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  1. #1
    Seattle Traditionalist's Avatar
    Seattle Traditionalist is offline Established Member
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    “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    A little less than an hour ago I had an interesting, a bit upsetting, experience while waiting for the bus. I had just gotten out of the grocery store, buying some food, and I was a bit annoyed because I came a bit late to catch the bus I wanted and had to wait for the whole half-hour cycle for the next bus to come. About 10 minutes before the bus arrived a young woman nervously approached me and asked me if I had any money, she needed a little money, to ride the bus. I asked “how much money do you need?” and she said “Well I don’t have any money, but I figure with a dollar I can convince the bus driver to let me on.” Then I said, “So you think you can beg the driver to let you on for a dollar even though the real bus fare is about $2?” We carried on the conversation a bit and then she said “Well I have to go about 15 blocks north.” When she told me this I definitely decided that I wasn’t going to give her any money. I told her “well you just shot yourself in the foot in your effort to make me give you money; you aren’t very desperate if your destination is only 15 blocks away. You look young and healthy, you can walk 15 blocks, you don’t really need to take the bus at all.” She then said, in a kind of nervous way, “but I don’t want to walk there, that’s a bad neighborhood”. She looked kind of frightened and upset, like the idea of walking to her destination terrified her. I retorted back “the neighborhood isn’t that bad, I walked the 15 blocks myself to get to this grocery store just for fun. It took me about 15 or 20 minutes.” Hearing this from me she kind of rolled her eyes. “You can walk the 15 blocks to where you’re going.” She said, “but it’s a bad neighborhood” starting to get excited and upset. I then said, in a somewhat loud and aggressive voice “but I’ve lived here 7 or 8 years and I’ve never been attacked”. To this she responded “but you’re a big guy and I’m a little girl” and then burst into tears and quickly walked away from me, saying “never mind” as she left.

    She walked a block away from me, and then slowly retraced her steps, coming towards the bus stop again, no longer actively crying but still visibly upset. I didn’t see her make any attempts to ask other people for money while I was there. When the bus came, the bus she wanted to catch, she didn’t even attempt to get on it.

    So what is the deal here? This girl, about 17 years old I imagine, was begging for money so she could avoid spending 15 minutes walking through a “bad neighborhood”, a neighborhood I’ve lived in for years never experiencing any problems. It was still light outside and she would be walking along a busy street the whole way.

    The whole idea that the street I live on is so terrifyingly dangerous that I would beg strangers for money to avoid spending 15 minutes walking down it is very foreign to me.

    Did this girl suffer some real trauma while walking down my street sometime in the past so it brings back bad memories for her?

    Am I recklessly and insensitively putting her life in danger by refusing to give her money to ride the bus? Am I exposing vulnerable females to grave danger by telling them to walk the 15 blocks, no need for them to beg for money?

    Anyways, the whole thing is a bit unsettling to me. I don’t usually make young girls cry. I wasn’t very generous, and I wasn’t very chivalrous. I didn’t give her the money, and I delayed her getting to where she wanted to go by at least a half hour. By the looks of things, I also created some great trauma for her. The tears were real; she was ashamed and embarrassed when she started crying and immediately seeked to escape the situation. To me begging for money is majorly humiliating and there is no way I would do it just to avoid some walking, and so it seems to me her fear of walking down the street was real.

    I wonder, what kind of life does she lead, how many different neighborhoods are scary for her, how much fear does she feel when she walks down the street. I am hoping her tears were some kind of manipulative act, that would make me feel better, but it is unnerving and unsettling to me nonetheless.

    I hope she makes it home OK and sleeps soundly tonight.

  2. #2
    Incognito's Avatar
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Well your anti-chivalry advocates here should be quite pleased with the outcome of that story.

    Tell me something, if you would: were you influenced into your decision not to help based on things you have read here?

    I ask this because you continuously have been getting quite a lot of flack for advocating chivalry...and now when it comes down to helping a woman out, you didn't do it.

    I don't think your actions seem to be in line with your belief system.

    So did you have a change of heart?

    What gives?

    "Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it- a tone of mind which will gradually win influence over the collective one, and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from barbarism, and the ethical comes into existence only in individuals."

    "Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace."
    -Albert Schweitzer

  3. #3
    paul parmenter's Avatar
    paul parmenter is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Sorry ST, but to me the whole story sounds as fishy as a trawler full of herring.

    If this girl was so terrified of the neighbourhood, why did she approach a strange man and ask him for money? That does not sound consistent with someone trying to avoid trouble. Also she didn't ask for enough for the full fare, so did she really want money for the ride? And what was all that "convincing the bus driver to ler her on" bit? That reminds me of the stories we have encountered on this site of girls taking taxi rides without being able to pay the fare, then accusing the driver of rape to get themselves off the hook.

    Or was she trying to bait you for some other reason? I would always be deeply suspicious of any strange female approaching me and asking for money.

    That's the trouble with women; they have such a habit of bringing a hidden agenda into so many situations, and stringing men along with cock and bull stories, that you simply never know whether they are to be believed or not - or what horror might be waiting for you if there is a hidden agenda and it comes to fruition. Women have been given awesome power over men these days, so a mere accusation would be enough to wreck your life.

    I have no doubt her tears were "real" in the sense of her eyes being full of water, but were they real in the sense of representing some deep grief or fear? Remember females are well-practised experts at switching the waterworks on and off to suit the occasion and their purpose. Most especially when there is a gullible male in the vicinity (they assume all men are gullible, and it works 99.9% of the time). Ditto the "you’re a big guy and I’m a little girl" gambit. If you don't recognise that as classic female manipulation, then you must have been living in a monastery all your life.

    I understand your chivalric instincts ST, but they seem to have been trumped by your self-survival ones on this occasion, which might have been for the best. For all you know you might just have had a lucky escape. So don't beat yourself up about it. You are not responsible for that woman or for any problems, real or imagined, that she might have.

  4. #4
    shaazam's Avatar
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    ""wellI don’t have any money, but I figure with a dollar I can convince the bus driver to let me on.”

    she is a calculating con artist

  5. #5
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    I just think of it like this, would you feel any guilt whatsoever if it was a 17 year old male that had asked you for bus fare and you said "No"? Of course you wouldn't, so don't go beating yourself up for not giving a female the cash.
    You're right, she's healthy enough to walk it, and as has been pointed out, she's apparently scared, yet asks a strange man for money (You're a stranger, not strange), I find that odd. Nice little trick of turning on the waterworks upon finding out she won't be getting anything from you, a tried and tested female tactic, probably learned it from her mother, and proof that she was trying to play you like a trick.
    Hugh & Mary Discuss Feminist Related Issues (ALL SUBTITLED): http://www.youtube.com/view_play_lis...0081D259987DCD

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  6. #6
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Well, there's a difference in between asking a man for money in front of a store(people are around?) and walking for half an hour through a bad neighborhood. Anyway, I walked at 3am from one side of my city to the other and it took like 2hours and I live in the biggest sex slavery market in Europe(I'm unsure if it still is the biggest). The thing is, I can call a number of people to give me a ride... Everyone has cells and lots of people have cars nowadays. Hell, I know people to call in other cities that would give me a ride.

  7. #7
    shaazam's Avatar
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Quote Quote from RebelliousVanilla View Post
    Well, there's a difference in between asking a man for money in front of a store(people are around?) and walking for half an hour through a bad neighborhood. Anyway, I walked at 3am from one side of my city to the other and it took like 2hours and I live in the biggest sex slavery market in Europe(I'm unsure if it still is the biggest). The thing is, I can call a number of people to give me a ride... Everyone has cells and lots of people have cars nowadays. Hell, I know people to call in other cities that would give me a ride.
    "" and I live in the biggest sex slavery market in Europe(I'm unsure if it still is the biggest).""

    waal ! just how much are they selling for huhuhuu

    maybe I could afford one for domestic duties

  8. #8
    Seattle Traditionalist's Avatar
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Quote Quote from TERA View Post
    Well your anti-chivalry advocates here should be quite pleased with the outcome of that story.

    Tell me something, if you would: were you influenced into your decision not to help based on things you have read here?

    I ask this because you continuously have been getting quite a lot of flack for advocating chivalry...and now when it comes down to helping a woman out, you didn't do it.

    I don't think your actions seem to be in line with your belief system.

    So did you have a change of heart?

    What gives?

    Tera, the thought that maybe I have been corrupted by all the anti-woman, women are manipulators kind of talk did enter my mind as possibly motivating my response to the girl. However, I wondered those things after the fact, after the drama was over, after she walked away from me.

    Maybe 5 minutes after the drama was over was when I first wondered why I did what I did and wondered if the "Antimisandry attitude" perhaps had rubbed off on me and made me more suspicious and hostile towards the girl.

    In a way that is all a bit speculative though because when I was actually making the decisions of how to respond to her I was using my rules of how to deal with beggars to make my decisions. In my mind, what guided me in how to treat her was that she was a beggar, does she really need the money, is her story reasonable. I did not let the fact that she was young or female enter into my calculation, at least it was my intention to not let those factors sway me. When she told me her destination was 15 blocks away I made a commitment to myself to not give her money as she was no longer "needy" according to my criteria.

    Now I did notice immediately that she was young and female, and my heart tends to melt and warm up a bit when a young female approaches me in a shy and somewhat friendly way, but I do go out of my way to resist what might be called the chivalrous instinct in order so that I can respond to the situation rationally, according to my rules.

    Basically, even though she was a young woman, the rules I used to make my decision was that she was a beggar, and how do I decide whether or not to give a beggar money.

    In terms of how she dressed she didn't look like she was homeless, she looked like any ordinary teenage girl who for some reason was asking me for money.

    So, first of all, she looked average, like she wasn't particularly in need. Secondly she said she had no money. That's a bit strange, why didn't she have any money? Doesn't she know that typically to get on a bus one needs money? Why didn't she plan for having money ahead of time? Anyways, she offered no explanation as to why this one time she was without money.

    In terms of beggars, in order to give money I need to feel like my money would overcome a major hardship for a small amount, that the money emergency was unexpected and unavoidable from the point of view of the person asking for money, that them asking for money is not simply routine for them.

    I don't ever give someone money merely because they ask, I run them through a little interrogation, try to judge the reasonableness of their story, and then see if their request for money meets my criteria for when I am ready to hand over the money. Usually I'm a tough nut to crack, most requests for money directed at me end in failure. When the girl in this story told me her destination was 15 blocks away she failed my criteria, she was in no great hardship, therefore she didn't need my money, case closed.

    The last time I gave a beggar money it was the night of the big 103 degree day in Seattle, the beggar, who looked homeless, was a man in his 30s, he told me he needed to eat some food, he was having headaches and he was nauseous, etc., and so he asked me for money to meet this need. Since the day was a record heat day, and he had probably been out in the weather a lot, and his symptoms seemed consistent with him suffering from the heat, and since the heat wave was an extraordinary circumstance, I figured that this time the need was important and legitimate so I forked over some money to him and recommended he get one of the big Vanilla ice cream cones that McDonalds sells.

    Anyways, a young girl who is begging for money who looks like she isn't in need so that she doesn't have to spend 15 minutes walking up the street does not meet my definition of being "in need" therefore being deserving of my money.

    When I basically told her this she raised the stakes, saying she didn't want to walk through a "bad neighborhood", a neighborhood that I know is not very bad because of my own extensive personal experience with it. So implicitly she is making a "I could be raped" justification for why she needs my money to get on the bus to avoid the walk.

    Yes I know I'm a man so I "can't understand" what this fear of being raped is like for a woman, but it seems far fetched to me. The street is not that dangerous, there are no dark alleys for her to navigate, the neighborhood is not that bad, I personally don't feel endangered at all walking it, and men can certainly feel fear of being physically attacked even if a sexual attack against a man walking down the street is an extreme rarity. Point being, the idea that she needs the bus money to avoid the danger of walking down the street for 15 minutes seems hysterical and overblown, and not something that I want to cater to.

    Basically, how I felt at the time, I had told her no, I won't give her the money because her walking 15 blocks is no big deal, she can handle it, she is not in enough of an emergency to deserve a hand out from a stranger. Instead of accepting my refusal to give her money she tried an emotional blackmail technique implying I was putting her in danger by expecting her to walk the 15 blocks, as if America's streets are so dangerous that it is not safe for a woman to merely walk around, she apparently needs to be driven everywhere because walking is just too dangerous. So I defended my position that her insistence on not walking was silly, saying I had walked to the grocery store myself, and that I've lived in the neighborhood for years never encountering any problem. When I dared to defend my assertion that her being unwilling to walk was unreasonable she then burst into tears saying that "you're a big guy and I'm a little girl" and then walking away.

    Now am I crazy or was this girl wildly overreacting? The way she acted, it was almost as if she had been raped a year ago in the very area I was asking her to walk through and she was reliving some kind of trauma she had gone through in the past. Now I of course don't know if that supposition is accurate, but it seems to me that is the only way her reaction could be seen as being "reasonable".

    I guess a little part of me is afraid something like that is true, that maybe she has been through some kind of trauma that is fresh with her. Otherwise, her behavior seems very overly dramatic and manipulative. It is like she thinks she is entitled to my money simply because she asks for it, and if I don't give it to her then she's going to accuse me of putting her in danger, asking her to walk through a "bad neighborhood".

    Another thought that went through my mind is that she has been fed a lot of rape paranoia by feminists so that she thinks any strange neighborhood is dangerous, she could be raped at any moment, it is just not safe to walk alone, stuff like that. Is it really true that women don't feel safe walking around in ordinary neighborhoods in broad daylight? That seems unreasonable to me. If women do have such exaggerated fears is it my job to give them $2 of bus money whenever they ask for it because they "forgot" that riding the bus requires money, even when the bus ride they are making is just for the shortest trip, a trip they can walk in 15 minutes?

    After thinking about this situation, the story that seemed most plausible in my mind was that basically she was just being lazy and manipulative, then I embarrassed her and humiliated her rejecting her request for money and making her look like a fool for not simply walking, that I was mocking what may have seemed to her to be a reasonable need on her part, and it was the feeling of being slapped down and told she was a fool while being at the vulnerable point of asking a stranger for money that made her breakdown with the tears.

    For whatever it's worth, I certainly wasn't trying to make her cry or humiliate her, but I was trying to hold my ground against what I thought was manipulation on her part, this business of her not wanting to walk through a "bad neighborhood", as if she was a damsel in distress needing my protection when all she was avoiding in the situation was her desire not to engage in a short walk.

    Anyways, I don't think she burst out crying out of some fear of being endangered or vulnerable to rape, I think she cried because of the humiliation of me mocking her story and refusing her money.

    Her busting out crying was a big surprise to me, I certainly did not see that part coming. I think her "you're a big guy and I'm a little girl" retort to me saying I've walked through the area for years never having any problems was meant as a parting shot, a punishment, to make me look like a mean brute not concerned for her well being or her safety because I refused to give her the money and give into her "I don't want to walk through a bad neighborhood" emotional blackmail.

    Really the whole story is strange to me on a number of levels. If she is so emotionally fragile that she breaks down in tears just because I didn't give her the money and had the audacity to not immediately give into her "I don't want to walk through a bad neighborhood" gambit, then why is she asking strangers for money in the first place? Doesn't she know that not everyone will give her money and that some of those who don't give her money will be nasty to her? By the way, I wasn't nasty; I just told her that her desire to avoid walking 15 blocks wasn't a good enough reason to give her money.

    Also, if she really is so worried about being assaulted why does she advertise her vulnerability asking strange men for money in the first place? If she is so afraid of the neighborhood I live in why was she in that neighborhood in the first place with no money expecting to catch a bus?

    Another thing, there were maybe 6 different people waiting at that bus stop. I was standing a bit apart from the others, listening to something on my headphones, when she approached me. I think I was the only white male in my age group, somewhat young but still definitely much older than her. I was old enough to be impressed by her youth while still being a generation older, not of her peer group. I think she specifically targeted me on the assumption that I was the demographic most likely to give her money or be "sympathetic" to her on the basis of her being young cute and female. Then when I resisted giving her money she acted like she was endangered, a damsel in distress, that I somehow "owed" her money to protect her from the horrors of walking through a "bad neighborhood". I think she was definitely trying to milk the chivalrous instinct in me for all it was worth. Finally, when she had failed she burst into tears giving me her "you're a big guy and I'm a little girl" parting shot.

    When I saw her all upset and crying what I felt was upset and resentment, and shock. What is this business, why was she throwing this "I might be raped" innuendo at me simply because I didn't give her the money? What made me owe her this money? Why can't she walk a god damn 15 blocks through a perfectly safe neighborhood, what is she trying to pull?

    Part of me felt like she was trying to yank my chain and part of me felt all upset and guilty that I upset her and maybe made her feel endangered and unloved and unprotected in this world.

    No beggar who has asked me for money has ever implied that my failure to give them money put them into danger and no beggar has ever broke down crying as the result of me not giving them money.

    It is really strange; it is almost as if this young woman felt entitled to my money, that she needed it for her basic safety, and that my refusal to give her the money was somehow some deep personal rejection that wounded her deeply, hence all the crying. And the only material hardship I was threatening her with was that she need to walk for 15 minutes to get where she was going! That was all that was at stake by her own admission!

    Anyways, I've ranted and rambled enough on this little drama. Very strange stuff. If I was this woman I wouldn't even dream of asking anybody for bus money, I would just walk it! Most women walk, right? Asking her to walk is not asking too much, is it?


    Tera, I think I have explained rather thoroughly my attitude on this subject and why I did what I did. I do feel I can accurately say that my behavior was not motivated by my desire to please the "Antimisandry crowd". I have no desire to get on the good side of all the chivalry bashers on this forum. As to whether or not I have become "corrupted" with a greater suspicion towards women due to what all I have read here, that is possible, I'm not so sure I can deny that. However, in the particular situation I faced with this lady asking for bus money, the rules I used were the "how to treat beggars" rules. I do not have a different set of rules in regards to how I treat male beggars versus female beggars. My rule book is the same for both sexes, though emotionally I may well react to females differently from how I react to males.

    My pro-Chivalry beliefs have not changed. I am still in favor of Chivalry. However, it is true; I consciously and intentionally do not treat female beggars differently from how I treat male beggars. In effect, I do not apply my Chivalry beliefs to what you might call the "begging interaction". In terms of public policy, I might well advocate different kinds of treatment for homeless women versus homeless men. At least, I am not opposed to treating homeless men and women differently on principle. However, when it comes to begging interactions my rules say that I should treat men and women equally.

    The begging interaction is a scenario for compassion and generosity, and truth be told I am not that generous towards beggars anyways, but it is not a scenario for Chivalry. At least, I have not inserted Chivalrous ideas into how I treat beggars.

    Why not? You might ask. Basically, I don't see the purpose; I don't see what purpose it would serve. I can see that begging has some social value but in general I don't like it and I seek to discourage it. I want it to be used for emergencies when a small amount of money can do someone a lot of good and I want the need I am fulfilling to be "legitimate", not a need the beggar could have resolved with a little bit of forethought and planning. I apply these same criteria to both male and female beggars because I want begging to be used for the same purposes whether the beggar be male or female.

    In the scenario that happened today where the female teenager or young adult was asking me for money for what appeared to be a trivial reason, and logically she could have avoided the whole scene by just doing a little bit of planning ahead of time, that is certainly not a begging scenario that I want to be encouraging or legitimizing by forking over the money. If she furthermore targeted me for the begging request on the assumption that I would be swayed by her "damsel in distress" status and then when I rebuff her she plays the "damsel in distress" card even more blatantly, talking about her fear of walking through a "bad neighborhood", then I think she is being downright manipulative and should be ashamed of herself.

    Women should not be acting like they are "damsels in distress" simply for the purpose of shaking down men for money, and the idea that she is entitled to my money when I have no relationship with her is quite ridiculous.

    If a woman is a damsel in distress, then by all means, she should be rescued. When a woman is simply pretending to be a damsel in distress, and in reality she is in no danger, then the idea that I owe her money simply because she makes exaggerated claims about her supposed vulnerability is quite outrageous.

    If the young woman who was asking for my money was merely playing the "Chivalry card" for the purpose of shaking me down, which is what I suspect right now, then certainly I am not going to encourage such games on her part by rewarding her with the cash.

    If she has suffered some real trauma in her life that is making her extra afraid to walk down the street by herself then I hope my insensitivity to her inner torment does not upset her too much. However, even if she has suffered a real trauma that is making her afraid, it may still be a good thing for her to be told that walking to her destination is OK, is not dangerous, that she has nothing to worry about. If she is suffering from fears that are exaggerated then maybe it is helpful for me to remind her that her fears are exaggerated rather than catering to and therefore legitimizing a fear inside of her that may be irrational.

    Anyways, looking back, given what I know about the situation, which isn't much, I feel like I did the right thing. I suppose if I knew she was going to break down into tears I would not have tried to explain my reasoning to her and I wouldn't have argued with her, I would have simply told her no and no again. Regardless, I feel OK about the situation now after thinking it over. I can't see how what I did was wrong or unreasonable.

    I suspect that how things went down, she probably asked a few other people for money, decided to leave out the part about how her destination was only 15 blocks away, somebody gave her the money, perhaps she did some haggling with the bus driver explaining why she didn't have the full fare, she got on the bus, got off 2 stops later, and went to her destination, safe and sound.

    If what I did was of any worth in the future she will be more self-sufficient, she will make sure she brings her own money ahead of time, she will not make the assumption that men in their late 30s will give her money automatically just because she's a young "vulnerable" woman, and she will learn that setting up artificial "relationships" with strangers does not pay off for her, that she needs to become more self-sufficient and only expect support from men with whom she is in some kind of mutually beneficial relationship with.

  9. #9
    shaazam's Avatar
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    ST your response to Tera would be striking in iambic pentameter

  10. #10
    Seattle Traditionalist's Avatar
    Seattle Traditionalist is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    Quote Quote from RebelliousVanilla View Post
    Well, there's a difference in between asking a man for money in front of a store(people are around?) and walking for half an hour through a bad neighborhood. Anyway, I walked at 3am from one side of my city to the other and it took like 2hours and I live in the biggest sex slavery market in Europe(I'm unsure if it still is the biggest). The thing is, I can call a number of people to give me a ride... Everyone has cells and lots of people have cars nowadays. Hell, I know people to call in other cities that would give me a ride.

    Rebellious Vanilla, from how you describe your situation it seems perfectly reasonable that you be given a ride to avoid having to walk through some kind of dangerous neighborhood. You need to understand, the reason why I felt it unreasonable to give the girl money for the bus ride to avoid her having to walk through the "bad neighborhood" is precisely because I feel like her fear of walking through the neighborhood is exaggerated and unwarranted.

    If the place I was living in had sex traffickers operating in it that were known to kidnap young women and take them away to be horribly abused then definitely I would fork over the $2 so she could ride the bus and avoid such dangers.

    I am glad you have compiled a list of friends who have agreed to pick you up and drive you to where you need to go. I most certainly hope you take precautions and keep yourself safe.

    Now in the situation I am describing, the "bad neighborhood" I will admit has a bit of a bad reputation, though I think the negative reputation is exaggerated, the place feels quite safe to me now that I have lived here for several years.

    According to my own perception and my own "feel" of the place I do not feel it unreasonable for women to walk by themselves through the neighborhood at all. Also, it was daylight still and she would be always next to a busy road during the walk, which would take her 15 to 20 minutes to get to where she's going.

    You might be able to make a generalization that men need to fear physical assaults or robberies and women are more likely to fear sexual assaults. I figure that physical assaults and sexual assaults go together, that you’re not likely to have one without the other in an area.

    So basically, I figure, I have no fear of physical assaults while walking through my neighborhood and so it seems to me a woman shouldn't have to fear sexual assaults either. That is at least the logic I am using in deeming the area safe for a woman to walk through.

    I guess the most powerful idea I have in my mind in deciding the girl is unreasonable not wanting to walk through the "bad neighborhood" is what you might call the community standard of the safety of women. To my knowledge there is no general fear in women in my neighborhood. A woman walking by herself to get to someplace is no big deal and if I saw a woman walking by herself it would not concern me, I would not imagine her to be in danger or anything. There is no "rule" that women should always be accompanied by a friend or any such precautions while walking through the neighborhood.

    So, it is with this understanding that I think it is not unreasonable for the girl in my story to walk to her destination. To me, asking a stranger for bus money is an extreme step, she should have some major trouble she is in before expecting to be bailed out by a stranger. Begging money from strangers you know is frowned upon, it is discouraged. So, with all that in mind, saving her from a short walk in what I deemed to be a safe neighborhood did not rise to the level of me needing to give her money to ride the bus.

    I walk around the neighborhood all the time in places more secluded than she would be and late at night to just for the exercise. Am I enjoying some kind of male privilege in doing so, a woman would stay home out of fear to avoid the rapist bogeyman?

    I hope that women have the same kind of freedom of movement that men do, though maybe that is wishful thinking.

    Anyways Rebellious Vanilla, I just want you to know that my decision not to give her the money for the bus fare is because I feel it is safe for her to do the walk by herself, even if in her mind it feels dangerous. I don't want to cater to some exaggerated fear she may hold in her head or be subject to manipulative games where she claims to be endangered just to extort money out of me. I am making the judgment that the reality is she is not endangered and on that basis denying her the money.

  11. #11
    TheOne's Avatar
    TheOne is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    eh...don't worry bout it dude...your "AWAKENING"

    no really she was just pulling your leash like the little puppy you are...but this time you bit back

    so don't feel sorry...heck i would feel sorry too...but anyways you can't change the past so just go with the flow




  12. #12
    Zuberi's Avatar
    Zuberi is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    You have nothing to feel sorry for!
    Chivalry is dead!

  13. #13
    RebelliousVanilla's Avatar
    RebelliousVanilla is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    ST, you don't have to justify yourself to me. It is your money and nobody is entitled to it. If I would have been in her place, I wouldn't have got mad knowing this. I mean, I would have asked someone else, but it isn't the obligation of someone else to help me.

    And I doubt there's a connection in between robberies and rapes, since most people wouldn't rape, but some might rob. The latter requires some sort of serious moral failure or mental issue that allows the perpetrator to dehumanize the victim. I got robbed and a couple of times I was really close to, but I had only one close encounter with what could have been rape and I almost got kidnapped(at least I think that was about to happen) only about once or twice. And both were in areas that are supposed to be safe and have low crime rates. If I was a rapist or kidnapper, those are the areas I'd operate in because victims would have their guard down. By the way, I'd like to state that I was going through periods of really not caring for my safety(more like ignoring worries and so on) hence the bigger incidence of shitty issues in my life than the average person here.

    So, her fear is unjustified.

  14. #14
    Zuberi's Avatar
    Zuberi is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    This thread reminds me of the time I pulled into a gas station. I went in and paid for my gas and when I came out, their was this wino staring at my car! I asked him if there was a problem, then he replied "Yeah, my car broke down not too far away from here. I was wondering if you could lend me some gas money." I replied "If your car is broke down, you won't be able to fix it by putting gas in the tank." Then I said "If your car broke down then you walked to damn far because I didn't see any car around for miles!"
    What do you think?

  15. #15
    musicman.2's Avatar
    musicman.2 is offline Established Member
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    Re: “Sensitive” girl begs me for money to ride the bus.

    What male privilege is that?

    A man is much more likely to be killed walking through a dangerous area than a woman is raped.


 

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