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  1. The Life Saving Effects Of My Fiancee

    by , 14th-November-2012 at 08:35 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    A little over a year ago, I got together with my girlfriend who is in my life now. She is actually my fiancee. I proposed to her less then 24 hours after meeting her, and she thankfully said yes.

    At the time I met my girlfriend, my life had been destroyed. I had been harmed and betrayed by anyone I ever cared about and loved in my life. At that time we began our relationship over a year ago, I was suffering from significant depression, apathy, and flat affect.

    So, after I proposed to Carol, we continued to speak for hours every day. In February of this year, I moved near where she now lives. Since then, our relationship has progressed and deepened- well beyond anything I could of imagined. Somehow, she has mended the dark intrinsic state I had for years quite well, and thoroughly.

    I make Carol laugh daily, and I clearly have the ability to love her with all of my heart and soul. Even though we speak every day often, I still hand write Carol a letter, and mail that to her house, once a week. Occasionally, Carol writes me back a handwritten letter. This is the latest letter I got from Carol. I'm very glad she allowed me in her life, and apparently, I'm doing as much good for her as she is doing for me:

    Hey my love,

    Can you believe I got a pen and paper and I'm actually writing you a letter? Surprise/surprise.

    Today, I took my mom to run some errends. We stopped at a few grocery stores to buy stuff for the holidays. I helped her pick out a turkey. She said she hopes you like turkey, because it's a 14 pound bird. I am glad she invited you for Christmas day as well. She is not sure will join us for dinner then.

    I can't believe we did not argue, my mother and I. Wonders never cease to amaze me, LOL. We got along very well. I helped her get what she needed. She even bought cat food for my pussies.
  2. Another Handwritten Letter To My Estranged Daughter, Hayley

    by , 12th-November-2012 at 10:06 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    A few years ago, I experienced a very bad divorce. In that divorce, my ex wife initiated parental alienation. I have a young teenage daughter now, who hates me, and is very angry with me, due to lies told to her about me by her mother and others.

    My daughter does not wish to contact me in any way. Yet I still hand write my daughter once a week, and mail these letters to her to my ex in law's house, since I have no idea where my own daughter lives now. In these letters to her, I never mention her mother, and always write her with words that express love and softness, as well as innocence.

    In time, my daughter will discover the truth about me, and what happened to our family. Meanwhile, I have to deal with the pain of being without my daughter.

    To deal with the pain I continue to experience, I write my daughter. This helps greatly with this devastating intrinsic pain I have, due to the absence of my daughter in my life. Here is my latest letter to my daughter Hayley:

    Hi Hayley,

    Hope all is well with you.

    Not much is new with me. I finally got a job with American Greetings. I got this job lead on a website at a place called Dryhootch. We take apart and install greeting card displays in stores. It is hard work, but I enjoy what I do, and I work with nice people. The people I work with are all older then me. So i'm the one doing all of the heavy lifting and everything. We also travel to different places all the time, and I really enjoy these trips.

    My girlfriend Carol got me a really nice phone recently. Not that you would ever call me, but the phone number is: 262-748-0302. It also has internet and all, this phone I now have.

    When I'm not working, I'm usually helping out people where I now live. Most are older then me, and most have various health issues. So I'm happy to help them out in a lot of different ways. Sometimes, just talking with these guys ...
  3. The Hope Of A Lost Homeless Person

    by , 6th-September-2012 at 07:36 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    As of today, I’ve been homeless for three years.

    My father died last year, and left me over 11 thousand dollars, with a life insurance policy. To a broke and homeless person, that is quite a fortune.

    With that money, I bought some dentures for this girl I was caring for in Indiana, and I gave some money to the man I lived with in Indiana, who died last May. The girl I rescued from Atlanta last year. She was homeless there, as I was. The man we were living with I met online, and he invited us to come live with him there. Also with that money, I bought a very beat up truck.

    In July of last year, impulsively, I left a note for my friends in Indiana, letting them know I was leaving. I left some more money for them, and told them I was driving back to Missouri, to attempt to mend severely fractured relationships with those I have loved the most in my life. My family lives in Missouri, and my daughter.

    Soon after beginning this trip, I was pulled over by a police officer, for an expired plate on the truck, along with dysfunctional tail lights on this truck. The police officer could of arrested me for an outstanding warrant I had in Missouri. Instead, I told him my story about my trip back home to hopefully see my daughter. He let me continue my journey back to Missouri.

    I arrived in my home town in Missouri that night, and checked into a hotel. The next day, I sent an email message to my own family members, as well as the family members of my ex wife. I made them aware I was back home, and I desperately wanted to mend relationships with anyone willing to mend their relationship with me. I also let them know I very much wanted to see my daughter, as I had not seen her in two years.

    The day following that email message to them, they had me followed to a library in that town I was at. I was arrested at that library, due to an outstanding warrant I had in the ...
  4. Hitting Bottom: A Personal Story

    by , 20th-August-2012 at 07:16 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    "We were train wrecks for different reasons, so we were perfect for each other."

    by Dan Abshear

    About two years ago, my then wife of 20 years decided to falsely accuse me of violently abusing her. A restraining order was issued against me by her as well, so I was evicted out of my own home. Soon after that, I was arrested related to these false accusations and wrongfully incarcerated for over a month.

    While in jail, I spoke with quite a few men who were abused by the family law system. Most shocking to me at the time were those men on their way to prison for failure to pay child support. Most of these men were without income, yet they were convicted of this 'crime."

    In April of last year, I spent a week on the mental health ward of the veterans administration hospital in Atlanta, for suicidal ideation, among other mental issues. They determined I was a drug addict, so I checked myself into the veterans administration substance abuse treatment program in May of last year.

    After completing the VA substance abuse treatment program, I was homeless once again. The VA has a homeless program for veterans, so I entered this program. They placed me in an apartment with 5 other men, whose lives had been wrecked, as mine had been only two years ago.

    Most of the men I encountered and became friends within the VA system were very poor, and older black men. It's a subculture I was completely unaware of, until this program. Many had spent a great deal of their lives incarcerated, and many were drug addicts. However, most of these men are very intelligent, and kinder than your average American citizen.

    In less than a year, three of these friends I acquired took their own lives. Their pain quite obviously was equal or greater than the pain I continue to experience due to being destroyed by my ex wife. I continue to miss these friends. ...
  5. When A Heterosexual Male Marries A Lesbian

    by , 20th-August-2012 at 05:19 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    I Married a Lesbian

    May 24, 2011

    by Dan Abshear

    While being married to a lesbian for 20 years was painful, it actually made me a better person.

    I met my ex-wife when I was about 14 years old. We grew up in the same small town in Missouri. She and I are 4th cousins as well.

    She took an interest in me when I was 21 years old. She called me when I was home on leave while serving in the U.S. Navy. This was the first time I ever had any girl call me for a date. Because of this, I canceled a date I had another girl. We got married three years or so after this first date.

    Coming from a rather abusive and broken family myself, I was determined to have a very moral and meaningful marriage with my wife.

    My marriage is called a mixed orientation marriage, and millions exist in the United States alone. Most are unknowingly married to homosexual men, and the rest of us are or were married to homosexual women.

    I mean, think about it: How do you really know about the sexual orientation of your spouse? Not all of us have gay-dar that is sharp enough to detect such a deception.

    However, one thing that should be obvious to any man in my situation is that your spouse is unresponsive to you, sexually and otherwise. As such, I found myself trying to discover why. Her being a lesbian was the furthest thing from my mind, at least during the first few years of our marriage. So I immediately starting asking myself, 'why is my wife, who I loved so much, ignoring me?

    Initially, I thought my wife was not attracted to me, physically. She was sexually impotent with me, and this puzzled me. So, I began to exercise very aggressively and intensely. This would include such activities as weightlifting and long distance bicycling.

    While rather puny when I ...

    Updated 18th-September-2012 at 06:43 PM by quiact

  6. My Thoughts, While Incarcerated

    by , 16th-August-2012 at 04:57 AM (My Annotated Pain)
    The number of actions deemed “illegal” continues to grow. Seen through that arbitrary filter that means more individuals who were at one time “law-abiding” are now viewed as “criminals.” That makes it more and more likely that you will see the inside of a jail cell. (Such a trend will continue unless we each stop believing that words put on paper by some strangers make once unjust actions just.) Many people use the time to reflect. Some, like Dan Abshear who authored the below, share their thoughts and writings with others, acting as both an outlet and a way to personalize the harm caused by unquestioning allegiance to the Statist Quo that allows for the mass caging of humans for profit. -Pete,

    In the fall of 2009, I spent over a month in jail, for the first time in my life. To achieve some level of freedom, I wrote, and I wrote a lot. I composed over 20 thousand words while in jail.

    Most of these words were letters to Jacki- a girl I dated 25 years ago, and who I lived with after my release from jail. The living arrangement with her lasted about 6 months.

    While in jail, one’s mind becomes altered often. There is great misery, with little hope. My state of mind is reflected in what I wrote while there.The following are the letters I wrote to Jacki, while in jail:


    I’m starting to get comfortable here, and this frightens me a bit. It’s just that I’m powerless at this point about progressing my case that resulted in me being here now. I have a court date on October 15th, and I will ask to speak on my own behalf to the judge as well as the prosecutor so I can negotiate with them about my situation. I’m very anxious to start my life again. I will do this as I recover from the trauma inflicted upon me, and as I miss my dear Hayley. Both cause me to experience severe intrinsic, and silent, pain.

    This is nothing short of unimaginable hell, as this pain ...
  7. School Asked My Daughter If I Molested Her

    by , 16th-August-2012 at 04:12 AM (My Annotated Pain)
    "I think the school staff were man-haters, and resented me because, as a doting father, I upset their prejudices. They thought incest was the only possible explanation for a father's love."

    by Dan Abshear

    In January 2007, staff at my eight-year-old daughter's public school in Missouri interrogated her for an hour to determine if I had molested her. There was absolutely no reason for them to do this.

    I worked out of my home at the time and largely raised my daughter, while my now ex-wife worked. I had established rituals during her school days.
    These included taking her to our favorite local doughnut shop in the morning and often bringing lunch to her at school.

    During my visits to my daughter's school. I always found the teachers to be very warm and kind people.

    However, the administrative staff were rather distant judging by their body language, and their unwillingness to interact with me. They were mostly middle-aged women.

    On one unforgettable day, they interrogated my daughter for about an hour. When I picked her up, she was crying.

    She said she was asked leading questions such as, "did your daddy ever touch you there? Do you think your daddy likes touching you there?" The answer to such questions was 'no,' of course.

    I spoke with her for hours that night, which was difficult for me. In the days that followed, she did not appear permanently scared by that interrogation.

    My daughter was completely unaware that parents were even capable of such acts described in graphic detail by school staff.

    There was no evidence for these allegations. My daughter was and is a straight "A" student, and an incredibly balanced individual. What caused my daughter's school to make these outrageous charges and ...
  8. How I Became Pen Pals With My Daughter

    by , 15th-August-2012 at 09:27 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    In August of 2009, my wife of 20 years filed false claims against me of violently abusing her one unforgettable day that month.

    The restraining order insanely issued against me due to these false claims remains in effect to this day, and likely will for quite some time.

    I remain homeless and unemployed due to this viscious act committed by my former spouse.

    Molly, my now ex wife, did this in order to acquire a tactical advantage in a divorce she clearly wants that I was completely unaware of until she filed this retraining order against me that prevents me from having any contact whatsoever with my daughter as well, whose name is Hayley.

    The pain from this particular strike against me is indescribable.

    My wife told her free army of legal professionals that she suspects that child abuse was happening by me against Hayley. This particular claim is far more absurd than the abuse claims Molly made about me, which included a claim by Molly that I tried to kill her one night.

    So of course, I ended up in jail in the first time of my 43 years soon after these false allegations were made against me by Molly.The second night I was in jail, I decided to write Hayley a letter.

    Now, writing Hayley fractures the restraining order falsely issued against me, since this is contacting Hayley in this manner. But since I was already in jail, I really was not concerned about breaking this abusive enforcement of psychotic laws now against me.

    As I wrote her that night, I was not the fun dad I usually am with Hayley due to my state of mind. However, I never wrote anything to Hayley indicating hatred or anger towards her mother, Molly. Nor did I, in my words to Hayley, debate her mother's false accusations against me.

    My undergrad is in child psychology, and I learned with my education that it is never a good idea to attack a parent in any way during ...
  9. Thoughts From A Recovering Drug Addict

    by , 15th-August-2012 at 09:07 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    My name is Dan Abshear, and I am a recovering drug addict.

    My substance abuse began with alcohol intake, in my early teens. My mother used to insist me and my older teen brother, also a young teenager, party with her, by getting drunk with her.

    My mother would give alcohol to us, and my older brother's many young teenage friends, often. This went on for years. My mother, by the way, should have gone to prision for this, as this is contributing to the delinquency of minors, which is a felony. But, thanks to lazy cops and apathetic neighbors, this never happened.

    However,I blame myself for my alcohol addiction, and no other. Like many other recovering drug addicts, I have a very addictive personality. That personality contributed to my abuse of substances such as alcohol.

    My drinking continued to be heavy until the age of 37 or so. It was then I broke my back, sleigh riding with my daughter. And it was then, a doctor prescribed me vicodin.

    Vicodin is known as an opoid analgesic. Opiates have been abused and used by many, for thousands of years ( The effect vicodin had on me was amazing.

    Because, at least in my case, vicodin not only takes care of physical pain, but emotional pain as well. The drug provided a much wanted and welcomed euphoria in my life.

    For those of you who are familiar with the T.V. show, "House". This is what Dr. House abuses, throughout the show.

    So, while on vicodin, I stopped drinking, and started exercising intensely. I was able to do this, because I was pain free on vicodin. In fact, I got in the best shape of my life, while I continuously consumed more and more vicodin.

    But, within two years, I was a full blown opiate addict. My tolerance increased with that drug, rapidly, so it seemed. I was taking between 10 and 20 high ...
  10. Doctors On The Take: My Career Ending Expose

    by , 15th-August-2012 at 07:41 PM (My Annotated Pain)
    Whistles blowers aren't always celebrated.
    Sometimes they're crushed.

    "There is a pathologically intimate relationship between corporations and the U.S. government- their collusion is expressed in the revolving door. "

    by Dan Abshear

    In the Spring of 2006, I became a pharmaceutical corporate whistle blower.

    In February of that year, I had recruited a law firm with experience in pharmaceutical whistle blower lawsuits in Boston, which is a top place to file and submit pharmaceutical whistle blower cases. They agreed to represent me after I submitted a ten page document to them I composed- explaining why the wrongdoing of my employer, Novartis Pharmaceuticals, needed to be addressed. They represented me on complete contingency, which meant that they would not be paid if they did not succeed in the whistle blower lawsuit they were submitting for me.

    The law firm submitted the whistle blower lawsuit against Novartis in April of 2006. And it was filed under seal, which means that I and my legal council cannot discuss the case whatsoever. It's a trick played by the D.O.J., to eliminate the possibility of media contact.

    I made a trip to Boston in July of 2006 to be asked hundreds of questions by various relevant government entities, such as the department of health and human services. Also, in the center of a large table in a conference room, was a phone, with numerous attorney generals from various states- all there to hear my answers to the hundreds of questions I was asked one day, for 8 hours. I spoke with complete knowledge of the evidence, and with total honesty.

    Novartis hired me at the end of 2001 as one of their many sales representatives. At that time, I had already worked for two of the top pharmaceutical corporations ...
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