Thread: Momentary Lapse Of Reason

I am baffled and quite frankly don´t know what to say, besides whishing you the best and hoping you feel better and continue to get better. What a horrible situation.

I am not sure what damage she could do to you. Would any Australian court take "he hit me [time-span] ago" without proof serious. I mean those accusations are common in divorce courts and I doubt any thinking human looking at the recent happenings would take her serious (if she was afraid, she wouldn´t move in with another man into your home), but then again we are talking about courts here which aren´t necessarily friendly to men.

Is there any possibility that you could get a blackmailing attempt by her caught on tape?

Good luck DS. I don't know you well but you seem like a decent guy. Your ex sounds like a real winner

Drugs are part of life, they're not going away anytime soon. Everything from prescription painkillers to "street" drugs like pot or cocaine. I've seen a fair bit in my business (music) and I've seen some lives ruined. But I think I understand psychic pain and emotional desperation too.

The man who saved your life seems like a better person than your ex paints him. We all know that appearances can be deceiving; cleancut people who do the "right" things aren't necessarily good or useful.

Sorry to hear of your troubles D.S. Best wishes

After all of this and you are still not ready to give up the opiates and the benzos entirely? What more of a "rock bottom" do you possibly need? You damn near killed yourself. You killed your cat. You made a mess of your finances and pushed away what appears to be people who really care. How much worse do you want things to get? You can only go for so long without dealing with things before they get this bad. Time to kick that crutch out from underneath you, DS. It's not helping you it's harming you. You can learn to live without the drugs. It gets easier over time. You have not given this nearly enough time. You may be somewhat detoxified, but that is not RECOVERY. Why don't you get yourself into inpatient treatment before you succeed in killing yourself? What do you have to lose? You have much to gain here. Please think about it. Seriously. Aren't you tired of the physical, mental, and emotional roller coaster? Fuck sakes.....since age 19. That is very sad. No wonder you can't picture another way of life! That doesn't mean there isn't one. If I can help you get into treatment (or give you information on it) please PM me. I work in the addiction field. I may be able to help.

I'll move this to the support forum zone. DS, I've been trying to make a 'support network' area on this site... Had it been here months ago, it may have helped you prior to reaching this low area... Would you be willing to assist in the upkeep of such an area, to help other men who may find themselves down the same road?

It seems you have a very good friend there DS, but you're EX showed her true darkest colours when you were at you're lowest point (don't ever forget this). Do everything you can to ensure she can't blackmail or leech off you again (batten down the hatches).

Maybe the EX taking up residence in you're house (isn't she committing a crime here? She is only the EX after all) is a 'temporary' convenient means of ensuring the emotional withdrawal is better managed by staying with you're friend.

All the best in you're recovery DS.

Well, even though we had some misunderstandings and stuff, I hope you do get better. If you find the house without her once, just break in and change the locks. I read somewhere about a guy doing this, I think that on this board.

DS,

Bro I am very sorry to hear of your troubles. I don;t know what to say exactly. Sorry about your cat, glad your friend is there to help you, glad you'll get back on your financial feet, hope you can keep the drugs at bay, and as for your ex wife........

RV is right. (I truly HAte to say that) I have no idea what the laws are in Australia, but where I live you aren't committing a crime by moving into your own house. Break in and change the locks while the house is vacant, maybe have your friend move in with you. If she dislikes him that much, she probably won;t want to stay. While you're there, take out an order of protection against her. explain you are scared of her, as she continually threatens to take your property, she has taken your money, she threatens you, etc...... see if that works. Then do as CD says, batten down the hatches bro. Don;t let this woman near you ever ever ever again. Do you have any female friends who could stay with you as well? Just until the exwife finds a new hobby? Nobody can verbally bitch slap a woman like another woman.......


anyway, you are in my thoughts.

And hey, you remember Norm and Megan? (housewife superstar), I email with them pretty regularly and they read your post and wanted me to send you their "prayers" that you will get better. (since they're not members of AM anymore.......)

KO

Damn, I'm both angry and touched by your situation. I wish I could help you but I hope your situation gets taken care of nonetheless.

I just thought about how much of yourself you've shared with all of us and how you must have felt to experience all of this. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if someone I cared about went thru your experiences (someone I care about that lives close like my siblings or something). Reading this almost brought me to tears.

Quote from dad_savage

I'm not sure if I should be writing this down here, there may be another, more appropriate forum but I can't seem to find it so feel free to move this topic if this is the wrong place for it. Either way I'll shut up and get to the point - that being I've relatively recently had something of a breakdown.

It's been a long time coming and I've honestly nobody to blame but myself. Long-term abuse of OTC/Prescription drugs, Opiates for the most part although in a large part the damage was done by NSAIDS that are commonly found in the same pills; things were nasty there for a while, I was popping around 60-100 OTC pills a day, plus Trammel, CP Forte, Oxy Contin, MS Contin, whatever I could get my hands on basically; this had me throwing up almost everything I was eating which was leading to severe dehydration, anaemia, protein deficiency, B12 deficiency, mild megaloblastic psychosis; I was essentially starving to death, they also caused intestinal ulceration and mild internal bleeding as a result thereof, the NSAIDS had stomach ulceration and created blockages in my kidneys which caused my potassium levels to drop catastrophically which led to me having a mild heart-attack, for which I was hospitalised.

I was in essence self-medicating. Mentally I'm not a particularly healthy person; I suffer from serious obsessive anxiety and generalized paranoia, RC Bi-Polar with my mania often leading to irrational compulsions. The opiates levelled me out and allowed me to deal with this; conventional medication for dealing with these issues doesn't agree with me, but I won't lie I was taking them as much for their pleasurable and euphoric effects as anything else, and I knew the health risks, always have.

When it rains, it pours, they say; naturally when I got out of hospital I was still very fragile physically and emotionally also giving that I had given up my addictions cold-turkey (the physical withdrawals were done with, but the emotional withdrawals can last for several months; generally these are dysphoria / depression) and being the supremely intelligent fellow I am, I had taken absolutely no thought for my other mental problems which were about to reassert themselves with a vengeance in lieu of my 'medicine.'

I don't know what happened strictly. I seem to have just lost it. First I received a letter from the taxation department; apparently I owe them seven thousand dollars; upon phoning them they declare that the mistake (an overpaid tax return) was entirely theirs, nevertheless, I still have to pay it back and their assessment of my finances mean it must be done so within a very short period unless I wish to incur legal action. My ex phoned me and blamed me for the fact that she had run over her cat (supposedly she was so stressed with worry over me, despite not visiting me once while I was in hospital, or even phoning me) she then had the effrontery to demand I pay the 6,000 or so dollars in vet bills this accident had incurred. She then demanded I cease being friends with a man who I literally consider closer than my own flesh and blood brother, a man who has literally been my rock in all things, my dearest friend on earth and who, incidentally, quite likely saved my life by phoning for an ambulance on the evening I had blacked out due to heart troubles, who has often checked on me through this period, doing what he could to assist in all matters on account of the fact that she thinks he's a 'no good thug' who, I quote 'got me into drugs,' - a hilarious sentiment given that I was doing drugs before he was born. She knew certain unpleasant facts about him however (he has had brushes with thuggery) and threatened to phone the police over these if I did not do as I was bid. This is where things get a bit smoky.

The best course of action it seemed, for me, was to take two-hundred of my favourite painkillers in an effort to escape the ensuing anxiety. At some point I felt a handful of Alprazolam would help, and then I was tired so I had a handful of temazepam and tried to go to sleep. It didn't work. I then decided it would be best if I shot my cat, which I proceeded to do. I then removed my toe with a .357, proceeding under the logic that if it didn't hurt, I could then turn the weapon on my head, and that wouldn't hurt either and would secure me some much needed rest of the eternal variety.

Thankfully I passed out at some point between toe and head. I was found by my same friend, whom I now truly owe everything. I spent some time in hospital; my toe could not be re-attached, I was suicidal and attempted to refuse all treatment, and as a result I was sanctioned and upon the closure of my treatment was transferred to manning, an institution, which - with the aid of my long-term psychiatrist - I was able to leave early this morning.

I am doing as well as can be expected physically and mentally am still quite shaken, particularly I am riddled with guilt for refusing to see my friend, who has literally saved my life, as whilst I was suicidal I thought of him as no more than a meddling annoyance. For this I am utterly guilty, shamed, and for killing my cat. There are legal realities I must face now; illegal gun ownership, animal cruelty, etc. There are financial realities I must face; the branches of my business have all been closed since I was sanctioned, my father arranged these issues for me feeling I should return to some piece rather than a back-log, he knows I have other investments to keep me afloat until they can be re-opened, but this nevertheless will hit my back-pocket hard particularly in light of my recent troubles of which some of you may be aware.

There is a final reality. My EX was legally considered my next-of-kin during the period of my incarceration (as it were) meaning she has taken up residence in my house. It has also come to my attention that she had joint-access to a number of old accounts (thankfully these contained little money) and has emptied them. This is foolishness on my part, again, as I have had months to fix these issues, yet I did not; still I am angry at her for taking advantage of them. I phoned her and asked her to get the hell out (I wasn't that nice) and she said she would not. I have found she is staying there with a man, the cheek of it, this means I'll have to buy a new bed and burn whichever one those bastards have been sleeping in when I finally do get back. Further I have been informed that legally as she has no other residence (an overt lie, but legally 'true') I cannot have her forcibly removed although since she has no lease I can cut off the home's utilities in order to force her out; she insists if I do this, she will say I hit her while we were together, I don't know how if I should be scared of such a threat, can anyone inform me of the statute for such crimes? Naturally, I haven't touched her, not once, in fact she slapped me on a number of occasions, I treated her like a princess, but I have a criminal record and with my mental issues, which are a matter of record, and having been sanctioned several times, I just don't know if I can expect justice. This will be done nevertheless; I will not be forced out of my home, in fact I'm honestly pledging right now that I will burn the place down if I can't get rid of her any other way (of course I'll ensure it's empty at the time) I probably shouldn't need to note that she's changed the locks.

For now I'm on a lap-top, staying with my friend. I have not touched any opiates. I would be lying to myself if I were to say I'll never take them again, because I've been using them since I was nineteen and they're just a part of my life, I enjoy them far too much to ever give them up entirely, but never again will they dominate my life to any large extent. I am not using them to medicate myself; I am now taking aropax, kalma and epilum; an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic / mood stabilizer. So far all is well although Epilum can make your hair fall out; this terrifies me, I love my hair.

So if anyone has been wondering where I've been, that's where, but now I am back and doing well. As well as can be expected. I must give a special message to Percy, also, before I finish, and say that along with the guilt I feel over my cat and my friend, I feel terrible I could not be there for you during your difficulties and could not even gather myself enough to explain why until now. My apologies, know that despite my own problems you have been in my hopes and thoughts during this time, as have all the wonderful people here at AM who, so many of whom in so many ways, mean so very much to me.

Dad Savage , you had all those troubles and pains and problems and yet when I was in deep strife you offered your hand and voice and pulled me out of the same suicidal hole. Were it not for you (and a few others) running 'interference', I would not be here.

You are a truely compassionate man. A Triewe Knight.

I spent some time in the Hospital too (but tried hard for my son to be a 'good' patient) and now I am on the road to recovery. But it seems to me that my issues are but a pale and insignificant lot compared to yours.

You have my phone mumber. I will send my mobile via pm.

Call me.

I am in a better position now, even if temporarily, and I will do what I can to lend you my hand, my good friend.

Thanks for the support guys. Tera, you're right, but I have no time to offer my rationalizations for my shitty behavior just now; I will respond more fully later. Also to Marx, I don't know if I could do that, sorry.

Quote from dad_savage

Also to Marx, I don't know if I could do that, sorry.

not a problem, thanks for being upfront

Quote from dad_savage

Thanks for the support guys. Tera, you're right, but I have no time to offer my rationalizations for my shitty behavior just now; I will respond more fully later. Also to Marx, I don't know if I could do that, sorry.

No need to offer any rationalizations. I could write a book on shitty behavior. (My own.)

The "whys" don't matter nearly as much as the "what are we going to do about it now."

If you decide you might want some help, PM me.

Yes, if you need someone to listen we can do that for you...

TERA, everyone probably has a long book about shitty behaviour.