While thinking about my own reasons for not wanting children a little deeper, I came across this site while searching for other childfree men's opinions. BTW, looking for opinions form childfree men is like looking for a needle-in-a-haystack, but I find no problem when it comes to getting a child-free woman's opinion.

Chopping one's testicles off would be too careful.

Indeed, I imagine myself in that position... and I don't like what I see. If a woman ever tricked me like that, I would lose it.

Where do you draw the line between deadbeat dad and victim of deceit?

This is an easy question in Japan, where I am living. There is no law about child-support. If you are living with the woman, you have to take care about ALL children with both of you in the same household - you are the biological father or not does not matter.

If you divorce or separate - married or cohabitation is not a criteria - you have no visitation rights as father, and on the other side no obligations to pay anything. Usually children will stay with the mother.

You want to see the children, who continue to live with the woman - your children or her children not does not matter - it is the custom here in Japan to offer some support money in return.

You must simply said arrange that all with the woman - there is no legal way to force payment from the father and to force visitation rights from the mother.

As woman in Japan you are better off not to cheat your boyfriend to become a father - the 'father against his will' might refuse to pay anything and just leave...moving away, forget about his past, problem finished for him.

If that woman did that to me I'd be like "I'm not paying for your stupid little bastard you dumb bitch." And if you send the government after me for "child support" I'm going to run away to Montana and I'm going to find those crazy guys who dug themselves a hole in Montana in the 90's because they didn't want to pay taxes and it cost the government something like 5 million dollars to dig them out of the hole and I think they're out of jail now so they'd probably be up for digging another hole. Except this time the hole will be twice as deep so it will cost the government 10 million dollars to dig us all out of the hole. And with the fact that the government dug itself into a hole financially getting whore support for you for 10 million dollars will be its last priority and it probably won't even get around to it for something like 20 years. So you can just cry yourself an ocean and drown in it you stupid little bitch.

Meh. That whole post he made was pretty stupid. But in all seriousness, if something like that happened to me personally, I think I would do something monstrous. I have a pretty bad temper, and faced with something like that... I just don't know what I'd be capable of.

But on the flipside, women don't want to divorce because there is no financial reward! It seems to me, from what Yohan has said about this, that although the system is unfair - it is unfair to both parents (he = no rights / she = no money) - and so they both make an..

big word coming up, so feminists - prepare yourselves:

...and so they both make an...





That's right, it seems to me that because the system takes no sides (as oppose in our Western cultures which take a clear woman's side), they both make an effort to make the marriage work - for everyone's benefit.

Wow, imagine that!?!

Given the current climate in our Western world, I'd actually prefer Yohan's system to the one I currently endure.

I agree with Tera, there.

You have to seen this also by the side of the children.

Not only by the father (no visitation right) and mother (no money, if she is refusing).

In Japan the argument is, that children should not face 2 fathers, one biological, and the other on, who is presently living with the divorced mother now, but is not the biological father.
The general position of the Japanese Ministry of Justice is not to have anything to do with all these family matters - you must arrange such problems yourself.

In Japan a family is ONE husband (father but not necessarily the biological one), ONE Wife (mother not necessarlily the biological one), and children living in the same household - and there are no legal rights whatever for other people to interfere in their personal matters - like ex-husbands, ex-wives, adult children not living with them in the same rooms, parents not living in the same household, other relatives living next door etc.

It should be noticed, that visitation rights are not only a problem in Japan, but also in the Western world. There are many complaints, that fathers have to pay, but still cannot meet the children.

1 -
Most Japanese fathers accept the system, money/visitation, or no money/no visitation/forget them all....

2 -
Most Japanese mothers are not against the system, as they can easier look for another new husband without feeling disturbed by the former husband claiming father's rights.

3 -
The new Japanese boyfriend/husband/'father' is not in a bad posititon either, because he can never be forced by law to pay for these children in case of separation/divorce, as there is generally no child-support.
He has to support these children from the former ex-husband only as long as he is living with them in the same rooms.

4 -
Usually in Japan there is divorce out of court, and generally, child-support for visitation in return is about USD 300,- to USD 800,- for one to two children, depending on your income. Just a guideline, no obligation.

Most divorced couples find an agreement together with relatives, sometimes with ward office social employees, who take the visitation-money as go-between and bring and pick up the children again in a neutral place...family restaurant, play-ground .... something like that.

5 - All Japanese with family troubles will agree, forget about Japanese courts, it costs money, endless discussion over years ....

Better make a written contract - sometimes with lawyers to have a binding legal paper - and best for all - try to agree, do all and everything out of court.

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There are various solutions to that never ending problem about divorce and children. Japan has one system, and USA has another system, and Sweden has another system. Which one is better, and for whom is it better, I canot say...to many possibilities and you cannot consider everybody and every aspect.

Lots of guys think they are the exception instead of the rule. That they are special. That their relationship with a girl is different from others. That they are immune to divorce etc. That bad things can't happen to them. Only to wake up and find that the exact same shit happens to them one day as to the other guys that got screwed over by their ex-wives and divorce court.

So true.

Ok, let's see.

Can't see your kids, still must pay
Can't see your kids, don't have to pay

Which sounds more equitable?

Ker ching.

The other bonus which for takes higher ground, is that the couple will make more effort knowing they may not have much after a divorce. The time it becomes a problem is when the woman knows she can just move onto the next man in line...