Well I found Helium a site where people could write articles on certain topics and let others rate them. I came across that topic:

"How to be the best father and husband."

Well I read all those articles and where they all seem to see sunshine and fairytails I was just thinking what a BS that is. Then again made me kinda sick. Am I such a bad person that I can´t love my wife above anithing else. That I still have time for myself....oh well read and judge:


By one woman:

HOW DO A BEST HUSBAND SHOULD BE? A husband is person on whom his wife and family depend.He should maintain his family by handling his each and every responsbility in a proper way,by fulfiling his family desires as by finacialy,tying his family by giving heartful love.Who have to spent time with his family.Who should be ready to face any problem,and have to standby with his family even in sorrow's.By giving lot of love for wholelife to his wife and by fulfiling her every desire,by keeping his wifeand husband relationship together foever,by handling every problem patiencely that arises between them and solve the problem and make their relation to continue happilly forever,can be proven a best husband, actualy if a husband have a best character that keeps his family happily then no need to prove, he is definetly a best husband.

Well I know my English is far from being perfect but my first thought was: "Awesome spelling" (I really like that one "HOW DO A BEST HUSBAND SHOULD BE?") What really annoys me is the bold part. Man <- solve all problems, fulfill all of the womans desire, pay for everything. I thought bad deal. Well I know some womens desires so that could be hard to pull off.

What else do we have:

By some dude who says he is a complete failure:

I do not want sympathy. I do not deserve it. I want only to convey the importance of considering the following advice. Before ever becoming a father or husband,(and especially after), a true man must be, and is, in charge of his entire being. He must be the master of his emotions, his desires, and his ego. Long before he can become master of his future, this mastery of self must be accomplished. If it is not, then do not expect the sustaining companionship that loved ones provide, as you near the end of your time on this planet. Lonely indeed is the warrior, no matter how brave or strong, that goes into battle to meet his fate, alone.

yeah.....it continues

If driving in a car, someone cuts you off, and as a reflex, you give them a lewd hand gesture, or find yourself swearing curses at them. You are not ready to be a father or husband

Reminds me of my wife driving (always cursing like her father) while I drive arround relatively relaxed. Great time to check this on my "How to be a good father checklist". Here point 3 "be an unemotional driver" check.

Controlling desires, of all kinds, from the carnal to career goals, to beating a friend at ping pong, to acquiring that sports car, or winning that league trophy, is vastly important. These desires to obtain, or posses, or achieve, come with a price. The price at the time maybe small, simply a bit of self sacrifice. Such as going to the sons'little league game or the daughter's piano recital instead of the office party, or attending the so called
" Big game".
It can also be simply understanding when the wife is not "In the mood" , you do not storm off to the nearest bar, or contact a friend in which to bemoan, and commiserate your misperceived rejection. Instead, take command of that carnal desire, invoke the passion of love from whence it gains its respectability from, and use it. Use it to open your eyes to HER needs. Elevate yourself from the animalistic slime of the Neanderthal. Engage the empathy that a civilized man should have. Especially for some one so important in your life as your wife.

family always more importand then your interests - check
Its HER NEEDS that count - check
not be animalistic slime of the neanderthal - check

Your wife is not your property no matter what history may have once said. A wife is not just a caretaker of your children while you go off and forage for a living. She is not the mother who washed your clothes, made breakfast or diner, or made sure you went off to school with clean underwear. A wife is not a replacement for a mother. She is an individual. She has her own hopes and desires; Her own dreams; Her own fears and doubts. When taken as a wife a woman becomes the reason for your existence as a man. The justification for all that you do after, to diminish her in any way, is to diminish your self, two fold.

She is teh bestest thing in your life....yeah cynical you know

As bad as those things might be, consider how worse it is when you, in your loneliness realize that it was by YOUR own actions that they are no longer in your life. By the way You conducted yourself, by the decisions you made, by the lack of understanding in that their needs outweighed your own. That the lack of empathy caused you to miss the signs that your wife was in distress, so instead of staying home and perhaps helping and guiding her through it, you went bowling instead?
You want to be the best father that you can be? The best husband? Then work at being the best PERSON you can be. Learn how to shut out your own egotistical views. Work on communication skills. Not just the ones that help you voice your views but those that help you hear and see the ones being broadcast to you.
I tell you it is worth whatever it takes, whatever personal pleasures have to be set aside, whatever sacrifice of ego has to be made, whatever compromise at home or work have to be made, are worth it. If you don't believe me, try this. Go sit in a dark closet with the door closed and no light, and see how long you can stay in it. I doubt you will enjoy it for very long.

Your needs are not important its all about them of course. Oh and I really enjoy sitting in my closet. Check www.closetsitting.com for other freaks like me.

Another one

First of all, I tell myself that I am not on this earth for my benefit. I am here for my wife and my three children. I'm pretty shallow when I think about what I want out of life. It becomes quite evident from the true rewards of being a family man start to fulfill my quest in life: to have a purpose.

Somehow devaluating. They are important you are not.

On weekends and times I have with my family, I make myself available to them - not my golf game, not my hobbies, my pasttimes. All of those things can wait....
Oh sure, I have a few things I do that are "my thing." These occur usually once every month or two. I have discovered that being with my family is "my thing."
I may identify with my career, as it seems most of us do; but the secret to being the best husband and father is to identify with your family. I may not be on Earth for my benefit, but that has been to my benefit.

Once every month or two. ITS ALL ABOUT THEM. Oh my

Another lovedrunk:

I have the belief that my wife should be treated like a queen. Her wishes and desires I have placed above mine, even though she may try to place mine over hers. What it boils down to is that I vowed to honor and cherish her forever, "'til death do we part". I take those vow extremely seriously and I know that she does also. We are committed to each other, and our children see that even though we are separated by an ocean.

The first mind in my thought was. Yeah shes doing the gardener. I am a bad person they are probably the perfect couple like in a TV show from the 80s. Well again do everything for the queen.

Thats the one I thought made sense apart all that man have to give ab on themselfes (see joe bob story in this forum - too lazy to check link)

The trick to being a good father is watch your temper and treat your wife and kids with the respect you deserve from them its really that simply. Also the other really important thing I found is make time for your family and for family events so you all don't grow apart from each other. These worked for me and I hope they can work for a few other people as well.

Well I felt quite cynical it all seems to me I am the only bitter one who is interesting in having a view interest for myself and not entirely giving up myself. Tsk I even wonder how those women behave. Ah well....

Source:

http://www.helium.com/knowledge/4734...and-you-can-be