Arguing....A womens thing?

**Feckless** · 12th-December-2008

From Warren Farrells "Women can´t hear what men don´t say":

Page 21-22

Researchers find that when only one sex expresses argument-provoking feelings, it is likely to be the wife - by a ratio of almost six to one (85 percent vs 15 percent). When both sexes participate but one dominates, women are about twice as likely to dominate. Overall, women are more willing to initiate conflict, no willing to escalate conflict, better able to handle it when it occurs, and, when they have initiated it, are quicker to get over it.

These findings come from numerous sources. They are found among couples of high, medium, and low socio-economic status. They are found using a variety of methodologies: the couples at themselves acknowledge the gap, and, much more reliably, researchers who systematically observe couples verify the couple's own assessments.

Probably the most respected researcher in the field is John Gottman at the University of Washington. He records pulse rates, heart output, skin conductance, and other indicators of stress. Then he videotapes the couples to observe facial expressions and body language. He does not ask the couples to fight, since that would be artificial. Instead, he basically works with the couple and when a major air are of disagreement naturally even though this, he asks them to discuss it and attempts to resolve it. When a fight naturally occurs, the equipment is there to record it.

Gottman found that men are more intimidated by angry women than women are by angry men. Men are more stressed by marital arguments, while women are more comfortable with emotional confrontation and are better at it.

Even in the feminist movement, the medium is the message: feminists express anger even as the message is that women cannot express anger; men repress anger even as they are judged to be the sex that has no problem expressing it! We often hear we have a battle of the sexes when, in fact, we have a war in which only one side has shown up. (Men put their heads into the sand and hope the bullets will miss!)

Withdrawal is not the way men do battle with men. It is the way men do battle with women. Because the purpose of doing battle with men was to prepare men to protect women from conflict, not to be the source of conflict.

**TheOldOligarch** · 12th-December-2008

Don't argue with females, simply dismiss their opinions out of hand. It is an attitude I have recently developed.

**Stan** · 12th-December-2008

when only one sex expresses argument-provoking feelings, it is likely to be the wife - by a ratio of almost six to one

Sounds aboutm right.

The thing is...Feminists would somehow blame this on the man. As in the man let the woman down in some way and now has to make it up to her in some manner of her choosing. Endlessly.

My view is that women and men are different and that this is okay and a good thing.

Feminists seem to be uncomfortable with the sexes being different from one another.

**Adrian** · 12th-December-2008

This is what I love about pop psychology -- or probably psychology in general, for that matter. "Gottman found that men are more intimidated by angry women than women are by angry men. Men are more stressed by marital arguments, while women are more comfortable with emotional confrontation and are better at it."

WTF? How did he measure that one? And yet, if men really got angry only a vanishingly small minority of women would feel more comfortable and less stressed than the men. The rest would be afraid for their lives. That's how feminists have managed to make domestic violence into a capital issue -- based on that physical reality.

I think the real problem here is that Gottman's study is full of a bunch of socially castrated weenies that don't ever actually get angry.

**Zuberi** · 12th-December-2008

Arguing is something that women and manginas are good at!
Too bad they can't win in a fist fight!

**Incognito** · 12th-December-2008

I like how the article makes it sound like confrontation and conflict resolution are always "bad things" and paints women in a negative light. A problem cannot be resolved if no one is willing to bring it up or talk about it. Confrontation doesn't have to be ugly or necessarily negative. It can be constructive when done correctly with proper motives behind it. Further, men are just as capable of conflict resolution as women.

I think the article is inflammatory.

**Incognito** · 12th-December-2008

Quote from Billy

It's not about conflcit resoultion it's about critical thinking and how many women think critically about everything and bitch, moan and whine incessantly. It's how women and some children get their way. Just like you do.

"women are more willing to initiate conflict"
yup that is what they do

I think you are the one "initiating conflict" right now, Billy.

I don't recall the article saying anything about "bitching, moaning, or whining incessantly."

**Stan** · 12th-December-2008

Many of these oh-so-unhappy women don't wind up any happier post-divorce.

Much of their stress has role confusion aspects too.

Many women want everything good about being the successful wage earner and also everything good about the full time Mom role.

This is an inherent conflict.

Helen Gurley Brown was editor of Cosmopolitan magazine for decades.

Her long term attitude and the title of one of her books is "Having It All".

This view states that you can have the best of everything without giving anything up.

I'm sorry but in the real world you have to make choices. And many decisions require compromises. We are accountable.

Sorry, but you CAN'T have it all after all.

**chevalier** · 12th-December-2008

It is funny hearing Tera complain about something being inflamatory. The pot calling the kettle black perhaps?

And how is is that conflict isn't bad yet we are a bunch of asshats according to her because we engage in conflict with her. When we do we are sekking resolution.

Once again the article is bad merely because it sheds light on a bad habit of women and puts women in a true light that shows them pimples and all.

Women are well known for being the initiator of conflict. I was told by my grandmother that women pick fights to see if their man still loves them.

I was confused about this and asked my grandfather and he said women feel that if you don't argue with them then you are bored with them and don't love them any more.

Over the years since then I have noticed from my ex's that this is true. If I worked too many hours at work or fishing or whatever. I noticed the number os fights they initiated went up. But the fights were never about the hours I worked or how much I did whatever. It was always some retarded little issue that meant nothing.

I think that is why women will start fights over such trivial things.

**Stan** · 12th-December-2008

Quote from chevalier

I was told by my grandmother that women pick fights to see if their man still loves them. I was confused about this and asked my grandfather and he said women feel that if you don't argue with them then you are bored with them and don't love them any more.

My Grandmother on my Mom's side told me the same thing!

Maybe now we know why Tera is so frequently upset.

**Incognito** · 12th-December-2008

Quote from chevalier

It is funny hearing Tera complain about something being inflamatory. The pot calling the kettle black perhaps?

And how is is that conflict isn't bad yet we are a bunch of asshats according to her because we engage in conflict with her. When we do we are sekking resolution.

Once again the article is bad merely because it sheds light on a bad habit of women and puts women in a true light that shows them pimples and all.

Women are well known for being the initiator of conflict. I was told by my grandmother that women pick fights to see if their man still loves them.

I was confused about this and asked my grandfather and he said women feel that if you don't argue with them then you are bored with them and don't love them any more.

Over the years since then I have noticed from my ex's that this is true. If I worked too many hours at work or fishing or whatever. I noticed the number os fights they initiated went up. But the fights were never about the hours I worked or how much I did whatever. It was always some retarded little issue that meant nothing.

I think that is why women will start fights over such trivial things.

I don't mind engaging in debate and I don't care if people disagree with me. What I find, though, on this forum, is that some people can't respond to a general comment I make about a post without turning it into a personal attack directed at me. What sort of communication process is this? Constructive?

**Incognito** · 12th-December-2008

I'm "upset" because I don't understand why this post:

"I like how the article makes it sound like confrontation and conflict resolution are always "bad things" and paints women in a negative light. A problem cannot be resolved if no one is willing to bring it up or talk about it. Confrontation doesn't have to be ugly or necessarily negative. It can be constructive when done correctly with proper motives behind it. Further, men are just as capable of conflict resolution as women.

I think the article is inflammatory."

....invites a personal attack by three people so far.

"...bitch, moan and whine incessantly. It's how women and some children get their way. Just like you do." Billy

"...It is funny hearing Tera complain about something being inflamatory. The pot calling the kettle black perhaps?" Chevalier

"Maybe now we know why Tera is so frequently upset." (Referring to women starting fights with men just to "test them.")
Stan

**Stan** · 12th-December-2008

Quote from TERA

I'm "upset" because I don't understand why this post:

"I like how the article makes it sound like confrontation and conflict resolution are always "bad things" and paints women in a negative light. A problem cannot be resolved if no one is willing to bring it up or talk about it. Confrontation doesn't have to be ugly or necessarily negative. It can be constructive when done correctly with proper motives behind it. Further, men are just as capable of conflict resolution as women.

I think the article is inflammatory."

....invites a personal attack by three people so far.

"...bitch, moan and whine incessantly. It's how women and some children get their way. Just like you do." Billy

"...It is funny hearing Tera complain about something being inflamatory. The pot calling the kettle black perhaps?" Chevalier

Gee whiz, Tera is upset and argumentative again. This is not a personal attack, it is an observation.

**chevalier** · 12th-December-2008

I thought you had me on ignore Tera. Beside I didn't see a personal attack.

I see disagreement I see conflict resolution. Which you say is not a bad thing right?

Starting an argument isn't bad right? Arguing isn't bad right?

Or is it not bad if it is just the woman who starts the fight and carries it on?

I guess if the man is on the defensive through the whole fight then that is ok but if the man fights back like we do here then it is bad right?

So we can fight when you start an argument so long as we only defend ourselves. But when we fight back then we are misogynists.

Gotcha Tera double standard #603 noted.

**Stan** · 12th-December-2008

Quote from chevalier

I thought you had me on ignore Tera. Beside I didn't see a personal attack.

I see disagreement I see conflict resolution. Which you say is not a bad thing right?

Starting an argument isn't bad right? Arguing isn't bad right?

Or is it not bad if it is just the woman who starts the fight and carries it on?

I guess if the man is on the defensive through the whole fight then that is ok but if the man fights back like we do here then it is bad right?

So we can fight when you start an argument so long as we only defend ourselves. But when we fight back then we are misogynists.

Gotcha Tera double standard #603 noted.

Are you supposed to lose the argument so that Tera can feel reassured again??

Until the next time she needs reassurance...at which time she'll start more arguments?