(trying to use both Am and Brit terminology, just to be on the safe side!)

I need an attorney, but I'm not sure how to go about finding a good one. I need one who specializes in what is called elderlaw, from what I'm told.

I have been power of attorney (medical, legal and general/durable) for my mother since 2005...but have not had to actually use it until beginning this past March, when she relocated to an apartment bldg near me.

Since then (as you know), her health as deterioriated greatly, to the point where I think she needs or will soon need nursing home care.

She is fighting going into a home, partly because she wants independence, but also because the home will get all her assets, and she has been trying to hold onto about 25K which she has in her will to go to my children to help with their education.

I'm told that the new laws state that if she does give the money to them now, there is a 5 yr lookback and my kids could be forced to give the money to the home if she ends up going into one.

I was re-reading the power of attorney, and it says that she is supposed to be paying me for all the work I have done/am doing to handle her affairs.

I wonder: if she pays me for everything I have been doing, and I turn it over to the bank accounts of my children as their money, would that eliminate the problem? After all, its not a gift at that point, its payment for services rendered. I would have to claim it as income, which is OK by me...as long as it would work out and then she would have no other objections to going into a home.

Anyone have any thoughts?

It's a religious question. Serve God or serve Mammon?

To be fair, I don't think your religion has adjusted to modern concepts like expensive nursing homes.
But your question begs many other questions.

When family members help out other family members (with or without legal agreements), should such arrangements be subject to national taxation?
In the Philippines that idea is still 'pangit' (ugly). But perhaps the day will come when it's acceptable - after my death; Insha-Allah!

In this little corner (of the world) the Chinese seem to be the smartest. They put properties and investments into Trust Funds in the names of their grandchildren.

Are you saying that passing your resources to your children would encumber them with future responsibilities for the debts of their grandparents when they become of age? If so, that's really, really ugly.

It says?? You didn't write it yourself? Fie Annette!! Why didn't you write it yourself? You know more about your own family than some opportunist lawyer. I daresay, you could express yourself more clearly than a weasel-word lawyer that charges heavily for a PC submission. Just get it notarized for a few dollars!

Your family and your relations are your business. It should not be a happy hunting ground for people that hope to make money out of your present or future distress.

Over here, I've never heard of anyone writing the POA themselves. I'd never even heard of it until her lawyer informed me that I was now "your mom's POA".

As for what the Chinese do, that sounds good, but the US government is wise to that sort of thing. In 2006, a law was passed that has a five year lookback...if a person needs nursing home care, the government does a lookback of five years to see if they gave away any large amounts of money, trusts, annuities, etc to anyone...if so, they are penalized for that amount. Which is to say, if an elderly person gives away 25K, the govt won't pay for their care until 25K of it is paid by the elderly person first.

My mother doesn't care if the govt gets the rest of her money...its only fair, since they will be paying for the rest of her nursing home care. She just wants to be sure that one amount goes to her grandchildren. She won't agree to go into a home until I can assure her that part of it will be OK.

I believe you Annette.
The government takes care of mama at a price that they (the government & its arse-lickers) decide. The family works its ass off to provide for mama via that arrangement.

The family could take care of mama at minimal cost but they won't, because it might be inconvenient. It's easier to pay exorbitant taxes to Big Government for a second rate service.
There's a ready excuse; "Hell, we're working too hard already to buy Nike trainers for our kids. Don't bother us about the care of defunct geriatrics."

What's the big mystique around a POA? Since when did attorneys become Gods? Are you saying that in the richest nation on Planet Earth, most people can't read or write?

Are they obliged to just follow, follow the opportinists and scavengers?

In my situation, I'm the only relative left that is able to take care of my mother...my older sister refuses to have anything to do with her (my mother was the mother from hell, so its not surprising my sister won't be involved.) As for me, I've been singlehandedly doing everything for her since March, apart from eating, sleeping, defecating and watching TV. I can't do it anymore, I have my own family to raise and homeschool.

I realize there are adult children who COULD go the extra distance and take care of their elderly parent, but at this point I'm basically an only child in that regard.

As for the POA again, I'd never even heard of one until I got put into this. I'm wondering if being POA means I am also legally obligated to be her caregiver too (which is what I have been since March.)

Annette,

You’re getting into estate law here, maybe even living will. You really should see an attorney who specializes in this area. It’s worth paying for an hour of his time so you can have peace of mind, and your mother will know her assets are going where she wants them to go.

Also, I know she says she won’t go into the home until she knows this is taken care of, but you don’t have to give her that choice, Annette. At the risk of sounding cold, she brought this on herself, and you’ve already given her more than can be reasonably expected of you.

Evil is as evil does. I don’t know if Jews believe in Karma, but I do. I don’t think revenge is ever useful, but I don’t think it would be an act of revenge to make sure her needs are met, without worrying too much about her wants.

We do believe in karma...I find most major religions do. In the New Testament, Paul said, "as a man soweth, that shall he also reap". In Judaism, the Kabbalah also teaches this principle.

I'm going to see an attorney, and from reading the fine print of the POA, I see that she has to pay for it, too...if I need to consult an attorney for advice on handling her affairs.

Because of her hearing loss (90% deaf at this point), I wrote out everything in a letter and brought it to her last night in the hospital.

She said that whatever I decide needs to be done would be fine...I think she said that because she doesn't want to deal with all this right now, due to her illness and hospital stay. But she did tell me to handle it in whatever way "is easier for you".