Thread: Specifically define male headship within the family unit?

I can't specifically define it per se, aside from the obvious fact that it's referring to a household where the man is 'in charge'. What I will say, is that having lived as a child in a single-parent home was... not always pleasant. One of the issues I note (now, as an adult) was the inability to control a situation fully.

Comparing it with my time in foster-care, where I did live in a 'man in charge' home, was completely different. Live was quieter, calmer, ran smoother, less bullying (seriously!) and lots more.

I recall an instance not long after I'd arrived in care. I spoke with my foster dad asking what he would do if I ever smashed a window in a fit of temper. He responded simply, "You wouldn't". I pressed the issue, "But what if I did?" Again, he responded, "You wouldn't - so I don't need to contemplate 'what it?', see?"

That was it.

He managed to impress the fact that I wouldn't do something. No fucking about, no arguing, no ranting, no smacking, no threatening, no calling up a friend to help, no bashing "men, pffffft!" - he simply addressed that it would not happen and that was the end of that discussion.

I never did smash that window, though in my mind I contemplated it...

Sounds like you had someone successfully draw the line with you. He found a way to get through that worked.

I just want to know what "male headship" means, exactly. "In charge of" what? All the decisions, just the major ones, veto power, what?

"Headship". Hah !

It is a matter of trust.

Most men and most women want to be 'in charge'.

Neither is capable, in the vast majority of cases. Most people could not lead their way out of an open paper bag. Most people could not 'head' a bunch of pidgeons. I would not put most people in charge of a biro.

The strength of the 'demand' to be 'in charge, to 'Head', to 'Lead' more often than not screws up trust. Men who try to force the issue will always bee deemed 'controlling'. Women who use the usual subtle means are manipulative. The modern woman who demands this 'equality' - which means that they rule' and get their way - are just as personal-power stupid as the men.

What arrangements are made within an individual houshold is not my friggin' business. My concern is the LAW which has been manipulated, by women, to grab power and enforce it in the childish game of 'Let's you and him fight'.

Trust between men and woman is destroyed in our society.

The one who builds Trust and Fairness, authentically, with a respect for truth and one another's Integrity as adults, is the one who earns the leadership role.

Their first task is to assist the other.

Two mature adults that love one another stand side by side in Trust and Fairness, see the same things that need to be done and set the same priorities. Truth is available to both and acknowledged by both. Neither leads when they are in step.

A lot depends on how men and women are instructed. This is essential. You can't rely on men to use their own judgment entirely, they need to be able to benefit from existing experience. A lot of men are actually quite simple minded, but they do have a tendency to be more rigid, less flexible than women. So, when properly instructed, they will adhere to a code of behavior even when they wouldn't have been able to figure it out for themselves.

Originally Posted by TERA

What are the responsibilities, benefits, and drawbacks?

Another "test the pulse of the forum," do-nothing, say-nothing post.

Originally Posted by TERA

Sounds like you had someone successfully draw the line with you. He found a way to get through that worked.

Maybe, but - Damn, I wish I didn't have to get into this - but when people (parents, teachers) were complaining about me to my mom, there was zero support. It was a simple case of nodding the head in agreement about what a pain in everyone's ass I was. When I had a foster dad, I had someone not 'defending' me, but trying to find solutions - which included positive reinforcement. It turned out, I'd been mostly working from negative reinforcement previously. That's why they bought me a new computer even after I'd put my fist through the first one, and second, and third... It was a bargaining chip of sorts.
When I was with my ex, our kids were rarely in trouble with us. I remember the harshest thing I did was deny my eldest daughter a hug, because she had hurt her sister. She was bawling "I want a hug.. sniff sniff" and beleive it or not, it hurt me to say no to her.
Since we went our seperate ways, their mother has told me herself, that our eldest daughter has told her she hates her. I was utterly shocked to hear of this. I've never known her be like that.
What's the most obvious difference between then and now?

Originally Posted by TERA

I just want to know what "male headship" means, exactly. "In charge of" what? All the decisions, just the major ones, veto power, what?

I think it means one where the guy has the 'last say', but that does not mean at all that input or discussion never occurs.

John, with respect, sir, asking questions which 'test the pulse of the forum', is not a 'do-nothing, say-nothing post'. It encourages some members to think-through and make their points, whatever their points might be. These points may be of great value.

I see no point, however, is following the feminazi way of shutting down the conversation with repetetive carping whenever a member here does what we can and all do.

Do you want to ban polls too?

The "Donna Reed Show" has a decent example. Or "Father Knows Best". "Lost In Space" too. "Leave It To Beaver"

All are pre-feminism / pre-political correctness and the Father figures are NOT some oafish ogre that destroys everything in his wake. While raping kids, women, and pets and shooting up heroin before stealing cars and burning down houses.

It's about caring and sharing and trying to raise kids with a united front and being mindful of others, sacrificing for the common good, things like that. A partnership between the genders, most of the time, can be seen.

There are a number of excellent TV shows and movies that show intact, successful traditional families from that era.

Back when I used to see my son I would play some of them for him on our time together. His main comments at first was how slow moving they were compared to modern shows. And that the Mom and Dad cooperated and respected and helped one another. Which was my whole reason for showing them to him...so he could see some examples of a married couple getting along and pulling for the common good. Bear in mind that often I could barely get him from my exe and did not know if/when I'd see him again. I'm a cooperative and flexible person as much as others I deal with allow that to come out.

Originally Posted by Percy

John, with respect, sir, asking questions which 'test the pulse of the forum', is not a 'do-nothing, say-nothing post'. It encourages some members to think-through and make their points, whatever their points might be. These points may be of great value.

I see no point, however, is following the feminazi way of shutting down the conversation with repetetive carping whenever a member here does what we can and all do.

Do you want to ban polls too?

I disagree. She never makes a point. She just enables you.

I disagree. She never makes a point. She just enables you.

She certainly enables YOU.

(Just pulling your leg.)

Good thread Tera, I doubt you will get any responses which indicate the feminists idea of what male headship is about, Which as we know is about the right to bully your wife after you have come back from the pub drunk having spent all the kids christmas present money..
In my mind, male head of family is about the man who is able to ensure the parenting and family management roles are matched to abilities as best as possible.. It is the best way of ensuring REAL "equality" between parents.. 6 of dads skills is the same as half a dozen of mums..

Could well be that it seems like a lot of responsibilty for a man to take, you know, having to make decisions etc and then take the blame when it does not work out..

Which is why many "male heads" decide to delegate most of their decision making ability.. Even "earning" ability..

Seems to work well..

Since I have made a decision to let my housekeeper take responsibilty for everything to do with our young daughters, I will have to do as she says and take my little girl to nursery now..

I figured that if I took her, maybe she would not scream when mummy leaves..

Since she never screams for daddy, but seems to just do what is expected of her..

Kids tend to do what dads tell them, maybe dads activate the childs instinctive "you wont get anywhere messing with that person" instinct..

Anyway, we will see if it works!!

I have never taken my kids to nursey before, owing to having a fear of places that tend toi be full of mothers etc..

Wish me luck!!

Specifically define male headship within the family unit?

I beg the "question".
1. Is this an assignment demand, or a question?
2. I couldn't possibly "define male headship (not a word) within the family (unit?)."
I might instruct on MY roll in MY family, as well as the majority of families in the spheres I choose to associate, alas, I am not willing to be a teacher
to folks STILL beyond the proper remedial education that should have been demonstrated as AT LEAST appropriately proficient, before they are allowed to explore THIS level of the inter-net.

I believe "Barny And Friends", and morning PBS fare, is still available.
Perhaps the recently (State of NH) mandated "Kindergarten" will supervise this element in the continuing narrative of "failure-free adequate education" for family units that cannot, or will not.

chris rock said it best
"if your kid is stupid because he doesnt have any discipline at home and no one will help him with his homework, thats moms fault, if your kid is stupid because the light bill didnt get paid and he cant study, thats dad's fault"

Originally Posted by TERA

What are the responsibilities, benefits, and drawbacks?

I understand John Dias' comments, and agree that Tera is out to make mischief again (I too can recognise female manipulation from a mile away). But hey, the topic is so inviting I can't resist, and will succumb to the manipulation.

Responsibilities: having to make all the tough decisions that nobody else will make; having to be the protector of your family even in the face of severe danger; being held liable for the financial costs of running the family home, whether you are able to earn enough to meet them or not; and being held accountable for anything that goes wrong, even if it is not your fault.

Benefits: only one, being the satisfaction of seeing your family prosper and be happy (if indeed that happens. It is not guaranteed).

Drawbacks: receiving no appreciation, acknowledgement or thanks for your efforts, certainly never from outside your family, and only occasionally, if at all, from inside it (you have no idea what being taken for granted means until you are the man in a family). Being placed as the legal inferior to your woman, in that she has the power to remove you from your home, children and money at any time of her choosing, with the full backing of the government's agencies and at your expense; while you have no power to do the same to her. Being treated as the family clown - everyone will enjoy seeing you being humiliated. Facing a barrage of misandry from outside your home, that seeks to worm its way into your home - via the TV, media, what your children are taught at school etc etc. Knowing that you are alone in your responsibilities because nobody gives a damn about how you feel or how difficult it may be for you, and there is no help or support available. You sink or swim on your own. Seeing far less of your children than you would like because you have to work like stink to take care of their material wellbeing, as well as that of a host of parasites who sponge off your taxes, courtesy of a government you didn't vote for. Knowing that this enforced and artificially elongated absence can and will be held against you as evidence that you care less for your children than your woman does.

I had better stop there - this is not good for my blood pressure. You see Tera, it worked - you got me steamed up.

Now ask why so many men are stupid enough to take on this terrible job.