Quote from onegirl

I am sick and tired of hearing mothers whine that they have it so bad...and the father is getting off so easy.

One statement usually shuts them up.

"So if you think you have it so bad I have a solution for you. Trade places with him. Drop the kids off, tell him you are giving him sole custody, and start writing out the checks...".

Interestingly enough, they never seem to want to do this.

I guess it's not that bad after all!

Yes, I have tried this many times. You get the usual excuse about how HE won't take the kids or that he is a bad parent and they have to protect the kids from him and all that.

Some do just shut up.

If they are willing to listen and I explain a few of the things that went on during my marriage and post-divorce they tend to shut up. Some admit that yes some women go totally out of control and that yes noone will stand up to them or try to get things under control.

Quote from Garak

Yes, I have tried this many times. You get the usual excuse about how HE won't take the kids or that he is a bad parent and they have to protect the kids from him and all that.

Some do just shut up.

Yes, that's the typical response I've got... Many times, they don't respond at all, but of those who do - that is the typical form.

Quote from Marx

Yes, that's the typical response I've got... Many times, they don't respond at all, but of those who do - that is the typical form.

I refuse to believe there are that many "bad" fathers out there. The stats don't jive.

Quote from onegirl

I refuse to believe there are that many "bad" fathers out there. The stats don't jive.

It's just like the so-called Deadbeat Dad scenario. Many were ordered to pay way more than they can afford. In many areas of the country they are illegal aliens just scraping by. I read about a case in CA where a migrant worker who does day labor was ordered to pay 80,000 in back child support. How is he supposed to do this?

If you adjust for the ability to pay, Deadbeat Parents are actually quite rare.

If you divide true deadbeats who can pay but don't as a percentage of their gender, woman have a higher deadbeat percentage.

I agree with everything you just said.

I also think some men don't pay because they were forced out of the lives of the kids and refuse to be used as a wallet. I don't blame them. Women should not be able to have it both ways.

Having said that, my dh is one of the relative few who was forced out and never missed a payment. And his ex still whines!

All I can say is that if the father of my children up and took our children away from me, refused to let me see them, and expected me to financial support him in doing so? I might just consider splitting the country!

Quote from Stan

If you divide true deadbeats who can pay but don't as a percentage of their gender, woman have a higher deadbeat percentage.

I only know 4 women who are ncp's. One had two children who live with dad and she does not pay any support. Another lost her son to crack abuse and does not pay any support. She actually complains that the father refuses to "share" the child tax benefit with her! WTF??? One of them has two kids. One lives with her and the other with his dad. She does pay him support, but because his income is larger that hers he has to pay her. She complains about the amount and freaks out if he buys anything. Once he bought a new tv and she accused him of "not having his priorities straight". Another time he got a new front door and she screamed blue murder. Like he is never supposed to buy a thing again because they are divorced? It's stupid! The last one actually has the nerve to badmouth her ex all over town because he "refuses to pay her HER child support". Hello. wackadoodle? He has custody!!!

Quote from Billy

I'm sure many have thought about that. But if you really love your children you places an anchor on you. The governments have made laws to keep men from fleeing too. You would have to sneek out like thousands are sneeking in.

I have two boys. One is old enough to be on his own. I don't know how the wife would really behave in case of a split. They say you really don't know someone til you divorce them. My love for my son is great. I couldn't leave without him.

But what if she took them and you could not see them anyways? What if she took them when they were babies and never gave you the opportunity to bond with them in the first place? Would that be a different situation?

I don't think it should matter if he/she can pay. The child alimony system is corrupt and I refuse to blame anyone (man or woman) for not funding their own destruction!

Quote from Garak

I don't think it should matter if he/she can pay. The child alimony system is corrupt and I refuse to blame anyone (man or woman) for not funding their own destruction!

I personally think it depends on the circumstances. Sometimes child support should be paid.

Would you like me to provide an example where I think child support should be paid? For instance, if a man has an affair and leaves his wife to fend for herself and their two children? And he does not want custody or joint custody? I think the father has a responsibility to pay for HIS portion of the children's expenses. I do not think he is in any way responsible to provide for his ex. But their children? Yes.

My husband pays child support and I do not resent this in any way.

Quote from onegirl

All I can say is that if the father of my children up and took our children away from me, refused to let me see them, and expected me to financial support him in doing so? I might just consider splitting the country!

lets just re-word that and reverse the genders-for a sec...

i will tell u right now-after a couple of your posts-u make make me even more suspicious

if i were to go to a feminst site and reversed the sex of the garbage u been spewin'--iwould have had the protection of women that would say-'its all HIS fault. for your partners behaviour.

Now why do you come to an m.r.a. site and reverse everything that we are upset about?

I also want to state that although I do think child support should be paid in some circumstances I don't necessarily agree with the amount.

I think that half of the NECESSITIES should be paid for.

Example:

Mom gets pregnant. She lives in a one bedroom apartment and now needs to move to a two bedroom to accomodate the child. Rent on a one bedroom is $600 and rent on a two bedroom is $700. Father should pay $50 for rent. (Although he may also need to upgrade his housing for visitation so that could be offset).

Now, food for one small child? Max $100 a month. That is $50 from dad. Clothes? Max $50. Another $25 from dad. $25 dollar increase in electric bill. $12.50 from dad. If there is daycare dad should pay half.

But for a child who is not in daycare? I think $200 bux would cover it.

Anything extra (bikes, presents, sports) should be elective.

I think that is more than fair.

Granted, we pay WAY more than that in child support. Oh well.

Quote from outdoors

lets just re-word that and reverse the genders-for a sec...

i will tell u right now-after a couple of your posts-u make make me even more suspicious

if i were to go to a feminst site and reversed the sex of the garbage u been spewin'--iwould have had the protection of women that would say-'its all HIS fault. for your partners behaviour.

Now why do you come to an m.r.a. site and reverse everything that we are upset about?

Dude, not sure what you mean???