Men and women view relationships differently in many ways. To women, relationships often mean security, future, love, support, etc. To men, relationships (and particularly commitment) often mean responsibility, a lack of freedom, stress, etc. Sometimes it's amazing that we want relationships at all!

Now, in all fairness, men do many of the things in this list too. However, we do these things for different reasons. Likewise, not every woman does any or all of these things -- but many do.

Here is a list of some of the most important reasons why we leave them instead of love them. Don't worry, you're not alone.

they nag

"Honey, didn't I tell you to take out the trash!"
"You're not going to wear that same shirt again are you?"
"My ex would never say anything like that!"
"You promised last week to clean out the garage!"

In my experience, women start nagging to control or "posture." This is because women feel that men aren't doing their jobs. Women constantly tell me they want men that are active, involved participants in their relationships. Here's the interesting part: they secretly tell me that they just wish men would take control.

Today, the image of the "strong woman" is all over the media. I think that most men appreciate women that have a direction in life. However, women secretly long for the "knight in shining armor" to come riding up to sweep them off their feet.

What tends to happen instead is that men -- being confused about what women "really" want -- do little or nothing. They don't take initiative to direct the relationship. So, women feel that THEY have to do it. And frankly, most (at least secretly) aren't happy about it.

Obviously, most women aren't going to get their men to act by brute force, so they tend to resort to other more familiar patterns -- like nagging. Once we get fed up with the nagging, we leave.

they underestimate us

How many times have you heard women (and many men for that matter) claim that men don't communicate as well as women? What they mean by this is that men don't communicate as well as women verbally .

There is a large number of these stereotypes about men: we aren't sensitive (but if we are, we're wimps); we aren't loving; we aren't considerate; we don't care; we don't listen; we won't commit; etc.

Many men find these types of expectations tedious, not because we aren't these things, but because we are! We simply don't voice them. Instead, we try to extend ourselves and do grand things to show them. Many women instead expect a large number of small things (see "They Don't Appreciate" on the next page).

Thus, once we're tired of being underestimated, we strive to be our regular achieving selves -- and we leave to find someone that understands us better.

they manipulate us

Many women are under the false belief that men don't know they're being manipulated. This can take many forms, but in general (like nagging) it is designed to get us to do things we don't want to do.

There are many examples of this, from the "quiet" act, where she won't respond (Us: "Honey, what's wrong?" Them: "Nothing!!!"), to withholding sex.

We have focuses in our lives just like women do. Our jobs are an example. Huge pressures to succeed are put on us by our families, our bosses and society in general. We are in competition with every other man out there to be successful.

Added stress in our lives through being manipulated by our women can cause many of us to bolt for the nearest unlocked door.

they berate

This is really a symptom of the first reason above: nagging. If women can't get us to do what they want or be who they want us to be, they start trying to undermine our stubbornness in frustration. They do this by trying (often subconsciously) to tear down our egos.

In fact, many actually succeed! Then, when they see what they have left, they accuse us of not being the man they fell in love with. God forbid that we should ever admit any of this has happened!

The rest of us quickly get tired of this abuse, and set sail for smoother waters.

they try to change us

It's almost a joke. Women are attracted to the "bad-boy" image. But, when the relationship starts going, they (mistakenly) believe that they can turn us into their image of who we should be.

And again, if they actually succeed in changing us, we are often blamed for not being the "man they fell in love with." If they can't change us, we're stubborn. My question is: "If you don't like me the way I am, why did you get involved with me in the first place?"

Once we change, even we don't often like who we've become. And, in an attempt to get that guy we lost back, we change our surroundings -- and our women.

they change

Sometimes they end up turning into completely different people. For example, she gains weight, loses interest in sex, stops doing the things she used to when we first started dating, starts spending money, or focuses on things that others have and expects them in her relationship.

This change is for the worst, and our women expect us to understand their changes. Frankly, we often don't.

Nor should we in all cases. I believe that, while some rules are meant to be broken, others are not. If we enter a relationship with specific expectations, when they are not met, we'll look for someone else to fulfill them.

they don't appreciate

Men, by our very nature, are competitive. This isn't my rule -- it was here when I arrived! This competitive nature causes us to think that large expressions better show our feelings -- the bigger, the better.

Women don't usually think this way. They often prefer many smaller gestures over time, to one or two grand ones. There are obvious exceptions to this -- especially where "bragging rights" come into play. For example, don't think you're going to get away with buying her 10 new cubic zirconium rings over 10 years, when all she really wants is one big diamond!

Every man I know has, at least once in his life, done something very significant for a woman and unfortunately, each man has also felt the pain when his gesture was unappreciated. "Gee honey, hiring that marching band and the elephant parade was very interesting, but all I really wanted was some flowers."

When women constantly seem to forget that we try to do big things when we feel big emotions, we hit the big highway.

they neglect

Here in Southern California the number of women that just "expect" is growing faster than the population! I've heard many women say, "Why should I do this [or that] for him? After all -- he's already getting ME!" But men are quickly beginning to see that women are not worth it.

Men want women that get involved with their lives -- not just those that show up for the free drinks and sex. This doesn't mean that men expect women to cook and clean all the time either.

We want women that are genuinely interested in what we do and who we are. We want them to be concerned and supportive. We want them to think that we're funny, brave and cute. And, we want them involved in our relationships.

When the cat starts getting more concern and attention than we do, we start looking for a new scratching post.

they don't love

Sometimes women actually do love us, but sometimes they don't love us the way we need. Women often strive to be in love, and usually define themselves by this love. Unfortunately, this is usually a highly romantic view of love -- not a practical one.

Men need to feel loved. But, we need to feel it like we understand it. Love to us is very different from the love women read about in novels. It really is a practical kind of love. Love to us is walking behind our partner's back at a party and hearing her tell our friends how great we were with her folks. Or, it is about women understanding how we feel -- even though we can't express ourselves very well. It is also about just knowing that she believes in us.

Once we realize that we aren't going to get the love we need, the way we need it, we start working on our exit plan.

So, there you have it -- some of the most important reasons why it might be time for you to break away.

Dennis W. Neder is the author of the popular book on relationships, Being A Man In A Woman's World . He explains the importance of "The Test," the rules and meeting women youve only dreamed about - and getting their phone number every time.

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