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Thread: Ask Uncle Percy

  1. #1
    Percy's Avatar
    Percy is online now Knackered old Knight
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    Ask Uncle Percy

    As some here may know, I have considerable experience in counselling. I take a sympathetic approach to all and try to get a sound balance in my advice to people.

    I am happy to provide advice to people here, too, with a small fee going to support the Board. Just send $10 to marx.

    I am an International sort of guy and treat all as roughly equal, give or take, and as an example of my sensitivity, I forward this ticklish problem mailed in from a client.

    Dear Uncle Percy,

    I am a happily thrice-married man with a strong inclination and adherence to traditional values. As a faithful Wahhabist living in the satanic pit of West Sydney I have recently found it necessary to burn one of my wives at the stake for her insolence.

    My problem is threefold. First, the cost of petrol has risen to such a price that it almost makes me question my sentence of a “painful, fiery death”, as prescribed by the Koran. Kevin Rudd’s promise to control petrol prices is all Mandarin to me.

    Second, every time I secure her to the woodpile, these pain-in-the-rectum Greenie groups keep protesting me. Apparently the kindling I chose comes from a tree that is home to some endangered native bird. Had it been a common Indian Mynah bird these intolerant infidel bigots wouldn’t have turned a hair. Mark my words, when the land of the Southern Great Satan finally becomes an Islamic state, the cursed Spotted Warbling Parrot will be first in line to feel the cold steel of my sword.

    Third, clearly I want my children to be a part of this important event, but I am concerned about the effects on them. Would you recommend they stand right next to me while I engulf their mother in flames, or would it be preferable to film it and show them the DVD at a later date? Any wisdom you can impart would be greatly appreciated.

    Sincerely,
    Pyrotechnically-challenged in Bankstown


    Dear Pyrotechnically-challenged,

    Whoa. Slow down my friend. You have asked me many questions, but you have left out a great deal of critical information. First of all, I cannot be sure that death by fire is the proper response to your wife’s infraction. What was it? Perhaps the situation merely calls for a severe and vigorous genital caning. Please be more specific next time.

    However, for the sake of argument we must err on the side of severity. Let’s just say that your wife exposed her left temple while in the Bankstown Safeways and thus is deserving of a flame-laden, blistering death. As Muhammad al bin Faroushi noted in his seminal piece on the topic, “There Must Be 50 Ways To Sautee Your Third Wife”, - "the cost of the punishment is of no import. What is paramount is that swift, even-handed justice be meted out".

    That is clear enough, isn't it?

    In other words, even if regular unleaded tops $1.69 a litre you are obliged to pay this price. The monetary inconvenience to you is insignificant in the face of the wrong you are righting.

    For even considering the cost you must pay my fee and cut a finger off. One of your other wives can chose which one. You must include them in this as your part in assimilating western values. You can then say that the punishment hurts you as well as your third wife.

    But not off your sword hand, worthy MRA.

    The wood. Chose another tree. I like parrots. All MRAs like parrots. One of our previous Prime Ministers promised to plant a billion trees and some may have grown enough for you to select one or two without anyone noticing. Mind you, his track record was worse than Kev's - but give the slanty-eyed little shit time.

    As for the children I suggest you make this a family gathering as the Child Protection Authorities will wisk them away when they get wind of it and you are unlikely to see them again until they are adults and can understand the manly honour of your actions.

    Good luck and please let me know how it turns out.

    Although he is not a licensed Islamic therapist, Uncle Percy is a clinical relationship jihadist with expertise in a wide array of areas including: Marital Etiquette, English grammar, Traditional values, Inclusivity and Cultural Diversity.
    When in need of a drink to Refresh the soul
    Drop into the Knight & Drummer Free House.
    http://parzivalshorse.blogspot.com.au/
    Always leave a Comment as a tip.


    Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
    Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
    (St. Augustine)

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers,
    against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world, against Spiritual Wickedness in high places. “
    (and within ourselves)


    A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious. If you meet one on the road as you
    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.





  2. #2
    John Dias's Avatar
    John Dias is offline Established Member
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    I got a question, which has burned within my mind now for 20 years. I don't think I'll ever answer it in my own, and so I doubt you can either. Maybe I'm wrong. If you want to take a shot at it, I would be eternally grateful. It sure would allow me to recoup lost sleep at night. Here's my question:

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Good luck, my friend!

  3. #3
    Incognito's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Quote Quote from John Dias View Post
    I got a question, which has burned within my mind now for 20 years. I don't think I'll ever answer it in my own, and so I doubt you can either. Maybe I'm wrong. If you want to take a shot at it, I would be eternally grateful. It sure would allow me to recoup lost sleep at night. Here's my question:

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Good luck, my friend!
    I think he should charge you more than ten dollars for that answer....lol!

  4. #4
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    O.k. tell me exactly where to mail the money because I have a question for you.

    The executive director and lead counselor at my place of work approached me last week and told me that they'd both been in contact with my college instructors (the head of the counseling program at my college, and my psych prof), and that they both gave me excellent reviews. I was told that they were very happy to have me working for them, and that they want me to stay on longer than the temporary position I originally got hired for. They want to move me up to an internship position at the end of 90 days. It's been about 40 days now since I got hired...and I'm scared, Percy. I don't care if it's proper to admit it or not...I want this internship more than anything...it's my calling, I know it...but at the same time I'm scared because I know the heavy ethical responsibility that comes with being a counselor. The number one ethical duty is to "do no harm." I'm afraid of doing harm. I'm afraid I'm not as qualified as they think I am...I'm not sure of myself. I know my heart's in the right place, and I know I have been taught well what books can teach, but I also know that I have life experiences that may either help or hinder me in this job. I have too much empathy sometimes.. I don't know if I'm ready to take people's psychological well-being into my hands. It's huge...how did you know when you were ready? Is it something you just "know" or does confidence come with experience?

  5. #5
    chevalier's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    John I'll help you with your question if you'll help me with mine as they are similar.

    "How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans?"

    This question like your own has been burning in my mind for decades.

    Great post Percy
    Chevalier.
    "no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his brother."

  6. #6
    chevalier's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Tera my suggestion to you would be to do what men do. It isn't a matter of are you ready but if you are willing to get ready.

    Most of my life when given jobs I didn't think I was ready for istead of worrying whether or not I was ready I got ready and did the job.

    For me at least it has always been as simple as that.

    You have the opprotunity to great things for people at the lowest points in their lives. Are you going to occasionally flub up? Probably so but if you learn from your mistakes then you will still be in a position to help these people.
    Chevalier.
    "no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his brother."

  7. #7
    Feckless's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    Tera my suggestion to you would be to do what men do. It isn't a matter of are you ready but if you are willing to get ready.

    Most of my life when given jobs I didn't think I was ready for istead of worrying whether or not I was ready I got ready and did the job.

    For me at least it has always been as simple as that.

    You have the opprotunity to great things for people at the lowest points in their lives. Are you going to occasionally flub up? Probably so but if you learn from your mistakes then you will still be in a position to help these people.
    I would have given the same advice. It was given to me by an older trainee who just said. If someone ask you if you can do it....do it! What I wanted to add though. As you asked when to know you are ready. You can´t know. You know, when you have proved yourself. When I was a kid I thought I am an adult once I turn 18. When I turned 18 I thought....whats the difference? Its all in your head.
    The men's and fathers' movement needs to make sure it never sees females as the enemy,
    but only misandry--whether from females or from males.
    If not, we'll become like the bigoted feminists that this movement was formed to oppose.
    Glenn Sacks
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    http://antimisandry.com/109272-post69.html

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    Fecks Warcraft File:

    http://antimisandry.com/chit-chat-ma...ile-16039.html

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  8. #8
    chevalier's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Exactly.

    I myself simply do what I need to do make my mistakes and learn from them. But in the end I keep at it.
    Chevalier.
    "no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his brother."

  9. #9
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    Exactly.

    I myself simply do what I need to do make my mistakes and learn from them. But in the end I keep at it.
    What if Terra accidently drives someone into suicide? (She can´t sue us can she?)
    The men's and fathers' movement needs to make sure it never sees females as the enemy,
    but only misandry--whether from females or from males.
    If not, we'll become like the bigoted feminists that this movement was formed to oppose.
    Glenn Sacks
    Disclaimer:
    http://antimisandry.com/109272-post69.html

    Blog:
    http://feck-blog.blogspot.com/

    Fecks Warcraft File:

    http://antimisandry.com/chit-chat-ma...ile-16039.html

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    outdoors's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Quote Quote from John Dias View Post
    I got a question, which has burned within my mind now for 20 years. I don't think I'll ever answer it in my own, and so I doubt you can either. Maybe I'm wrong. If you want to take a shot at it, I would be eternally grateful. It sure would allow me to recoup lost sleep at night. Here's my question:

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Good luck, my friend!
    awoodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a wood chuck could cut wood

  11. #11
    KellyMac's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Whoa now. Nothing like that is going to happen.

    TERA, doctors who have been at it for 20 years still second guess themselves. The time to worry is when you think you have nothing left to learn. Why do you think they call it "practicing" medicine?

  12. #12
    Percy's Avatar
    Percy is online now Knackered old Knight
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    A young woman client wrote:

    The executive director and lead counselor at my place of work approached me last week and told me that they'd both been in contact with my college instructors (the head of the counseling program at my college, and my psych prof), and that they both gave me excellent reviews. I was told that they were very happy to have me working for them, and that they want me to stay on longer than the temporary position I originally got hired for. They want to move me up to an internship position at the end of 90 days. It's been about 40 days now since I got hired...and I'm scared, Percy. I don't care if it's proper to admit it or not...I want this internship more than anything...it's my calling, I know it...but at the same time I'm scared because I know the heavy ethical responsibility that comes with being a counselor. The number one ethical duty is to "do no harm." I'm afraid of doing harm. I'm afraid I'm not as qualified as they think I am...I'm not sure of myself. I know my heart's in the right place, and I know I have been taught well what books can teach, but I also know that I have life experiences that may either help or hinder me in this job. I have too much empathy sometimes.. I don't know if I'm ready to take people's psychological well-being into my hands. It's huge...how did you know when you were ready? Is it something you just "know" or does confidence come with experience?

    Scared Wannabe, Sequim

    Dear Scared Wannabe, Sequim,

    It is always a bit upsetting when people talk about you behind your back and plot to set traps for you. You know they are only doing it because they are jealous of your good looks and fine choice in football jumpers.

    Internships are not to be sneezed at, especially if they come with a modest honorarium but let's face it, all the really difficult cases will be off-loaded onto you so that the Director doesn't have to carry all the horrendous cock-ups that happen all the time. Failure is guaranteed. Whatever you do when you have a calling is bound to result in tears for teras. Take it like a man.

    In between the failures which your clear eye, life experience and help from a telephone psychic (Try Psychic Third-Eye Percy, @ only $2.99 a min) will protect you, there will be enough successes, hard won from the chaos of the mystic world's impossible options, to make it occasionally worthwhile before your flame burns out.

    Occasionally too, you will have stunning successes which will be largely completely accidental. The karma of a 19thC woodchuck will play a part. He will be your spirit guide which will save you having to wade through hundreds of professional books looking for the exact circumstances for you to crib. Trust the woodchuck.

    One word of caution: Do not take your patient's lives in your hands. They are their lives, not yours, and you don't know where they have been. If you do, wash them and use a good hand-cream. Do not be 'confident'. Just work hard, think hard, dig deep and speak clearly. Leave the feelings to them and concentrate of your thinkings.

    Confidence will grow - only to be called into question by better people than you who will sit as a Professional Panel, judging you. They know confidence when they see it and have remedies.

    As for 'knowing' when you are ready, that question was first asked by a professional predecessor, Dr. God. He will send you quite a few of his old clients. You can, if you chose, talk to Him about them. He is a very good listener.

    Finally, when you cry at night after a disaster, a close call, an unexpected success, a smile from a grateful person that you have just pulled by the hair from the Pit or the Abyss, do it by yourself. It isn't something you can share. No one can understand.

    But you will.

    Go for it.

    Although he is not a licensed Lunatic Asylum therapist, Uncle Percy is a clinical Profession moulder who uses Plaster of Paris supplied by Ted's Model Shop and Home Hardware.
    When in need of a drink to Refresh the soul
    Drop into the Knight & Drummer Free House.
    http://parzivalshorse.blogspot.com.au/
    Always leave a Comment as a tip.


    Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
    Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
    (St. Augustine)

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers,
    against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world, against Spiritual Wickedness in high places. “
    (and within ourselves)


    A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious. If you meet one on the road as you
    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.





  13. #13
    Percy's Avatar
    Percy is online now Knackered old Knight
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    A client, John, wrote to me:

    Drear Uncle Percy,
    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    John Dias.

    Dear John,
    I have met someone. Actually I did a bit more than just meet them.

    The woodchuck issue was dealt with in a beautifully construced experiment conducted by an hairy young chap in 1982, and was the subject of a PhD Thesis at Duke University.

    Under controlled conditions, the little fellow managed to chuck four pound logs an average distance of three ft 8 inches. (n = 430,522, sd 3.5 in). Over a period of nine months he covered a Lacrosse field to a depth of 8 feet. (give or take an inch or two).

    It seems though that he taught the woodchuck to chuck wood, a skill which is not found in the wild, and though the PhD was awarded, the young chap only managed to get a job at McDonalds. The woodchuck went on to make a great career in Hollywood but died in 2003 when a unstable pile of logs, sipped.

    No-one has repeated the study, John, and I think there is a future for a sound chap like you to boldly go where only one has been before. Make a video of it this time to show to the men in white coats.

    Although he is not a licensed small animal therapist, Uncle Percy is a clinical Log-Roller and Practitioner of Macrame. His Practice includes award winning paper models of many wild creatures and three Gold-Medal Paper-Bark Trees.
    When in need of a drink to Refresh the soul
    Drop into the Knight & Drummer Free House.
    http://parzivalshorse.blogspot.com.au/
    Always leave a Comment as a tip.


    Cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum
    Love the Sinner but not the Sin.
    (St. Augustine)

    For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers,
    against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world, against Spiritual Wickedness in high places. “
    (and within ourselves)


    A Feminist is a human being who has lost her way and turned vicious. If you meet one on the road as you
    Go your Own Way, offer kindness but keep your sword drawn.





  14. #14
    julie's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Aunty Julie's reply to Tera.

    Stop treating people like babies. It is not as easy as you think to murder someone and it is not that easy to commit suicide. Life is still precious in people's minds.

    I disagree heaps with Uncle Percy. But then, what's new.

    Relate to people and find what they want and help them to get what they want. It is very simple.

    And when they stuff up, support them.

    Tell them it is normal to stuff up and help them refocus.

    They are there with you for a reason and usually it is because they need a hand. Not someone to do it for them.

  15. #15
    julie's Avatar
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    Re: Ask Uncle Percy

    Quote Quote from chevalier View Post
    Exactly.

    I myself simply do what I need to do make my mistakes and learn from them. But in the end I keep at it.
    You don't say much but what you say is always important.

    I really appreciate you sharing this. Thank-you.


 

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