Small survey of women..what they've said about dating

**Incognito** · 9th-October-2008

Dating Survey: Women on Finding "The One" - Perception vs. Reality Survey says women value social life and family orientation/closeness the most

When asked, how did you meet your significant other, the most frequent response was "through friends," followed by "school," "work" or "an online dating site." Among the least cited responses were "at a bar" or "at church."

When asked how you expected to meet your significant other, responses varied from the reality, with the largest majority of respondents saying they expected to meet through a "casual encounter."

Do Opposites Attract?When asked, how similar they were to their significant other in some fundamental areas,

respondents overwhelming said they were similar in all but one area - their profession.

respondents overwhelming said they were similar in all but one area - their profession. The following percentages represent those who said they were "very similar" or "similar" with their significant other in each of the categories.

Social life - 90%
Age - 89%
Ethnicity - 87%
Family orientation/closeness - 85%
Politics - 85%
Religion - 84%
Work/life habit - 83%
Income - 70%
Profession - 38%

What Matters Most When asked, which of the following characteristics was most important when searching for your significant other, respondents ranked "family orientation/ closeness" as the most important and "income" as the least important. The following percentages represent how respondents ranked each characteristic in order of importance.

Family orientation/closeness - 44%
Religion - 17%
Social life - 16%
Work life habit - 11%
Age - 5%
Ethnicity - 3%
Profession - 2%
Politics - 1%
Income - 1%

Relationship Stages - Meeting Online vs. Offline When comparing respondents who met online with the ones who met their significant other offline, an interesting trend emerged.

The online daters reached "relationship milestones" more quickly than those who met offline.

The online daters reached "relationship milestones" more quickly than those who met offline.

Initial Dating - Online daters began dating more quickly than offline daters, with 77% saying they started dating within the first four weeks of meeting each other, compared to 50% of offline daters.

Feeling Chemistry - More than half (55%) of all respondents said they felt chemistry with their significant other in the first two weeks. But, 30% of those who met offline said it took between "six months" and "two or more years" to feel chemistry, compared with only 5% of online daters, who were more likely to feel chemistry earlier on.

Understanding Interests - Online daters (60%) said they had a better understanding of their significant other in the first four weeks of dating than offline daters (41%).

Getting Exclusive - Online daters got exclusive more quickly than offline daters - 80% compared with 56% in the first three months, or 52% vs. 32% in the first month, respectively.

Getting Family "Buy-In" - 45% of online daters got "buy-in" within three months of dating; whereas only 31% of offline daters did.

Engagement - Online daters got engaged more quickly - more than two-thirds (70%) of online daters were engaged in less than two years, whereas more than half (55%) of offline daters got engaged after more than two years.

Marriage - Online daters married more quickly - 38% were married within two years of engagement, while 62% of offline daters married after more than two years of being engaged.

Do You Believe in Magic? Love at First Site - Two-thirds (64%) of all respondents said they didn't experience love at first site, with only one-third (36%) saying they were hit with Cupid's arrow.

Leaving it to Fate - An overwhelming 78% of people said they felt like they were fated for their significant other; 22% said it was just "pure chance."

First Kiss - Slightly more than half (54%) said they kissed on their first date.

Separate Quarters? - A majority of respondents (70%) said they will live with their significant other before getting married.

Survey MethodologyYahoo! Personals and TheKnot.com polled 9,500 adults in North America during March 2008.

Ninety-eight percent of the respondents were female. Complete survey results are available to members of the media and can be obtained by requesting them by email.

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50 COMMENTS
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Report Abuse 1. Posted by Mary Fri, Apr 25, 2008, 11:18 am PDT

i feel that couples shouldnot live together before marriage because it takes away all the fun and excitment as if your dating.

Report Abuse 2. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Fri, Apr 25, 2008, 5:31 pm PDT

Very good points! I just met someone online and we had our first drink about 4 hours after the initial contact. We have just enough in common to get along but just enough differences to make it awesome fun! I totally recomend online dating. Ohhh and she is awesomely pretty!!!

Report Abuse 3. Posted by Lailane Fri, Apr 25, 2008, 11:10 pm PDT

I work to much so online dating really help me on the dating screen

Report Abuse 4. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Sat, Apr 26, 2008, 6:04 pm PDT

I agree 1% sounds low. I'm also surprised that "education" was a category. That's something that is fairly important to me. Could someone explain what "family buy-in" is?

Report Abuse 5. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Tue, Apr 29, 2008, 10:33 am PDT

Family buy in - introducing him/her to your family - it's a big milestone and that can be your kids, your parents, siblings etc All that being said - online dating is way easier than other ways - we were dating within 3 days of initial contact and it's going great!

Report Abuse 6. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Tue, Apr 29, 2008, 12:27 pm PDT

haha, how timely this article is. I am now exclusively dating a man I met less than three months ago via a dating site. Milestones include the "exclusive" part, meeting family, chemistry. I feel a lot less crazy now for some reason. I think the basis behind this is that if you use online dating sites right, you will end up talking to people who are already good matches for you. You have time to email and share stories, so you already feel close before you meet face to face. From experience, it's almost as awkward telling people that we met at a mall (our first date was a putt putt course at a mall) as it would be telling people we found each other online.

Report Abuse 7. Posted by A Yahoo! Contributor Wed, Apr 30, 2008, 7:09 am PDT

ok. I am a goal driven, hard working, independent woman. and the guy that i now call Ex was none of these things. He would jump from job to no job and had to have money lent to him. We were TOTAL opposites in every way, shape, and religion. We were good for about a few months then once the puppylove phase ended I started to see him for what he really was. Emature...in the worst way! he still had "mommy gonna pay my way" syndrome! Im sorry but im not gonna agree with the whole opposites attract...sure they attract but do they last?

Report Abuse 8. Posted by AHS Wed, Apr 30, 2008, 5:24 pm PDT

Yes opposite attracts. My wife and I are married for almost 34 years and we are totally opposite of each other but we love each other so much. Every marriage has it ups and downs but you overcome it if you love your significant other. By the way we did not met on line and we dated exclusively for only 6 months.

Report Abuse 9. Posted by David Thu, May 1, 2008, 3:52 pm PDT

I take polls like this with a grain of salt. Chemistry is felt, not articulated in checkboxes and multiple choice answers. Of course people will say they want someone to value family, and that they do not care about money. But when you meet them in person, their true colors come out. In Malcolm Gladwells book "Blink", he relates studies psychologists did on speed dating. People in the study wrote down traits they wanted in a partner - for instance, a woman might write "clean cut, well educated, stable career". But then when she speed dated, she picked the bad-boy mechanic with dirty fingernails. Chemistry is felt in the blink of an eye! It is no surprise this survey said most people meet significant others through friends. That sums it up completely. dadshouseblog.com

Report Abuse 10. Posted by Debra Fri, May 2, 2008, 8:20 am PDT

i will disagree with 1% of income. Now a days it takes 2 incomes to make ends meet. I am a widow married for 25 years. My husband and I only dated for 2 months,got married, had three kids and the america dream. We had our ups and downs but we never gave up on each other and cherished our love for each other.I can honestly say trust plays a large part in a marriage. Marriage is till death do we part.

1-10 of 50 First | < Prev | Next > | Last

**Garak** · 9th-October-2008

What Matters MostWhen asked, which of the following characteristics was most important when searching for your significant other, respondents ranked "family orientation/ closeness" as the most important and "income" as the least important.

Yeah right!

Family means nothing to most modern women. The divorce rate and who files most divorces is evidence of that.

Income being the lowest?? Now that's bullshit I can smell over the internet.

**Incognito** · 9th-October-2008

One of the people who left a comment to the article mentioned that "chemistry is felt in a blink of an eye," and he ponders how it could be that a woman could swear that all she wants is a "decent guy" but then falls head over heels for a "bad boy" type. I've wondered about that, myself. If consciously you want one thing, but subconsciously, another, it looks like the subconscious may win out...because what goes on underneath happens so fast and is so powerful...that before you know it, you're doing exactly what you promised yourself you'd never do again.

I love psychology. Human behavior is most fascinating!

**Garak** · 9th-October-2008

Quote from TERA

One of the people who left a comment to the article mentioned that "chemistry is felt in a blink of an eye," and he ponders how it could be that a woman could swear that all she wants is a "decent guy" but then falls head over heels for a "bad boy" type. I've wondered about that, myself. If consciously you want one thing, but subconsciously, another, it looks like the subconscious may win out...because what goes on underneath happens so fast and is so powerful...that before you know it, you're doing exactly what you promised yourself you'd never do again.

I love psychology. Human behavior is most fascinating!

It's no mystery why women go for the bad boys. Feminism has confused everyone.

Women go for the bad boys because by nature they seek someone to produce great children and can take care of them. Sometimes this is the biker and sometimes it's Bill Gates.

**Incognito** · 9th-October-2008

I'd take the biker over Bill Gates any day...lol

**byslexic_danana** · 9th-October-2008

Quote from TERA

What Matters Most When asked, which of the following characteristics was most important when searching for your significant other, respondents ranked "family orientation/ closeness" as the most important and "income" as the least important.

Are you sure this wasn't a small survey of MEN?

**Ledburian** · 9th-October-2008

Do my eyes deceive me? Did I really see this ---> "Income is the least consideration" in the minds of women? Bloody hell.......what sort of women were these who actually said that for f*ck's sake? Blokes in drag?

Honestly, guys, the more I see of women the more I come to realise that most of them have major problems with distinguishing fact from fiction, harsh reality from fantasy and wishful thinking from basic actual truth. They are geniuses in the art of subterfuge and obfuscation and no mistake. I have come across women who on the face of it appear to be quite stable and level headed and not all that driven by raw emotion but it puzzles me when things start to go just a little bit wonky for them that they begin to show quite clearly that what they have between their ears is nothing but scrambled egg.

Income not important? That's what this survey said women said.????......excuse me for a moment or two while I roll over and die laughing......

**Feckless** · 9th-October-2008

This kind of proves Teras study and what Tera said as well:

Men attracted to beauty, women to money: study

Reuters

NEW YORK -- People may claim looks or money aren't everything when picking a mate, but when it comes to the crunch, men go for beauty and women choose wealth and security, according to an international study.

Indiana University cognitive scientist Peter Todd and colleagues from Germany, England and Scotland used a speed-dating session in Germany to look at what people said they wanted in a mate with whom they actually chose.

"While humans may pride themselves on being highly evolved, most still behave like the stereotypical Neanderthals when it comes to choosing a mate," Todd said in a statement.

"Evolutionary theories in psychology suggest that men and women should trade off different traits in each other, and when we look at the actual mate choices people make, this is what we find evidence for."

The study, being published this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, was based on a speed-dating session in which men and women had "mini dates" of between three to five minutes with up to 30 different people.
After every date, the men and women marked a box on a card saying whether they would like to see the other person again.

Before the session, Todd also asked 46 adults to fill out a questionnaire assessing themselves and their ideal mate according to traits like attractiveness, financial status, health and parenting qualities.

He said participants stated they wanted to find someone like themselves -- a socially acceptable answer.

But once the sessions began, the men went after the more attractive women and the women were drawn to material wealth and security, setting their standards according to how they viewed themselves.

The men were not as picky as the women.

The men, on average, wanted to see about 50 per cent of the women again, but the women wanted to meet only about one-third of the men for a second time.

"Ancestral individuals who made their mate choices in this way -- women trading off their attractiveness for higher quality men and men looking for any attractive women who will accept them -- would have had an evolutionary advantage in greater numbers of successful offspring," said Todd.

© Reuters 2007

http://www.canada.com/saskatoonstarp...0-6c9812244f8c

See the difference in what is said and what is done actually?

**Incognito** · 9th-October-2008

Feck,

Many studies have been done on this subject (studied them all in my social psych class)...and the phenomenon is cross-cultural...this tendency shows up in cultures world-wide.

**Feckless** · 9th-October-2008

Does this mean you agree with me? Or did you just say there are many studies that disprove the study I posted?

**Garak** · 9th-October-2008

Quote from TERA

Feck,

Many studies have been done on this subject (studied them all in my social psych class)...and the phenomenon is cross-cultural...this tendency shows up in cultures world-wide.

So it IS the nature of women we are talking about here.

**Incognito** · 9th-October-2008

Quote from Feckless

Does this mean you agree with me? Or did you just say there are many studies that disprove the study I posted?

I'm saying that many studies show the same tendency: for men to seek out women who are young, attractive, and fertile, while women tend to seek out men of status or means.

The "why" is the only debate going on (at least as far as social scientists are concerned). Evolutionary psychologists think it's instinctual...while other social scientists think it's learned...and still others have done studies that show contradictory evidence...yet the studies that contradict tend to be studies (like the one above) that rely on self-reported information. Survey studies...which we all know are not the most reliable methods of gathering scientific data.

**Percy** · 9th-October-2008

'Studies' which ask people for their views are notorious for their unreliablility. Only a BARS will tell you the truth ( Behaviourally Anchored Rating Scale.). People will say what they think you want to hear or cast themselves in what they think is a better light.

Of course 'she' will say that money doesn't matter. But watch what she does. Some women lie all the time; most lie about the important issues; all lie about themselves.