Hi all, I am almost finished my workshop for single parents (both men and women) that I will be offering to men and women who join my group and I'll help them through it. I wonder if you could take a moment and read some of it, and then give some opinion as I worry I don't have enough information/facts.

After the workshop, I am doing self representation. Yay, I have some terrific men and women self representing in my group to help out. The both will compliment each other IMO. Anyways. Up front, thanks for your time.

Welcome to 'Part 7' of 'Know thyself' workshop.

This part of our workshop looks at traditional and modern cultures and ideologies and how they effect our identities.The picture to the left is called the 'Power Flip Monitor' for our environment has flipped socially from traditional to modern while many of us have our feet firmly in both as our cultures link us to the past and parts of our programming to the present. During offline workshops, we fill in the purple, orange, green and brown shapes with words that relate to how we (ourselves) see traditional and modern ways.


Most cultural processes of socialization commonly teach that people are not equal, and assign different roles and differential status to individuals on the basis of class, ethnicity, gender, age and property. Many people, no matter what their culture, feel there is an unequal distribution of power and resources that is entrenched and resists change.

Class systems (upper, middle and low) were the norm in the traditional Victorian era and through economic change, the middle and lower class have blurred in modern times; which is not necessarily a good thing for the lower class has not risen to the middle class - it's the other way around.

Modern ideology is considered an equal distribution ideology, with vertical systems consisting of ethnicity, gender, age and ability all having autonomy rather than a horizontal system of unequal distribution of power and resources (Purple hour class shape).

Traditional ideology results (orange hour glass shape) include property and financial inheritance which keeps society in classes, nuclear families where men, women, elderly and young have different roles, and a more paternalistic environment. Modern ideology results include the breakdown of nuclear families and the introduction of single parenting (sole and shared parenting), welfare for those needing support, decolonization and minority group recognition.

The spin offs for traditional and modern ideologies are placed in the green (traditional) and brown (modern) boxes and we each have our own perceptions and ideas which are nicely shared in offline workshops. As each person shares with the group, you hear things like, "I have that one" and/or "Good one, I will add that". Changes in business from SMEs (small, medium enterprises) to large corporations is popular as is religion and atheism, rigid behaviour and free expression, gender roles changing, as well as heroes/heroines, art, music, sport, research, medicine, life span and more. Television has been a major driver for change and what went on behind closed doors is now in the open. Technology is a main driver of change that affects how we work; play; interact with family, friends, and communities; and learn new things.

As we move around the 'External Power Flip Monitor', we come to our four psychological needs that play a major part in our identities. The need for love; belonging and acceptance, makes us want to remain connected to those we know, those who have taught us from a young age, and those with who we are familiar. The emotional bonds we have with our culture and tradition is seen as 'hard wiring' and it's not trivial. More often than not, the groups we grew up in have a hierarchy system with better treatment further up the ladder. Our need for acceptance makes us want to excel and reach the top, which becomes an issue when children come along for parenting means sacrifice. This can place strain on relationships as competition in our environment is harsh and many times, without us realising it, we tend to expect one parent to sacrifice for the other parent's opportunity to excel, which places us in a traditional nuclear family and clashes with modern equality ideology.

The need for autonomy; freedom, independence and choice requires resources, and constraining opportunities create an obstacle. This needs makes us choose the modern vertical system more often than the horizontal system where one group/individual feels above/under another. Power and distribution needs to be shared for this need to be consistently met.

Through the need for recognition, we learn what is acceptable and unacceptable, ideal and unideal, appreciated and unappreciated. For example, while I was sitting at the edge of a lake, I saw young boys jumping from a peer. One boy (5-7 years old) made a feminine sound when he jumped and once in the water, the other boys punched him and spoke words, like 'Toughen up". This young boy has learned what part of his identity is expected to be by the severe recognition he received from the other boys. This kind of expectation is fading out with modern culture, yet in many cultural traditions, this was and is still the norm for masculinity.

Women on the other hand, are pressured to work for recognition rather than through traditional wives and mothers. They are put down by men and women alike for not contributing financially and using their full potential to support the women's part of the modern vertical system, while at the same time they are expected to raise children well and care for their homes and elderly.

Our psychological need for fun and learning provides excitement and capabilities. Constraints through class, ethnicity, gender and property is an obstacle. The modern system, with equal opportunity for all, is popular with those missing out on power and resources while the opposite can be said for those who were fortunate to have power and resources in the traditional ideology, and find themselves having less support in the flip and losing resources and power to give to others.

The outcomes of the flip has created both positive and negative for all of us. Many cultures today desire the best of both worlds which puts huge strain on our relations with others. On the one hand we want our psychological needs met, while on the other hand, other people want their psychological needs met. Doing it all and having it all is not easy.

The external forces creating distribution, also have positive and negative outcomes. For example; while gender gaps (for women) still exist in low-income countries, middle- and high-income countries have the reverse, according to the 'World development report 2012 - Gender equality and development'.

Women have overtaken men in some areas of educational participation and performance: in lower-middle income countries, women are enrolling 11:10 in tertiary education compared to men, and the ratio is 14:10 in upper-middle income countries. The U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in 2009 that women constituted 51% of all workers in high-paying management, professional, and related occupations. Yet, improvements in education attainment, professional development, and political participation have not translated into significant increases in female leadership in politics and business.

The changes affect men and women alike, much the same for ethnic grouping. It can be confusing for our programming (either traditional or modern) is not easily changed. Often a resistance to change is a fear of the unknown, lack of role models to show us how it's done, knowing what specifically needs to change and what will replace it, knowing how to change, emotional support and encouragement throughout the change process and not seeing change as rewarding and receiving reward. Change also requires the capability to change, constructive feedback, a sense of curiosity, the ability to self-reflect and be self-aware and awareness for the reason for change. Resistance is natural and without judgement changing in our environment, individuals will feel more comfortable to stand still.

As a note, depression is expected to be a leading illness in the future. Part of this could be a consequence for men and women feeling they are failing traditional expectations in a modern ideology. Ie, mothers may feel guilt when they perceive they are neglecting their children over time needed in careers while fathers may feel inadequate for earning less than their female partners. Both can struggle as part time dads and mums in breakups.................I hope you enjoyed reading 'Part 7' and have an understanding how traditional and modern ideology affect our identities.