Yesterday, my 4-year-old son and I were at the supermarket. There was a large and colorful display for Jelly Belly jelly beans, with all sorts of varieties and flavors. He asked for "the red one," and I put up a bag to the container and pulled the lever. Several jelly beans fell into the bag, as a little girl stood by looking on. She must have been 5 years old. The girl gazed at the beautiful display, spellbound.

We got in line for checkout. The little girl's mother was waiting in the checkout line next to us. She asked her mother if she could have some jelly beans too. Her mother said no. The girl replied, "Please, Mommy? Please can I have some jelly beans?" Again, the mother refused, saying, "I'm not going to buy you that garbage. You already eat those pop-tarts, and you don't need any sugar." The girl kept begging. "Mom, can't we put the pop-tarts away? Maybe I could get some jelly beans instead." Mom finally grabbed the girl, and whispered "Shut up! Shut your damn mouth. Now!"

The little girl started crying and moved away. Mom moved toward her to grab her again. The girl shook in fear, and hid behind another woman who was with the mom. She looked to me like she was expecting a beating. Mom was looking bitter and quite angry.

All of this was in plain view and earshot of my son and me, only a few feet away. As we moved forward in the line, I noticed that he had watched everything. He had been given some jelly beans, and was grateful. But he seemed very serious and quiet, upon seeing the scene of this little girl and her mom. I wanted to draw him out, learn what he was thinking, talk about it. Instead of saying, "Did that make you sad?" I simply asked him, "How did that make you feel?"

I was expecting him to say some emotion, like "sad" or "scared"... Instead, he simply replied, "I love you, Dad. I miss you when you're at work." Sitting in the shopping cart, he reached out and gave me a hug. Four years old.

My heart just melted. I cherish every moment I have with him. I wished that other lady would only realize what a precious gift she has in her daughter.

It's easy to get caught up in the moment, but it's a shame you couldn't have used that moment to highlight the double standards to this girl, her mother & others in the queue.
Similarly, I had a moment that nearly brought tears to my eyes. My daughter was seven years old, and we were talking on the phone about me visiting them for a while. I explained that I wouldn't have many Christmas gifts for them due to money problems. Her response was astounding and unreal:
"But Daddy, I'll be just glad to see you, I'm not bothered by toys..."
Man, that tore me right open. She's so mature for her age. You have to account that this reply came from a girl who lives 24/7 with her mother, who incidentally has spewed much hatred for me in front of them and distortions of history between us.

Hmm! Indeed..

I recall a day in the park with my kids, maybe 8 years ago, we where just sat in the park, had been playing football with some of my young kids, aged 1-11 or so..

My eldest daughter who was maybe about 8 or so then, decided to inform me, as we were just sitting doing very little, that it was the best day of her whole life, how happy she was and who she would never forget today..

Oddly, we had not really done anything of note that day..

Since her mother had divorced me as soon as she had been born and had insisted I keep regular contact with her even though I found it rather a pain to be deal with a baby and wondered how much use it would be for her.. (I found my time with my older sons was easier) it seemed odd that this child, who had basically wanted to do very little other than sit on my knee and jabber for the previous many years.. Found it so great to be sat on the grass jabberring to daddy..

Very cute though..

Of course, her annoying sitting on my knee and jabberring constantly continued till she reached the age of 15 and would have continued had not circumstances effectively terminating our contact..

Very sad.

Wow you guys are proof that a dad with a little time can make a difference in their lives for the better. John my youngest son cries every time he sees me because of the void left by my forced absence in his life. And it breaks my heart that I have to leave him after every visit. Knowing he is forcibly going back into his mothers and grand mother's world where he is less than his female cousin. But good for you guys keep up the great work and we will have some people on our hands that actually care about those around them rather than those that only care for themselves. I salute you.

You know, your type of situation gave me an idea a couple months ago. A lot of people grow up never knowing their dad, or having barely enough contact with their dad. Some people don't even know whether they dad is alive in this world, whether he cares, whether he's tried to make contact or not. Custodial moms have sometimes intercepted all correspondence from dads, that the kids grow up bitter against their dads, thinking that Dad never cared.

I thought I could remedy this. What if I created a Web site where non-custodial fathers could register their names into a database. They could then post all the letters they've ever written to their kids, photographs of themselves, videos... Basically say anything to their kids that they would say if they were just allowed to speak to them. Kids (and adults who grew up never knowing their fathers) could come to the site, do a search for a particular name (or other identifying searchable characteristic), and see if their dads have left a message for them. Maybe this would circumvent all the moms who try to block dad from having any contact with the kids.

Best of all, we're not jeopardizing the safety of any kids truly threatened by future contact with certain abusive dads, because the site would not facilitate the direct exchange of contact information.

I know for a lot of kids, just the knowledge that dad is out there trying to reach them would fill a hole in their hearts that might otherwise fester into adulthood. I think it's bitter kids who are alienated from fathers (or kids of fathers who purposefully walked out) who grow up to be insensitive to the needs of men, and of kids needing their fathers.

Fantastic idea John! Go for it...let me know if I can assist in any manner.

I feel that, many times, dads make much better parents than mothers. But then many of you already knew I feel that way.

Damn John that is pure geneous my freind let me know if you need help and I for one will post letters on it to my kids that I can't see.