from the horses mouth

**outdoors** · 21st-September-2008

been chattin to this woman for a while--and i have been pushing the 50/50 custody issue---this is her reply;

" Actually, i think that the courts are leaning more and more towards sole custody and support, rather than 50/50. The judge was amazed that i wanted to offer him visits every weekend, and during the week, he thought that was too much.............so did my lawyer, the pair of putzes. Until he took me to court, it was pretty well 50/50. If i needed something for her and didn't have the money, he would pick it up for her, or if there was a big expence coming up we would split it. I don't understand why he took me to court when he already had it so good, and he KNOWS that the courts almost always favor the mother. Now, in the year since court, it has been nothing but a nightmare, one piece of petty bullsh*tafter another.
The only one being hurt by all this is him, and his relationship with his daughter. She is starting to play him at his own game now, and he's reaping what he has sown. He was supposed to take her for a week this summer, but he kept making excuses to us why he couldn't take her and now the summer is over.She sees what he is doing, and she knows. She is almost a different kid now, when she is with him, and that is not because of anything i have said about him. She is smart, and she sees what is going on.....it's sad.
By the way, part of the reason why we split up was that he was abusive. He was very controlling and verbally abusive to me, and near the end of things, he had started hitting me. He didn't care if this happened in front of the kids, and it was always because of some supposed stupidity on my part....didn't do something right, forgot something, etc. CAS was involved with my family during the initial breakup, and the only way i was gonna keep the kids out of foster care was if i got rid of him and they stayed with me.
Now that you know some of the pathetic details of my life, you probably don't want to talk to me anymore lol
It sounds nuts, and fukd up, but it's life, and you deal with it. I guess you could say we all have our handicaps to overcome."""

**Marx** · 21st-September-2008

Is someone you've been 'chatting up'? It sounds like he did kinda fuck himself over by going to court... I tried desperately to keep court of my affairs, but unfortunately was left with little option when she wouldn't let me see my own kids without her supervision.

ps - moved to chit-chat as this isn't a news article.

**John Dias** · 21st-September-2008

It may be the case that she's just BS'ing you about the abuse. I believe that it's plausible that many abuse allegations are conjured up out of thin air, in order to gain sympathy both with the court and also everyday people. You're only hearing one side of the story, and it's a good bet that if she did fabricate the abuse allegations, she also convinced the judge (which is why she's winning in court).

On the other hand, the man may be just as she says: controlling and abusive, without a care to what impact his demeanor or actions have on his daughter. He may have caught a whiff of megalomania, and took the mother to court, thinking that he was invincible.

In any case, if it was him taking her to court, then he's somewhat of an idiot. He should know better than to put his fate in the hands of a family court judge. After all, he is a father, and judges don't tend to believe dads over moms.

**outdoors** · 21st-September-2008

yep but she is admitting that she won because she is a woman.

**Garak** · 21st-September-2008

PEOPLE!

The family courts favor women, even women know this. If you can kepp it out of court...do it! All the courts do is:

- Raise the amount of child alimony
- Make a criminal out of you
- Solidify her hold on the children

Gentlemen, never think that the courts are fair or that the courts will make things better. They will not.

Marx, they may draw up an unsupervised visitation schedule but they won't enforce it. In exchange, they will extort money from you and THIS, they will enforce.

**Garak** · 21st-September-2008

About the abuse, I forgot to address it.

All ex's who are men are accused of being controlling and abusive. Controlling is when a man tells her they can't afford $50 to get her hair done. It's true.

Women define controlling as anything a man says they cannot do, regardless of the reasons.

However, there is a chance that he was abusive.

We see that CAS came in and told her that she is HAS to get rid of him. There are many ways in which the government breaks up marriages/relationships and forces men out of the lives of their children. This is just one of them.

Another one is in the way in which federal benefits are handed out. A woman living alone will get much more in benefits than a woman living with a man. This, of course, puts a positive spin on getting rid of the father (or any father figure for that matter).

Just remember, her story is one sided.

**onegirl** · 21st-September-2008

There are a few things about this "story" that bother me. As far as visitation goes, if this woman was happy giving him 50/50 visitation, then WHY did she only "offer" every weekend at the hearing? Why did she not just agree to what they were already doing? What, because she "wins" by getting her way in court and restricting this child's access to her father? Nice!

Also, she says the child is almost a different kid when she is with her father now...and this is not because of what she has said to the kid. Note how she did not deny badmouthing the child? She just said the child's demenor towards her father was not due to anything she said about him. I don't like it.

As for court? Sometimes you have to go. My huband HAD to. The original court order (made back when his child was a baby) stated that the visitation would be supervised and the time would be "agreed upon". Leaving her wide open to "cancel" visitation every time hubby took his lips off her huge fat ass for a second... And she said that stepson was not to visit our home until he was nineteen years old. If you can imagine that!

Hubby went to court without a lawyer and wiped the floor with her lawyer. Let me tell you, he was PISSED to lose to a civilian. We got everything we asked for.

BTW, it really helps to have your child support paid in full. The judge seemed almost stunned every time we appeared in court that we did not owe one red cent in support. I think it showed that we have our proverbial shit together. Just a thought..

**Garak** · 21st-September-2008

Quote from onegirl

There are a few things about this "story" that bother me. As far as visitation goes, if this woman was happy giving him 50/50 visitation, then WHY did she only "offer" every weekend at the hearing? Why did she not just agree to what they were already doing? What, because she "wins" by getting her way in court and restricting this child's access to her father? Nice!

Also, she says the child is almost a different kid when she is with her father now...and this is not because of what she has said to the kid. Note how she did not deny badmouthing the child? She just said the child's demenor towards her father was not due to anything she said about him. I don't like it.

As for court? Sometimes you have to go. My huband HAD to. The original court order (made back when his child was a baby) stated that the visitation would be supervised and the time would be "agreed upon". Leaving her wide open to "cancel" visitation every time hubby took his lips off her huge fat ass for a second... And she said that stepson was not to visit our home until he was nineteen years old. If you can imagine that!

Hubby went to court without a lawyer and wiped the floor with her lawyer. Let me tell you, he was PISSED to lose to a civilian. We got everything we asked for.

BTW, it really helps to have your child support paid in full. The judge seemed almost stunned every time we appeared in court that we did not owe one red cent in support. I think it showed that we have our proverbial shit together. Just a thought..

Isn't it sad though. Let's look at this.

- Court takes a man's children away
- Court imposes child alimony on him
- Court then refuses to hear anything he has to say unless he has paid up

That's still lose/lose.

The reason she dropped the visitation down was likely because the court solidified her power over the children and made bad behavior from her completely justified.

MEN!

Listen, women know the courts are in their favor but they don't even know the half of it until the judge basically signs your life over to them. Don't do it.

This man was a fool who probably thought that there was justice in the courts. He probably thought the courts would simply codify the existing arrangement, preventing future problems, he was wrong.

In this case she learned that her power over him and the children was absolute and now she acts worse, no suprise to me.

**outdoors** · 21st-September-2008

my ex did the same shit! and was encouraged to do so.

if this guy is anything like me and wanted to protect his kids(for some reason) then, ya,i wud take her to court-he didn't even probably know he was abusive till he got there,just like me-if he was to say anything about HER abuse-he would be painted as having some "deep seeded hatred of women" i just wonder what he would say---anyways--i have my caution flags up-on her--thats for sure.

I wouldn't fuckin pay her iether and why would he take her to court if there was not some kinda issue?