Why women can't cook - by a very brave husband

**Rebadow** · 8th-November-2007

Why women can't cook - by a very brave husband

By SAM HOLDEN - More by this author » Last updated at 11:38am on 8th November 2007

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When was the last time a woman cooked you a really excellent meal? Not just a nice meal, or a plain good meal, or a hearty meal, but a piece of cuisine that had you smacking your lips for weeks afterwards?
I'll wager that you can't remember, for the simple reason that you've never had such a meal cooked by a woman.

The truth is women can't really cook. All they can do is to cater, and there's a big difference. The only people who can actually cook on this planet are men, even the ones who only cook once a year when their wife or girlfriend is ill.
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Women's cooking is often so poor because it is largely performed as a matter of necessity.
For the traditional housewife, cooking is not a luxury pastime, but simply another item in the long list of household chores that needs to be ticked off with efficiency and speed. There is clearly little time or energy left after a day full of children to prepare a serious piece of gastronomy, and most women usually rustle up a supper that is quick, dull but, to their credit, relatively nutritious.
However, it will undoubtedly be boring and flavourless, devoid of any inventiveness or joy in its execution. A typical example would be an overcooked pork chop with some over-boiled spuds and limp broccoli.
Even more common is the staple female dish, pasta a la things, in which some unidentifiable foodstuffs are chucked into a pot of soggy tagliatelle and then mixed up with slightly sour creme fraiche.
Men who endure such cooking soon find they have two options. Either eat a good lunch, or do the cooking yourself. I was one of the men who opted for the latter, having endured months of shoddy fare knocked up by my wife. (At least I hope she's still my wife after this.)
Although I was a stranger to the kitchen, I soon found that preparing exciting, top-quality dishes was neither particularly time-consuming nor difficult, and within a few months my abilities easily surpassed every woman I know, even the ones who think they are good cooks. And I soon discovered there were plenty more men like me.
In fact, when my wife and I go to see friends for dinner, nine times out of ten it is the man who cooks - and he does a brilliant job.
But female ineptitude in the kitchen is not just a product of the fullness of a woman's timetable. We all have busy lives these days, so there must be something else, something far deeper and intrinsic that makes women so hopeless at cooking. I have a few theories, all of which will no doubt see me pinned down and forced to eat my own sweetmeats.
The first is that women are less inclined to experiment. Good cooks are those who take risks, who wonder whether X goes well with Y, or perhaps even with Q. If it fails, it doesn't matter, you can always start again.
Women are more afraid of failure, perhaps because they are wary of all that nasty male criticism, so it does them well to stick to well-trodden recipes.
However, it gets worse. As well as being incapable of experimenting, women are useless at following written instructions, which in this instance are called recipes.
Blinded by a series of numbers and symbols, they get confused, and usually add the wrong amount of sugar or salt, or, more likely, substitute one for the other.
Every time my wife bakes, I always hear swearing coming from the kitchen when she realises that she has put in, say, six tablespoons of vanilla essence rather than six teaspoons.
This brings me to multi-tasking. Men are often being told that we can't perform actions simultaneously, and that it's women who have these wonderful brains that enable them to walk and chew gum all at the same time. What absolute rot.
The reason why men make better chefs than women is precisely because we are sensationally good at multi-tasking. For example, men can read maps and drive through any rush hour. Men can compute trigonometric equations while they are flying at Mach 2. Men can get roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, cabbage and carrots all ready at the same time, and will have made their own horseradish sauce and laid the table.
What else is cooking apart from multi-tasking? If women were so good at it, why can't they do as good a job as men? Why does my wife always burn the garlic? Why does my wife always forget some essential part of the meal only to remember it when we sit down to eat? 'Sorry honey, I forgot to put the potatoes in the oven. Are you all right with cous cous?' (Answer: 'No.') However, the most fundamental reason why women can't cook is that they don't have the same relationship with food as men do.
Most men are extremely greedy, and as a result they are in love with food. They want to have food at least four times a day in every way they can.
They don't want to stick with just one sort of food, but they want multiple culinary experiences.
Most women, however, see food as fuel, as a means to an end. Why cook something interesting when you can cook something dull and be ready to watch Friends at 8pm? If any more proof were needed, then I'd suggest you consider just how many Michelin-starred female chefs there are. If you can name three, then I'll cook you dinner. You lucky girls.

**IronLady** · 8th-November-2007

I don't know about other women, but I can certainly cook. However, my mother (and father) did not teach me; I learned how to cook out of necessity after I married, and I learned via cookbooks.

Even today my husband says I have more cookbooks than his mother did, and she too, was a great cook!

**Alexandra** · 8th-November-2007

My husband is satisfied with two things, primarily: Pasta and pot roast. And it's pretty hard to mess that up!

He works second shift, so it's primarily me and our son that I cook for. My husband is satisfied with pasta in the fridge that he can heat up. Sometimes, though, I'll take some pot roast, potatoes, and corn to him at work, but I usually make that if he's going to be home.

**bachelor tom** · 8th-November-2007

When my mother was dying I had to do most of the cooking for her and my dad. I can honestly say I was better at her recipes than she was when healthy (mind you she hated cooking).

**IronLady** · 8th-November-2007

Quote from Alexandra

My husband is satisfied with two things, primarily: Pasta and pot roast. And it's pretty hard to mess that up!

He works second shift, so it's primarily me and our son that I cook for. My husband is satisfied with pasta in the fridge that he can heat up. Sometimes, though, I'll take some pot roast, potatoes, and corn to him at work, but I usually make that if he's going to be home.

I like to make casseroles, because they are one-dish meals and the ones I make, everyone here loves. My crockpot (put on "low") gets lots of usagetoo, but mostly on the Sabbath...a time when we are not supposed to cook.

Do you ever bake bread? Every Friday morning beginning around 6AM (my one day off from my usual early morning workout), I bake four loaves of challah bread. Its used for the Sabbath, and everyone prefers the homebaked kind, rather than what Jewish bakeries here sell. Its braided egg bread, and easy to make once you get the hang of it!

**Aug9th-LiveOrDie** · 8th-November-2007

I am an excellent cook, one of the best

you aint ate a bacon chili cheddar burger till you ate mine
and my fried pork chops, peas and jalepeno cornbread are to die for

**Kargan303** · 8th-November-2007

I can't cook, I can never seem to get the hang of it, I can make some basic meals but not all that well though

**IronLady** · 8th-November-2007

Quote from trailer park tony montana

I am an excellent cook, one of the best

you aint ate a bacon chili cheddar burger till you ate mine
and my fried pork chops, peas and jalepeno cornbread are to die for

Jalapeno cornbread rocks!!

I make it in cast iron cactus-shaped baking irons, so they come out shaped like cacti!

I usually make them from scratch...cornmeal, onion flakes, shredded Mexican cheddar cheese, corn kernels, milk, egg, baking powder, some sugar, and chopped Jalapeno OR (if you're brave) habanero peppers!

**MikeT** · 8th-November-2007

Great article Rebadow!,
I remember back to the '80's when I was at Secondary school here and they had a class called Home Economics, this was a class where girls were taught to cook, etc.
There were questions raised at the time as to why boys were not allowed to do this class, but I do remember at least 2 girls in the Metal-working class I was in at the time.
This could be why NZ has never been famous for male chefs.

I learned to cook out of necessity, obviously living alone, there are only so many take-aways one can have before they all start to taste the same .
Now, these sorts of classes rarely exist in schools (think feminist education system and woman in kitchen) these days, or at least if they do, they are so watered down that they are pretty much useless.

Go to any given supermarket on a week day and you'll see what happens, people under 30 (of both sexes) with trolleys full of ready-to-nuke meals of various descriptions.
IMO, this is just bloody laziness at it's worst degree, supermarkets also sell fresh veges, meat and other accompaniments, but you get the same old answer when these people are asked why they don't cook meals and that is usually "Ooh, but it's too hard and time-consuming!", my arse it is.
I manage to work a 70 hour week and cook for myself and clean the frigging house, so don't hand that crap.

And let me say this, things are only going to get worse from a cooking point of view, at one time mothers used to teach their daughters how to cook, now if Mum's culinary skills begin and end with operating the nuke-box, God help us all.

I agree, men do make better cooks, a lot of the guys I know do all the cooking in their households, a mate of mine makes a really kick-arse garlic stuffed rolled leg of lamb, with all the trimmings, I went around to his place for dinner one night and he had things really under control, mind you he was being constantly being told that he shouldn't be doing this or that by his wife, apparently she can't cook to save herself, but still likes to criticise.
The meal was better than you would get in an expensive restaurant IMO.

**IronLady** · 8th-November-2007

Mike,

When I went to school (junior high, which they now call middle school), they had the girls take home ec, and the boys took woodshop.

I hated home ec; sewing was boring and so was cooking. All the sewing teacher had us sew was aprons, and all the cooking teacher had us cook was sugar cookies (to this day I hate sugar cookies!)

Thing is, she had a crush on the math teacher, and would have US bake cookies, and SHE would bring them to him. ARGH!!!

I asked my Dad to have me switched to woodshop, because some of my male friends said it was great, plus, it would enable me to make stuff like the things Dad and I used to make in his woodshop at home.

So, he got them to switch me, but I had to put up with being called "lezzie" for months after that, by the other girls (the boys thought it was great, and welcomed me into the class, OTOH.)

**themanonthestreet** · 9th-November-2007

Well, the author did leave out the main reason (I think) that women cannot cook for the most part.... They don't want to. They consider it a domestic task, "traditional woman's work", thus being empowered 'en all, aint gonna do it.

Think about it...

TMOTS

**FFFF** · 9th-November-2007

In my experience of women, I have had a couple of excellent cooks in there, one of the mothers of my kids was a chef, the other learned to a high standard.. They had to, because I would not eat, let alone cook, unless it was done for me..

The others were pretty crappy really..

Women tend to cook stuff that they want to eat, i.e. pasta and other carbohydrate based shite with a poor protien content that does nothing but add inches round your waist..

Best thing to do after a "woman cooked" meal is get a block of cheese or hunk of meat out of the fridge and some fruit..

Even better, chuck it and the useless heap of lard that made it out of the house!!

They cant cook, fuck, or do much useful for a man..

And if they can do both the above jobs, they are forever pestering for a wedding ring or generally whining non-stop anyway..

So, subcontract the fucking to prostitutes, the catering to the kebab shop and the cleaning to your daughters, mother, or who-ever else is able to do it for a low fee..

Women are generally speaking fucking useless for anything other than keeping an eye on your kids.. and even then, not all of them are up to standard..

And they wonder why men dont want them??

**the sad geek** · 9th-November-2007

Quote from Drex

So, subcontract the fucking to prostitutes, the catering to the kebab shop and the cleaning to your daughters, mother, or who-ever else is able to do it for a low fee..

Always good to get some independent confirmation of the lifestyle one has thought out for oneself. Thanks, Drex.