Thank you for putting women amongst the domestic abusers in your title.

But your examples are all of men.

The problem with this feminist society is that it is incapable of recognizing abuse coming from a woman. The best example of this is in Lesbian relationships, which have the highest rates of domestic violence. Its so bad, that I can give you a local example. In 2010, a 20 something year old lesbian was found barely breathing in the gutter on the street. She was beat up and needed to be rushed to the hospital where she died in intensive care. There were neighbors and witnesses that saw the whole thing, but the cops didnt bother with the eye witness reports.

Instead, the cops went after the victim's exboyfriend, arrested him and brought him in for questioning. The newspapers put this on the headlines, that the exboyfriend was brought in for questioning. (For the life of me now I can't find the first article talking about this, when it came out I read it out loud to my family and said "Hey, why are they going after the exboyfriend? This sounds like a case of lesbian DV to me!" and my family replied that it was probably a hate crime...huh...right).

People immediately assumed that this was a jealous exboyfriend that killed this innocent girl because she decided to turn Lesbian. Yes there were Feminist up in arms about it you bet. The Patriarchy took another innocent victim.

Well, the exboyfriend was ruled out, he wasnt even there. So the cops went looking for the girlfriend (about time?). It turns out that they fought the night before, she ran her girlfriend over with her car, somehow tied her to her car and then dragged her 2 blocks down the street.

It also turns the neighbors already told the cops this (oh ok now we will listen to you!)....they also witnessed the many nights of fighting between the two and no one cared to call the police because to them it was not a case of Domestic Violence (women are made of sugar and spice and everything nice).

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/video?id=...mp;pid=7199632 <------CLICK TO WATCH

Till this day this case IS NOT treated as a case of Domestic Violence. It will not go into any statistics or anything. Its manslaughter...ok...manslaughter. No VAWA or anything like that is being brought into this.

So I take issues with your examples, and I take issue with how you and this society is COMPLETELY BLIND to violence coming from females. You are making an effort and I commend you but you are blind miss.

The problem of blindness is even worse when its violence FROM a female TO a male (chances are you have witnessed public displays of female to male domestic violence, and perhaps chuckled at it like most of this society does)...ok...because Feminism demands men fall into the role of abuser. So in MY case, she would hit me and I would be branded as abusive. They all ask me what I did, forget what she did, "what did you do man? You did something wrong" If I defended myself I would have been arrested because it would 'confirm' their charges against me that I hit.

Anyways, DV against men happens all the time. A good example is another one local to me. The wife stabbed her husband in the heart with a kitchen knife. She didnt get any DV charges against her. She got 6 years in prison for manslaughter...and will probably be out on bail before the 6 years are up. The family is completely in shambles, the husband's children probably witnessed it (its not her kids). Again, not seen as domestic violence, so it is conveniently not included in any statistics.


I remember hearing that, the lesbian, she got off on probation but I can't find the article. The other woman that stabbed her husband...I need to see an update because its been two years and most likely reduced the sentence and let her go already even though she was sentenced to 6.

These are just off the top of my head, just a few that stand out in my memory...this happens EVERYDAY OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!! I actually had to stop reading the newspaper 2 years ago because its ENDLESS and it pisses me off on a daily basis, I cant go through life Pissed off so I decided to put the paper down.

Julie, in short, people resort to violence when provoked with violence in the first place or they cannot formulate a coherent response. This is why you it is likely you may become a violent abuser.

I suggest you read reports from shelters that actually indicate in DV cases, both parties exhibit violence. No-one apart from the mentally unwell and women whom know that they can get away scot free, punch others for no reason. The so called demons are shouted at, sworn at, poked and slapped "playfully".

Quote from wh666

Julie, in short, people resort to violence when provoked with violence in the first place or they cannot formulate a coherent response. This is why you it is likely you may become a violent abuser.

I suggest you read reports from shelters that actually indicate in DV cases, both parties exhibit violence. No-one apart from the mentally unwell and women whom know that they can get away scot free, punch others for no reason. The so called demons are shouted at, sworn at, poked and slapped "playfully".

This is what the system was pushing on me and it wasnt true. In my experience, the professionals that the judge called were manginas with huge imaginations.

Animals like to attack each other now and then.. Humans behave like animals now and then..

Quote from yinyangbalance

Thank you for putting women amongst the domestic abusers in your title.

But your examples are all of men.

I saw a big young woman beating up a thin young man at a beach.

I have also phoned a girls school because of their pupils bragging about stabbing young men on the weekends for fun while they were at the train station.

I once saw a woman walk into a single fathers home while he was hiding in another town. She knocked him to the ground and then dragged him into the bathroom and beat him badly.

New Zealand has anger management groups for both men and women and I hope to be fair and come across like I believe it's not just men.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I have a male friend who jumped in to stop a fight, and he got arrested instead of the perpetrator.

Added after 11 minutes:

Quote from wh666

Julie, in short, people resort to violence when provoked with violence in the first place or they cannot formulate a coherent response.

Absolutely.

The third basic psychological need is ‘Autonomy’ – power and control. It’s necessary for the mental and emotionally well-being of children and adults alike and has has serious negative effects when taken away, as we will learn in ‘Part 4′.

In the context of wellness, power and control is defined as having the the opportunity to (a) access valued material and psychological resources that satisfy basic human needs, (b) exercise participation and self-determination, and (c) experience competence and self efficacy which instill a sense of stability and predictability in life. Power and control entail having the opportunity to experience positive circumstances because power and control do not derive exclusively from either internal or external sources, but from both. The convergence of internal capabilities and external conditions creates opportunity for control of life’s circumstance for children and adults.

This is why you it is likely you may become a violent abuser.

You can't seem to provide information without attacking me. From now on, I will take what I see as sensible from your comments, and discard what's not.

I suggest you read reports from shelters that actually indicate in DV cases, both parties exhibit violence.

I don't need to read reports from men and women's refuges. I am on the phone to them often.

Quote from felixblue

Animals like to attack each other now and then.. Humans behave like animals now and then..

Yep, I think this is true too.

It reminds me of another reason being - insecurity.

My brother was tall for his age while growing up and short young men would pick fights with him. It was sad because he had a football knee injury and couldn't run.

I like your candidness. About the Big woman hitting a skinny man, I don't think the sizes have much to do with anything. Although you noted this fact, you probably were able to see it for what it was due to the fact that it was 'big' abusing 'skinny'. If the woman was smaller than the man, you would probably not take notice. But it was still probably funny for everyone that saw it because it was a man being emasculated.

I mentioned it here before about big people being targets by short people, and how it is considered just as funny for a small person to attack a large person as it is for a woman to attack a man. I think the 'big' vs 'skinny' view on everything is Misandric because being 'bigger' is an aspect of masculinity. Being 'petite' is an aspect of femininity. An attack on a bigger person is viewed as JUST because it is an attack on masculinity, a male aspect. Everyone then takes part in the emasculation (pointing, laughing, gossiping).

I think people are much more ready to accept an abused man if his abuser is larger than him (regardless of sex). It fits with the paradigm of Small=weak=victim=helpless. Women usually fall into that category being that smaller is equated to femininity. It really isnt fair.

I'm 6'0" and weigh 250lbs. My ex was 5'7" and 160lbs. She pushed, punched, slapped, threw things at me, attacked me with a hammer etc...But it doesnt matter what size you are, having hammer plunged into your skull is no joke (thank god she didn't hit me with it), or a kitchen knife into your heart. Your going to be injured just the same weather it is a 5'0", 5'5", 5'10",6'0" person thats bent on making sure it happens. I refused to hit her back because I thought it was wrong for men to hit women...I've heard many people blame me for that saying "well then you deserved it" if I didn't defend myself. In some way I am starting to agree. If a woman puts her hands on me I will put my hands on her, and I will give her an extra kick in the rear as an additional reminder to not do that ever.

But all thats just the physical part, how about the daily emotional manipulations? Financial abuse? Couple all that with the fact that you think you are in love with this person, and EVERYONE (including yourself) is telling you that it isnt abuse because she is a girl and is smaller than you. She is fragile, she needs protection etc...??? Then, as the 'nice guy' you just want it all to be better again...and here you go into the cycle of abuse. Round and round we go on the marry go round.

Quote from julie

Absolutely.

The third basic psychological need is ‘Autonomy’ – power and control. It’s necessary for the mental and emotionally well-being of children and adults alike and has has serious negative effects when taken away, as we will learn in ‘Part 4′.

In the context of wellness, power and control is defined as having the the opportunity to (a) access valued material and psychological resources that satisfy basic human needs, (b) exercise participation and self-determination, and (c) experience competence and self efficacy which instill a sense of stability and predictability in life. Power and control entail having the opportunity to experience positive circumstances because power and control do not derive exclusively from either internal or external sources, but from both. The convergence of internal capabilities and external conditions creates opportunity for control of life’s circumstance for children and adults.

Could you please post your own content instead of plagiarising others work? Would be nice.

If you're wondering how I twigged, it wasn't just the parts of text that were misplaced, the spelling and grammar was too good to be written by you.

Quote from julie

You can't seem to provide information without attacking me.

You do the same to others. Every post you make is an attack on men. So stop whinging when others treat you like you treat them.

Quote from julie

From now on, I will take what I see as sensible from your comments, and discard what's not.

Darlin', I advise you to absorb all I have to tell you. You don't have the intelligence quota to determine what's sensible or not. Let me help you out.

Quote from julie

I don't need to read reports from men and women's refuges. I am on the phone to them often.

So you fail to listen to them as well or don't speak to male shelters? Perhaps if you listened for once, you would see men aren't the big bad brutes you think they are.

Quote from julie

My brother was tall for his age while growing up and short young men would pick fights with him. It was sad because he had a football knee injury and couldn't run.

Oh brother, here come the "short man syndrome" comments. Have you ever considered people picked fights with him because he was as bigger ass as you are?

Quote from yinyangbalance

I like your candidness. About the Big woman hitting a skinny man, I don't think the sizes have much to do with anything.

I am not sure how much good I can do with you for my outlook on things are different.

Since the post is reasons men and women abuse, I will add that being a big woman is a form of protection. I see many women be fat because they think men will see them as a threat. It happens allot, IMO, when women have been abused before.

I am also aware that women go to extreme autonomy when they first get back autonomy. I am not condoning anyone abusing anyone. I just find it interesting to look beyond the action.

Perhaps there's something in our psych that makes us think big is strong and small is weak.

I'm 6'0" and weigh 250lbs. My ex was 5'7" and 160lbs. She pushed, punched, slapped, threw things at me, attacked me with a hammer etc...

Intelligence comes into it also, from my learning with a men's group. One man said his wife was this and that, and a leader asked him, "On a scale of 1 - 10, what number is your wife when it comes to intelligence?"


The man answered, "She's a 3". The leader said, "If she is a 3, I predict she will abuse you in the next week".


The man came back and said his wife tried to give him the 'Chinese divorce'. The leader asked what the 'Chinese divorce' was and the man said, "She tried to chop off my penis and hit me over the head with a pan".

When people are with low intelligence, they follow instinct and act like the animals.


What number between 1-10 would you say your exes intelligence was?

Quote from wh666

[/INDENT]Could you please post your own content instead of plagiarising others work? Would be nice.

If you're wondering how I twigged, it wasn't just the parts of text that were misplaced, the spelling and grammar was too good to be written by you.

Haha, I fixed the spelling mistakes on the post itself (it's part of my workshop) after reading it once I posted it as a comment.

You do the same to others. Every post you make is an attack on men. So stop whinging when others treat you like you treat them.

Touche...

I better get some work done. It's easy to get lost in online discussion. I hope more comments are added and look forward to reading them when I come back.

Isn't it obvious?
Human nature.
Men, women and children, abuse because they think they can get away with it.
They also do it for shits and giggles.......that is until they test the wrong person and are made to pay for it.

Quote from Zuberi

Isn't it obvious?
Human nature.
Men, women and children, abuse because they think they can get away with it.
They also do it for shits and giggles.......that is until they test the wrong person and are made to pay for it.

And for a lack of a conscience.

Quote from Zuberi

Isn't it obvious?
Human nature.
Men, women and children, abuse because they think they can get away with it.
They also do it for shits and giggles.......that is until they test the wrong person and are made to pay for it.

Beautiful point. I am not aware of abuse being amusing, but I do get how people who are non violent are moving from one abuser to another for protection.

You need a bigger monkey to protect you from the monkey you are with, and then an ever bigger one to protect you from the bigger monkey who just protected you from the last monkey. Eventually there is no bigger monkey and that's when refuges have to step in.

I am soooo enjoying this information I am receiving.

Quote from FloatyBoaty

And for a lack of a conscience.

Oh yes.

Why do men and women abuse? Because they are straying from their original design and are no longer respecting anyone or anything, not even themselves.

Quote from FloatyBoaty

Why do men and women abuse? Because they are straying from their original design and are no longer respecting anyone or anything, not even themselves.

I am not sure what the original design for the earth and its habitats was. I am still confused why a country like India with it's poverty won't eat cow.

But I see where you are coming from. Respect is a good thing, but unfortunately it's difficult to trust someone is actually respecting you given our current environment, IMO.

..................

I am happy with this post. I think it's beneficial.

I would like for women to feel comfortable to discuss these things also and will use the material provided. thanks sooo much for your contribution.

I think abuse is a cycle. We abuse because we were abused. If we were abused as children, violence becomes our way of dealing with frustration, anger, sadness, etc. We often don't have any other examples. Also, I think this is why people wind up with abusers - that's what they think love is because that is what they were taught as a child.

The cycle is so difficult to break because (1) it was formed when you were most impressionable, and (2) you can't accept anything else. Sometimes you don't feel worthy of anything better.

It's interesting what you said about fat women. I think another major reason women get fat is when they were sexually abused (it was for me, anyway). For me it was as an attempt to be unattractive to men because I was terrified of them. I honestly thought that if I looked a man in the eye, it was an invitation to rape. Rational? No, not really. But it was how I coped. I weighed 305 pounds at my heaviest.