Are you going to be a cheater in your relationships?

The only control over cheating behavior that anyone has, is over the choices they, themselves make...

Quote from TERA

Are you going to be a cheater in your relationships?

The only control over cheating behavior that anyone has, is over the choices they, themselves make...

I don't plan on being in a relationship. But if you think I believe men should learn how to have affairs and doing less work to get them, and learning to hide them then yes. If you can't beat them then join them.

The article linked to is little more than someone's opinion. The vast majority of studies show that men still cheat more with women catching up quickly. The study cited by the article's author even shows men cheating more than women.

Personally, I tend to think the numbers are roughly even, with neither gender holding much of a moral high ground, but still......it simply isn't accurate to assert that women are cheating in far greater numbers than men.

The issue is not who cheats more, but the discrepancies in how infidelities are viewed depending on who commits them. While a man who cheats is considered abominable scum, there's that typical attempt to soften our views of unfaithful wives, to try and understand why she cheated, what drove her to cheat, who could possibly be blamed for her actions besides herself......

That said, a mission to further the infidelity and dishonesty of either gender is a deplorable one. Cheating is wrong, lying is wrong....it should go without saying that the promotion of either is also wrong.

the Family Court is the temple where the feminit's cheating is sanctified all no fault ! of course to her !!

Quote from Kim

The article linked to is little more than someone's opinion. The vast majority of studies show that men still cheat more with women catching up quickly. The study cited by the article's author even shows men cheating more than women.

Personally, I tend to think the numbers are roughly even, with neither gender holding much of a moral high ground, but still......it simply isn't accurate to assert that women are cheating in far greater numbers than men.

The issue is not who cheats more, but the discrepancies in how infidelities are viewed depending on who commits them. While a man who cheats is considered abominable scum, there's that typical attempt to soften our views of unfaithful wives, to try and understand why she cheated, what drove her to cheat, who could possibly be blamed for her actions besides herself......

That said, a mission to further the infidelity and dishonesty of either gender is a deplorable one. Cheating is wrong, lying is wrong....it should go without saying that the promotion of either is also wrong.

Personally, I tend to think the numbers are roughly even, with neither gender holding much of a moral high ground, but still......it simply isn't accurate to assert that women are cheating in far greater numbers than men.

While it may not be much more than speculation I do think it is an accurate asurtion..Ive seen far more females do this than men....

Ive always found it funny, in every day life though that a lot of those same ones will never admit it, even after they've been caught RED HANDED, and un-fortunately its not hard to understand why when you look at how blindly the guys tend to love them...No matter what a lot of guys just wont believe anything others tell them, or they make lame excuses like "everyone deserves a second chance" or "everyone has a past" or "everyone makes mistakes", or "believe 1/2 of what you see and none of what you hear"...Ive said a lot of those things myself you see.

Its not only that women "lie" and "cheat" but men make excuses, simply because they dont WANT to believe it, at least at the time.

I myself have kicked myself in the ass many a time for that exact same line of thinking.Then Ive always wondered how they were able to keep lieing to my face, day in and day out, seemingly with no regret, and no remorse, its sicking really!

Just the other day as a matter of fact I went to fix a buddy's computer.

While I was there his GF tried to hook me up with her friend for the night, pretty much just so they would both have a guy, and it wouldn't be awkward all night partying it up with her hanging all over my buddy.

Well within 10 minutes, as this chick walked in the door and the two started talking, I overheard her say "we never get a night away from the kids"...Keyword ----->WE<-----!!!

You guessed it, but not only did she leave her Bf to go party and try to get hooked up with some random "action" for the night, but she left HER kids, with HIM, while SHE went out, for what I found out from talking to my buddy, she told him was a "girls night out"....

And this is all to common.90% of the ones that are "available" are also supposedly "committed"! They also have absolutely no problems accomplishing this either, as there is a never ending stream of men, who are looking, and that ask very few QUESTIONS.

But as a man dare you speak up when you do get suspicious, you will be labeled "controlling" or "jealous", even though those feelings are dam well justified, because in our own experience WE KNOW what REALLY happens when women say "girls night out" or go to hang out with "her friends" for "the night"...Yet were told were "paranoid" when we get suspicious, so a lot of men try to push it aside and MAKE EXCUSES, because were told we are being "trusting" and "loyal" . But really its blind and against our nature as logical beings!

Obviously ignoring things that don't suit you is something that a lot of people here do.

All the studies are clear. Get over it. Cheating is despicable, regardless of who he does it. My driving instructor was at the 2nd wife, the first one divorced him because he cheated on him. He had two mistresses that I found out while he taught me to drive. TWO. Obviously he had kids by both wives. So I should do what Shagda does and extrapolate. My boyfriend is a DJ. I bet he has a slut in every city where he had a gig. No offense, but your mistrust of women in this cheating thing is less justified than a woman's mistrust of men in this regard because as the study shows, men cheat more still.

No surprise!

In this day an age their morals are shot to shit!

Quote from RebelliousVanilla

Obviously ignoring things that don't suit you is something that a lot of people here do.

All the studies are clear. Get over it. Cheating is despicable, regardless of who he does it. My driving instructor was at the 2nd wife, the first one divorced him because he cheated on him. He had two mistresses that I found out while he taught me to drive. TWO. Obviously he had kids by both wives. So I should do what Shagda does and extrapolate. My boyfriend is a DJ. I bet he has a slut in every city where he had a gig. No offense, but your mistrust of women in this cheating thing is less justified than a woman's mistrust of men in this regard because as the study shows, men cheat more still.

no, men dont cheat more
they get caught more

What does any of this matter, really? Judging people by stereotype isn't wise. Stereotypes do not take into consideration individual differences. And besides, again, we cannot control what other people do. We only have control over the decisions that we make. If you despise cheaters, does it make sense to be one? Of course not. Not unless you don't mind feeling loathing toward yourself.

Quote from TERA

What does any of this matter, really? Judging people by stereotype isn't wise. Stereotypes do not take into consideration individual differences. And besides, again, we cannot control what other people do. We only have control over the decisions that we make. If you despise cheaters, does it make sense to be one? Of course not. Not unless you don't mind feeling loathing toward yourself.

It funny you say that, because it almost always the king shit media that feeds us the ignorant stereotypes!

Quote from Zuberi

It funny you say that, because it almost always the king shit media that feeds us the ignorant stereotypes!

That's true...and one of many reasons why watching TV is not encouraged in my household.

Quote from Shagda

Its not only that women "lie" and "cheat" but men make excuses, simply because they dont WANT to believe it, at least at the time.

The flip side of this that you might begin to glean from hanging around a place like this forum is how lacking in virtue it really can be. You are the victim, to be sure, when you are cuckolded, but what about all your peers? They have wives and girlfriends, too... that associate with yours. Inasmuch as I have tolerated abuse from women -- especially that kind of abuse -- what has really stuck with me is a feeling that "I'm not good folks." Other men should not want to associate with me, a man that has enabled this sort of abuse, and they should not want their wives or girlfriends hanging around the women who's abuse I have tolerated. It creates the culture in which their own wives or girlfriends are able to get away with doing the same thing to them.

Quote from RebelliousVanilla

My boyfriend is a DJ. I bet he has a slut in every city where he had a gig. No offense, but your mistrust of women in this cheating thing is less justified than a woman's mistrust of men in this regard because as the study shows, men cheat more still.

Not at all. It is far more difficult for your bf to pull it off. Well, I don't know about cheating opportunities for DJs. Inasmuch as he is in such an atmosphere or has groupies, even, then that may well change things a bit, and if that is so, then yes -- you are simply adhering to false beliefs if you think it isn't more likely, then. But, all things being equal, it would be far more difficult for him to both get the opportunity to cheat and to keep it a secret afterward. And, that goes double for actually carrying on an ongoing affair with someone.

Also, maybe until recently, there were always far less consequences with him doing it than with you. If he got a girl pregnant, that had always not affected his legitimate woman's material outcome so long as he kept it all a secret. If his legitimate woman gets pregnant, though, he is raising another man's child. (That may be more for married folks, but it still plays out to be far more humiliating for a man to be cuckolded than a woman even in dating.)

Frankly, finding out that your wife or girlfriend has cheated on you or is cheating on you is nothing, and I mean nothing, compared to never finding out the truth. And, of course, it is so typical to find that half of all abvice about these matters go like "If you do cheat, at least have the balls to not tell your spouse." WTF!

Quote from TERA

What does any of this matter, really? Judging people by stereotype isn't wise. Stereotypes do not take into consideration individual differences. And besides, again, we cannot control what other people do. We only have control over the decisions that we make. If you despise cheaters, does it make sense to be one? Of course not. Not unless you don't mind feeling loathing toward yourself.

This fails to recognize the reciprocal nature of justice. There is nothing wrong with cheating a cheat nor does it make you a cheater. And, more broadly, it is not clear that living like "it's a jungle out there" is really that inappropriate at all. It is supererogatory and quite meritorious for someone to enter the wild as a pacifist preaching to the savages to practice more restraint. Which is why it is certainly not required, and nor is it even lacking in virtue to handle the savages with a little more appropriate force. Judging by a stereotype may not be wise, but slothful induction is fallacious.

Nevertheless, I will admit that life rarely gives us such easy choices. More often than not, the practical reality is that you simply must choose between being able to know that you have not wronged an innocent person and knowing that you were not, yourself, wronged. Inevitably, if you choose the former, you will end up opening yourself up to abuse. While this may seem to conflict with what I just said to Shagda, above, (and it does to some degree,) in the most general setting of how to live out your life, you will have to choose between the pride and dignity in knowing you did the right thing (or at least that you didn't do the wrong thing) and the indignity and humiliation of being a constant victim of abuse.

People like to think that you can do both! You should avoid abuse and do the right thing! Of course, you should always try to do that, but that is a little like thinking that you can avoid getting punched and be a great boxer. The reality is that boxers get punched all the time. As any boxer will tell you, being a good fighter has never been about never getting punched. It has always been far more about having a strong jaw.

I don't know how people can cheat and keep it a secret. The regret, shame and disgust at myself would kill me. No matter what the circumstances of it, if, even though unlikely, it would happen, I don't see how I could keep it a secret. I mean, it has to be the choice of my partner if he wants to keep me.

Quote from RebelliousVanilla

I don't know how people can cheat and keep it a secret. The regret, shame and disgust at myself would kill me. No matter what the circumstances of it, if, even though unlikely, it would happen, I don't see how I could keep it a secret. I mean, it has to be the choice of my partner if he wants to keep me.

Yeah, I know! I have seen lots of people talking about how justified they are and how they don't feel one ounce of guilt!!! (Goddammit!!!!!!!!) Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.... if they're so justified and innocent, then why all the secrets?