strife.

Both made complete messes of their lives, both before and after I came along.

Advice: If you fall in love with a single mother, run away, hide in a mud hut in Mogadishu, chained to a wall, or shoot yourself.

Or join a Monastary. Or the French Foreign Legion.

In fact stop being you altogether as you cannot be trusted. Be someone else instead.

single mothers?

you mean the ones looking for a replacement daddy with a good sized wallet,or the ones who are tiring of tramping themselves out at the local pub?

staying away from them alltogether is the best way to go

imo-when men date single mom's it just encourages other mom's to covet the single life and destroy their family

Quote from Percy

But that did not stop them both being a bloody nuisance, disrupting my home and causing strife. Both made complete messes of their lives, both before and after I came along.

I dated a woman with a "grown up" daughter, well she was 20.......Her daughter seemed to have a knack for getting into trouble, using drugs, Et Cetera. Just when our relationship was opening up, her daughter crashed and burned and had to be sent to rehab, for the 4th time. When she got out of rehab, she moved home with Mum. That's when I came to the conclusion that I did not want to monitor her daughter for drugs (as suggested by the rehab folks). Fiinis, Finito, Done. I moved on. Just not worth the risk and effort.

I dated an older women her son was only one year my junior and served in the RAF he was not happy to see a pongo with his mum the relationship did not last.

At this point, dating a single mother is like walking barefoot into hell.
Nothing good will come of it and it won't be long before she shoves a leash up your ass.

Dating a single mother is a tough situation, especially for an MRA. If the father is willingly out of the picture, that is best but if he isn't then you have to deal with alot of shit you don't want to deal with. As an MRA you certainly don't want a willing father to be denied his child but on the other hand you don't want to be the fake father either. Luckily I am in the former situation.

I believe that if you are going to date a single mother, you need to become the father while you are there. No, you should not be obligated once the relationship has ended but while you are there give the kid a father. Fathers are good for kids.

Hi Garak,

Yes the father is very much involved. The divorce was a "model" one - a one court session, no lawyers. She does not and has not blocked his access. If she did, well I would subvert her.

I agree I would have to become the "father" while I would be there - this raises questions of discplin. One guy mailed me off group, that with discpline/problems I should liase with the real father and have a united front with him, which would an excellent idea.

Thanks for your input

Richard-that with discpline/problems I should liase with the real father and have a united front with him, which would an excellent idea.

good luck with that

Thanks, but made any decisions to be with her yet, and I am stuck in the UK for a few more months while she is in PL!

Quote from Richard

Hi Garak,

Yes the father is very much involved. The divorce was a "model" one - a one court session, no lawyers. She does not and has not blocked his access. If she did, well I would subvert her.

I agree I would have to become the "father" while I would be there - this raises questions of discplin. One guy mailed me off group, that with discpline/problems I should liase with the real father and have a united front with him, which would an excellent idea.

Thanks for your input

It seems like you're involved with a good woman. I wouldn't suggest dating a single mom unless you're a single father, but you're a man and you're making your own decision. Best wishes Richard